Divorced Dating and Damn Drama (24 page)

"Ruby just do it" I cry.

"Fine." Ruby says then hangs up.

I can't hold it. I can't hold it or I'm going to burst or end up with a UTI. I look around. No one is here, and this elevator already smells like
a cesspool. I make the decision to pee in the elevator. What? People do it all the time around here. Just as
I'm peeing in mid stream the doors on the elevator open. Just my luck.

Omega, George Oley from my office asked me out. I can't believe it. An actual person from real life asked me out. This is amazing. He has the most dreamy mocha eyes. And his lips are plump and symmetrical to his cute little button nose. He wears these sideburns that on any one else would be horrid, but on him they just belong. When he pushes that mail cart with his tight yellow button front shirt, It's hard not to psycho stare at him. Sometimes he struggles pushing the mail and I get to help him push it. He is the definition of ecstasy. I remember one time he was having a particularly troubling struggle to lift a package meant for my boss. It was a box filled with staples, since my boss, Mrs. Gossip, had run out. I would have been in charge of that but I felt it was necessary to outsource. No I didn't, I just wanted to see George. He was there only a few feet from me, his hands shaking trying lift the box high enough to place it on my desk. I stood and leaned over to grasp the package and stood there inches from his face, he mumbled a thank you and was on his way to make other deliveries.

Do you want to know something? When everyone started backstabbing at the office he was reported to have stayed out of it. Granted he is only a part time employee, let me tell you how easy it is to gossip about me. So the fact that he did not only seals the deal that he is the one.

G
uess what, we are going to a real restaurant with cloth napkins. Sara insists on making a fuss over me. So, I'm happy to let her. After a quick fix with some fake eyelashes and duck tape. Don't ask, it's apparently a pageant thing, I'm on my way. I sit in front of him wearing a black velvet dress cut way above my knees but isn't low cut in the least. The sleeves are long. My necklace is a real diamond not one form the discount store that claims to be a diamond but is just a polished piece of coal. The diamond necklace accents my diamond earrings. I feel like a princess.

"Wow, George I'm so glad you asked me out, really I am." I stammer looking at the menu. Wow, these prices. Twenty five bucks for a burger. This is crazy.

" Yeah, I saw you around the office but for some reason I didn't notice you until recently." He said while looking at me with caring eyes.

" Yeah, well..." I stammer while biting my lower lip and putting my hair behind my ears. That's sexy right? The waiter came and I ordered a ten dollar side salad.

"Yeah, I had no idea you were an escort." He beamed, flashing me his killer smile. He ordered the forty dollar steak. How can he afford this? His income is half as much as mine.

"What the what?" I cried, pulling back.

"The sudden change in appearance, the added sex appeal and the money." He cooed at me. He leaned in to stroke my arm. I would have melted if he had not just called me an escort.

"Wait, what money?" I demand as our food arrives.

"The money I paid your roommate to... well.. .to sleep with you.." He blushes. Then begins to run his hand through his thick black, model like hair.

"I'm going to kill her!" I hiss, "But first let's have a lovely evening." I smile, struggling to keep my cool taking a bite of my salad.

"Wait, so you're not an escort?" He asks, upset.

"No, my roommate is just good at what she does. Ruining my life!" I say.

"Then I'm out, and I expect my money back." He got up and left.

"But we already ordered." I cry. Guess I'm eating two meals tonight. Wouldn't be the first time, and it won't be the last. I guess there is no knight in shining armor for me.

That night I stormed in and shouted for Sara. Ok, I also threatened her life and started hitting her bed screaming "die." Which I admit in hindsight was a bad idea because I was arrested. The police came busting in wearing full riot gear. I was immediately pinned to the ground and brutally arrested. They had me do the perpetrator walk through the whole complex, twice. If they had hoped to embarrass me then they were sadly mistaken. I looked damn good. And now the whole complex knows it. What? Am I supposed to be sad? My entire body is filled with blind rage. They run me into the police station.

I am being held under suspicion of murdering Sara. Last time I checked: no body, no crime but I'm in enough trouble already. And you know how slow cops are at getting evidence on TV, in real life they are really fast. They already got in contact with the restaurant I was at and from there found George who told him I pre planed her murder by saying I was going to kill her. This is not happening to me. This is seriously not happening.

They shove me into an interrogation room. The chair is cold and hard. I look around this cold concrete
box. The large metal door slowly
swings open and in steps a fit man in a cheap brown suit. "Hey, sweetheart. I know you are just a lonely prostitute, just trying to make it. I understand. She was competition, and she kept taking all your clients." The cop cooed at me. "But what I do not get is why you killed those two jury members." The cops says with perfect dictation. He places the pictures of the jurors' bodies on the table. Wrong person, I
think to myself.
He scrapes the chair across the ground as he pulls it out to sit down. "You tried to kill Megan." He huffs. Megan is the juror I met at the pizza place who said she was being stalked. He jeers at me with his crooked teeth. He pulls from his knapsack a water bottle and motions for me to take a drink. I grab the bottle and gulp it down. Every last drop. I wanted to make an impression. Taken aback by my ability to down the entire contents of the bottle he gives a confused expression to the two way mirror located behind him. After doing some sort of dance with the mirror he comes back to continue the interrogation. "We have been watching you." Really? So I was being followed. I knew it; I just never thought it was the police. However with a super star ex, I shouldn't have ruled out the police framing me. He cooed at me all night, I didn't even bother saying I didn't do it. He wants to talk fine, but I'm
in brick mode and nothing is leaving these lips. After hours of
interrogation he bellowed: "do you want to spend your last remaining breath lying?"

Suddenly the over head light crashed down on the table shattering into a thousand pieces. I push back, but not in time. Luckily I had shielded my face and as a result, my arm had several small shards of glass sticking out of it. Hmm. I think the cop just threatened to kill me then a light comes to attack me. I'm only taken to the police nurse who does a surprisingly excellent job, then motioned to my head scar.

"Oh this?" I reach up to touch my scar. "I got this after my car rolled over on the winding road." She gives a look to the sergeant standing in the corner. Then I'm taken back to continue my interrogation.

"Has anything peculiar been happening in your life?" Asks the sergeant. This is a different cop than the cop who is framing me. Hooray, I moved up in the suspect list. Well, I must have. I now have a higher ranking officer questioning me. What? Moving up is always a good thing. Right?

"I got divorced a year ago and it all went downhill from there." I say sarcastically. He leaves for some time. Hopefully to get me another water. I'm surprising still thirsty. What? Not caring makes me thirsty. I am also hungry but I don't think I can I can leave to go to the convenience store to make my nachos.

"Do you know a woman named Riggers Moline?" He asks coming back with nothing to eat or drink. What a douche. That is what I will call him 'deceive
Douche.' What? He d
idn't make any introductions
.
I shake my head no. He sits down and says he wants to take notes about the strange happenings in my life. Thinking this is probably something to do with online dating I go on a two hour rant about my life, ending with George thinking I was an escort. I couldn't help but sob at that point. What? It had really been a long day. He shows me a picture of Sara asking me if I know her. And I do, I do know Sara. Granted in the photo she looks different. Her hair is way past her waist and bright red. Her eyes are green, not blue and even her smile is different. But that is her, that's Sara. The woman they are accusing me of murdering.

"Yeah, that is my roommate Sara." I say, hoping that I'm not selling myself up the river. Maybe I should ask for an attorney. Wait am I even under arrest? No one has read me my Miranda rights yet. If you don't know what your Miranda Rights are you need to stop what you are doing and find out.

"This woman is notorious for stealing identities," detective Douche says. "She has been off the radar for a good long time now, but the data recognition software recently caught her at a gym." He leans back in his chair. I stare at him motionless. Is this part of the integration? What does he think; I'm now going to admit I killed her? He demands information about her, but I hold my tongue. She is my friend and they think I murdered her, so I'm not saying anything. Morning slowly creped around and I'm thrown from the integration room into a jail cell. I spend the night there while more and more hookers and Johns are brought in. I had no idea that our streets were filled with people like this, but yeah. You have to make money some way, right? I see Jenna, the hooker from my complex, and sit down by her. What? There is safety in numbers and jail in a lonely place. I lean my head on her shoulder and fall asleep.

At about eight something am I am pulled into another interrogation room. Upon entering I see Ruby sitting there. But she doesn't look like Ruby. Where is my scraggly little pot smoker? This woman is dressed in an expensive fitted suit and her hair is nicely combed
and styled. She motioned for me to have a seat. I am
hesitant, but I sit down. She smiles a perfect smile at me. I had always assumed she had yellow and cracked teeth.

"Hi Marissa. We have a lot to talk about." Ruby says with her warm welcoming smile. Last time I was in an interrogation room the light tried to kill me, I wonder what will happen this time. There is a long pause where Ruby stares at me with her still hard as coal eyes. This is very unsettling. Add her stare added to her smile and I think she has completely lost her mind. She finally asks "do you know why you are here?"

"Do you?" I ask defensively.

"You know I was Sara's roommate before you came along." I nod. "But what you don't know is that I am an undercover agent sent to investigate the person you know as Sara." Ruby stated folding her hands on the large folder in front of her.

"What?" I ask, generally confused.

She struggles to maintain her smile. "I'm not Ruby, My name is Megan Tamera and Sara isn't Sara, she is Riggers." She stares at me. "Do you follow?"

"I think so." I answer. I have not been fed and watered in so long that this is bordering on animal cruelty I think. Or maybe, it is people cruelty-do they even have a law against that when they don't give you food and water at the police station?

"I was sent to investigate her. But when you came along, you made it complicated" Ruby snarled.

"Sorry." I reply. It's not like it's my fault that I got divorced. Everyone needs to stop blaming me. I'm getting really sick of this nonsense.

"She was supposed to kill me." Ruby said using air quotes around "Kill." She confesses. "But once you showed up, she set her eyes on you." Ruby takes a sip of soda, or vodka. I'm just saying, she wanted to be killed. So it might be vodka. "She didn't know I was undercover." Obviously, I think to myself. "But most importantly, she didn't count on you being you."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I snap.

"You don't react." Ruby exclaims. "A normal person," she begins. Oh! A normal person. So I'm yet again not normal. Good grief, I sigh. "A normal person would be paranoid or even dead." She says, trying to regain her composure."Horrible unexplainable things happen to you, and it's like you don't care. That with your unbelievable luck!"

"Luck? You think I have luck?!" I shout. I really want to get on the table and shout some more, but I restrain myself.

"Yes, luck," Ruby says calmly "Do you even realize how many times she tried to kill you?" She asks.

"No, because she hasn't. You madam are on drugs." I say folding my arms.

"Your first online date, she was waiting to kill you. You came out of Denny's and she was there but right before she could do it you went back in." Ruby says. She takes a long drink then goes on. "She has slashed your tires, cut your brakes, murdered your car seat, smashed windows and toppled your car over. Yet, you come out every time, not only alive, but unaffected." Yeah, she never cut my breaks, Ruby is on crack.

"I was affected." I assure her over looking Ruby's slip up when mentioning the ways Sara has tried to kill me.

"A normal" she pauses then rephrases "A different person would at least have gone to the cops when their car flips over."

"I'm currently operating on the theory that it was a ghost car." I say nonchalantly. What? Ghost cars are real. If ghosts are real and they drive cars, then ghost cars are real.

"What about at the court yard? Your date just happens to flip over a table causing everyone to stare at you. So she isn't able to shoot you."

"She could have still shot me." What? She could have.

"With everyone looking at you she couldn't take the risk."

"I don't see where you are going with this." I state. What? I don't.

"She drowned you. I was the one who pulled you out of water and brought you back to life."

"How do I know what you are saying is true?" I ask.

"I give up." Ruby throws her hands in the air and storms out. I lean over and drink her soda. What? I said I was thirsty hours ago.

So long story short, they arrest Sara and put her away for a long time. It turns out it was her trying to kill me the whole time; I did not see that one coming. During the trial I was in witness protection where I met the most delightful companion and we are scheduled to get married this fall. I didn't want a summer wedding, Henry was right, it was too
hot.
As for Ruby, she got some sort of medal from the government and is now free to smoke more pot I guess. I'm just saying, all she did while she was supposedly undercover was smoke pot. Henry ended up marrying Mrs. Gossip and they became a power couple, however after Sara's trial he mysteriously disappeared. Turns out the bullet that hit Mrs. Gossip's window during the interview was from a hired hit man. Hired by Henry once he learned that Mrs. Gossip planned on murdering him. Yeah, apparently she planned his disappearance the night after he slept with her. I just think she likes killing people and getting away with it. That's what she does. She gets married to guys and kills them. Isabel and Tiffany end up going together. What happened to the judge? I don't know, after I had gotten arrested, he just vanished into thin air. The best part of being in the witness protection program is that I really get to start over. I have a new name, Jenna Gobslin , a new town, Reno, and a new job. I finally am going to have the life I have always wished for.