Don’t Forget to Remember Me (20 page)

“Not at all. I understand. I’m just going to
find a blanket and pillow for the couch.”

“You can share the bed.”

“Hmmph! No I can’t.” She smiled and turned
her phone toward me.

Please let Julia have the bed. I don’t
want her to re-injure herself by sharing. I’ll make it up to you.
Love you and thanks for taking care of her.
–
R

I nodded and left the
room. After I pulled some clean clothes from the dresser, I made my
way into the bathroom. More candles and fluffy towels adorned the
all-white room. I looked in the drawer of the vanity, found the
lighter and lit the candle closest to the bathtub and turned on the
water, adding bubble bath. I turned off the vanity light, leaving
the room glowing in the candlelight. I stripped off my clothes
slowly to avoid any unnecessary movements and I thought about
hanging them on the back of the door, but lifting my arms would
surely hurt. I discovered a dark blue button down hanging there. It
was too large to belong to me. I dropped my clothes on the floor
and gathered it to me, bringing it to my face to inhale the scent.
It was faint, but it was Ryan. I breathed in deeply, relishing in
his essence. He was hanging on the back of my bathroom door,
filling my portfolio, filling my heart. I wanted him to fill my
life.
In every single
way
.

As I lowered myself slowly into the bath and
leaned back in the warmth of the water, I knew what I’d be wearing
to bed that night.

Damn, it was a long day! My rotations
started at 5 am and afterward, I had class until 2 pm. I’d just
come from spending 2 hours at the library, working on a diagnosis
assignment. The research involved in that shit was endless and if I
tried to do it at home, forget it. It was almost ten and I just
wanted to shower and fall into bed. My grumbling stomach reminded
me that I hadn’t eaten since eleven that morning. I climbed the
stairs thinking that maybe, just maybe, I could coax Julia into
making me something simple. Maybe an omelet and toast. Whatever she
came up with had to be delicious.

Since she and Jen had returned from New York
the prior weekend, things had been falling into a routine. We still
argued over sleeping on the couch and sometimes I let her win,
mostly because it meant I could lie where she’d been, surrounded by
her scent. I mused at my weakness. Aaron hadn’t mentioned the
episode in the gym but I knew he felt terrible. He was left in no
doubt of my perspective. Sex isn’t love, but after Julia, it was
impossible to separate the two.

She was constantly inside my head.

I was working a lot and
our time together was scarce. Outside of a walk in the park last
Thursday afternoon and a few hours watching television together
last night, we’d hardly seen each other. I worried when Jenna told
me she’d found the poem I’d written the same Christmas that I’d
given her the bracelet. I was pissed I hadn’t remembered to have
her take it down so Julia wouldn’t see it. Jenna admonished
me.
“And how was I supposed to do that? Wait here Julia,
while I remove all evidence of your former life? You’re just damn
lucky I was able to get to that pregnancy test in time.”

Jen said they hadn’t
talked much about it, so I had no idea what went through her mind
or what she remembered. Maybe they did talk and Jen wasn’t telling.
Seeing it, Julia had to know how much I loved her, though we didn’t
talk about it. I didn’t ask and she didn’t volunteer anything, but
something changed between us. The tone in her voice, the way she
found reasons to touch me more and more, all indicated that
she
knew
. It was driving me fucking
crazy.

The workload was a
blessing in disguise. While I missed her terribly, it helped me
focus and get my shit together. I still ached for her. The nights
killed me, knowing she was soft and warm and only a few feet down
the hall. I found myself staying at the library or at the hospital
later just to make it bearable. It confused the hell out of Julia,
but it was one more thing we didn’t talk about. I regretted it,
wanting to wrap myself around her, ease her fears and confusion,
but was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to control the
overwhelming love and
want
that I felt. She had to see how hungry I was and
I didn’t want to burden her with anything more than she already had
to deal with.

I came into the apartment and set my laptop
case and backpack by the door, sighing in exhaustion. The lights
were low, Aaron sitting on the couch, watching something on ESPN.
My eyes scanned the apartment.

Aaron heard me come in. “Get your ass ready.
We’re going out,” he said shortly.

“No way. I’m starving and all I want is to
shower and go to bed.” It amazed me how Aaron’s ass never seemed to
be dragging like mine, but then his internal medicine program
didn’t require nearly as many hospital hours that my trauma
specialty did. “Where are the girls and why are you so dressed up?”
My eyes took in his dark jeans and burgundy button down.

“Jen is getting dressed and uh…well…Julia is
out with Moore.” He cringed when he said it. I felt like I’d been
kicked in the chest. Every muscle in my body tensed as I froze in
place and turned to look at him. I’d never considered she’d
actually take him up on his offer.

“
What
did you say?” I asked
quietly.

“Um…she went out.”

“What the fuck?! On a date?” I exploded.

“Don’t know if I’d call it a date, dude. She
was on her way out, to meet him, when I got home and uh…she did
look amazing, Ryan.”

My heart started racing as I paced around
the room, not quite sure what to do with myself. I felt panic, pain
and anger course through every cell of my body. “How?”

“What do you mean, how? She walked out the
fucking door and got in a cab.”

“Hell, Aaron! I mean, how does she have a
date with one of her Goddamned doctors?” I was furious, heat rising
up under my skin. I wanted to claw that shit right off of my
body.

“Said she was bored, always being stuck in
the apartment. It probably doesn’t mean a damn thing. Calm down and
go change your clothes.”

Both hands threaded
together on the top of my head. “You said she looked good though.
So why, if it wasn’t a date? How could you let her
go,
Aaron
?! Why the hell didn’t you call
me?”

“They were meeting at the
Four Seasons, so she had to look nice. She’s an adult. I
couldn’t
stop her, Ryan! So…” He shrugged.
“Let’s go crash his party.”

Four fucking Seasons?!

I was already on my way
down the hall, ripping off the shirt to my scrubs. My face hadn’t
been shaved in the past 18 hours, but what the hell, I didn’t give
a shit. The Four Seasons was a classy hotel with a restaurant and
music, but it was still a Goddamn
hotel
.

He better not lay one finger on her or I
will beat his fucking face in!

Jenna came out of their bedroom as I
passed.

“So, I guess Aaron told you,” she said
flatly and smirked at me with one raised one eyebrow.

I didn’t answer, just breezed past and
slammed the door to my room. I pulled some black dress slacks and a
white button-down out of my closet, throwing them on as fast as I
could. I didn’t wear a tie, but donned the blazer that went with
the pants and ran some water through my hair. That was all the time
I was going to spend getting presentable. I hurriedly put on some
black socks and pushed my feet into black dress shoes and threaded
a matching leather belt through the loops at the waist of the
slacks. I opened the door to my bedroom, checking my wallet for
cash on my way back to the living room.

“Okay…let’s go.” Both of
them stood staring at me like I was an alien from outer space. “I
said,
let’s
go
!”

Jenna chuckled and it only served to piss me
off even further. “I’ve never seen you get ready so fast, pretty
boy. Shit, what was that? Like thirty seconds?”

“You drive, Aaron. I’ll bring Julia back in
a cab.” My heart was racing, my breathing shallow. I was so upset
that my hands were shaking.

We all piled into Aaron’s Suburban. Jenna
slid into the center and I got in beside her, adjusting the collar
of my shirt once I settled in the seat.

“Calm down, Ryan. She just
wanted a night out.” I didn’t answer, running
a
hand over my face. “What are you
planning to do?” Jenna asked pointedly. It was apparent by her
cross expression that she didn’t like my choices of the past weeks
and thought that I was likely getting what I deserved.

“I don’t know what the fuck I’m planning,
Jen! If she wanted a night out, she should have told me.”

“When Ryan? You’re not
home lately. Julia thinks you’re avoiding her so why would she tell
you?” she asked. The hard edge to her voice was loaded with
disapproval. “And tell you what? ‘Hey,
best
friend
, Ryan, I’m bored, lonely and
horny as hell
?’ I mean, you’d think she
has the plague the way you’ve been avoiding her. Can’t take it when
she got a little taste of the truth in New York?”

“Jenna,” Aaron admonished. “I don’t think
you’re helping the situation.”

“He should know what she goes through,
Aaron. What did she tell you about our trip, anyway?”

“Not much,” I muttered, keeping my eyes
plastered to the road in front of us, mentally calculating how long
it would take to get to the hotel.

“Mmmm, well, maybe you should ask her. You
know she saw the letter.”

My heart fell. “Look, I
appreciate that you care about Julia. I do. But what the
hell
do you know about what
I’ve
been going through? I’m in
agony
. Being near her and not being able
to touch her or tell her how I feel is killing me. So don’t tell me
to calm the fuck down when she goes out and finds someone to
replace me.” I glared at her.

“But you
can
touch her and tell
her how you feel, if you weren’t so damn stubborn! She doesn’t want
to replace you, you dumb ass. That’s what I’m trying to tell you!
Keep your head buried in the sand if that’s what you want. Fine by
me.”

She crossed her arms and didn’t say another
word. We were close to the hotel and I stopped to consider what I
wanted to do.

“Aaron, can you drop me off and meet me
inside? Jen, get Julia away from the table for a bit, please. I’ve
got a few things to say to that prick.”

“Ryan, don’t make a scene,” Aaron
warned.

“That’s not my intention, but he will be
clear on what the fuck is going on. He’s known all along that we’re
together. I mean, who the hell does he think he is?”

Aaron
pulled up to the
curb and I opened the door. “Ryan, take a deep breath. Think about
Julia. She only wanted to get out of the apartment,” he
said.

I hoped that was all she wanted, but Jenna’s
words were swirling around in my brain. I’d kept my distance and
maybe she was thinking I didn’t care about her. Shit, I never told
her that we were together like that, but it felt like she knew.
After New York, she had to.

I sucked in my breath so
hard I thought my lungs would explode. “See you inside.” I pulled
on my jacket collar and the cuffs of my shirt in a last ditch
effort to calm myself.
Lost cause.

I walked into the hotel and straight to the
Bristol Lounge and told the hostess that I was meeting someone
already there. “We didn’t think we could make it, but their party
of two will turn into a party of five. Can you accommodate us?” I
tried to calm my nerves but my hands were still shaking. Nervous
agitation made me run my right hand through my hair a couple of
times while I waited for the answer.

“Yes, sir.” She indicated into the dining
room. “Can you see them? Maybe they are already at a table that
will be appropriate? If not, we can move them.” My eyes scanned the
room and soon found Julia and Moore at a table near the window. The
place was elegant, with white linen tablecloths and soft music
coming from the band near the dance floor at the front of the room.
It was a mixture of Latin rhythms and soft rock with lots of
acoustic guitar. Something Julia would particularly love. My heart
sank to my stomach and my skin felt like it was on fire. I could
feel the heat seep over my chest and up my neck to my face. My jaw
set in determination.