Dreams~Shadows of the Night (22 page)

“That’s crazy talk. I think you’re making this up to make Mom look bad.”

“I’m not. You’re mother’s the one who’s the mistress of deceit here, but you don’t see it.” She pressed fingers to her temple trying to ease the pounding pain. “Oh, what’s the use? We’ve already been through all this. I told you how things were with Tom and now I’m telling you Ryan and I were never lovers. In fact, he was the one who encouraged me to try and get back with you.
Everything I’ve said is the truth.”

A quick flash of uncertainty flickered in his eyes before a
shutter came down.

“Since I wasn’t here when a lot of things happened, I have to choose who I trust. How do I know you’re telling me the truth?”

“Because I have nothing to hide;
I’ve never lied to you, Josh.”

“So you keep saying.
B
ut
,
I happen to have a slightly
different perspective on things;
and I want what’s best for little Tommy.”

“And you think I don’t? What about my aunt? Aren’t you forgetting about her?

The baby is all she has left of
Nancy
. How could you be so cruel as to even suggest taking him away from her?”

He ran his hand around the back of his neck.

“I don’t want to hurt her. She’s not
the one
at fault here. I’ll make sure my parents give her generous visitation rights
with him
.”

“My God, what makes you think you have the right to make that decision?”

“You’re forgetting that Tom was a part of my family long before your cousin entered the picture. She only had a few months with him, while he was ours for years.”

“There you go again, acting like people are
property. You talk like he was a piece of furniture instead of a human being. Tom loved
Nancy
and that love brought little Tommy into the world. He means everything to my aunt
,
and she doesn’t deserve to be punished by you or your malicious mother.”

“This is between us, Catherine. Stop trying to drag my mother into this.”

“How can I not when I know in my heart she’s the one who’s twisted your mind against me? The pathetic thing is you don’t recognize her treachery or seem to realize how she bends you to her will. Well, I’m sick to death of trying to explain myself to you and that manipulative woman.
If two people are going to make it together there has
to be trust. Go away Josh. A
nd while you’re
at it
,
you
might
want to
try learning
how
to be your own man.”

“You don’t have to tell me what I need to do. I know where my duty lies.”

“I doubt it.” She retaliated. “If you did, you wouldn’t have left. It’s getting so I don’t know what to expect from you. You make me feel like someone pulling the petals off a daisy asking myself will you stay or will you go. Well I’m not the one who went awa
y. I promised Tom to take care o
f his son and I intend to keep that vow.”

He tugged her by the hand.

“We can’t work this out if you walk away.”

Provoked beyond her endurance, Catherine jerked free.

“Oh no, you’re the only one who’s allowed to walk out on people and slam doors in their face.”

“I’ve already apologized for that. I can’t change what’s in the past. What more do you want from me? You’re making me sound like some kind of monster when all I’m trying to do is rectify some of my mistakes. Let me take the baby and make up for . . .”

She cut him off. “You’re a little late. You could have been here when Tom needed you if you’d thought about someone besides yourself.” They’d worked their way up to the front door now. “He always tried to support you, but when he asked you not to take the job in South
America
it didn’t stop you from leaving him, did it?”

“I can only take desk work so long. Tom understood how things were with me.”

“Yes he did, which is certainly more than you can say about him. I doubt if you ever considered his feelings. You’d take off knowing he’d be here waiting. Have you forgotten how much he admired you? The poor man was practically subservient to you.”

“That’s not true.”

“No? If you don’t know that, then you never really understood what your friendship meant to him. It wasn’t about power or control for Tom. It was about doing whatever he could to please you.
You were his idea of perfection.
He wanted to be you.
”

“Now you’re being ridiculous.”

“Like I said, you obviously didn’t understand him.” She spun around and slipped inside, shutting the door in his face and flicking the lock before he had a chance to reply.

He huffed out a breath.

“Well, I sure as hell didn’t win any points here today.”

>>>>dreams<<<<

Heavy brooding and deep nagging uncertainty
pushed Josh into a dreadful nightmare that night
. Caught in the crossfire between the two most important women in his life, he felt anxiety and doubt
whittling away at him as he struggled to
deal with their conflicting stories.
One of them was obviously lying, but which one was the guilty party
?

The question pounded inside his head, as he continued to toss and turn ensnaring himself among the bedding. He labored to bring each breath to the surface, as images continued to torment him. Faces lurked among the shadows of his mind before bursting forth to confront him with guilt, accusations, and ultimatums that made him pull back as though he was stepping too close to the edge of a very dangerous precipice.

Tom, pale in death with long strands of seaweed trailing from his body stood before him, eyes filled with sadness. Ivy’s face, distorted in fury appeared next, spewing her hatred of Catherine like spears that jabbed him in the heart until he cried out in pain. A solemn Catherine, s
tood
bravely,
with her
chin held high,
and
shook her head at Ivy while she
continued to clutch
little Tommy to her breast.

Although his body was slick with sweat, his insides felt chilled to the bone by the time he managed to claw his way to wakefulness. Yanking the covers aside, he shot up in bed fighting to draw air into his tortured lungs. He reached a trembling hand over and snapped on the bedside lamp causing a modest pool of light to shine into the room.

His throat ached for water, but he didn’t trust his legs to carry him. He swung them over the edge of the bed and pressed his feet to the floor needing to anchor himself to something solid. His fingers plowed through his hair. The nightmare had so unnerved him that he couldn’t help feeling empathy for what Catherine must go through when her night terrors involved people she cared about.

He usually dreamed about his time in the jungle and being pursued by
Orlando
. He never shared those nightmares with anyone because they made him feel like a coward, which was bad enough, but tonight’s episode filled him with a different kind of dread.

Despite what his mother said, he still clung to the hope of marrying Catherine. He knew she was having a problem with the idea, but he hoped she’d eventually accept his proposal. Now that goal
s
eemed to be slipping away
.
T
heir relationship
reminded him of
an intricate mosaic pattern with its complicated blend of promises
and love,
misgivings
and bet
rayals. O
nce again he was afraid he’d wasted too much time and energy longing for wha
t he was never going
to have.

His entire being rebelled at the thought of losing Catherine, but jealousy and insecurity was causing him to destroy their relationship. It seemed the more he wanted her, the more he drove her away. He couldn’t seem to get things right between them and his mother wasn’t helping matters any.

He’d been so sure their saga would finally have a happy ending when he’d followed
Catherine
home from Alaska, only to become embroiled in this latest
dispute
.
The more he went over
the
ir most recent confrontation and the things his mother had told him, the more disillusioned he became. H
ow could he ever hope to figure things out when he kept getting so many conflicting stories thrown at him?

Desperate to know the truth, he thought of swallowing his pride and calling Catherine, but knew she’d probably hang up given her present mood. The sound of her door closing had twisted his insides. There was something agonizingly final about the gesture and he knew there was no way he could leave things like this and keep his sanity.

If only he could talk to someone
who
knew the real story
.
It would certainly make things a lot easier if Tom was here to defend himself. He thought of Pricilla, but rejected the idea knowing she wouldn’t say anything to hurt Catherine.

He needed to find a person
who
knew the true facts; someone unbiased enough to be fair to everyone involved. Josh feared it was the only chance he had to try and stop the erosion of his future happiness before it slid away from him for good. But who would be able to tell him what really had happened while he’d been gone? Could there possibly be anyone out there with the answers to his questions?

Chapter Twenty

To say Ryan was surprised that Josh would be calling him was an understatement. But hearing the obvious turmoil in Josh’s voice made the physician in him feel compelled to offer whatever professional help he could. He knew enough from Catherine to guess that Josh had apparently experienced a difficult time during his stay in
South America
. Ryan also had to admit the personal side of him was curious to meet the man who had kept Catherine from accepting another man’s love. He invited Josh to come to his office.

“Come in, Mr. Dallas.” He held out his hand in greeting and Josh shook it after a
split second of hesitation.

“I’m sure you’re very busy. I appreciate you taking the time to see me.”

“Yes. There are some things I . . .” He let out a long shuddering breath.

“Take your time.”

“Have you ever dug yourself into a hole so deep you’re not sure you’ll get out?”

“A time or two. Burrowed pretty far down, are you?”

Josh grimaced.

“I’m damn near halfway to China.”

“As bad as that? Not an enviable position.”

“I
realize w
e don’t know each other
, b
ut I hope you’ll be upfront
with me.
” Josh inhaled. “
I need to know what Catherine is to you. She
says you’re just friends.”

Ryan crossed his arms over his chest.

“That’s right, but I’d be lying if I said that’s all I wanted from her. However, s
he never allowed what we had
to
go beyond friendship. So if you’re worried whether or not we slept togeth
er, we didn’t
.”

Josh closed his eyes for a moment and opened them again,
his face still twisted in anguish
.

“I appreciate your candor, but I still have another hurdle to get over.” He raked a hand through his hair. “Did you ever meet my friend, Tom Wolden? His wife gave birth to a son
in your hospital while I was away, but she was very ill and died soon after.”

Ryan uncrossed his arms.

“Yes, I remember them quite well. Their situation was one of those tragedies we sometimes have to deal with in my profession, but their particular case touched all of us in the hospital very deeply. Your friend sat by his wife’s bedside day after day refusing to leave her. It certainly took its toll on him. Catherine and her aunt suffered right along with him. You knew Mrs. Wolden was her cousin?”

“Yes.” He cleared his throat. “I thought maybe Tom and Catherine might have been, you
know,
comforting each other while I was away,” he mumbled and quickly looked down at his hands while deep color worked its way up his neck.

Ryan’s voice lost some of the earlier friendliness when he spoke. “If you mean in an inappropriate manner, then you’re doing them both a grave injustice.”