Doctor January (11 page)

It was only six o'clock on Monday morning, but it was already getting light. As she cycled home from the lab after taking the last reading, Beth breathed in the dewy air and felt light-headed with the beauty of the world. Pale morning light spilled through the trees that lined the road. There were cars about already, but nothing like the clogged-up throng that would appear in a few hours. She locked her bike and stood still for a moment, listening to the birds, before she went back into the building.

She tiptoed into the flat, not because she was afraid of waking Gordon – he was a sound sleeper – but shoes in the hallway told her that Hibs and Anna were there too. As she crept past the living room, a movement in the corner of her vision made her jump. She turned to face the open doorway. Someone was moving very slowly in there. She took a hesitant step forward and peered in.

Hibs was standing in the middle of the living room in his boxer shorts and a T-shirt. His headphones were plugged into his ears, his phone clipped into his waistband, and he was moving gracefully through a series of poses. His hair was loose and the light caught and defined his muscles. Beth watched his limbs flowing into position and recognised a few moves of his kata. He had shown her once how he used a slowed-down version of his karate to meditate. He had his eyes closed so that he could concentrate and she stood very still so that she didn't make a noise.

Where Gordon was all muscle and bulk, Hibs was slim and taut. Where Gordon was blond, Hibs was dark. He was focusing so hard that his brow was furrowed, but he was beautiful. Beth stared, knowing she should look away. She couldn't ogle him. It wasn't right. But her heart picked up, despite that. She couldn't tear herself away: watching him moving was hypnotic.

She tried to tell herself that he was her friend. She'd just fancied him for a moment, when she was lonely and frustrated. It was a momentary lapse and she had to get over it. She couldn't fancy him: he was taken. So was she.

He moved his weight on to one leg, causing the muscles to stand out. The weight of his phone tugged at the side of his shorts, exposing a hip. She had a sudden memory of his thumb drawing circles on her back and a tingle ran up her spine; the thrill was so intense that she gasped. Imagine if things had gone differently that night. Those smooth muscles would be moving against her own body. She could barely breathe at the thought.

This was insane. She had to leave before she gave in to temptation and reached out to touch him. Beth took a step back. And dropped her bike helmet on the floor.

The crash echoed round the flat; Hibs's eyes flew open.

By the time Beth had retrieved her helmet, he was standing with both feet on the ground. ‘Morning,' he said. ‘Are you on the way back from the lab?'

‘Yes.' She had to pull herself together. She looked down the corridor. No one. Perhaps Gordon hadn't been woken by her stupid bike helmet. She turned back to Hibs, who was pulling his hair back.

‘I thought you said you didn't do that?' she said, trying to keep her tone light and jokey.

‘What?'

‘Walk around people's flats in your underwear.'

Hibs looked down at himself. ‘I'm wearing a T-shirt as well,' he pointed out.

Beth looked at his T-shirt and immediately wrenched her gaze away. ‘Uh. Yeah. So you are.' She cleared her throat.

‘Beth. Are you okay?' Hibs asked as he took a step towards her.

She took a step back. ‘Yes. Fine. Just tired, that's all.'

‘Of course, you must be knackered after the night shift. We've got the lab meeting today,' said Hibs. ‘You can squeeze in a couple of hours kip before that.'

Beth yawned. ‘Yeah. Sounds like a plan.'

Hibs smiled at her and little creases appeared at the corners of his eyes. She noticed he had a slight layer of stubble from having stayed over with Anna. It was rather sexy. ‘Night, Beth,' he said.

‘Night.' She fled back into her room, to Gordon.

Gordon muttered something and rolled over, opening one eye a crack to look at her.

‘Morning.' Beth dropped a kiss on his head before stripping off her clothes and getting back into bed.

‘Who were you talking to?' said Gordon, making room for her in the crook of his arm.

‘Oh, Hibs was up doing his meditation thing.'

‘Does that every morning, does he?' he asked, suddenly sounding less sleepy.

Beth felt the hairs on the back of her neck prickle. Could Gordon read her thoughts? Could he see that momentary desire she'd just had? ‘Anna says he does,' she said, carefully.

There was a pause as Beth curled into Gordon, her cheek resting on his shoulder.

‘Right,' said Gordon.

‘It's only just gone six,' Beth said. ‘We could get a couple more hours shut-eye before I have to go to the lab meeting.'

‘Or we could do something else …'

A huge yawn threatened. Beth tried to fight it, but didn't manage. ‘I'm sorry, Gordon. I'm so tired.'

‘Right. Fine.' He wrapped his arm around her shoulders. ‘Sleep it is, then.'

Beth closed her eyes and immediately saw an image of Hibs, moving slowly from one position to another. Think of something else. Anything else. Cats. Or Donkeys. No. Not donkeys. Gerbils maybe. Still trying to force herself to think of non-contentious things, she fell asleep.

‘Are we doing lunch today?' Beth reached across for the butter, which was just out of reach. Gordon made no move to push it nearer.

‘Can't today,' said Gordon. ‘I'll be seeing you this evening though. You're not working tonight, are you?'

Beth stood up, retrieved the butter and sat back down. ‘That's right. Hibs is doing tonight.'

As if on cue there was a giggle from Anna's room. Gordon rolled his eyes.

Hibs and Anna appeared, holding hands. Beth again felt a small stab of irritation. What was it that annoyed her so much? It wasn't like she hadn't been around Hibs's girlfriends before. Although, come to think of it, she'd never seen him hold anyone's hand. She really had to get over this awkwardness. If Hibs and Anna were going to stay together, she would have to see them together all the time. If she didn't relax about it, Gordon would notice. He wouldn't like it. Not that he had anything to worry about. She slammed another slice of bread into the toaster. Of course not.

Hibs spotted Gordon and his eyes narrowed. ‘Morning,' he said to Beth. ‘You're not planning on missing the lab meeting, are you?' He gestured towards her breakfast, which she'd barely begun.

‘Oh, hell. I completely forgot.' She looked at her freshly buttered toast. Gordon liked to have a leisurely breakfast, but she would have to bolt it down if she wanted to make it to the meeting on time.

‘What time's your meeting?' said Gordon, not bothering to acknowledge Hibs.

‘In about half an hour.'

‘Oh, you've got plenty of time.' He put a hand over hers. ‘Don't worry, babe.' He looked into her eyes and smiled. Beth felt something flutter inside. ‘It'll be fine,' he said.

Hibs shrugged. ‘I'll see you there, Beth.' He grabbed Anna round the waist and gave her a kiss. ‘Bye, Anna.'

Anna grinned. ‘See you later.'

Beth concentrated on her toast. It was getting soggy with butter now. She scraped some of it off and Gordon looked at her curiously.

When Hibs had left, Anna gave a theatrical sigh and ran a hand through her hair. ‘I'm off to have a shower,' she said to no one in particular, and ambled away.

There was a moment of silence in the kitchen. ‘I'd better hurry,' Beth said as she gathered the cutlery together.

‘Leave that a moment. It's not often we get time to ourselves, just the two of us.' He took her hand again. ‘Let's enjoy it.'

‘But …'

‘Relax,' he said. ‘Hibs was just trying to show me he has some influence over you.'

Beth frowned. ‘Why would he do that?'

‘It's a bloke thing. He doesn't like me and it's just his way of annoying me.'

That didn't sound like Hibs. If he wanted to be rude to someone, he was just rude to them. Besides which, she knew that Hibs was right. She was going to be late.

‘You know,' Gordon said, his voice dropping a notch. ‘I reckon he fancies you. That's why he keeps trying all these ridiculous power games with me.' His gaze locked on to hers, faintly accusing.

Beth felt her mouth go dry. Had Gordon figured out that she was looking at Hibs with a different sort of appreciation now? She would get over it, but she needed time. Oh god.

Gordon was still looking at her. Feeling that something was required, she said, ‘Huh. That's silly.'

He nodded. ‘Well, you guys spend a lot of time together,' he said. ‘It's understandable he's a bit confused.'

‘We work together,' said Beth. ‘That's why we spend time together. It can't be helped.'

‘I know that, silly.' Gordon placed a kiss on the back of her hand. ‘Don't mind me. I'm just jealous that I don't have you all to myself twenty-four-seven.' He looked into her eyes before dropping another kiss on the sensitive skin on the inside of her wrist. ‘Who can blame me for wanting to spend as much time as possible with the most beautiful girlfriend in the world.'

Beth didn't know what to say. There was something adorable about the way he said it. She had a vague feeling she should be defending herself, but couldn't figure out against what. All he'd said was that he loved her.

‘Sorry,' she said.

Gordon nodded and smiled as though acknowledging an admission of guilt. He reached out and tilted her chin up. ‘You are incredible, you know,' he said.

‘I …'

He silenced her by pulling her close and kissing her. Beth felt herself melt into his arms. She loved the feeling of well-being that brought. Breakfast forgotten, she slipped her arms around his neck and kissed him back.

She knew she would be late for the meeting.

Beth fidgeted in her seat. The lab meetings took place in the tea room and she badly wanted to get herself a drink, but didn't want to invite the wrath of Roger. Vik had finished his presentation and Roger was quizzing him. So far, Roger had ignored her. When she had rushed in fifteen minutes late he hadn't even bothered to tell her off. Somehow that was worse than the pasting she'd been expecting.

Oddly, Hibs wasn't looking at her either. She sat up straighter and tried to listen to what was being said.

‘Have you tried testing it under blue light?' Roger barked at Vik.

‘That's already been done,' said Vik. ‘No response.'

‘That's right,' Beth chipped in. ‘I did some testing under blue when I first started.' It had been a small project that failed to go anywhere and she and Hibs had persuaded Roger to abandon it.

No one paid her the slightest bit of attention.

‘You should try it again,' Roger said to Vik. ‘From scratch. Just to check that there wasn't any operator error.'

Beth gaped. Operator error? Was he implying that she'd somehow done it wrong? ‘Wait a minute—' she started.

‘When we want your opinion, we'll ask for it.' Roger didn't even look in her direction.

Beth looked at Hibs for support, but he seemed focused on Vik. She pursed her lips and glared at the floor. Vik agreed to run a small batch of tests under blue light and she couldn't believe Hibs hadn't spoken up. Did he believe that her results were unreliable? If that was the case, why was he entrusting half his experiment to her? She shot a resentful glance at him, but he didn't appear to notice.

After the meeting Roger marched off and Beth finally looked up. ‘I did do those experiments two years ago,' she said to Vik.

Vik shrugged. ‘I know. I'm not totally sure why they need redoing.' He looked at Hibs. ‘Do they really need doing again?'

‘No.' Hibs filled the kettle.

‘But—'

‘If the boss says to do it, sometimes it's good to humour him,' said Hibs. ‘You can argue when you've been here longer.'

Vik nodded. ‘I guess.' He disconnected the laptop from the projector. ‘I'll take this upstairs then.' He looked from Hibs to Beth. ‘I'll see you guys later.'

There was a strained silence once he'd gone. The kettle bubbled and clicked off. Hibs poured.

‘Thanks for standing up for me,' Beth said with as much sarcasm as she could inject. ‘You could have said something.'

‘Like what, Beth?' Hibs turned round, his eyes flashing with anger. ‘Oh, Roger, you can take Beth seriously. She's a good scientist. She's very dedicated. Something like that? How can I say that, Beth, when you turn up to the lab meeting late because you were
too busy getting laid
?'

Beth opened her mouth to say that he'd done it too, but realised that he hadn't. Hibs may be a slave to his libido, but he'd never, ever, let it get in the way of work. ‘I …'

‘If Gordon is what's important to you, fine. Just admit it and get on with it. You need to work out where your priorities lie.' He stirred his coffee so hard that it slopped over the side of his mug. ‘You can't have it both ways.' He grabbed his mug and started for the door. ‘I'll see you later.'

‘What? Are you saying I can't have a romantic relationship and be taken seriously as a scientist? That's just crap.'

Hibs stopped. ‘No,' he said, slowly. ‘I'm saying you can live for things that are important to you. Or live according to Gordon. I very much doubt you can have both.' He left, leaving the door to slam shut behind him.

Beth stared at the door for a moment, then shook her head to clear the fizz of anger. She pulled out a mug and threw a teabag into it. How dare Hibs cast judgment like that? As she poured the scalding water and watched the teabag bob helplessly in it, she wondered if he was right. Gordon had known she'd be late for the meeting. She'd told him about it, yet he'd persuaded her it didn't matter. Could she have left earlier? Probably. She dunked the teabag under with a spoon and held it there to drown. But she hadn't tried. At least, not very hard. Maybe Hibs was right; maybe she was a doormat.

On the other hand, she'd felt so guilty about fancying another man when she should have been thinking about Gordon. Her boyfriend. She'd let her guilt override her commitment to her work. Beth rescued the teabag and squeezed it on the edge of the mug. Did she really have to feel that guilty? It wasn't as though she'd done anything about it.

Beth and Hibs were sitting at their computers on opposite sides of the narrow space. Normally, they would have been talking over their shoulders to each other, but today there was nothing but the sound of keyboards clicking. Beth knew she was being childish, sulking like she was. But she was annoyed with Hibs for being so high-handed with her. And she was angry with herself because she knew he was right.

Vik arrived and flung himself into his chair. He clattered away at the keyboard for a moment and said, ‘No e-mails. Clearly, nobody loves me today.'

Beth couldn't think of anything to say.

There was the sound of wheels moving as Vik pushed his chair down between them. ‘Okay, what's going on?' he said.

‘What do you mean?' Beth asked.

‘What's up with you two? You've been acting weird all day.'

Hibs said nothing. Beth turned to look at Vik.

‘You'—Vik pointed to her—‘were late for the lab meeting. Then you stomped up here with a face like thunder.' He swivelled the chair round until he was pointing at Hibs. ‘And you have been in a filthy mood and haven't criticised my choice of radio station all day. Which, to my mind, is pretty much the definition of “something is up”. So what's going on?'

‘Nothing,' Hibs and Beth said simultaneously.

Vik rolled his eyes. ‘Fine. Let me figure it out.' He narrowed his eyes and looked from one to the other.

Beth looked away from him. For one irrational moment she thought Vik might see into her head and recognise the guilt.

‘I reckon,' Vik said, slowly, ‘it's all gone weird because Hibs is dating your housemate, Beth. It's like a whole work/real life collision thing.' He looked pleased with himself. ‘Am I right?'

Hibs finally turned round. ‘Yes, Vik. That's right,' he said, his voice heavy with sarcasm. ‘I'm sleeping with Beth's housemate and it's freaked us both out so much that we can barely stand each other's company. 'Cause we're soooo delicate.' He brushed past Vik and strode out of the lab.

‘If that's not it, what is it?' Vik gave Beth a puzzled look. ‘I know you guys have had an argument. If it's not about Anna, then what
is
it about?'

Beth sighed. ‘It's complicated, Vik, okay. Just drop it.'

‘I can't. I have to work here too. It's not exactly fun at the moment. I feel like a UN peacekeeper.'

Thankfully, Beth's phone rang, rescuing her from having to explain something she wasn't even sure she understood. It was Lara.

‘Hey,' Beth said. ‘How's it going?'

There was a sniff at the other end of the line.

‘Lara?'

‘He's gone.'

‘What?'

‘Chris has gone, Beth. I gave him an ultimatum and he … he left me. I don't know what I expected but …' Soft sobs came down the line.

‘Oh, Lara. Where are you? I'll come straight over.'

‘What's going on?' Vik said when Beth had hung up.

‘I've got to go. I'll see you tomorrow.' She paused to pat him on the arm. ‘I'll try and cheer up before then, okay?'

Before she went to Lara's, she had to phone Gordon. Beth stood next to her bike, phone in hand, psyching herself up. He would be annoyed. She hated it when he was annoyed. He got all shouty. But Lara needed her so she had to go. It wasn't like she had any choice.

She took a deep breath and pressed the call button. Gordon's phone rang a few times and went to answerphone. Beth let her shoulders relax. It always went to answerphone. Gordon claimed that mobile phone reception in his building was terrible, which is why he never picked up when she rang.

She explained that there was an emergency with Lara and that she had to cancel. ‘I'm very sorry,' she added, before hanging up.

As she cycled to Lara's she wondered how long it would take him to pick up the message. How angry would he be? They were supposed to be going to the opera that evening. Gordon had tickets and everything. He was always a little more uptight about things when he had bought tickets so he wouldn't be pleased with her cancelling. She was fully expecting to get an irritated phone call from him in a bit. She hoped he would understand that Lara needed her more than he did.

Lara answered the door, her eyes and nose red from crying. Beth forgot all about Gordon and gave her friend a hug. ‘You poor thing.'

Lara blew her nose and nodded. ‘I'm glad you came.' She led the way into the living room. Everything looked normal, as far as Beth could tell. The only difference was the wedding photo was now face-down on the mantelpiece.

‘Tell me everything,' she said.

‘I should put the kettle on—'

‘I'll take care of that.' Beth stopped her. ‘You tell me while I make the tea.'

Lara's house was small and the kitchen led into the living room. Lara sat on a dining chair, just outside the kitchen, while Beth put the kettle on. ‘There isn't a lot to tell. He came home late again last night and I confronted him. He denied it to start with, and then he said it meant nothing.' Lara blew her nose. ‘I said it clearly wasn't nothing and he had to choose between her and me and …' Her voice broke in a sob. ‘He stormed off. He … he was gone all night. Then this morning I called him. He said he needed to clear his head and think things through.' Fresh tears spilled down her face. ‘When I got back from work today, all his stuff had gone.'

‘Oh, honey.' Beth went over and put her arms around Lara and held her until the sobs subsided. It was a shock to see Lara, who was normally so composed, in such a state.

In Beth's pocket, her phone rang. She glanced at the clock – it was just past seven. She should have been meeting Gordon about now. She pushed the thought to the back of her mind and concentrated on Lara. ‘What are you going to do?'

Lara sniffed and rubbed her cheeks with the back of her hand. ‘I don't know. I have no idea what happens next.'

Beth perched on the arm of the sofa. ‘If he came back, would you try again?'

Lara stared into space. ‘No.' She shook her head. ‘Probably not. I'm not sure.'

‘He cheated on you,' said Beth. ‘And then, when you found out, he just left.'

Lara nodded. ‘I know. Every sensible part of me says “good riddance”, but inside …' Tears appeared again. She wiped them away with a tissue.

‘Maybe you just need some time to work things out.'

In Beth's pocket the phone rang again. She ignored it, but her heart pounded. Gordon would be angry. She didn't like it when Gordon was angry.

‘Should you get that?' said Lara.

‘It's Gordon,' Beth said, without bothering to check the phone. ‘I'll call him back. This is important.'

Lara sighed. ‘Take the call. I'll be okay.'

Beth gave her a grateful smile and answered the phone. She headed to the hallway, where she was less likely to be overheard.

‘Where are you?' Gordon's voice was curt. She could feel his annoyance.

‘I don't think I'll be able to make it,' Beth said. ‘I'm at Lara's. She's really upset. I can't leave her.'

‘What do you mean you won't be able to make it? I've got tickets for the opera. The doors open in an hour.'

‘I know, I know. I'm so sorry. I really am, but I can't leave Lara now. Chris has just left—'

‘I don't care what Lara wants. You made a commitment, Beth. You should stick to it.'

‘But—'

‘But nothing. I can't believe you're standing me up! After I rushed from training to be with you. How could you do this to me? Am I not important to you?'

Beth's heart was pounding. She felt so guilty. She should have kept trying his phone, or left a longer message, so that at least she could explain before he got angry, rather than making excuses now. She was so stupid. ‘I'm sorry, Gordon.'

‘Sorry?
Sorry
?' Gordon was hissing down the phone now, which was somehow worse than his shouting. ‘You think sorry is going to cover it? You've let me down.'

‘I'll make it up to you? Tomorrow—'

‘I thought you were working tomorrow. Or have you been lying to me again?'

‘No. No. I am working. We can meet up between readings though. I'll cook you dinner,' she was speaking as fast as she could, so that she could say her piece before he cut her off again. ‘I'll make lasagne. Your favourite.'

There was a pause as Gordon considered this.

‘I'll even make crumble for pudding.' He loved crumble. Making him an apple crumble always cheered him up. She hoped it would work this time too. She hated it when he was angry with her.

‘Okay. I'll see you at your flat at ten past seven.' He didn't sound so angry now and Beth breathed out in relief.

‘Thank you.'

He didn't respond.

‘I love you,' she said. But he had already hung up.

Beth felt weak. She put her phone back in her pocket and steadied herself against the wall for a moment. That was the first time Gordon had been angry with her since they'd got back together. He would get over it; he always did. But she had forgotten how his temper could flare. She needed to be more careful and not annoy him so much.

She went back into the kitchen and started making tea, hoping the ritual would soothe her nerves. Lara's kitchen was small and homely. It looked just like it had always done, until Beth looked closer and started noticing things. Chris's posh knives were gone: the magnetic strip only had one knife on it. The black-and-white cafetière that normally stood next to the kettle was gone too. Nothing major, just little signs of the gap in her friend's life.