Doctor January (19 page)

Beth and Vik sat together for Roger's talk. Hibs was late coming into the hall, so was sitting at the back. Roger rattled through his introduction to the lab and presented Hibs's work. Beth sneaked a glance at her watch. They were only twenty minutes into the session. She wondered what Roger would use to pad out the presentation. She listened to him describe a bit of what he was hoping Vik would do and as Roger got to the end, Beth heard Vik let out a long breath.

‘And last, but not least'—Roger moved on to a new slide and Beth recognised her graphs, with their massive error margins. He thought they showed something important and was going to ignore everything she'd sent him and present his theory instead. She groaned quietly and sank lower in her seat.

As Roger came to his conclusions, a hand went up. It was the head of department. Roger stopped. ‘Yes?'

‘Those don't look very convincing,' the head of department said.

‘Yes, the error bars are quite large,' Roger conceded. ‘Beth, whose work this is, is repeating them.'

‘And are the repeats showing anything more consistent?'

‘I believe they might be,' said Roger.

Beth put her hand up. Roger ignored her.

‘Have you considered the alternative possibility that what you have there is an artefact? Have you tried looking to see if the deletion of that gene causes any other disruption?'

‘Actually,' Roger began. He was going to blame Beth, she just knew it.

She'd had enough of this. She was going to quit and she didn't need to put up with this crap any more. Roger already hated her, so there was nothing for her to lose.

‘Excuse me,' Beth said, loudly. Beside her, Vik cowered and tried to disappear. She glanced at him. Even if she didn't do this for herself, she had to face Roger down for Vik. Otherwise Vik would end up as demoralised as she was.

The head of department turned and raised an eyebrow.

‘I … er … I'm Beth Tyler. Those are my results,' she gestured towards the screen. ‘I just wanted to say that I've repeated those experiments and it's not clear that there's a trend.' Roger was glowering at her, as though he were about to explode. She held his gaze, defiant. ‘I have repeated them and even with more results, there is no significant difference.' All heads had turned towards her now and her legs started to shake. She clenched her fists and carried on. ‘We have considered that the protein might be involved in something more structural. In fact, we repeated the experiment you mentioned earlier, but with the protein missing.' She glanced at Roger, hoping he'd put Hibs's slides up – he didn't, but she carried on and described their results anyway. ‘So,' she concluded, ‘we think our protein may be holding the others in place.'

There was a moment of silence when the room felt enormous. She focused on the head of department, who narrowed his eyes and examined her for a moment. Finally, he nodded. ‘Good. Will you be writing this up?'

Beth opened her mouth to reply, but Roger beat her to it.

‘Yes. With the GFP images, we might even be able to get on the front cover of a journal.' He grinned. ‘The results go against the current dogma, so it should make it into a fairly high-impact journal.'

Roger was talking as though he was in complete agreement with Beth. She wasn't having that. Someone asked a question and she jumped in before Roger could answer. This made it easier to field the next question and then the next. Roger cleared his throat, the noise made even louder by the microphone. Everyone's attention went back to Roger. Beth sank back into her seat and clamped her knees together to stop them knocking. Beth didn't pay attention as Roger finished off the last few slides and concluded the presentation. She had seen murder in Roger's eyes. She was in so much trouble. But she'd had to do it. She couldn't let Roger misrepresent her work like that. Vik nudged her in the ribs and gave her a thumbs-up under the desk. She gave him a weak smile. Yes, she decided, she had done the right thing.

As the lecture theatre emptied, she hung back and watched the head of department stop Roger.

‘Good lecture,' he said. ‘That's some nice innovative work with the protein deletions. It's a shame the results weren't ready in time for the presentation.'

Roger beamed. ‘Oh yes. We had hoped to have it all done in good time, but you know how it is.'

Beth gasped. Having told her not to bother, Roger was now claiming he supported her work all along. She made her way to the front to join them – she had to say something. Roger ignored her.

‘Excuse me.'

‘Yes, Beth, I can manage here. I'll see you back in the lab,' Roger said, before returning to his conversation with the head of department.

‘I just wanted to ask if you'd like to see the latest results now,' she said, pointedly.

Both men looked at her. Lowly graduate students weren't supposed to interrupt members of faculty like that, but Beth stood her ground. It was her work they were discussing. She had every right to be included.

‘We should put some time in the diary to talk.' The head of department shook hands with Roger. He nodded to Beth. ‘Good work.'

She stared, surprised to be acknowledged by him.

‘It's good to stand up for your work. If you don't believe in it, no one else will.' He smiled. ‘Keep it up.' He gave her nod of farewell and strode out of the lecture theatre.

Beth caught Roger's eye. ‘The head of department was impressed with my work.'

Roger looked as though he was about to retort, but didn't. He looked down at his laptop and back up at a spot behind her and said, ‘Yes. Well done.' With that, he stormed off.

Beth smiled and followed him out.

As Roger stomped past the tea room, Vik peered out. He beckoned Beth in.

‘Well done!' said Vik. ‘That was amazing.'

Beth's smile spread into a grin. ‘Thanks.'

Hibs was looking at her with a strange expression on his face. His eyes sparkled. ‘Well done, Tyler. I'm so proud of you I could burst.'

‘Thanks.' His praise bolstered her already buoyant spirits and she couldn't stop grinning. She still had a long way to go before she was free of Roger, but at least she'd made a start. The decision to leave after her PhD was liberating. It was almost as though she were stepping out of a chrysalis.

‘I don't think I could have stood up in front of the whole department and contradicted Roger like that,' said Vik.

‘You could. Especially if you knew you were right,' said Hibs.

Beth looked at Vik. He had lost some of his sparkle lately. Perhaps Roger was getting to him too. She had always assumed the problem had been with her, but if he was picking on Vik too, perhaps the problem was with Roger.

She'd been so tied up with her own problems she'd almost stopped noticing Vik.

‘Do you guys want to go to the pub this evening?' she said.

‘On a week day?' said Hibs, with mock surprise. ‘Tyler, you rebel.'

‘Haven't you got to go out with Gordon?' said Vik.

The silence that followed the question went on a little too long. Beth's heart began to crescendo. She was not going out with Gordon. She had no intention of ever seeing Gordon again. But she hadn't seen or spoken to him since the night before. Technically, she was still his girlfriend.

Hibs raised an eyebrow at Beth.

‘No,' she said. ‘I'm not going out with Gordon any more.'

Vik's eyes widened. His face tried on several expressions before settling on sympathetic. ‘What happened? Are you okay?'

She looked at Hibs, who said nothing. ‘We had a disagreement,' said Beth. ‘I don't think he … I don't think he treats me very well and I don't think I should be with him.'

Vik blew out his breath. ‘Wow. Good for you. I mean, you can do so much better than him.' He gave her a tight smile. ‘Really. You can.' He reached forward and gave her an awkward pat on the arm. ‘You're okay, aren't you?'

Ah, Vik. He was quite sweet in his little-boy-lost kind of way. ‘Yes, thanks, Vik. I'm okay.' She looked from one man to the other. These guys knew her better than anyone and didn't think she was stupid. Her friends. How could she ever have thought that someone who kept her away from her boys could be good for her? ‘So … pub tonight then?'

‘That'd be good. I can't stay late though, I've got plans,' said Vik.

‘Plans?' Since when did Vik have plans that didn't involve her and Hibs? Things must have moved on while she was with Gordon.

‘I've got a Skype call with a girl from America.'

‘Ooh. One of the girls your mum's trying to set you up with?' She hadn't been following the saga of Vik's parents' matchmaking efforts. ‘Is this one promising?'

‘I guess I'll tell you tomorrow.' He didn't look optimistic.

‘What about you, Hibs?'

He held up a lab timer. ‘Science is a cruel mistress.' He smiled. ‘And I promised I'd meet one of the karate guys for a drink before the ten o'clock reading. Sorry, Beth. I can do tomorrow though.'

She looked from one to the other, slightly disappointed that they couldn't make it to the pub when she wanted them to.

‘It's a pity I can't come,' Hibs said. ‘I'm looking forward to hearing exactly how Gordon reacted when you dumped him.'

Beth sat at the kitchen table, her mobile phone cradled in her hands. Anna had gone out and the front door was locked with the security chain pulled across. She'd had a couple of glasses of wine to build up her courage. It was a good time to call Gordon.

There were several messages from him on her phone. She deleted them and then brought up his number. Her heart sped up and her chest constricted when she pressed call. It would probably go to answerphone. It rang once. Twice. He answered.

‘Beth. Thank goodness. I've been so worried.'

The mere sound of his voice froze her. She couldn't move. She sat still, holding the phone to her ear, while her heartbeat filled her skull. Her throat closed up and it was difficult to speak. She tried to say something, but all that came out was an anguished croak.

‘I've been trying to call you all day but you weren't answering. I even tried the lab phone. I've been worried sick.' He paused, apparently waiting for her to respond. When she said nothing, he carried on. ‘Beth, about yesterday. I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to get cross. I just … I waited for you for ages. You can understand how I'd be a little bit miffed.'

A little bit miffed? The indignation was enough to make her find her voice. ‘You attacked me.'

There was a pause. ‘I wouldn't do that. What are you talking about?'

Gordon's response took her by surprise. He had attacked her. Hadn't he?

‘I would never hurt you, babe. You know that.'

But he had. She hadn't imagined it, had she? Doubt stirred. The word ‘paranoid' popped into her mind. What if …

‘Beth, are you sure you're okay? You've been acting a bit weird lately,' Gordon said, his voice all concern.

Slowly, Beth brought her wrist up in front of her face. Her sleeve slid back, revealing the red mark. It was starting to go yellow at the edges. She hadn't imagined that. Gordon was playing with her mind. He was poison. She had to get away from him.

‘It's over, Gordon. I don't ever want to hear from you again. Goodbye.' When she tried to hang up, it took her two goes because she was shaking so badly. She sank into her chair, clutching her bruised wrist.

The phone rang again. She pressed ‘Cancel' so that it went to answerphone and went to her room. Kneeling on the floor, she reached under the bed for the cardboard wrappers she'd stored there. This was what had set it all off. If she hadn't found these in the recycling, she would still be under Gordon's power and convinced she was going mad. And somehow she'd be feeling guilty about that too. It was hard to believe how much influence Gordon had had over her. Even now, just thinking about how angry he would be made her heart pound. He made her pulse race and she had thought it was love. Now she knew it was fear. How had she got so mixed up?

In the beginning she had been so in love. Gordon was gorgeous and charismatic and had that powerful swimmer's body. She had a sudden vision of those same powerful shoulders pressing down on her and shuddered. She had to take a couple of deep breaths to remind herself that there was still air in the room.

Her phone rang again. Gordon would keep trying. He didn't know she knew about Mila. He still thought he could talk her round. She hit cancel again. There would be messages, each one of them toxic. She would delete them without listening to him. Everything he ever said was a lie.

She laid the wrappers out on the floor, one by one. Something else fell out – a bundle of fabric, the Pluto T-shirt that Gordon had thrown away. She smoothed the picture down and thought of Vik and Hibs on her birthday. Hibs had chosen this for her. It had made her happy on a day she'd given up to disappointment. Thank goodness for Hibs, with his ready smile and gentle hands.

She traced the edge of the crying Pluto with a finger. Hibs. She may as well stop pretending she didn't fancy him. If Gordon hadn't returned and picked up their relationship as though he'd never been away, she might have kissed Hibs. Slept with him, even. She thought of him holding ice on her wrist, his face too close to hers. She had wanted him so badly just then. But she couldn't do anything about it because she was still with Gordon.

Well, she wasn't now. She wanted comfort. If there was one thing she could be sure of, it was that Hibs would be happy to offer it. There was nothing to stop them getting together. She pulled off her T-shirt and replaced it with the Pluto one.

The phone rang again and Beth picked it up. Gordon's name was flashing on the caller ID. He was just going to keep ringing unless she did something. The more she avoided him, the more he would think he still had power over her. She stood up, feet firmly planted, took a deep breath and answered it.

‘Beth, I don't know what's got into you—' Gordon began.

‘Gordon, leave me alone. I have nothing more to say to you.' Her voice came out with barely a tremor. She needed to do this if she was to ever be free of him. ‘If you contact me again, I will report you to the police.'

‘Babe, you've got completely the wrong end of the stick.'

‘Oh just … just fuck off.' She hung up and turned her phone off for good measure. God, that felt good. Now, she just needed to go tell Hibs. She smiled and ran downstairs to get her bike.

Hibs called up the microscope photos he'd just taken and started systematically filing them in the correct folders. It was a repetitive task that he usually saved for the morning, but since he wasn't in any hurry to go home, he'd decided to do it that night.

Someone entered the corridor and he could tell that it was Beth. Was it sad that he recognised her footsteps? Probably. Lara was right: he had it bad.

He looked up when she entered. Her hair was tousled from the cycle helmet, her cheeks were tinged pink and her eyes were unusually bright. ‘Hey, you okay? Has Gordon been bothering you?' He stood up, mentally preparing himself for battle. Personally, he would be delighted to stamp that smug bastard's face into the ground. All he needed was an excuse.

‘Not really. Well yes, but I've dealt with it.' She was so full of nervous energy, she looked like she was about to take off.

‘What happened?' Whatever it was, it must have been something big to get Beth so keyed up. At least she wasn't in tears.

She shifted her weight from foot to foot. ‘I told him it was over. Then I turned my phone off.'

Finally! His smile was almost as big as hers. That must have taken some courage. No wonder she looked wired. ‘Well done, Beth. That couldn't have been an easy thing to do.'

He closed the gap between them and gave her a quick hug. ‘I'm proud of you.' Then, because holding her made him think of other things that were well outside the realms of friendship, he released her. ‘How are you feeling?'

‘Not sure,' she said. ‘Relieved, excited, sad. All at once.'

Hibs smiled. ‘You know what I do when I feel like that.'

Her eyes narrowed. ‘Get laid?'

He laughed. ‘Very funny. I was going to say get drunk.'

He sensed the change in atmosphere before she said anything.

‘We could do both,' she said.

She stood on tiptoes and kissed him and all thought disappeared as his blood supply headed south. His world was filled with the sensation of her mouth on his. The soft press of her breasts. The pressure of her fingers behind his neck. He had fantasised about kissing Beth hundreds of times and nothing he'd imagined came close to the real thing. There was nothing, nothing, he wanted more than this. He put his hand on her hip and felt a response shimmer through her.

It took a few moments for his brain to recover from the sudden rush of blood to the groin. This was Beth. This wasn't how he'd wanted to start a relationship with her. He could sleep with her now and she'd think it meant nothing to him. He couldn't bear that. He pulled away. ‘Beth. I don't—'

The shock in her face nearly broke his heart.

She stepped back from him, tears already brimming.

He had always been so good at speaking his mind. He was always confident with women. Now, when he needed it the most, his brain wouldn't work. He wanted to tell her he wanted her for always, not just for a one-night comfort shag, but the words just wouldn't come fast enough. ‘Beth.'

She turned and ran out of the lab.

‘Fuck.' He ran after her. Halfway down the corridor, he remembered he'd left his Bunsen burner on. He swore again and ran back to turn the gas off and kill the flame. Still swearing, he thundered down the corridor after her.

Her footsteps echoed in the stairwell. Looking over the side, he could see she was several floors below him. He took the steps down two at a time. Not for the first time he wished there was a fireman's pole installed in the middle.

He got to the bottom of the stairs in time to see her run out of the glass doors.

Beth unlocked her bike and wrenched it away from the wall. She could barely see for the tears. How could she have been so stupid? She'd kissed Hibs. And Hibs, the man who slept with just about anything female, had turned her down. She'd always assumed he'd never tried it on with her because she was a colleague and a friend, but perhaps it was because he didn't fancy her. She heard him calling her name, somewhere behind her. She jumped on her bike and started pedalling.

But Hibs was too fast for her. He grabbed the handlebars of her bike. ‘Beth, stop.'

‘Leave me alone, Hibs. I'm embarrassed enough as it is.'

‘For fuck's sake, will you stop for a moment and listen.'

She stopped trying to push the bike forward. She'd never push past him. Tears streamed down her face. Whatever humiliation was coming, she would have to face it until he let go of her bike. She knew he'd try to let her down gently. That only made things worse. She couldn't look at him. ‘I'm sorry.'

He put a hand under her chin and lifted her face up until she was looking at him. She tried to look away.

‘Beth. I pulled away because I didn't want you to get the wrong idea.' He moved closer until he made eye contact.

Beth wrenched away from him. ‘You don't want anything serious and we work together so you don't want a one-night stand either. I get it. Now let me go.'

‘See. I told you you'd get the wrong idea.'

She must have heard him wrong. She looked up. Through the blur of tears, she was aware that he wore an expression she'd never seen before. If she didn't know better, she'd have called it fear. But this was Hibs: he wasn't afraid of anything.

‘I've loved you since … Jesus, Beth, I don't even know how long. Since the day I met you.' He squeezed his eyes shut and reopened them. ‘I stopped you just now because I don't want things to happen like this. You're not like the others. You're special. I want to do things properly.' He frowned. ‘Am I making sense?'

‘No.' She had no idea what he was going on about. But she'd heard him right. He'd just said he loved her. Suddenly hundreds of little things fell into place. The gestures of incredible kindness. The total antipathy to Gordon. The flirting in the pub the night Gordon came back. This was Hibs trying to tell her he loved her. The first rush of happiness made her head spin. He wanted her! She hadn't made an idiot of herself. But a little voice niggled. If he loved her so much, why hadn't he just asked her out? It's not like he was shy or anything.

‘I've been with lots of girls, Beth. None of them have made me feel the way you do. I don't want to just sleep with you; I want to spend every minute of every day with you. I want to have a proper relationship with you.' He moved his hands as though he was desperate to do something with them but didn't know what. He gave an exasperated-sounding
tsch
. ‘Look, can I take you out to dinner or something?'

He was in his lab coat, his face flushed from running down the stairs. He still had that slightly panicky edge to his voice. And he appeared to be asking her out on a date. It all felt so surreal that Beth felt the sudden urge to giggle. ‘And do what?' she said. ‘Get to know each other?'

Hibs let go of her bike and rubbed the bridge of his nose. ‘Give me a break, Tyler. I'm trying to do the right thing here.'

She recognised the familiar rush she felt. She wanted him. Of course she did. Did she love him? Had she just mistaken love for friendship? Right now, she wanted to be with him, to be warm and loved and safe. But she wasn't sure if there was anything more than that. It wasn't fair to let him think there was.

‘Hibs. I'm not sure …'

Hibs shook his head. ‘I'm not asking you to love me, Beth. You've just split up with Gordon. You're not ready – I get that. I just didn't want you to think that you're another notch on the bedpost.'

She nodded as though she understood. ‘So. What happens now?'

Hibs frowned. ‘I'm not sure.' His eyes locked on hers and he leaned closer. ‘How about we start here?' He kissed her. It wasn't a slightly stunned kiss like before, but a proper kiss, warm and wanting. Beth felt it in the depths of her, heating her up from the pit of her stomach. She slid her hand up to his face, her thumb brushing his cheekbone, and he responded by pulling her closer. Beth gave herself up to feelings she'd forgotten how to have. She felt wanted and excited and … protected. When he finally drew back, she was surprised she hadn't melted into a puddle. If he could reduce her to mush just with a kiss, she definitely wanted more. But …

‘How about a trial period,' said Hibs. ‘No commitment.'

‘How is that different to all your other women?'

‘Because I promise to hang around for as long as you want me. The lack of commitment is all on your side. Deal?'

Beth laughed. ‘Tell you what, how about you buy me a cup of coffee and we'll take it from there?'

‘Deal.' He gave her an apologetic smile. ‘I just need to finish up in the lab …'