Dissident (14 page)

“I’ve been forcing this all on you?”

Jack tugged the sheet down below her breasts. “Absolutely not,” he murmured. “But it’s good to know that you’re okay with spending days at a time in here alone with me.”

“I do have to leave on Monday. We have this employment thing going on in Washington, you know.”

“I know.” Jack looked at her thoughtfully. “You missed sex. You liked sex. Why weren’t you having sex?”

Caroline blushed. “I told you. I was having it. With myself.”

“Men would have been lining up to help you out with your…addiction.”

“It’s not an addiction. It’s just one of my favorite hobbies.”

“So why not?”

“I can’t have meaningless sex. I don’t think it’s in my DNA.”

“Are you really telling me that during every relationship gap, you just masturbated?”

“Like a crazy woman.” Caroline grinned. “I have a very active imagination. It wasn’t that bad. Except for the lack of emotional connection. I like myself and all, but I much prefer being with someone.”

“Would you consider yourself a sex fiend with a sentimental streak?”

Caroline brushed the hair out of his face. “Sure.”

“That’s adorable.” Jack kissed her neck. “How often did you get yourself off?”

She closed her eyes. He could do magical things with his tongue. “When I was young and single? Just about every night.”

“What about lately?”

“Definitely every night. Sometimes more than once.”

“Did you ever think about me?” he asked, teasing her breasts.

“Yes,” Caroline admitted. Nearly all the damn time, if she was honest with herself.

“Good.” Jack started to kiss her stomach, then brought his head back up. “Can you show me?” he asked.

She pulled the sheet back up around her. “What?”

“I want to watch.”

“You want to watch me jill off?” she asked, somewhat wary.

He snorted. “Nice phrase. Yes.”

“Right now?”

Jack brought his lips to her ear. “Yes.” He yanked the sheet off of her. “Although I can’t guarantee that I’ll let you finish by yourself.”

Caroline pulled back from him. “You don’t think I’ll actually do it, do you?”

“Not a chance,” he said. “But I figured it wouldn’t hurt to ask.”

She let her hands drift down her body, fully aware that his eyes were trained on her every move. “You underestimate me, Mr. McIntyre.”

His eyes grew wider as she reached her pelvis. “Apparently so, Ms. Gerard. But I’m quite pleased to be wrong.”

*              *              *              *              *

Jack shook the box of condoms. “This is more than half empty.”

“Was it unopened when we started this little adventure?”

“Charming woman. Yes.”

Caroline glanced at the alarm clock and discovered they were now in the wee hours of the morning. “Are we going to run out?”

“We might. We have more than twenty-four hours to go.”

She yawned. “If it’s all the same to you, I’m okay with a little break.”

“You aren’t going to sleep, are you?”

“I’m not sure I’ve slept more than fifteen minutes since I got here. Nor have you. My body needs to rest a little.”

“Not used to such a vigorous workout?”

“I can’t remember the last time I had this much sex.  Probably not even on my honeymoon.”

“Is that okay?”

“It is, but my poor cha cha has to get used to being violated on a regular basis.”

Jack’s lips turned up. “Violated?”

“Thoroughly ravished and fulfilled?”

“Much better.”

Caroline rested her head on Jack’s chest. “Are you enjoying yourself?”

“I am having an exhaustively good time.” He kissed the top of her head. “I can run a bubble bath for you if you want. And give you a nice long massage.”

“Full service weekend, huh?”

“I’m always prepared.”

Caroline stiffened, and Jack stroked her hair gently. “What is it?” he asked.

She straightened up and gathered the sheet around herself, resting back against the bedframe. “Did you treat your other women this way?”

Jack pulled himself up until he was sitting beside her. He looked tremendously uncomfortable. “I’m not sure I want to talk about that.”

“I think we maybe need to. Don’t you?”

He looked down at his hands. “I don’t want your opinion of me to change.”

“Why would it?”

“I don’t want you to lose respect for me.”

“Jack, I would never - is it that many?”

“It’s a lot.”

Caroline tightened her grip on the sheet. “How many of them got bubble baths?”

“I never kept any of them in here very long. When we were done, generally they left. Or I kicked them out. It wasn’t…that sort of thing.”

Which didn’t completely answer the question, but…. “Oh.”

“I’m not sure I feel comfortable talking about this,” Jack said.

Caroline rubbed his upper arm. “It’s okay. It’s part of who you are.”

“Not a very good part, I’m afraid.”

“I know you can’t change it,” she said. “But you can be honest with me about it. If you promise not to kick me out after my bubble bath.”

“I would never do that.”

“How many?”

“I don’t really have a firm number,” Jack said.

“Then guess.”

“I don’t-” 

Caroline put her head on his shoulder. “I won’t judge you,” she whispered. “I promise. I shouldn’t have made that joke last night.”

“It wasn’t that far off the mark.” Jack not so subtly shifted his eyes away from her. “If I truly had to guess, I’d say several hundred.”

She couldn’t hide her surprise. “Several hundred different women?”

“Yes.”

“Any of them at the same time?”

Jack smiled sardonically. “No. And I’ve never dated more than one woman at once. Although most of my flings were incredibly short. Almost all one night stands, with a number of regrettable exceptions.”

“Longest relationship?”

“Two or three months.”

“How long ago?”

“Maybe ten years.”

Caroline gulped. “So it’s been a while.”

“I guess.”

“Ever pay for it?”

“Aside from several very poorly timed gift purchases, no.”

“Full sex?”

“For the most part.” Jack pulled away from her. “Or, uh, I was the recipient of certain acts.”

“Well.” That explained why he was so reluctant to let her go down on him, which was odd because he seemed to enjoy it, even if he didn’t let her do it for very long. He was practically broadcasting his disgust at himself and his past behavior. “Wow.”

“I shouldn’t have told you.”

“No,” she said. “I’m glad you did. You didn’t always reciprocate?”

He clenched his fists. “Sometimes they didn’t want me to.”

She tried not to laugh. “I find that very hard to believe.”

“Okay. Most of the time, I was being a selfish asshole.” He turned to her. “I never took advantage of them if they were in a compromised state. Not if they’d had too much to drink, or were vulnerable emotionally, or anything else. I want you to know that.”

“I believe you.”

“On many occasions it was two shallow people sharing a shallow experience. That was it.”

“I told you I believe you.” She wasn’t lying, but she had a very strong desire to sink into the sheet and forget their entire exchange.

“Say something,” Jack said.

Maybe she wasn’t trying all that hard to forget. “I was doing the math.”

Jack made a rude noise. “Don’t do the math.”

“No, I’m trying to account for our age gap, lifestyle differences, other factors-” 

“Caroline, my sex life is not a story problem.”

“I know.”

Jack’s voice rose. “I’ve fucked a lot of women,” he said. “Fucked them over, more likely, if I’m truly honest with myself. Brought them into this house so they could blow me, so I could get laid, so I could feel good. And almost every single time it didn’t mean a damn thing. I never felt anything.”

“Jack, it’s okay to have had feelings for those women. Any of them.”

“But I didn’t.”

She tried not to think about what that said about her. “Okay.”

“I should have told you this before now,” Jack said. “Just saying it out loud makes me realize that what I’ve done is horrible.”

He looked and sounded so upset that Caroline knew she had to do something. She pulled her hand out from under the sheet and ran it through his hair. “You didn’t do anything wrong.” She smiled ruefully when Jack glared at her. “Okay, you’ve broken some of the rules for being a nice guy.”

“All of the rules.”

She ignored that. “You’ve made it clear that you weren’t always the most considerate man. But you haven’t treated me that way, at all. If I needed to know any of this before now, I would have asked. You were honest and I appreciate it.”

“The number is higher than you thought,” Jack said.

It was very hard not to laugh. “Um, yeah.”

“How many did you think it would be?”

“I don’t know. Maybe around a hundred or so.”

“It’s probably closer to five.”

Caroline chewed her lip and withdrew her hand. The number of women he’d slept with was almost unfathomable to her. Maybe she
had
walked into more than she could handle.

“Is this a deal breaker?” Jack asked.

“No,” she said. Instantly.

“May I ask how many partners you’ve had?”

“Hell no.” She laughed when she saw the look on his face. “Of course you can, you goof.”

“So?”

“It’s a much, much lower number than yours.”

“That’s what I figured. How many?”

“Just take the figure you gave me and drop the zeroes off.”

“Five?” Jack asked. “That’s it?”

She frowned at him. “Don’t act like that’s a bad thing. I’m not exactly a virgin.”

“It’s not a bad thing,” he said hastily. “I just would have thought more. Full sex?”

“Yes.”

“Does that include me?”

Caroline averted her eyes. “Yeah. Although maybe you should count as two.”

“Is that a polite way of telling me I’m a sex machine?”

As if he didn’t know that already. “Absolutely.”

“How many guys total?”

“For what?”

“Well, not dates, but maybe fooling around, heavy petting, making out.”

“Is this my freshman year sex ed class? Do you really want to know?”

“Yes.”

“I don’t know. Maybe ten. I told you, I didn’t date that much.”

Jack squeezed her exposed hand. “You weren’t kidding. Since you didn’t date that much, how did you…pick up all these skills?”

“We talked about this already. I have an active imagination and am very comfortable with self-exploration. And in all of my committed relationships, I put out a lot.”

“You
are
good with your hands. I’ve seen it for myself. I’ll remain silent on the putting out part.”

“I have a lot of toys, too.”

“Maybe I can help add to your collection. As long as you agree to keep them here.”

“Sure.”

“Being with you makes me realize that I made a mistake, fucking around with all those women,” Jack said. “I should have never behaved that way. I should have waited for something meaningful like you did.”

“I had kind of a soft fling once. Don’t make it sound like I’m some paragon of virtue.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. That’s what made me realize I wasn’t much for the lack of emotional commitment. And maybe being with all those women taught you something. Even if it took you decades to figure it out.”

“Maybe it has.” Jack gave her an affectionate look. “I would never treat you that way, Caroline. I want you to know that.”

She lowered her eyes. “I know.”

“I care about you very, very much,” he said, rubbing her hand. “I-”

“You don’t have to say anything else,” she whispered. “Let’s just enjoy what we have right now.”

“I want to make sure you’re okay.”

“I’m fine.” She rested her head against his chest. It was fast becoming her favorite place to be. “So tell me, Mr. McIntyre. If you never reciprocated how did you pick up all of your mad skills?”

“I didn’t say I never reciprocated,” Jack said. “And practice makes perfect. Plus some of us were just born to be good at certain things.”

Caroline shuddered as he trailed his fingers down her breasts. “Lucky me, finding a guy who doesn’t need much instruction.”