e (38 page)
Authors: Matt Beaumont
Ken should also have mentioned that for anyone who drives to work, there is a perfectly adequate car park in the basement.
Thank you for your co-operation.
Brett Topowlski
Office Smart-arse
 | Melinda Sheridan – 1/7/00, 9:11 am |
| to: | Simon Horne |
| cc: | |
| re: | LOVE |
Hate to be a follicle-splitter, luvvie, but it’s
un petit mensonge blanc (mensonge
being appropriately masculine). On a French-speaking island like Mauritius, such a
faux pas
can make all the difference
between a table with an ocean view and one by the kitchen slop bins.
A bientôt.
| David Crutton – 1/7/00, 9:12am |
| to: | Harriet Greenbaum |
| cc: | |
| re: | Dagenham crap |
Of course I remember calling you. Do you think I’m senile? I was simply testing the knee-jerk response of the freshly returned Ken Perry. He passed with flying colours. Congratulate James and Katie on their ingenuity.
| David Crutton – 1/7/00, 9:14am |
| to: | Simon Horne |
| cc: | |
| re: | LOVE |
Your attendance in Mauritius is conditional upon the following:
1. You leave your new Coke scripts with Lorraine for my approval, which you will pray to God, Krishna and the fucking Tooth Fairy that I grant.
2. You then put on a clean shirt and tie and proceed to the Mako meeting, where you will smile politely and make suitably positive noises as Pinki and Liam present their work. You will not once bring up Little and Large, Mork and Mindy or any other alleged comic double acts.
| Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 9:17am |
| to: | Susi Judge-Davis |
| cc: | |
| re: | shopping |
Well, sweetie, it looks like I have to go to Mauritius after all. It is a ghastly pain, but David is most insistent.
By the time you get to work I will have stepped into the Mako meeting. It seems that they cannot even manage that without me.
Would you pop out and buy me a couple of essentials?
1. Hawaiian Tropic, factors 10, 6 and 2.
2. Mosquito repellant.
3. A nose protector.
4. A pair of black Speedo trunks, 38 waist (their sizes come up frightfully small).
5. Copies of
Captain Corelli’s Mandolin
and the French translation of anything by Will Self.
6. Polo Sport shower gel.
7. Repeat prescriptions for Valium, Prozac and Mogadon. (You have my doctor’s number, don’t you?)
8. Crabtree & Evelyn smellies for my valise.
9. A couple or three XL T-shirts from HMV or Tower bearing logos for whomever the
zeitgeist
bands are. Genesis? Supertramp? You probably know better than I.
Order me £5,000 of traveller’s cheques ($US) and £500 of local currency from Accounts.
And book Celine in for a long weekend at her usual health spa (use my corporate Amex).
It will soften the blow when I tell her tonight we will not be flying to Vienna and her beloved Lipizzaners.
| Simon Horne – 1/7/00, 9:23am |
| to: | Harriet Greenbaum |
| cc: | |
| re: | Mako |
We can ill afford another setback on this account.
So I have decided to join your Mako meeting after all.
Frankly, if you are to stand any chance of selling this work, you will need my rapport with the client.
If there is a seating plan, place me at the head of the table and Pinki and Liam near the coffee trolley.
They might as well serve some useful purpose.
Si
| Brett Topowlski – 1/7/00, 9:33am |
| to: | All Departments |
| cc: | |
| re: | pussy |
Me and Vince are away for a week (Mauritius, shoot, topless models, beer, yawn) and he needs somebody to feed his cat. Anyone live in Tooting who’d like to volunteer? Reward: duty-frees of your choice and first dibs on exclusive Polaroids of top models removing kit in name of Art.
Brett (for Vince)
P.S. He’d e himself if his Mac wasn’t still in its bubble wrap.
| Nigel Godley – 1/7/00, 9:37am |
| to: | Brett Topowlski |
| cc: | |
| re: | pussy |
I’m just down the road in sunny Balham, so happy to oblige. Any particular brand? My own moggy is partial to Gourmet Gold Duck & Goose and won’t be fobbed off with inferior labels. Cats, eh? Let me know. – Nige
| Brett Topowlski – 1/7/00, 9:45am |
| to: | Nigel Godley |
| cc: | |
| re: | pussy |
He was hoping for a bird who’d fall hopelessly in love with him on the strength of his sensitive taste in CDs (Mariah, Whitney, Britney), but he says you’ll do. Ta. Cat’s called Evander (big, black, half an ear missing). He’ll drop his keys down later.
| Susi Judge-Davis – 1/7/00, 9:51am |
| to: | Creative Department |
| cc: | |
| re: | there’s only so much I can do |
