Divided (35 page)

Then, though, he worried that Calis had already seen it. 
After all, the prince had carried him on his horse, and in his arms, when Taeru
had been unable to defend himself.  No, he had to make sure that Calis never got
any more of that impression. 

“Juliet,” he said unemotionally, “you worry about me all the
time.  This conversation is evidence of that much.”  He had taken an
extraordinarily long time to answer her, but he was not known for his quick and
sociable responses.

Juliet laughed quietly, but then she nodded her head.  “I
suppose I do, Kilik.  But, to have the prince of the kingdom looking out for
you, must feel a great deal better than having an old healer chastise you for
staying out too late.”

This didn’t merit much of a response because she was right. 
Calis had much more power than Juliet ever would, but that didn’t mean that
Taeru should consider her concern of less importance to him.  “I’m sure the
prince will find another to waste his efforts on after a while,” he said
conclusively. 

That statement was accurate, he told himself.  Calis was
handsome, and Calis was young—eventually he would find a young woman, much more
suited to his position, that caught his fancy.  “As you say, Kilik.”  Her body
turned to indicate the end of the conversation.  “I am going to finish tending
to this young boy, and then I will begin dinner.  I suggest you make good use
of those ribbons that you tormented poor Kilik for, love,” she added with a
smile at Alyx.

Rather than go outside and agitate everyone further, Taeru
thought that he would polish his swords.  He had the necessary supplies
indoors, and he was sure that Aitken, wherever the boy was, would enjoy
watching.

Dinner consisted of a stew, which was edible, though not delicious. 
Nothing was ever delicious made in Dark District—Taeru suspected that Lavus
went out of his way to ensure that.  Veyron had made no great strides towards
giving the people of Lower Town better food, but he had not hindered them, and
in the many times that Taeru had eaten in Lower Town—he had some very good
meals.  Never, in five years, had he eaten something that was not tasteless, in
Juliet’s home.  He knew, as well, that Juliet’s cooking was far superior to
anyone else’s within the District. 

You complain of food when your actions will soon bring
death upon this entire family?  Why do you continue to stay here—have you no
concern for these people who have taken you in out of the goodness of their
hearts, fallen prince?

A flash of that black structure pulsed through his mind, and
his lips pressed together in anguish.  No, he didn’t want to have an episode of
this in front of them.  He would ignore it, even if it killed him.  Nevertheless,
the moment the whispers started, the bruise on his back—and now one about his
wrist, hurt.  He glared and shoved another spoonful of food into his mouth.

You would not have to worry about wasting their time and
resources with your weakness if you would leave.  Why do you think you deserve
to be here?

The questions weren’t unfair.  Why was Taeru still here,
when he knew that if he was discovered by the authorities—he might well bring
trouble down on the family with whom he lived?  He could leave—he could stay on
the streets, perhaps.  But Juliet was so vehemently against the idea, surely
that counted for something.

You would take advantage of an old woman’s courtesy?

Taeru flinched under the accusation. Was that what he was
doing?  No, he gave her all of his earnings.  He had offered to leave so many,
many times, and he made sure to help upkeep the house whenever he could.  He
refused to believe that he was nothing but a liability to these people.  Yet,
it could not be denied that he was placing them in danger with his masquerading
as the Phantom Blade, and really, with his very identity.

He took another bite of food into his mouth.  His wrist
throbbed with agony, and he set aside his eatery utensils to rub it.  Alyx and
her mother were involved in some conversation about dress and men, but he
couldn’t hear them.  He was too busy fighting with his own thoughts, and he
knew they were not paying attention to him now. 

You are selfish.  You don’t deserve the comfort of any
home, even one in Dark District.

He snarled inwardly, willing the whispering to stop.  He didn’t
know how to combat it.  He knew what the voice spoke was his own belief.  He
was endangering these people, and if anything happened to them—he would never
forgive himself.  He had tried to leave, though, they found him every time.  At
this point, he would make them feel too much guilt if he left.  And what about
the times Juliet and Alyx had gotten into trouble at the market?

So now you wouldn’t save them if they weren’t letting you
live in their house, you leech?

This voice hurt—and the physical pain felt almost comparable
with the emotional pain of being forced to hear this.  He had to face the fact
that it was right.  He could stop being the Phantom Blade, but then what would
happen to the people of Dark District?  The best alternative would be to leave—to
find a way to live on his own.  “Juliet,” he finally said hoarsely, “I need to
find somewhere else to live.”

Juliet was immediately scowling at him.  “I’ve told you that
isn’t going to happen, Kilik.  Why have you been bringing that up so much lately? 
Do you realize what you do for this family?  Do you know how lost we would be
if you weren’t here?”

Her words were marred by his already formed beliefs.  They
would make it just fine.  Juliet was a healer, and a very good one—she didn’t
need him to support her.  “You don’t need me here, and you know that… that if I
was to be found out…”

“You would be hanged as well,” Alyx said angrily, “and yet
you persist in doing it.”

“That is my own life,” he snapped, “I am free to do what I
want with my own life, it is yours that I should not be trifling with.”

The two women exchanged glances, and they both looked
prepared to tie Taeru to some post in the house.  Aitken was clearly unhappy,
in fact, his lips were trembling as though he might start crying at any moment. 
“Kilik, why would you want to leave?” he asked weakly.

Taeru put his fingers to his head and let out a very long
exhalation of breath.  “I just…”

In a quick movement, Alyx reached across the table and
smacked her hand to Kilik’s head.  “You have a fever again,” she said
severely.  Now that she mentioned it, aside from the pain in his wrist and
back, he could feel that achy feeling extending to his extremities.  Why did
this happen so much now?

He yanked Alyx’s hand away from his head, determined not to
cause any more trouble this moon than he already had.  “I’ll just go to bed,
then,” he said, “thank you for dinner, Juliet.”  He bowed to everyone, stood up
from the table, and headed to his bedroll without waiting to be excused.

As he slept, the seedling became more pronounced, and its
whispers grew louder in his ears.  Misery ate at him as he stood in the bloody
field.  He stumbled to and fro, trying to find some place to go.  There was
nowhere, though, everywhere he went—those tendrils were waiting for him to step
too far in any direction.  Voices of people from his past whispered at his
back, and he could hear his father discussing plans from somewhere far away.

This is Taeru’s fault.  She has been looking for an
excuse to leave since he did. 
There was intense panic in his body at the
statement.  They were talking about Aela.  Had something happened to her?

Taeru! 
She shouted to him.  His entire body
stiffened while he remembered her red eyes from the dream before.  He didn’t
want to turn and see her.  He had to, though, if anything had happened to
her—it was his fault.

She was calling to him, and she sounded rather panicked. 
She needed him, and he knew, somewhere within him, that he wasn’t there to
protect her.  When he turned, he saw her standing off in the field far away
from him. 

He needed to get to her, and he knew it.  She was in danger,
and he wanted to help her.  “Aela!” he yelped.  He tried to move, but his feet
refused to respond.  Where was Aela?  If anything had happened to her—he didn’t
know what he’d do.  He wouldn’t even know, not really.  Why did his body feel
so weak?  Why could he never be there for his sister?

Because you abandoned her!
A voice from behind him
informed him, and it was a hiss—a frightening twist of words.

Taeru, get away from there! 

Aela was talking to him again, and he could barely hear her
over the ringing in his own ears.  She sounded worried, though.  Aela—worried
about him—that was a novel concept.  She had no reason to worry about him,
after all, he was the fool who had run away from home and put even more people
in danger.  Despite his attempts to communicate with his sister, he found his
body refusing to respond.  He wanted to help her, but he found that he was
unable to do anything.

Useless, as always,
the voice told him cheerfully.

Finally, one of the tendrils shot from the distance and
wrapped about his wrist.  He cried out in pain, staggering back, but the black
tentacle pulled him forward.  “No, please,” he choked.  “I can fix this.”

Another black tentacle shot to his other wrist, bound it
with his other one, and yanked forward again.  His feet were lifted off the
ground, and he landed closer to the black obelisk before him.  “Stop,
please—please…”  He ground his feet into the field, but the blood of it made
everything slip, and he was being pulled to the structure.

It opened, suddenly, and he could see a single rod extending
upwards, wound in thorns and vines.  He pulled against the grave, working to
stay focused.  Was it going to use his pain again?  He was sure that it would,
and he knew that he couldn’t let it do this to him.  He squirmed, and he heard
laughter from somewhere in the distance.

The laughter echoed through the world as everything faded to
black.  He jerked up in his bedroll, panting with effort.  He wrist hurt, he
pulled back his sleeve to investigate.  There was a purple bruise in the shape
of the hold of the tendrils, and dread bubbled from his heart to his mind in an
instant.  Then, he glanced across to see the young blond staring at him.  “I’ve
never seen you cry out like that in your sleep.  Are you alright?” she asked
softly.  “What were you dreaming about?’

“It was nothing,” Taeru assured her gently.  “Don’t worry
about it.  Nightmares happen to everyone.”  He yanked his sleeve to cover the
bruise.  That had to be a coincidence, perhaps he had gotten one earlier and
his mind had woven the dream around the pain.  Maybe.

Taeru went about his duties that morning, and he worked
harder than usual to keep the whispers from piercing into his mind again.  He
didn’t want to have those dreams anymore, and more importantly, he wanted to
know what he was doing.  He had to find out how he was failing, and maybe that
way he could prevent the dreams from happening. 

But, despite his mind’s morbid curiosity, he tried not to
think about it very much.  He finished his unloading for Manali and accepted
the payment with a bow.  “Something on your mind, Kilik?” the man asked.  There
seemed to be genuine concern in his eyes, but Taeru just shrugged his
shoulders.

He was not going to have the entire Dark District thinking
he was going mad.  Though, the fact remained, that he might be going mad.  “I’m
fine, sir, thank you for your concern.”  Manali, never one to let his own
thoughts distract him for long, nodded and headed off to finish the rest of his
sun’s work.

For his part, Taeru traded for some milk and then headed
back to Juliet’s house to help with the chores.  He would stay busy this sun if
his life depended on it.  He would not find somewhere to sit and let the
whispers and dreams get the better of him again.  Taeru went to work ensuring
that their dishes were ready for dinner and that the roof hadn’t acquired any
leaks with the intense rain that they had gotten the sun before.

Juliet came in near sundown, and her eyes softened upon
seeing him at work.  “Kilik,” she said.  “How is your fever?”

“Fine,” he answered swiftly, “gone.”  He didn’t want her
investigating the fact that he might still have one.  He didn’t feel very
feverish, but Juliet tended to find things wrong with him, when he was sure
that there was nothing.  This sun he felt as though something was the matter
with him, but he didn’t know what.  His wrist still hurt, but that hardly
seemed like anything to make a fuss about. 

What was wrong with him, though?  Why was he having these
dreams and these thoughts?  Was Aela actually in danger?  That seedling—did it
exist and would it really bring about the destruction of Telandus and
Cathalar?  Was it Taeru’s fault?  “You seem so nervous, Kilik.”  She put a
gentle hand on his shoulder.

He turned to glance at her, and for a moment, he wanted to
tell her—everything.  He hadn’t been able to be upfront with anyone for five
years, though, and that wasn’t changing now.  He needed it though, he needed to
tell someone about the nightmares, and the voices, and the fact that he was
wanted by Lavus Tsrali.  “I’m alright, Juliet,” he said softly.  “I’ve just
been thinking a lot about how I would feel if anything were to happen to you or
your family.”

“Kilik,” she said firmly, “you are a part of this family
now.  The sooner you realize that, the better off you will be.”  Taeru didn’t
know if she’d ever said that to him before, but hearing it felt good.  He
wasn’t sure that he deserved that sort of treatment, but to hear that he was
part of this family was nice.

He spent the rest of the sun, and even a little while after
the moon had appeared, working on the chores he’d assigned for himself.  He
made sure that all the pottery was in working order and that Juliet’s herbs
were stocked and organized properly.  He paused only for dinner, and he would
have returned to the task, then, if a very pressing matter hadn’t arisen. 
“Where is Alyx?” he asked.