Evan's Addiction (25 page)

     “You deserved that punch I gave you.” I grunted.

     I got a nod of agreement. “It was a long time coming.” He sighed.
“You know, Shaw would kill me for telling you anything about her. It might even
feel like another betrayal to her, but she’s hurting because of you and that
means you mean something to her. It sounded like you care for her and she needs
more people in her life that do, but she doesn’t let down her walls to let
anyone in. I would suffer her wrath if she could find something more with you?”

     It was a question, and a good one. I’d started out wanting Shaw’s
body. She’d progressed to being a friend. Now she’d tunneled so far under my
skin I was having a difficult time figuring anything out. She left me
completely strung tight and confused.

     “She doesn’t want anything to do with me.” I mused with an aggravated
frown.

     “She was important enough to me that I spent weeks winning her
back.” David declared, watching me curiously.

     I frowned harder. It was a good thing he’d told me he was gay or
I’d think he had a thing for her.

     “Do you even know what you want from Shaw besides sex?” Nadia
raised, joining the conversation.

     I growled in frustration. “I don’t just want sex from her.” I
barked. “I want to be friends with her too…I want…I don’t know what else I
want. She’s confusing the fuck out of me. I know I’ve never been fascinated by
anyone more but she makes it difficult to get to know her because she hardly
talks about herself.” She’d been starting to share though; little by little,
captivating me further.

     Nadia scowled. “Well, you better be certain what you want from
Shaw, because it sounds like she doesn’t need anymore disillusionment in her
life.”

CHAPTER
ELEVEN

SHAW

     I woke up with a splitting headache, gritty eyes, and dry mouth.
Worst fucking night ever. Rolling over onto my stomach I stuffed my pillow over
my head. I didn’t want to be awake just yet…maybe never. I can’t believe Evan
had shown up to the party last night. He had just started to not take up every
single thought in my head.

     My internal voice snorted…
yeah right, keep lying to yourself
girl
.

     The unremitting pain I’d been dealing with since that night had
sharpened to a knife point all over again, slashing through my chest aiming to
make me bleed out, but mercifully the assiduous burning anger was also there
and had saved me. The emotions that were shredding me because of that asshole
made me want to cut off his dick, put it in blender, and feed it to him. I
hadn’t hurt this badly in long time…had I ever been this hurt?

     Weren’t you supposed to become immune to the pain after years of
dealing with it?

     He so wasn’t worth it.

     Could someone sleep their life away? Rip Van Winkle did; why
couldn’t I?

     David’s voice disturbed my eternal slumber. “Time to get up,
Sleeping Beauty.”

     “Don’t want to. Sleep forever.” I grunted like a caveman.

     “Come on, Pretty Princess. I’ve got some Mocha Choco Latte for
you.” He sang. The bed compressed as he sat down next to me.

     I would have rolled my eyes but it would hurt too much. “That’s so
nineteen-seventies.”

     “Not the original, the remake; which was so much better.” He
corrected me.

     “Remakes are never better.” I moved, and then groaned. Moving
hurt.

     “That is not true. I could name dozens of remade songs and movies
that are way better than the originals; there’s…”

     “Please don’t. You’re voice hurts me.” I pleaded.

     “Ouch, that hurts me.” He returned.

     I sighed. “That’s not what I meant.”

     “I know.” His tone was all sympathy and that made me feel worse
because I’d done something I hated myself for.

     “I’m so sorry, David.” I mumbled into the mattress.

     His hand rubbed my back. “For what, honey?”

     “I acted as if we were having sex when we weren’t. I did the one
thing I hate above everything.” A sob got caught in my throat and I was really
glad my face was hidden.

     His hand rubbed deeper. “You have nothing to be sorry for, Shaw.
You could say I was your sub and had a foot fetish and I’d smile like I loved
it.”

    “You probably do like those things.” I hiccupped.

     He chuckled. “What guy wouldn’t like a take charge lover…at least
every now and then?”

     I didn’t feel better. For years guys had lied about having sex
with me and I’d gone and done it myself last night. “I’m such a hypocrite.”

     “If it makes you feel better…we’re even now, and if it doesn’t
make you feel better, than it makes me feel better.”

     “You were trying to protect me back then. All I’d been thinking
about was myself.” I don’t know what I’d been thinking, but I hadn’t wanted
Evan thinking I’d been craving him, that I was thinking about him constantly,
that my heart was hurting every single day. 

     “You know I had been thinking about myself just as much as you.”
He argued.

     We could debate this all day. I was still a hypocrite, and I
realized that I’d been holding a grudge against David because he hadn’t been
perfect. Sure, he’d lied about us but he hadn’t done it maliciously. He’d been
trying to protect both of us.

     I sighed and finally raised my head, and got my first look at his
face. I shot up to a sitting position and then winced as my head protested. “Oh
my, god. What happened to you?” David’s nose was swollen and his eyes were
black and blue underneath.

     He grinned, looking proud. “Looks good, doesn’t it? I got elbowed
last night, but I’m going to be telling everyone the other guy looks worse.”

     I shook my head in sympathy. “You’re such a dork, but it does give
you a devil-may-care appearance.”    

     His grinning, but obviously concerned, gaze ran over my face. “You
look like a raccoon, and your hairs a rat’s nest.”

     After Evan had left Nadia had tried to talk to me but I’d run into
the bedroom David had been letting me use since high school and locked the
door. I’d whipped off my wig and started sobbing uncontrollably. I probably
looked worse than him. At least I’d wiped the purple lipstick off…all over my
arm.

     I was sick and tired of crying over him. I thought my tear ducts
had dried up years ago but Evan seemed to have restored them.  

     Pushing past the ache I quipped. “I’m going for the animal look,
it’s all the rage. The wolf leer brings it all together.” I bared my teeth.

     His grin spread. “It does, it truly does.” He held out a cup that
smelled like heaven.

     My eyes lit up. “You weren’t just singing.”

     “I’m here for you sister.” He winked.

     I took a sip. It wasn’t piping hot anymore, but it worked. “You’re
the best.”

     “I try.”

     My lip twisted repentantly and I finally admitted. “You do…all the
time. And I’m serious, you are the best; the one and only person who’s stuck
with me through the thick and thin. I’m sorry I haven’t told you that sooner.”
I stared at him sorrowfully.

    His face softened and his hand squeezed my arm. “Shaw, I love you
like a sister. You accept me for who I am and don’t judge me…unlike other
people.” He meant his parents and other family members who thought he was sin
personified. David’s lifestyle wasn’t for me or anyone else to judge though.

     I sipped more of my coffee trying to settle my head, stomach, and
nerves. I wasn’t used to all this personal talk.

     David grinned, probably catching on to my discomfort. He could
talk personal all day. “So, fall courses are starting in two days; are you
moving in permanently, which I would have no problem with, or are you heading
back to your apartment? I know Carrie’s been calling you almost everyday,
missing you.”

     I missed her too. I’d been avoiding her for the three weeks I’d
been staying with David, not wanting to discuss Evan. She wouldn’t have
pestered me about him, but I knew she would have been throwing concerned and
pitying looks at me every time she saw me. I couldn’t deal with that. I still
didn’t want to deal with it but I wasn’t cutting her from my life because of
it.

     “I’m going back, but thanks for the offer. Rosie will be happy to
get home; she’s still skittish being in a new place.” I patted the mound under
the covers next to me. She’d been burrowing under my blankets a lot lately. I
got a
meow
in response and her head peeked out. Pulling her the rest of
the way out I set her in my lap, stroking her till she got comfy.

     David reached out and scratched behind her ears. “You know you can
talk to me about anything, right?”

     Tensing, I looked at him beneath my lashes.  

     “This guy last night…”

     I broke in tersely. “David, I’d rather not talk about it.”

     His face fell and I felt terrible. We used to share so much; he’d
been my one and only true confidant, but it had been difficult for me to go
back to what we had after overhearing him and those other guys talking about
me. It had felt like he’d stabbed me in the back…several dozen times.

     After last night and my hypocritical behavior I finally let the
last of my bitterness go. I missed what we used to be. 

     I laid my hand on his arm. “I don’t want to talk about it right
now. Maybe when it doesn’t…hurt so badly.” That had been hard to get out.
Admitting that I had been hurt by Evan was admitting he’d been significant to
me. I didn’t want to acknowledge that.

     A sympathetic, hopeful half-smile crossed his face. “Okay.”

∞                   
∞                    ∞

     “I’m so glad you’re back. I missed you.” Carrie hugged me tightly,
and I patted her on the back awkwardly, still not fully at ease with showing
affection by touch. Growing up I don’t remember ever being hugged or comforted.
There had only been pats on the head and back…like a fucking dog. 

     All that touching with Evan flashed in my mind, but that hadn’t
been affection, it had been about sex. Rebellious heat flared in my body
recalling everything we’d done, followed by pain and rage. I wondered achingly
how long before my body and mind forgot him. 

     “I missed you too,” I admitted openly. “But you told me Samantha
got here two weeks ago and I know you two have been keeping each other busy.”
Samantha was Carrie’s cousin, Blake’s sister, and she was a freshman this year
at UVA.

     Carrie’s expression lit up. “Yeah, we have. It’s going to be great
being able to spend more time with her.” But then her face sobered and she gave
me that concerned look I’d been dreading. “Are you doing okay though? Do want
to talk about anything?”

     This was the problem with people who saw therapists; they were
taught that talking about your problems fixed them. The fact that Carrie saw a
therapist didn’t bother me. With everything she’d been through I’m sure it
helped her, but I was fine not spilling my feelings. I had other ways of releasing
the shit inside me; I bit back, and I got revenge. It was healing in its own
way.

     “I’m fine, Carrie.” I let Rosie out of her carrier and she raced
out and jumped instantly for her favorite window. She was happy to be home.
“Staying at David’s was like a mini vacation; he waited on me by the pool
everyday wearing his tight little banana hammock.” I smiled winningly. 

     She smiled back tentatively. “That sounds nice.”

     “Actually, that sounds revolting.” Nic voiced from the couch.

     “Nic.” I acknowledged guardedly, moving further into the apartment
carrying my suitcase.

     He gave me nod watching me fixedly. “Shaw.”

     Being around him now was going to be uncomfortable. He was good
friends with Evan, and who knows what they talked about? My spine stiffened and
I narrowed my eyes on him before moving toward my bedroom. Slinging my case on
my bed I opened it and pulled out my clothes. I’d washed them at David’s so I
only had to put them away. While I was doing that Nic appeared in the doorway.

     My mouth tightened. “What?”

     He frowned at me. “Do the two of us need to deal with anything?”

     “I don’t know, do we?” I asked belligerently. All I could think
about was him and Evan chit-chatting about me and my attributes. It made me hot
with anger and humiliation.

     “Not from my end. You have a problem with Evan, and unless you
want my help I won’t interfere.” He leaned against the doorframe seeming to
wait on my decision.

     Where was Carrie? Had he asked her for a minute with me?

     I narrowed my eyes on him not sure what he was trying to say to me.
I turned to hang up my shirts. “What do you mean? I don’t need any help.”

     “I’ve never known Evan to mistreat a girl. In fact, he was always
the nicest among us, but if he did something to upset you I can make him hurt.”

     My brows shot up at Nic’s offer. Was he actually offering to beat
up his friend on my behalf? Why would he do that? “Is this about me working for
you; afraid I won’t?” I derided.

     Nic straightened with a scowl. “Shaw, this is about you being a
friend, and even though Evan is also a friend, one friend hurting another isn’t
kosher.”

     Huh? Maybe he was being truthful. “What did Evan tell you?” I had
to know.

     “He didn’t tell me anything. He hasn’t told any of us anything.
Said it was between you and him.”

     My shock increased. Evan hadn’t told anyone that we slept
together. They had to suspect with the way we’d left the party, maybe even
asked, but he’d kept mum.