Doctor January (15 page)

Hibs laughed. ‘I haven't actually asked a girl out since I was about eighteen.'

‘But—'

‘They come to me. Honestly. I'm not bragging or anything. I really haven't asked a girl out in over a decade. I just show them I'm interested and the rest … just happens.'

‘Really?' She looked him up and down. ‘Huh.'

‘Thanks.'

She smiled. ‘So, are you going to tell her?'

‘I told you. She's with Gordon.'

‘Maybe she's with him because she doesn't realise there's an alternative. You could give her someone to run to.'

He hadn't thought of it that way. ‘I guess.' But what if she wasn't interested? All he'd have done is scare her away and remove another friend that she could have gone to for help.

‘Or are you too scared that she'll turn you down?' said Lara.

He was about to deny it when Lara carried on. ‘Sometimes, you have to take a risk,' she said, looking at her wedding ring. ‘Even when the outcome isn't what you hoped. You have to find out.' She looked up, her eyes full of tears. ‘Because, ultimately, it's better to know. One way or the other.' She wiped the tears away with a finger.

He wasn't sure what to do. It didn't seem right to hug her. She wasn't that close a friend and he certainly didn't want her to think he was hitting on her. He dug a wad of blue tissue out of his pocket and handed it to her. ‘It's clean.'

She took it and blew her nose and tucked the tissue into her jeans pocket.

‘For what it's worth,' said Hibs, ‘I think it's very brave, what you did. And I think sticking to your decision is even braver. It must be hard.'

‘It is. But it was the right thing.' Lara sighed. ‘My grandmother used to say, “If you want to find out how strong you are, you have to let yourself be vulnerable.”'

‘She sounds like a wise lady.'

They both picked up their drinks in silence.

‘You know, Hibs,' Lara said, ‘despite what you said earlier, you really are one of the nice guys.'

He grinned. ‘I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that.'

The lab phone rang – everyone ignored it, hoping someone else would get it. Finally Beth gave in and put down her pipette. ‘Fine. I'll get it. Again.' She tossed her gloves in the bin and picked up the receiver.

‘Beth?' Anna's voice came down the phone. ‘We've got a problem.'

‘Aren't you supposed to say, “Houston we have a problem?”'

‘What?' There was a puzzled pause. ‘Anyway, not important. We have a serious fucking problem. Dan Blackwood's pulled out of the calendar.'

‘What? When? Why?'

‘He sent an e-mail. His wife objected, apparently. Although I'm suspicious. If his wife had objections, why didn't she say something before? Why now?'

‘Oh. Shit.' It was as though someone had tipped water over her. She had been really proud of that calendar. It was the most satisfying thing she had done in ages and those photos were all hers. No one else had helped, or advised in any way. It was something that made her happy and powerful and now it might not come to anything. The thought made her want to cry. ‘We have to call Lara and tell her not to send the pictures to the printers.'

‘Already done that. I said I'd send them when we found a replacement. Beth, we need a Dr January. We haven't got any backup choices. I've been trying to think of anyone we can ask and all I can come up with is Hibs.'

Beth glanced across the lab to where Hibs was scowling with concentration as he pipetted blue liquid into tiny little wells. ‘He's already said no.'

‘Can you ask him again? He might agree if you ask.' Anna gave a little laugh. ‘He's certainly not going to do it for me.'

‘I don't know …' As she watched, Hibs stretched, moving his shoulders to get them out of the hunched position he'd been in for the past few minutes. She had a lovely photo of him that she could use. And she could do the interview bit easily. All she needed was for him to say yes. On the other hand, she'd already asked and he'd refused. He headed for the dry area, still rolling his wrists to stretch them.

‘Well, he's pretty much all we've got at the moment,' said Anna.

‘Maybe we can persuade Dan—'

‘Already tried that. No go.'

‘I'll try,' Beth said.

She hung up and walked slowly back to her bench. There was another option, of course. There was always Gordon. If she asked him, he'd be sure to agree. But none of the photos that she'd taken of him had the same
presence
that the photo of Hibs had. She was pleased with that photo: she'd captured Hibs perfectly.

Besides, asking Gordon looked like nepotism. The others would think he'd somehow engineered the whole thing to get into the calendar. It irritated her that they thought so little of him.

Beth sighed. If Hibs said no, she would ask Gordon. At least that way they'd know she'd tried to find someone else first.

Hibs sat down to check his e-mails. Beth was on the phone again. It was probably Gordon. Again. He had started calling Beth on the lab phone – probably another way for him to keep tabs on her. It was creepy how controlling that guy was. And Beth was sliding back to being the nervous wreck she had been when he last had his claws in her. Hibs rubbed the bridge of his nose. He wanted to help her, but she didn't believe she even had a problem. He pulled up Google and typed in ‘symptoms emotional abuse' like he'd done so many times before. A quick scan told him all he needed to know. Isolation from friends and support networks – check. Eroded self-esteem – check. Denial that abuser's behaviour is wrong – check. Finding excuses to explain abuse – check. Delusion that she was in love with him? Check.

Hibs sighed. Gordon was systematically destroying Beth, but how could he make her see that? The helplines he'd spoken to had all emphasised the need to be gentle with her rather than risk pushing her away. He couldn't help her until she admitted she had a problem.

He recognised the sound of her footsteps and was just about to close the browser when he had second thoughts. Maybe she would read it over his shoulder or something. She may not think it applied to her, but you never knew what her subconscious might pick up. He swivelled his chair round.

‘Beth. It's Friday. You coming to the pub?'

She sat on the desk opposite him. She wasn't even looking at his screen. Bugger. ‘Um … no. I have plans,' she said.

‘With Gordon, no doubt.' It came out sounding bitter. Get a grip, Hibbotson.

‘Hmm.' She was staring at her feet. She looked up. ‘Hibs, I need your help.'

Hallelujah! She must have finally realised that Gordon was stifling her. Hibs leaned forward. ‘Sure. Anything. What's up?'

‘Dan Blackwood's pulled out of the calendar.'

That was not what he had been expecting. ‘I thought the whole calendar thing was finished with?' he said, trying to keep the frustration out of his voice.

‘It was, almost. But Dan's pulled out now and we're a man short.'

‘Right.' He could see what was coming and he really didn't want to be in their calendar. The idea felt … weird. ‘Beth, we've had this conversation before. I don't want to do it.'

‘I've got a really nice shot of you. Want me to show you?' She logged into her computer.

‘No, because I'm not doing it.'

She turned to look at him. ‘Please?' Her eyes looked huge and blue but he couldn't help noticing how tired she looked. The extra work at night and whatever Gordon was making her do in between times were clearly taking their toll. Hibs felt his chest contract. He wanted to hold her. To tell he'd save her if only she'd let him.

‘Pretty please?'

But he still didn't want to be in that calendar. There was no way he was going to let Beth and her friends put a goofy picture of him in his lab coat anywhere public.

‘No. Sorry.'

She turned back to the computer and pulled up his photo. Hibs was taken aback as a close-up of him filled the screen. Bloody hell. Were those crow's feet by his eyes? When had they appeared? He leaned back and took another look at the image itself. It was a good photo. His face was framed so that it highlighted his cheekbones. If you didn't look too closely, it was actually quite flattering. He looked all moody and mysterious. Not goofy in the slightest. ‘No,' he said again, but he was less sure now.

Beth sighed. ‘I was afraid you'd say that.' She shut the picture down and stood up to leave. ‘I guess I'll have to ask Gordon.'

Wait. What? Gordon? There was no way he was going to let that narcissistic, bullying bastard get in instead. He wouldn't be surprised if Gordon's bullying of Beth was part of an attempt to make it into the calendar. ‘I'll do it,' he said.

Beth turned. ‘Really?'

He nodded. The relief on her face was enough to convince him he'd done the right thing. He smiled, glad that he had somehow made her world better.

‘What changed your mind?'

‘The photo,' he said. ‘It's really good. I didn't think anyone could take a decent photo of me, but turns out you can.'

The smile she gave him made him wish he'd said it months ago.

Beth let herself into the flat at the end of the day and was surprised by the smell of cooking. She wondered what was going on. Perhaps Anna was treating herself. She popped her head round the kitchen door and found Gordon sitting in the kitchen, humming to himself while he flicked through Anna's
Cause Celeb
magazine.

‘Hello,' she said cautiously.

‘Babe!' He swept over to her and gave her a big kiss. ‘I'm cooking you dinner.'

‘You are?' She glanced at the hob. The oven was on and there was a bowl of vegetables on the counter top. She had thought they'd be going out for dinner that evening. ‘Why?'

Gordon pulled a face. ‘What do you mean why? Can't I treat my favourite girl to a delicious home-cooked meal without having a reason?'

Beth looked back to his face. He seemed hurt. ‘Oh. I didn't mean it like that.' She put her arms round his neck. ‘It's lovely. It's just a surprise …' He was still looking hurt, so she kissed him. ‘Thank you.'

‘You're welcome.' He grinned. ‘I've got a bottle of wine in the fridge, too.'

The door slammed and Anna came in. ‘Hello.'

Damn. Anna. It was going to be hard to have a romantic meal for two with Anna drifting in and out of the kitchen. Beth cast a glance at Gordon, who looked surprisingly unworried.

‘Alright, Anna,' he said.

‘Gordon.' Anna helped herself to a glass of juice from the fridge. ‘Don't worry. I'll be out of your hair in a minute.'

‘Are you going out?' said Beth.

‘Yeah. Got a date. I'll disappear in the next half hour so you can have your romantic meal in peace.' Anna gave her a tight little smile.

‘See,' said Gordon. ‘I've got things all organised.' He slipped his arms around Beth's waist.

‘If I don't see you before I go, have a good evening,' Anna said as she finished her juice.

‘Oh, we will,' said Gordon.

As Anna disappeared, Gordon gave Beth a squeeze. ‘Dinner will be about twenty minutes, if you want to go and get ready. You know, freshen up.'

‘Okay.' Beth disentangled herself from his arms and placed a kiss on his cheek. ‘I meant it. This really is lovely.'

‘You're worth it,' he said.

Beth had a quick shower and changed into a skirt and soft jumper. She dried her hair and checked her reflection. All the late nights were starting to show. There were shadows under her eyes and her skin looked pale. She added a touch of blusher and lipstick. Better.

She felt a flutter of happiness at the fact that he'd taken the time to plan and cook her a meal. It meant a lot – not least because she knew he hated ‘all that Jamie Oliver stuff'. In the year she'd been seeing him before, he'd never cooked for her. What had prompted this sudden change? Perhaps it was the conversation with Hibs and Anna a few weeks ago. Beth smiled. Whatever the reason, it was very welcome.

When Beth returned to the kitchen, the table was set for two. A pair of tea light holders that normally lived on the kitchen windowsill now housed candles. Gordon was pouring the wine.

‘Hey.' He kissed her and pulled a chair out for her. ‘Madam.'

‘Thanks.' She sat down and reached for her wine.

‘A simple starter,' said Gordon. He placed a bowl of salad in front of her. ‘Mango, avocado and prawn salad.'

Beth looked at the plate. Everything was carefully stacked in the middle and drizzled with dressing. ‘This must have taken you ages!'

‘It did. But I wanted to show you how much you mean to me.'

She reached up and pulled him towards her to kiss him. Gordon grinned and kissed her back before sitting down. He picked up his fork. ‘So, how was your day?'

‘Okay. Nothing special.'

‘Work going okay?'

‘Yes, actually, the experiments are showing what I'd hoped.' She sipped the wine and felt it warm her up. ‘How about yours?'

‘Not bad, actually. I've only got five more months to get this stuff done, but I think I can manage it.'

Five months. That was how long she had him for. Beth's heart descended to her knees. His secondment was for six months. And the first of those was already gone. ‘Gordon,' she said. ‘What happens when the six months are up?'

He looked up at her, his lips twitching with a suppressed smile. ‘That's what we're celebrating,' he said. ‘I've had a brainwave.' He paused.

A small flicker of unease. She hoped he wasn't going to suggest she came to the US with him. ‘Tell me.'

‘I've applied for a postdoc job at the biology department here. It's right in my area. I'm pretty sure I'm going to get it.' He grinned. ‘I won't be going back.'

Beth's spirits bungeed back up. ‘Oh, Gordon, that's fantastic news!' She left her seat to rush round and hug him. He pulled her onto his lap.

‘I know.' He kissed her, pulling her tightly to him. When they finally parted, he said, ‘Are you ready for the main course?'

She nodded and slid off his lap. He squeezed her bum as he left his seat.

He had made roast lamb with potatoes and green beans. ‘This is really good,' she said as she wiped the last potato round her plate to mop up the juices.

‘I told you, I don't cook often, but I can if I want to.' He smiled at her. ‘Unfortunately, I didn't have time to make pudding, so I had to buy it.' He fetched a parcel from the counter and ripped off the Marks and Spencer packaging. ‘Chocolate mousse,' he said. ‘Your favourite.' He put the pot in front of her and sat back down. The candlelight caught his hair and highlighted it with gold. He looked into her eyes and raised his glass. ‘To us.'

‘To us.' She couldn't take her eyes off him. He looked so gorgeous. And he was applying for a job to stay. It meant he needed her enough to give up his promising career in the US. This changed everything. Beth took another sip of wine and closed her eyes. Happiness suffused her whole body. Gordon loved her. She didn't want this night to ever end.

After dinner they lounged on the sofa, Beth leaning against Gordon's chest, comfortable in his arms. They talked about his trying out for the swimming team again and about how much better life would be when Beth didn't have to do night shifts any more. She was feeling totally relaxed and just starting to nod off.

‘How's your calendar going?' Gordon said.

‘Actually, we had a bit of a hiccup this morning. One of the guys dropped out.'

‘Ah. Why?'

She couldn't be bothered to explain: it would spoil the mood. ‘I'm not sure.'

‘Have you got a replacement?'

‘Umm …' A spark of discomfort punctured her mellow mood. In the back of her mind, she heard Anna's comment. There was silence for moment. She listened to Gordon's heart beating against her ear and prayed he wouldn't ask. Anna was wrong. Anna was wrong.

‘If you haven't,' Gordon said, ‘I'd be happy to step in.'

Buggering hell. She lifted her head and looked up at his beautiful face. He was watching her intently and Beth felt some of the alcohol-fuelled comfort burn off. She turned her face away. ‘That's nice.'

‘Great. Could you do the questions? Or does it have to be Anna.'

‘I'm sorry, I didn't mean you could.' She wriggled sideways to look at him.

‘But …' His eyes narrowed. In the dim mood lighting, they seemed to glitter in a disturbing way. ‘What do you mean? You need someone for the empty slot now that Dan's pulled out. And I've agreed to fill it for you.'

Hang on – she hadn't told him it was Dan who'd pulled out. ‘We don't need you to fill it.' The remnants of Beth's feelings of well-being vanished. Suspicion stirred that he might have prepared this whole evening just to lead her to the question of the calendar. She willed Gordon to let it go. She needed to know that all the lovely stuff he'd said and done were for real and not just put on because he wanted to feed his ego. Please. Please. Please.

‘Have you already got a replacement?'

The gentle glow was gone. The whole evening had been a prelude to this. A bribe to get her to put him in her calendar.

‘They can't have been that good or you'd have put them in the original calendar. Who is it?' His tone was hard now – she'd made him angry. Shit. She should have spoken to him before she asked Hibs.

‘I don't get to choose,' she said, quickly. ‘It's up to Anna and Lara. I don't choose.'

‘Oh for fuck's sake, Beth. Why do you let those two bully you? You should stand up to them. Demand some respect.'

That was almost the same thing that Hibs had said to her. Only he'd said it about Gordon. Tears threatened. Beth moved her head back against his chest and blinked them back.

Suddenly, Gordon sighed. ‘I'm sorry, babe.' He stroked her hair. ‘I didn't mean to shout. It just winds me up that people take advantage of you, that's all.' He curled a finger under her chin and tilted her face up to his. ‘Okay?'

Beth nodded, not convinced that she was. The sudden change of tactic was more unsettling than him shouting at her. He had apologised. He'd had a lot to drink. They both had, so maybe it had come out all wrong. She sat up and was surprised to find herself a little unstable.

‘Tell you what,' said Gordon. ‘It's been a lovely evening; let's not spoil it talking about unimportant things.' He reached over for the bottle of wine and topped up his glass. He gestured to hers.

Unimportant things. The calendar was important, but not to him. She drained her glass and held it out for more. The wine sent a burst of warmth through her as she sat back on the sofa. He had cooked her a lovely meal. He'd changed his career plans to be near her. She had to hold on to that.

Beth didn't know how long she'd been asleep for before Gordon gently shook her shoulder and suggested they went to bed. She nodded, still muzzy from sleep and too much wine, and rolled off the sofa, yawning and stretching; Gordon reached up to stroke the exposed inch of tummy between her skirt and top. She lowered her arms to find him smiling up at her, his eyes sparkling.

She looked over at the kitchen, where the washing-up was still stacked up at the side of the sink. ‘We should …'

‘We'll do it in the morning.' He was standing next to her now, drawing her slowly into his arms.

Beth glanced past him again at the plates. He kissed her neck. She felt Gordon's lips curve into a smile against her skin. He scooped her up as though she weighed nothing. The wine and the remnants of sleep made everything slightly dreamlike. Beth wrapped her arms round his neck and laid her head against the muscled expanse of his shoulder. Gordon had such comfortingly broad shoulders. Just wide enough for her to rest her head on, like a muscly pillow.

In the dark of her room, Gordon pulled her top over her head.

‘I'm so tired,' she murmured. ‘I don't want to—'

He interrupted her by kissing her again. He tasted of wine and mint from the lamb. All she wanted was drop into bed and sleep, but she didn't want an argument with Gordon. He had made an effort that evening. He'd think she didn't appreciate it. Her skirt rustled down to her feet and Gordon traced the lines of her body with his fingers, raising goosebumps. A shiver ran through her. In the dim light of her room, she could see the gleam in his eyes and knew he was smiling. She let him lie her down in bed.

While Gordon stripped off his clothes, she shuffled a little to get comfortable. Part of her was so very, very sleepy. Another part of her wanted the comfort of his body next to hers, the warmth of his lips. When his mouth found hers again, she tried to stop thinking and just give in to the moment.

His kisses got more intense and rough, but Beth didn't object. He wasn't hurting her. It was his way of spicing up foreplay. Like that trick a week ago, where he'd held her topless until just before Hibs and Anna came in. He had been really excited by that. Thinking back on it now, the adrenaline had added a little extra zest to their lovemaking afterwards. Gordon's mouth found her nipple and he rolled it between his tongue and his teeth. A thrill ran through her spine. Then he nipped it with his teeth. Beth gasped. ‘Ow!' He did it again and she tried to pull away. The slow smoulder of desire turned into something else. ‘Stop it. Please.'

He didn't stop. He wrenched her hands up over her head and gripped both wrists with one big hand. Beth tried to protest, but his mouth was on hers again. His free hand pulled her leg to the side and he entered her.

His lips moved away from hers and, as he moved up, his shoulders rose until her face was in his chest. Beth found her nose trapped against his pectoral. She tried to move her face, but couldn't. He was pressing too close for her to even open her mouth. She was trapped and she couldn't breathe. Her chest tightened. With her hands above her head and the rest of her trapped under him, she could barely move. Suddenly everything was amplified. The throb of pain from her nipple, the sound of his breathing, the smell of sweat and body spray from his skin. His body pressed harder into hers. The pressure on her nose was so heavy it hurt. Blood roared in her ears as she struggled, legs flailing, uselessly far away. The darkness got deeper and deeper and then pinpoints of light appeared. Her lungs burned. She no longer had the strength to struggle. She was going to die. Here. Under Gordon.

Gordon let out a groan as he climaxed. Suddenly, space opened out above her. Oxygen rushed into her nose. She gulped down air, panting. She was dimly aware of Gordon releasing her hands. He said something and slid off the bed. She lay there, like a discarded rag doll, unable to do anything apart from breathe, breathe, breathe. She squeezed her eyes shut and felt relief rushing down her arteries, oxygenating her lungs, her arms, her legs. Her head buzzed, as though a bee was trapped inside it.

Gordon returned and slid into bed next to her. Beth tensed, dreading that he'd climb on top of her again.