Distractions (28 page)

my advice, sweetheart.” Connor refused

to look at her as she passed shamefully

with her belongings overflowing in her

hands.

“Aren’t you worried about her?

Don’t you want to make sure she doesn’t

get hurt?”

His jaw could cut diamonds with

how sharp he held it into place. His

nostrils flared with anger, his breathing

labored. “Why are you here?”

Looking at him with disdain, more

poison kept flowing. “Why do you keep

asking me that? Did you ever think it

was because I wanted to be? It doesn’t

matter. I am leaving, so move.” I pushed

on his iron chest that remained

immobile. “Let me go, Connor!”

With an instant reflex, he grabbed

my wrist tightly. “No! Violet, damn it, a

storm is coming. You need to stay here

until it passes. And don’t leave like this;

it’s not what you think.”

I snorted in disgust; this was

unbelievable.

“How fucking stupid do you really

think I am? I have eyes, you know, and

ears. I am pretty sure I interrupted your

little plans tonight.”

Slamming his free fist against the

wall, the anger caused every vein in his

neck to bulge. Plaster fell from the dent

he made as blood started to pour from

his knuckles. “Frankie asked me to

spend some time with her okay? I wasn’t

going to sleep with her. Seems after she

won, she was gun shy about taking the

job. He thought I could persuade her to

think about it.”

My face went aghast; the truth cut

me deeper than a lie. He became

frightened when he saw the way my

features contorted.

“V, talk to me…” I kept backing up

slowly, my mind reeling from what it

was piecing together.

“Oh my God, I was so stupid. How

did I not know? How the fuck did I not

know?” I felt my body start to tremble

violently. Connor was looking at me as

if I was a ticking time bomb.

“I asked Frankie for a ticket to the

illusion; he asked me to be a part of the

show. I thought he just meant a dance.” I

kept mumbling while heading towards

the flight of stairs. He walked behind me

cautiously.

“Violet, what are you talking

about?”

I stopped briefly to look up at him.

“You were a part of it; none of it was

real, It was just a show…it wasn’t

real…it wasn’t real…it was just…it

was...”

My head moved slowly side to side

in disbelief as the shock started to set in.

Connor started to visibly panic. He

grabbed my shoulders and started to

shake them, “Violet, Violet, baby don’t

do this, don’t go there, come back to me,

fuck, please, please!”

I could tell he was pleading loudly,

but all I heard was the rushing noise of

my heart beating in my head. Hot tears

ran down my cheeks, gliding off my chin

onto my shirt. I used my sleeve to wipe

my eyes before looking back at him.

“I envy you, Connor; you shut it off

so easily.”

As soon as the words left my lips,

the sword of fate came swiftly down

upon the cord that bound us together. A

flash of despair burst in his eyes the

same moment the light left mine. Before I

touched the rail leading down the

stairwell, we both knew I was gone.

Chapter 27 -

Leveled

In less than an hour, over three

inches of snow had covered the ground.

Trucks struggled to plow and salt faster

than the speed it was coming down.

Following closely behind one of them, I

only made it about a mile and a half

away from Connor’s apartment before

sliding into a hotel parking lot.

Fortunately for me, this was the off

season and rooms were plentiful. I had a

change of clothes and my cell phone

charger. The desk attendant provided me

with a chintzy tooth brush and dusty

toothpaste tube.

I was located within walking

distance of a convenience store where I

picked up a few bottles of wine and

packs of crackers, not in the least bit

interested in food. The room was

spacious with a double-sided glass

fireplace and massive soaking tub. The

windows faced the foothills, giving a

panoramic view of the canyon dotted

with pine trees. Thinking for a moment

that Connor would have followed me,

his Jeep never once came across my rear

view mirror. My phone started to vibrate

on the wooden night stand; it was

Alessa.

“Shit!” I had forgotten to call her to

tell her my flight was canceled.

“Hey Lees…” My voice cracked as

though I were sick, I really was thinking

about it.

“It’s a good thing I put your flight

on alert or my very unhappy ass would

be sitting in the lot waiting for you.” She

sounded slightly annoyed until I did not

respond. “Violet, are you there?”

I exhaled deeply attempting to hold

back the tears; I had to get it out before I

completely lost my mind. “I think so…”

With the concern rising in her

voice, she shouted so loudly, I had to

pull my phone away from my ear.

“What’s wrong?”

A few sobs trickled out of my chest

before the scream behind it came driving

out.

“I fucked up! It was an act – all of

it. Connor, the son of a bitch, I’m so

stupid!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, Violet, what

are you talking about?”

I was rapidly growing angry as the

scenario replayed in my head. “He had

her there – the fucking girl. He told me

he was doing Frankie a favor and that he

wasn’t going to sleep with her!”

Alessa cut me off in the middle of

the rant.

“Frankie? What girl? Vy, you are

not making any sense. Deep breath,

whoooooo…start from the beginning.”

The ground was falling out beneath

my feet. Breath in, breath out, breath in,

breath out… “Lees, there’s a lot you

don’t know about me. I will tell you

everything, but you have to swear to me

that it never goes beyond this call.

Swear to me.”

“Violet, how long have you known

me? When have I ever broken your

trust?”

She was right; the five years we

had worked together, not once had she

ever let me down. I realized how lucky I

was to have someone like her.

“You better sit down; this is going

to take a little while.”

***

serious. Holy shit, you are! I knew you

were a freak; I wouldn’t like you as

much as I do if you weren’t. I will pay

you lots of money to take off your

clothes again. Hell, I’ll put a dollar in

your garter with my teeth if you want.”

Two hours into the conversation,

she was finally able to get me to laugh. I

was working on my second bottle,

feeling my nerves unravel enough to sit

down and not pace back and forth.

“Violet,

you

will

be

here

tomorrow. I will pick you up; you’re

staying with me, alright? I think we need

to make an appointment for you to see

someone, though. Don’t tell them about

the club and stuff, but you might need a

little something to get you through this.

As much as I love drinking, I can’t let

you go down that road; it’s bad for your

skin.”

Giggling at the last comment

through the tears, I knew how self-

destructive I could be. “Thanks Lees,

you’re the best.”

Her voice was quieter now,

confident I would be stable enough to get

back on a plane in a few hours. “Get

some sleep; it looks like there is an

afternoon flight. It will get you back in

before eight. Okay?”

“Yeah, see ya.”

Ending the call, I started to yawn;

sleep sounded good right now. I turned

on the gas fireplace and crawled

underneath the thick down comforter.

Hugging a pillow close to my body, my

eyes followed the dancing flames. The

fan above it kicked on, blowing the

warmth across my skin. Turning my head

to look out the window, I saw that the

snow had stopped; the storm was

passing as quickly as it came through. I

got up and placed my palm on the cold

window, blowing on the glass to create

an opaque surface. My index finger

slowly traced the words my heart felt.

“Good-bye.”

Within moments, the heat in the

room evaporated the temporary message,

clearing my view back out into sleeping

world. I could only hope it would be that

swift and easy. My phone started to

vibrate again; it was past midnight, yet

with the time change, it could be been

anyone. Thinking it might be my dad, I

walked over to answer it. I touched the

screen to see a number I did not

recognize. It was local, but I still did not

answer it, allowing it go to voicemail.

My heart started to race; could it be

Connor? If it is, why was he waiting

until now to call me? Feeling myself

beginning to wind up again, I listened to

the message. He sounded rough,

“Violet, please, this is Connor.

Pick up, I need to know you’re alive. I

don’t know where you are and I am

afraid something’s happened. I don’t

know what to do. I just want to know

you’re okay.”

My phone felt like a lead weight in

my hand. Alessa just spent over two

hours talking me down, and a thirty

second message snapped me right back

to the edge. I couldn’t wrap my head

around someone being so incredibly

cold hearted. The fragment within that

still believed he was the same Connor

who danced with me under the stars was

crumbling to pieces. I picked up the

phone and stared at the number, debating

on whether or not to even respond.

Granted, his actions were inexcusable. I

couldn’t fathom thinking something I did

caused someone else to put themselves

in harm’s way.

I replied in a text, “I’m not in a

ditch; you can go back to your life now.”

A few seconds later buzzed another

text.

“Where are you?”

“I’m safe.”

“Not what I asked.”

“Well, it’s all you’re getting.”

“Please pick up!”

“No, there’s nothing to talk about.

I’m okay – now leave me alone, good-

bye.”

His number flashed on my screen

again. I knew this was going to go on all

night. I hit decline, then turned off my

phone. Curling up on the bed, I felt like a

knife was slicing through my gut,

bleeding out the very life within me. The

last time I felt this awful, I was

bandaged up in a hospital, knowing I

was about to abandon Shepard. A new

wave of agony ripped through my being.

This was why I don’t let anyone in. I

called down to the reception desk and

canceled my early wake-up call and

requested a late check-out.

Unable to relax again, I poured a

bath and submerged myself in the

steaming water. I tilted my head back,

placing my ears just under the surface.

The familiar beat thrummed loudly in my

head, reminding me I was still alive. My

heart might be broken, but it continued to

fight. I closed my eyes, feeling utterly

leveled to the ground, crying out to God,

and pleading for mercy. I wept to the

point of exhaustion; sufficiently emptied,

I got out of the water, washing the last of

my tears down the drain.

The next morning, I wanted to

avoid the mirror at all cost, knowing the

moment I gazed at my reflection, I could

not deny what had become of me. Surely

enough, sallow eyes and parched skin

gave covering to this ghost of a girl.

Burgundy stained the sticky coating

along my gum line and parts of dried lip

flakes. I recognized this creature. It

would often visit me at the bottom of the

pit, which meant only one thing: this