Divided (34 page)

To Calis’s surprise, though, Kilik did not ignore the rest
of the statement.  His curious eyes watched Calis carefully as they walked. 
“You do not behave very much like a noble,” he said, in a hushed voice.  “To
expend so much effort on watching a commoner.”

“You are more than a simple commoner in my mind,” Calis
answered.  The result of this statement was a nearly imperceptible grunt from
Kilik.

“Then, I suppose it is alright for me to tell you that you are
more than an esteemed noble and prince in mine.”  The grin that took hold of
Calis’s features at this statement obviously took Kilik by surprise, but rather
than returning it, the boy looked away.  There was very clearly more to Kilik
than what met the eye.

They stopped at a newly reopened stall, one that had been
closed down due to the inclement weather.  “Then what am I to you?” Calis asked
probingly. As expected, Kilik ignored him and focused on paying for one yellow
and one blue ribbon.  The lady was happy for the business so soon after the
rain.

Calis told himself that he couldn’t expect to be too much to
Kilik, as they had only met recently.  They really didn’t know much about one
another, Calis realized, and yet he felt closer to Kilik than anyone else—with
the exception of Lee, possibly.  But Kilik held so much more for Calis than Lee
ever had—so much more than anyone had.  “You make me nervous,” Kilik informed
him brusquely.  

“And you me,” Calis returned.  To say that he was nervous in
Kilik’s presence was an incredible understatement.  The feelings that Kilik
brought him were unfamiliar, and somewhere in the back of his mind, Calis knew
they were forbidden.  “Why does Alyx send you on errands to pick up her silly
clothing?”

“I don’t like Alyx coming into the market by herself,” Kilik
answered sullenly.  “Alyx is pretty.”  That pang of jealousy was unexpected,
and Calis found himself wrestling with it as he tried to listen to the rest of
Kilik’s statement.  “Nobles target young women in the market.  I prefer to get
her belongings for her, and I let her believe that she is making me.  If she
knew I was being considerate, she’d never let me handle her shopping.”

Calis’s voice was soft when he spoke.  The jealousy had
evaporated at the gentleness of Kilik’s tone.  “But they target you too.  You
speak as though you are a large, burly man.  You are not—you are small, and
that makes you a target as well.  And you are attractive.”

At once, red had spread across Kilik’s cheeks.  Surely, he
was not so taken aback by being called attractive.  Though, he certainly
appeared to be for a few moments before he collected himself.  “I am a male,
and that makes me less of one—a target, I mean.”

“How frequently would you say that you have been singled out
when you were alone in the market?” Calis asked, more demanding than he’d meant
to sound, but he wanted a direct answer.  He had a feeling he wouldn’t like it,
either.

Kilik scoffed as they moved on from the ribbon stall.  A few
more people had made their way back into the market area, discovering that the
rain had subsided.  Calis wondered idly if Lee had stayed at Juliet’s, or
whether he had simply walked Katt back there.  “You think I keep up with it?” Kilik
sneered.

“Many times, then,” Calis said.  Another flash of anger
threatened to overtake Calis for a moment as he thought back on all the nobles
that he’d been forced to eat dinner with—most of which had probably terrorized
Kilik in one way or another. 

But Kilik was not defenseless, Calis told himself.  Yet,
when he looked at the small individual before him, he couldn’t help but feel
like Kilik was.  That there was something as fragile as glass about the young
man—that he had never been properly tended to, and because of that, he never
expected to be tended to at all.  “More times than Alyx has, probably,” he
said, “and I consider that a good thing.”

Calis thought that he might be spending even more time in Dark
District, now.  Lady Avyon crossed his mind briefly, and the way that she had
declared so openly that she knew he didn’t intend to marry her.  The thought
was profound that a noblewoman could understand, and he had not ruled out some
other intention on her part—but there was nothing either of them could do about
being forced to spend time with each other.  Calis thought of it distastefully,
despite knowing how kind the woman had tried to be this morning.

Why should he waste time with someone like her, when someone
like Kilik was putting himself at risk daily for others?  Involuntarily,
Calis’s hand balled into a fist.  They were at the bread stand, and Kilik was
diligently trading for it.  Calis watched him, admiring every tiny movement
that the boy made.  His eyes were framed by longer lashes than most men, and
his features were delicate—pleasing to look, or stare, at. 

The tan of his skin was more than a product of the sun, and
the contrast with his blue eyes was fascinating.  The lithe form spent no more
energy on any single task than was absolutely necessary.  Graceful in every
single movement, and perhaps one of the only reasons his limp was noticeable. 
Once the trade was concluded, Kilik stepped back and frowned.  “You stare
unabashedly.”

“I don’t usually,” Calis apologized.  “I’m sorry.”  Then,
regaining his composure, Calis spoke more easily.  “If you are finished, I
think you ought to return home.  The rain will come again soon.”

Kilik blinked a few times at him, as though he wasn’t sure
if Calis had actually turned away from the subject so quickly.  “I—alright.  I
am finished.”

“I’d like to ensure that you get there safely, if that’s
alright,” Calis offered cautiously.  

“Ah, me?” Kilik asked, suddenly entirely confused by the
situation.  His eyes watched Calis with an obvious lack of understanding.

There was suddenly a rather deadpan expression on the prince’s
face.  “Ah, I was not talking about Alyx, no,” he said sardonically. 

This seemed to make Kilik more angry than confused.  His
head snapped to the side, as though Calis had struck him.  “You don’t need to
make sure that I get home.”

“I want to,” Calis persisted.  He didn’t understand why
everything with this young man was a battle, or rather, everything that was
good for him turned into a battle.  Kilik appeared to have some aversion to
keeping himself safe—or he did if it inconvenienced anyone else in the
slightest of ways.

Calis had the oddest desire to embrace Kilik right where
they stood—which would have gotten them quite a few strange looks.  “Why is it
so odd to you that someone wants to look out for you?”

“It isn’t,” Kilik answered.

“Then, do you mind?” Calis asked again.  The atmosphere
between them sparked, and from the estranged look in Kilik’s eyes—Calis was
sure he wasn’t the only one who noticed.  Without another word, Calis gestured
for Kilik to lead the way again.  Their silence was comfortable, for the most
part, but Calis couldn’t help the strange desire he had to talk to the graceful
boy before him.  Unfortunately, he didn’t know what to say.  He had succeeded
only in flustering Kilik with his words this sun—and he knew that any further
conversation would immediately lead to more tension.

Calis wasn’t sure if he liked that or not.  He enjoyed the
idea very much that Kilik was as attracted to him as he was to Kilik, but he
didn’t like the fact that they couldn’t seem to talk without Kilik getting
angry or suspicious.  He wasn’t allowed much time to think, as the journey from
the particular market they’d been at to Juliet’s house was not a long one.  As
they reached the front of the house, Calis stopped.  “Here,” he said softly.

“Yes.  Well, I… appreciate the gesture.”  Kilik turned to
head into the house.  Watching him go was more painful than Calis had ever
remembered it being.  Something between them had changed, and Calis desperately
wanted to understand what it was. 

“Kilik,” he said.  The speed with which Kilik turned to face
him was incredible, and the blue eyes looked expectant.  What did Kilik want? 
Did he want anything?  And did he know how badly Calis wanted
him
? 
Surely not—considering Kilik didn’t seem capable of understanding that Calis
even cared about his well-being.  “I’m glad you didn’t ask me to leave.”

Calis advanced towards the smaller boy with a single step. 
They were close, then.  Calis found his eyes fascinated with everything about
Kilik—again.  “Please, don’t betray me,” Kilik pleaded.  The weakness, the
vulnerability caused something inside of Calis to snap.  He moved forward and
put a very unsteady hand to Kilik’s cheek.

How? 
Calis wondered. 
How could anyone betray
you?  How could anyone not want to do precisely what you asked? 
There was
fear and hesitancy hanging in those blue eyes, and Calis could feel his heart
breaking.  Kilik was vulnerable, and Calis’s need to protect him flared to an
apex.  “I will never betray you, I swear.”

The shock at having Calis’s hands on his face made the young
boy twitch just a little.  Then, in Calis’s inspection of Kilik’s form—he
noticed a feature that had escaped him until that moment.  Kilik’s lips.  They
were pale, with a soft definition that made them stand out against the rest of
his face.  They weren’t precisely full, but they fit his face so entirely
perfectly—and Calis could feel an attraction between himself and those lips as
he imagined, for a single moment, what they must feel like.

As he stared at them for another moment, he could feel the
overwhelming compulsion.  How could he resist this?  Kilik was appealing to
every one of Calis’s senses, and he was expected to walk away.  Those lips—they
were unlike anything Calis had ever laid eyes on before.  They were, in fact,
very kissable. 

To kiss Kilik in that moment would have been easy, as his
hand was already resting on the soft cheek.  He leaned forward, and Kilik
didn’t pull back.  In fact, there was a desire reflecting back at Calis in
Kilik’s face.  But, then he thought of Lady Avyon—about what he would do to
Kilik if he kissed him here.  This wasn’t fair.  Calis cared about Kilik,
desired him more than Calis had thought possible.  Yet, to kiss him would be to
do precisely what Kilik had asked him not to do, and Calis had promised not to
do that.

Calis stepped back, and the disappointment on Kilik’s face
made the ripping pain of pulling away that much worse.  Calis stood there,
dumbfounded and unsure how to resolve this situation.  He wanted those lips so
badly, but he didn’t want to push Kilik into this—into his already ruined
life.  Kilik didn’t deserve that.  But—Kilik deserved something, and Calis
wanted to give him that.  At last, he took Kilik’s hand in his own and pressed
his lips to the boy’s upturned palm.

Calis heard the sound as Kilik worked to stifle his
inhalation of breath.  The gesture was not normal, and they both knew it, but
the moment Calis had done it—a smile broke onto his face and happiness made his
head swim.  Never had he felt so satisfied after putting his lips to any part
of someone or something.  “Kilik,” he said, dropping the boy’s hand.

“I’ll… see you again?” Kilik asked, and was unable to
disguise the hopefulness that entered his voice.  Perhaps Calis had just
started something that he couldn’t stop, but he wasn’t sure he was entirely
opposed to that.  He would not hurt Kilik—Lavus be hanged.

After a moment, Calis’s smile widened.  “You know you will.”

Then, Kilik returned his smile.  And the smile was his real
one—the one that he’d given Calis back at the dance.  There were the soft
dimples that lit up his face and made him that much more striking.  “Thank you,
Calis.”

“No, thank you, Kilik.”  Calis bowed before he started off
in the direction of the castle, and despite looking back once to see Kilik
heading towards his house—his heart was far less hollow than it had been a few
moments ago.  He would see Kilik again, and he would make sure Kilik stayed
safe—and happy.

“Inevitably, there will be a weakness, for when your
line is at its greatest—weakness will render a man unable to see himself.”

-A Hero’s Peace, v.i

Taeru found himself stumbling, rather than walking, into
Juliet’s house.  He was confident it hadn’t the least bit to do with his
injured leg, as well.  In fact, his leg injury, which had admittedly been
grieving him throughout his entire journey through Dark District, seemed
nonexistent now.  The part of his body that was bothering him now was his
palm.  It was tingling with an incredibly odd sensation, not due at all to
injury. 

Taeru had been forced to kiss many women’s hands back in
Cathalar.  That was not a process he was unfamiliar with, but he could say,
without ambiguity, that his hand had never been kissed.  He could also say with
the same amount of certainty that he had never anticipated it being kissed. 
But, Calis had kissed it.  The prince had kissed his hand, for no apparent
reason, and now the spot where Calis’s lips had bee was burning with a thousand
sensations.

He worked to flex his fingers to make the feeling stop. 
Taeru was not so stupid to think that it was not caused by his own embarrassment. 
Though, Calis could hardly be held entirely at fault for the situation.  In
that moment, when they had been far too close to one another, Taeru was aware that
he had not pulled away.  Not only had he not pulled away, but he had remained,
almost expectantly.

There was no need to deny it, as he was himself, and denying
truths to one’s self was a very short route to mental illness.  No, as much as
he didn’t want to admit it, he did acknowledge that he had wanted Calis to kiss
him.  He had been staring into the prince’s eyes, with a heart pounding far too
fast, and he had imagined it a hundred different ways. 

Calis’s rejection, or rather, when the prince had pulled
back rather than kiss him, there had been disappointment as well as relief. 
The disappointment was unavoidable.  Calis was very attractive, charming, and
all other things that kept mindless women awake in their beds beneath the moon,
and Taeru was not immune to those sorts of things.  But, the relief meant that
he was keeping his wits about him.  He knew that Calis was far more dangerous
than even the prince realized to him, and he to the prince.  He could not let
this continue.

The prince and he were absolutely wrong for one another. 
Calis may have thought that he understood the reasons that they could not be
together, but he did not know the strongest one.  No, Calis knew, or thought,
that Taeru was a commoner, and a male!  By the Magisters, did Calis have no
sense of dignity whatsoever?  He was a prince!  He was the crown prince, and
hence, he would be required to produce an heir. 

If Taeru was sure of nothing else, he knew that he could not
give the prince that.  Imaginably, Calis did know that and simply intended to
toy with Taeru.  It wouldn’t have been the first time Taeru had been strung
along, though it would be the first time romance was involved in the act.  The
thought caused an inexplicable pain in Taeru’s chest, and he chose to ignore
it. 

Because, if for some unruly reason Calis did actually intend
to pursue a relationship with Taeru—or Kilik—then he surely did not know the
singular reason that they could never be together.  Taeru was a Lassau, and
Calis was a Tsrali, and so by all definitions, the two of them were mortal
enemies.  Taeru had no predefined hate for the Tsrali family when he had
originally arrived in Telandus.  No, he had been sure to cleanse himself of any
such thinking before he arrived.  But now, after what he had seen of Tareth and
Lavus, he knew that he did not like them.  Now more than ever, he understood that
Veyron had always been a good man.  He sought to destroy these people because
they were bad.

However, that didn’t change the fact that a war would tear
the lands apart.  That didn’t change the fact that Taeru did not want a
war—that he did not want so many lives to be lost for the sake of ridding the
world of one or two men.  Lavus, merciless as he was, did not kill without
reason.  The death toll would rise incredibly should the war come to pass.  Not
only that, but the odds that Cathalar would accept Telandus citizens after the
war was unlikely at best.  Far too much hate had developed between the two places
for a peaceful resolution should a war be kindled under such strain of hatred.

Idly, Taeru wondered if Calis would agree with him.  He knew
next to nothing about Calis’s thoughts on anything.  He doubted seriously that
Calis would understand Taeru’s reasoning, and he doubted even more seriously
that Calis would not have him killed should he find out who Taeru was.  To his
credit, though, if Calis was aware that Kilik was the Phantom Blade—he had not
caused Taeru any trouble for it.  And if he didn’t know, well, then he was not
nearly as intelligent as some people thought him. 

Taeru had slipped up far too often for Calis not to have
some inclination that Taeru—Kilik, whatever—was the Phantom Blade.  That secret
was nothing compared to Taeru’s real secret, though—the secret that no one in
all of Telandus, or anywhere else, could ever know.  That was why he and Calis
could never have any sort of real relationship.  Because, even if he didn’t
know it, Calis wanted Taeru dead.

Pain shot through him as though he’d been shot full of
arrows, and Taeru slammed his fist into the wall.  He realized that he had
walked into Juliet’s house, and that he was currently standing at the entryway
like an imbecile.  Not only that, but his hand was still tingling with the memory
of Calis’s lips.  “Magisters help me,” he growled under his breath.  Alyx must
be home, but as always, he hadn’t made much noise when he’d arrived. 

“Alyx,” he spoke into the air, in a voice loud enough to be
heard.

Almost at once, Alyx appeared through one of the mounted
cloths.  She grinned at him.  Her hair was neatly braided, and he thought about
asking what the occasion was.  Upon further analysis, though, he realized that
he was in no sort of mood to be asking questions and responding accordingly. 
“Did you get them?” she asked.

“Yes,” Taeru answered stiffly and held out the small bag of
goods that he’d acquired from the market.  He didn’t bother to ask whether or
not the bread was for Juliet, if it was, then Alyx would surely give it to
her.  “Do we have any guests?” he asked.  There was one question to which he
needed an answer, and they could have no audience.

Alyx looked perplexed by his question, and then she shook
her head.  “No, we don’t.  Katt is helping mother with the Tarne child, but no
one else.  That brown-haired man came by earlier, but he didn’t stay long, and
he didn’t have…”  Suddenly, her hazel eyes lit with delight.  “Were you with
the prince?”

A frown twisted onto Taeru’s lips.  He ought to have asked
his questions, so that he wouldn’t be the one who got asked them.  Working to
keep his cheeks from changing colors, he just stared at her for a few moments,
with his mouth just slightly ajar.  “That is not an assumption you can make,”
Taeru said warily. 

“So you were!” she said accusingly.  Her body advanced on
him, and she observed him very carefully.  “I hope you weren’t mean to him. 
You were just so nasty to him while he was here last cycle!  The prince!  And
the handsome one!  Yet all you can do is sulk, and give him one word replies.”

The thought was sobering.  Taeru had been rather rude to the
crown prince, and should Calis want to—which Taeru hoped he didn’t—he could
have been put to death with no more than a word from Calis.  That frightened
him.  Who was to say that Calis wouldn’t use that power later?  And then, when
Calis had given Taeru complete control over the situation, Taeru had been
unable to end it—like a child insistent on putting his hands too close to a
fire.  Why hadn’t he just let the prince leave?  “I was rude to him, and for
that reason, you ought to know that he would not be interested in keeping my
company.”

“No, because he kept coming back last cycle, and he would
always smile at you in the strangest ways when you spoke.  In addition, you are
flushed, and you have yet to answer my question properly.  You were with him.” 
Her revelation required no confirmation, and Taeru had no intention of giving
it.

“Take your Lightless bag, Alyx, before I throw it at you,”
he said crossly.  A mischievous grin spread onto her face as she moved forward
to take the bag in her hands. 

With one of her sweeter smiles, she tilted her head and
nodded her thanks at him.  “Thank you for going to get this, Kilik.  Mother is
rather angry with me for sending you out, though, in the rain.”

Letting out a breath, he moved his hand up to run through
his black hair.  There wasn’t much of it, in fact, he had less now than he’d
had in Cathalar—and he had never let it get very long.  “Better me than you,”
he said gently.

“No,” she said.  “Your leg is not completely healed, so I
think in this instance it would have been better me than you.  But, you didn’t
tell me.”

Taeru shrugged his shoulders thoughtfully and fell down on
one of the rugs in the room.  His palm still felt prickly.  “It was fine,
Alyx.  I didn’t mind at all.  You know how Juliet gets.”

“How do I get, Kilik?” Juliet asked crossly, as she appeared
from her healing room.  Taeru shifted a little where he sat.  He wanted to leap
up and run back out into the rain.  With that, though, he realized that it had
started to rain again.  Mentally, he calculated whether or not Calis could have
made it back—there was no way.  Calis was going to be soaked because of him,
and castle healers could do very little against sickness caused by cold.

When Taeru’s eyes met the healer’s, Juliet’s gaze softened. 
She never seemed to be able to stay angry with him for very long.  “You don’t
appear to have gotten wet.  Did you at least have the sense to stay out of the
rain?”

Taeru was certain that the full story would have gotten him
questioned, and in the end, he would have been blamed for something that never
actually happened.  He hadn’t intended to wait out the rain, but a blond-haired,
chivalry-obsessed prince had insisted.  “I did not go into the rain.”

Once again, though, Katt appeared to ruin his story.  “He
was going to, though.  The only reason he didn’t was because Prince Calis
showed up.”  The fact that they all seemed to be mentioning Calis, the crown
prince, so comfortably seemed out of sorts.  This could not have been normal,
and if another noble had overheard, Calis would surely be implicated. 

Instead of getting angry again, which Taeru had expected,
Juliet just smiled and shook her head.  “Oh yes, he came by earlier looking for
you.  He didn’t seem any more pleased than I was that you had gone out before
you were fully healed.”  Her irate eyes found Alyx then, and the blond girl
squirmed beneath her mother’s gaze.

The little living room seemed very crowded, Taeru thought,
and that was made worse by the pounding of the rain outside.  He glanced up to
the roof.  Every time there was any sort of rain, he expected some of their
hard work to give way and for the rain to spill into the house.  But, as usual,
the rain was being kept outside.  “You didn’t tell me he came by earlier,
Mother.”

“I knew you were the reason Kilik was out, and your
punishment was my not telling you about that.”  Sometimes, Juliet and Alyx were
less mother and daughter, and more sisters.  They were very easy to be around.

Katt chewed on her lip thoughtfully.  “You know the prince
fancies you, Kilik,” she said in a voice barely loud enough to reach Taeru. 
Still, the words were enough to bring a bright red coloring across Taeru’s
cheeks.

“I don’t think so,” he said warily.  “He is simply
entertained by me.”  That made sense in his mind initially, but when he thought
about the looks Calis gave him—it fell a little flat.  Not to mention, Calis
had claimed to like him, though Taeru wasn’t sure what that meant.  “Surely,
his highness is aware that not only can a prince not be with a commoner, but he
can also not be with a male!”

“I don’t think his highness cares,” Alyx said derisively. 
His highness better care, lest he feel the wrath of Lavus.  Taeru’s thought
twisted and contorted at the idea of Calis being at the mercy of Lavus.  Even
with his own son, Taeru knew, Lavus would not spare any punishment.  “Oh,
Kilik,” she shrieked, “are you
worried
about him?”

Sometimes, or all the time, he wished that his eyes weren’t
such windows into what he was thinking.  “I worry about everyone,” he said,
which was an irrefutable truth.  She didn’t need to know that his worry for
Calis was beginning to supersede anything else.

“Odd, though, isn’t it?” Juliet mused.  When no one seemed
to understand what she meant, she continued, with a coy smile, “Having someone
worry about you, for a change?”

Taeru frowned at the assertion.  What a foolish thing to
say—Juliet very clearly worried about him all the time.  And yet, it did feel
different with Calis.  To have someone so—or who appeared so—strong wanting to
protect him was different.  Ryo had certainly never insisted upon walking Taeru
home from any place to keep him safe from rain, or anything else about which
Calis had been worried.  Taeru had been taught from the start that he would be
expected to protect himself in all situations. 

He was a prince, not a princess, and princes must know how
to defend themselves.  They had the potential to eventually rule a kingdom, and
rulers could not be vulnerable—lest they be destroyed.  That was part of the
reason Taeru had left, he had never felt strong enough.  Despite Veyron’s
insistence that he was, Taeru had never felt strong.  He had always felt as
though he were covering for some enigmatic weakness within him, even as he
learned to fight far better than most. 

He preferred being the Phantom Blade.  That way, he could
channel his strength into the moments when he was the phantom—he could know
that he was strong enough to protect people.  Protecting those people, they
would never see how weak he actually was—and that was the way he preferred it. 
Neither Kilik, nor Taeru, was strong enough to be what the people needed.  He
only knew how to pretend, and he knew that he could never let anyone see that weakness,
even Calis—especially Calis.