Distractions (32 page)

held the flute stem and looked at

Shepard. It had to be a dream. “This has

to count as the drink you were going to

buy me. It’s technically breaking my one

drink rule, but it was so expensive, it

would be a shame to waste it. We should

toast.”

Looking off into the distance, I

could tell he was thinking of something

witty to say. Twisting his lips off to the

side into a winked expression, he

extended his glass towards me. “To

hope.”

Gently bumping the rims of our

glasses together before sipping the

bubbly liquid, the tart sweetness

reminded me of the bottle Alessa and I

shared.

“To hope.” Smiling into my glass

while taking another sip, it was the

same.

“
Veuve Clicquot
, fancy.” Both of

us turned to the attendant who was

pouring another glass out of the

trademark orange labeled bottle.

“Do you like it? You can have more

if you want.” His hand went up to call

the woman over as she was looking

around.

Lifting my wrist to raise the glass, I

watched her grin as she carefully topped

off the effervescent liquid. Cradling the

sides with my hands, I peered at the tiny

spheres rising rapidly to the surface.

“I had this for the first time not too

long ago. We drank nearly a whole

bottle in a half hour. It started out as

such a happy day. It feels like a million

years ago, not a few months.”

“You say started. What happened?”

Setting down his glass, he turned to give

me his full attention.

My eyes began to water. I pursed

my lips to breathe out and hold my

heartache in. Giggling to lighten the

situation, I shook my head and rubbed

my face. “Sorry, I have been a bit of a

mess lately. You always seem to appear

when I am a train wreck. You should

probably see if my seat is still available.

Ten hours is a long time to be exposed to

my current level of crazy.”

Pulling the napkin from under his

glass, he folded it and dabbed away at

the tears falling down my face. “Ten

hours is enough time for us to catch up. I

used to love your crazy. From what I

recall, I had a way of making you feel

better. Maybe I can today, too.”

His fingers went up and pinched my

nose gently in a playful fashion. Smiling

widely, he rested his head against the

seat and looked at me, taking everything

in.

“I already do feel better, Shepard,

you have no idea. I’m still not convinced

this isn’t a dream.”

He reached up to rest his palm

against my cheek, and I didn’t flinch. My

eyes closed and memorized the weight

and warmth of his touch.

The pilot came on over the

intercom to tell the flight attendants to

prepare for take-off and give the safety

speech. The engines hissed loudly while

the air pressure changed. Staring in

silence at each other as we felt

ourselves leave the ground, I wanted this

moment to last forever.

Not much more was said as we

were served dinner and a bottle of wine.

“I have been missing out my whole

life. I don’t know how I am going to sit

back there in a few days.”

Hiking my thumb and motioning to

coach between mouthfuls of butternut

squash ravioli, I saw his face drop.

“How long do you plan on being in

Germany?”

Finishing my bite, I wiped my

mouth, then set the napkin off to the side.

“A week. I have an interview in

Munich. A prestigious research company

approached me and I have been on leave

from work, so I thought it was worth a

shot.” I picked up my fork and scooted

the remains of my meal around the plate.

The discussion I wanted to avoid was on

the horizon.

“Why are you on leave? Are you

sick or something?” Concern was

washing over his face by the minute.

“A lot has happened recently. I felt

it was best. I just needed a break.”

His hand moved slowly across the

armrest and captured my restless fingers

tapping against the tray. Deep thumb

strokes along the crease in my palm

released a wave of calm. I had forgotten

what this was like. I would try and

recreate the motion when I was upset,

but it was never the same.

“Tell me what happened.” His

voice caressed my ears, penetrating into

my soul, the parched recesses of my

being begging for relief.

“Where do I even start?” I wiped

away the tears that seemed to never end.

His thumb continued the rhythmic

pattern of pressure, massaging the rest of

my hand with his other fingers.

“The beginning is always a good

place.”

I looked down at our hands,

cradled in each other as if they were

never apart. My heart stirred at the

unspoken request. He wanted to know

why I left. This wasn’t about me. He

wanted closure. Seeing me must have

woken something in him, too, but not

what I was feeling. My narcissism was

unbelievable.

With a deep inhale, my side of our

demise was about to meet his. The

dream was slowly turning into the

nightmare I feared. At least I knew when

I got off this plane; we would both be

able to go on, no longer carrying the

questions that burdened us.

“I woke up at a hospital in Chicago.

No one told me how I got there – just

that it was an upper level authorized

transfer. I was flown out of Lunken on a

private jet, and then transported by

helicopter. My sister filled me in on

many of the details. She also just told me

that you were at the hospital, but you

weren’t allowed to see me.”

His hand stopped rubbing upon

hearing that, yet he remained silent,

waiting for me to continue.

“I used to have this dream that you

were there, telling me that everything

was going to be okay. Claira told me I

used to cry out for you when I was

sleeping. It scared her at first, but she

just chalked it up to the concussion. I

was kept in a light coma for a little

while until the swelling on my brain

went down. When I came out of it, a

legal team was waiting to see if I would

prosecute your dad. I was advised to

cease all contact with you until the trial.

When your dad…”

My chest shook violently thinking

about the call I received that William

had shot himself. Knowing that I single

handedly ruined Shepard’s life never

stopped tearing me to shreds. His hand

tensed and withdrew from mine, the

action reinforcing my thoughts.

“I’m so sorry, Shepard. I never

meant to hurt you. I thought you would be

better off without me. You deserve a

good life. I’ve brought you nothing but

grief. You can live knowing I am paying

for every moment of it.”

I pulled the small pillow I was

resting on and smashed my face to muffle

the noise. A flight attendant came over to

ask if I was okay. Shepard rubbed my

back in an attempt to soothe me as I

leaned over between my knees.

“She will be fine, just give her a

moment.” The woman walked away,

satisfied he was taking care of me and I

wouldn’t be disturbing the other

passengers much longer. Upset I was

doing the very thing that I wanted to

avoid, I reached beneath my seat to my

bag and removed the red bottle of

Valium.

As I cracked the lid, Shepard

snatched the bottle from my hands.

“What are you doing?” He gave me an

accusing look after seeing the label on

the bottle and I reached back out for it.

“I’m calming down; these people paid

too much to listen to some mad woman

freak out over the damage she’s done in

her life. I will go sit in the bathroom

until it kicks in.”

Grabbing

the

seatbelt

and

unbuckling it, he grasped my elbow to

yank me out of the seat and marched to

the lavatory. Opening the door and

shoving me inside, he locked the door

behind him and shook the bottle in my

face.

“Is this what you’re doing again?

Numbing yourself because you can’t

cope? You are too damn important to

waste away. There are other methods of

handling it, Violet. This is not the

answer!” His tone was low and

menacing. The veins in his forehead

pulsed as he forced himself to contain

his emotions.

I had never felt anger towards him

before, but his accusations were out of

line. Just because he did something nice

for me that I didn’t ask for was not an

excuse to make snap judgments about my

decisions. Without thinking, my hand

raised and slapped him hard across the

face. Looking at me with surprise, he

rubbed the red mark appearing on his

cheek. My teeth clenched as I tried to

withhold the venom in my tongue.

“You have no damn idea what I

have been through. I know I ruined your

life, but this right now is bullshit. Don’t

act like you know anything about me. Let

me out, I am moving my seat. I don’t

need this.”

His hand blocked the door as I

reached to release the lock. “Sit down!”

He barked the order as his chest pushed

me backward onto the toilet. Reaching

out to keep from falling, I reluctantly sat

on the plastic lid. “I don’t know what

you have been through, and you don’t

know what I have been through. All I

know is I never thought I would get to

look into your eyes again. Now that I

have that chance, I don’t want you a

zombie. I don’t care if every person

onboard thinks we have lost our minds.

You may get off this plane and walk out

of my life forever, but I want every

moment with you present.”

He handed me the bottle, which I

clutched to my chest as I began to weep.

“My grandma died a few months ago. It

was the night of my first drug launch…

the last time I had that champagne. I got

the call at the investors’ dinner. I hit

bottom and made some really bad

choices. I don’t take these all the time –

just when I have panic attacks.”

My head remained dropped as I

tried to pull it together. The mound of

toilet paper filling the small waste can

was growing larger every moment. A

quiet knock on the door snapped me out

of the fog. Shepard unlatched the door

and opened it slowly. The same flight

attendant looked at me with pity.

“I appreciate you coming in here,

but it’s not necessary. I have some

blankets for you on your seat and some

tea if you would like.”

I wondered if the other passengers

said something to her so they could get

some sleep. I nodded my head and she

stepped away. Shepard reached out his

hand to help me stand. Pulling me tight, I

could feel his heart rattle in his chest.

“Violet, I am so sorry. I didn’t

know. I just saw you grab the bottle and

something came over me. I’m sorry.

Please stay with me.”

His pleading broke my heart. We

were both lost when it came to each

other. There only were six more hours

left to find some semblance of peace. I

squeezed him tighter and nestled into his

embrace. His arm stayed wrapped

around my waist as we walked down the

aisle to our seats. Most of the people

had sleeping masks on and those silly

neck braces. Once we settled back in,

the woman approached us with two

steaming teacups and a box of various

flavors. I plucked a ginger peach and

Shepard chose Earl Grey.

Dunking the bag several times in

the steaming water, I felt him watching

me like a hawk. The small packets of

sugar flipped back and forth in my