e (32 page)

	Simon Horne – 1/6/00, 3:26pm
to:	Susi Judge-Davis
cc:
re:	review

Be so kind as to let my department know that the Coke review scheduled for 3:30 today is no longer required.

If the wastrels wish to know why, tell them this.

I have once again saved them.

I have come up with
the
Coke campaign and will be visiting it upon David post-haste.

	Simon Horne – 1/6/00 – 3:31pm
to:	David Crutton
cc:
re:	creative juices

David, I have just returned from a working lunch where my mind was in creative hyperdrive.

I have a compelling new idea on Coke that demands your immediate attention.

Are you free?

Si

	David Crutton – 1/6/00, 3:37pm
to:	Simon Horne
cc:
re:	creative juices

My videoconference with Weissmuller has been cancelled, so you’re in luck. Come up in thirty minutes. Before you do though, tell your PA that I do not get involved in malicious inter-secretarial squabbles. If she blind copies me on another vicious e-mail, it will be the last thing she does at Miller Shanks.

	David Crutton – 1/6/00, 3:40pm
to:	Chandra Kapoor
cc:
re:	back to normal?

I trust I can send e-mails with impunity once again. For instance, if I choose to write that Pertti van Helden is a grade-A prick, I can rest
assured that he won’t be reading it a couple of cyberseconds after I click “send”?

	[email protected] 1/6/00, 3:43pm
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	eternal thanks

My thanks for a wondrous hour and a half of ravishing cuisine and company.

You also have my gratitude for showing me the portfolios in your tender care. The youngsters you represent demonstrate fresh thinking aplenty.

As I promised, I have given them serious thought. However, upon reflection I feel their ideas lack the killer punch.

The one that leaps off the layout and lands a crunching left to the jaw.

So whilst it was illuminating, I shall not be bringing any of your little flock into my fold for the time being.

Never mind, time spent in your delightful company is never wasted.

True friendship, such as we share, is the single thing that keeps one sane in this shallow and Machiavellian business.

Lunch soon? My shout. Give me a call and we will find a window.

Si

	David Crutton – 1/6/00, 3:47pm
to:	Rachel Stevenson
cc:
re:	Zoë Clarke

I enjoyed her outburst at Horne’s breadstick of a secretary. It looks like you’ve finally supplied me with a PA with the balls for the job. Congratulations.

	Letitia Hegg / [email protected] 1/6/00, 3:50pm
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	eternal thanks

Darling, I am mortified. And you seemed so smitten while you were here. Did you not even like Kitty and Jane, my two starlets from Watford College? I think their campaigns for Blockbuster and 7UP are little wonders. Aah, well, I suppose I should be used to your unflinching perfectionism by now.

And yes, lunch would be heaven. I’ll have my Girl Friday speak to yours.

Letty

	[email protected] 1/6/00, 3:55pm (5:55pm local)
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	jokings aside

I must say that your e-mailing is taking lightheartened bantering too far. In my country Prik is a leading brand of fertiliser deriving from the faecal leavings of chickens and other domestic fowls. Even in its premium Grade-A variant, to be likening to Prik is underneath the waistband. I must be asking you in future to be turning down the ratchet a notch or two on the friendly joshing.

What-ho, Jeeves – Pertti

	David Crutton – 1/6/00, 3:57pm
to:	Rachel Stevenson
cc:
re:	Kapoor

No arguments, Rachel, fire Chandra Kapoor immediately and recruit a new head of IT. I don’t care if you hire a dimmer-than-average
rhesus monkey to do the job. Just make sure he/she/it can fix my fucking e-mail.

	[email protected] 1/6/00, 4:01pm
to:	[email protected]
cc:
re:	eternal thanks