Dissident (18 page)

Jack caressed her leg. “Well, I appreciate it. Gives me an incentive to keep you in a constant state of partial undress.”

Caroline laughed softly, her fatigue stripping away her ability to keep herself from revealing too much of herself to him. “You always make me feel good. I like when you hold me.”

“I want to keep you as safe and satisfied as possible.” He unsnapped her bra and pulled it off. “And as naked as you’ll allow.”

Her mind began to drift as she sank into his chest. “I want to spend as much time with you as I can, clothed or not. I’m glad you’re here.”

Jack started stroking her hair. “I wish it could be this way all the time.”

“Me too.”

“Maybe someday.” He kissed her forehead.

Caroline closed her eyes as her jet lag finally overtook her. “Maybe.”

*              *              *              *              *

“Caroline,” Jack gasped. “Fuck. You feel so-”

He was on top of her, and she was tugging at his hair. “Harder,” she said.

“No,” he growled. “Slow, not fast. Too good this way.”

“You’re driving me crazy.”

Jack groaned. “That’s the point, sweetheart.”

He rocked against her and she moaned. “Please,” she begged.

“No.” His voice was firm. “Wait. Enjoy this. We did it too fast before.”

“Third time’s the charm?”

“For tonight,” he grunted.

He thought she was too impatient. That she wanted things over quickly. Mostly because the longer it lasted the more she lost control. The more she realized that he really could make her crazy. It frightened the shit out of her. He’d do it for as long as he could stand, bringing her closer and closer, until he’d finally give her what they both wanted.

After they napped a bit, they cleaned up and went to a small restaurant within walking distance of the hotel. It was quiet. Private. And maybe even a little romantic. After dinner, she desperately wanted to hold Jack’s hand but there were too many people around. Maybe she was getting too hung up on the little things.

They went back to her room after dinner and barely got through the door before they started ripping each other’s clothes off. Caroline was fairly certain at least one or two shirts or zippers had been destroyed in the process. They didn’t even make it to the bedroom, ending up tangled together on the floor next to the couch before relocating to the bed after they calmed down.

Jack yanked at her hair, hard enough so that she cried out. He was starting to lose his carefully crafted sense of restraint, the control he tried so hard to maintain and always seemed to abandon after a certain point. Caroline clawed at his back, pulling him toward her.

“Now,” she whispered.

“Now,” he growled back at her, and started moving faster. She pressed her fingernails into his shoulders. His name was the only word she managed to choke out. He would make this part last too, up until the point where she was begging him to stop. She thrust herself against him, tightening her muscles as he moved within her. That was the one physical trick she had in her repertoire that seemed to drive him over the edge whether he liked it or not.

“You really aren’t playing fair tonight.” Jack buried his face in her hair as he came inside her, shuddering a few times before withdrawing. It took him a minute before he was able to speak again.

“You are…wow,” he said.

Caroline rolled over on her side, admiring his physique as he got up from the bed, trying to ignore the red streaks on his shoulders. Streaks she’d just made with her nails. “I’m what?”

“Hold on a minute.” Jack tossed the condom in the wastebasket before laying back down and pulling her into his arms. “Need a second to clear my head.”

“I’m sorry,” Caroline said. “I left marks on your back.”

“Fine with me. That’s a huge turn on.”

“I don’t want to hurt you.”

“That’s not possible.” He smiled lazily at her. “You must have really been into it if you scratched me up.”

She wiped the sweat from his brow. “It was good.”

“
We’re
good,” Jack corrected.

Caroline idly ran her fingers along his abdominal muscles. His six pack was damn close to being an eight pack. How sexy. He was tight, with a strong core. Which was handy for many, many things. “I’m not kidding,” she said. “You’re good at what you do.”

“Really?”

“You must know that you are.” She kissed his neck. “And you have such a perfect body. Makes me feel guilty sometimes. Especially when I’m marking it up.”

“Why would you feel guilty? For objectifying me?” Jack grinned. “You can do that any time you want. You should probably know that I do it with you all the time.”

“No,” Caroline said. “But look at me. I’ve got all these stretch marks, a few pounds here and there I don’t need, saggy boobs-” 

“Stop,” Jack said. “You’re beautiful. Your body is incredible.”

“I’m far from that. Need to spend more time at the gym.” She flexed. “My arms aren’t bad, though.”

Jack laughed. “Those are really damn sexy. I like a woman with guns.”

“I could probably beat you at arm wrestling. I beat Tom once.”

He squeezed her bicep. “That’s impressive.”

“He was heavily intoxicated at the time. But it still counts.”

Jack pulled her closer to him. “Have you always felt self-conscious about the way you look?”

“I think it’s impossible for any woman not to feel a little insecure sometimes. We’re programmed to judge ourselves from birth.”

He kissed her forehead. “Sweetheart, you’re a real woman. You’ve had two kids. You’re not fake or manufactured or fixed or any of those other things that women do to themselves that they think make them appealing to men.”

“Then why did you date women like that?”

“Because I’m an idiot.”

Caroline smiled. “I wouldn’t say that.”

“You are gorgeous. Body and soul, inside and out.” Jack let his hands drift across her breasts and down her torso. “And I adore your boobs. And your hips. And your curves. And everything else about you.”

“We
are
good together, aren’t we?”

“I’d like to think so. I’ve certainly never felt this kind of connection with anyone before.”

“It’s a little overwhelming at times. I don’t know what to do with it.”

“Enjoy it,” Jack said. “It’s that easy.”

“Not for me.”

“You need to get over some of your unnecessary fears, Caroline. Just because you allow yourself to enjoy things doesn’t mean you’re taking them for granted.”

She sighed. He’d given her this speech before and she suspected he’d do it again. “I know. Do you think we’ll get sick of this? It’s all so new. What if we get bored?”

“You make me feel good. It’s not just about the sex. It’s more than that. Why would I get bored?”

“I don’t know.”

“Were you planning on getting bored?”

With the way she felt when he touched her? “No.”

Jack brushed her hair out of her face. “You don’t have to worry about that ever happening. Did you enjoy yourself tonight?”

“Yes,” Caroline said. “But I always have a good time with you. Can we do it again tomorrow?”

“Schedule permitting.” Jack looked over at the clock on the nightstand. “We’d better get some sleep. I’ll have to make the walk of shame back to my room before anyone else gets up.”

She pulled him closer to her. My, wasn’t she getting possessive. “I wish you didn’t have to.”

“I think it’s what’s best for now.”

“Maybe I spoke too soon about us being discreet.”

“No, you were right,” Jack said. “We are here as representatives of the American government. We’re not on vacation. We don’t want anyone to make assumptions. And I certainly don’t want you to be judged by any members of our traveling party for being involved with me.”

“What about what they would think of you?”

“That doesn’t bother me.”

“I’m not sure I care anymore,” she said. “They’re going to find out eventually. I just wish you didn’t have to go.”

“I know,” Jack whispered, bringing his arm around her. “We’ll figure it out soon enough, okay? Don’t waste your energy on it.”

“I like falling asleep like this,” Caroline murmured, stroking his chest hair.

He pulled a sheet over them. “Me too.”

*              *              *              *              *

Jack was pressed up against her back, his arm wrapped possessively around her waist, just below her ribcage. Caroline stirred and he kissed the back of her neck.

“It’s late,” he whispered. “I need to go back to my room.”

“Don’t leave,” she said softly.

“I have to,” he said. “We have a big day ahead of us.”

“Stay here with me. All night.”

“I will, sweetheart. One night when we’re here, I promise. But we have to be careful. Right?”

“Right.”

“I had a wonderful time with you.” He smoothed her hair back. “It’s not easy for me to leave. You have no idea how badly I want to stay.”

“Then stay.”

“I have to go. Boundaries, sweetheart. Your reputation is worth more to me than a few hours of cuddle time. May I take you to breakfast in a few hours?”

Caroline shifted in the sheets. “Huh?”

Jack smoothly slipped out of the bed. “It’s three in the morning.” He slid his hand down her exposed leg. “Don’t get up. I’ll show myself out.”

She rolled over, rubbing her eyes. He was sitting in the chair in the corner putting his clothes back on. “Are you sure you can’t stay?”

He smiled at her. “Go back to sleep, Caroline.”

“I don’t like this. I think my rules were a bad idea.”

“It won’t always be this way. You’ll get through it.” He picked up his jacket and tie and crossed the room, sitting on the bed again. “Please get some rest.”

“I won’t be able to sleep if you’re not here.”

Jack kissed her forehead. “That’s a lovely sentiment, but you’ll be fine. Meet me in the lobby at eight?”

“I will,” she whispered.             

“I want to stay,” he said. “But we’re being discreet, like we agreed. Okay?”

Caroline closed her eyes, wondering why she’d even demanded that requirement for their relationship. Maybe things needed to change. And maybe they needed to have that discussion when they were both awake.

“Okay,” she said.

Jack pulled the sheet over her torso, kissing her cheek. “Sleep well, sweet Caroline. I’ll see you in a few hours.”

She heard the click of the lock and knew that he was gone. She rolled over onto his pillow, inhaling his cologne, damning herself for being so flipping paranoid, wishing that he was still there.

*              *              *              *              *

Caroline slammed the shot glass down on the table and leaned her head on her hand. “How many was that?”

Bob laughed. “One too many for you, I think.”

“I’m fine.” She wasn’t about to admit that she was far beyond her limit. “Let’s keep going.”

“No,” he said. “I think you’re done.”

“What time is it?”

“Probably time for someone to take you upstairs.”

“I’m fine,” Caroline repeated. She and Bob were the only ones at their table. She’d imprudently chosen to engage in a drinking contest with the Speaker along with Senators Grimes and Wagner, before the two other men begged off and returned to their rooms. She lost track of how many drinks she consumed but was aware enough of her surroundings to see Jen grinning at her from across the bar.

“Jenny and Eric are still here,” she mumbled.

“Not for long,” Bob said. “They’re holding hands and giving each other goofy looks. I assume that’s about as romantic as they get.”

“Where’s Jack?” Caroline asked.

Every time Caroline tried to discuss Jack with him, he changed the subject. She hoped to get him to be straight with her once he wasn’t sober but her plan hadn’t worked.

“Over there with Ellen,” he said gruffly.

She gazed at another booth further away. There was an empty bottle of wine on the table between Jack and Ellen, who tipped a glass full of yellowish liquid in her direction before nudging Jack and pointing at Caroline.

“Shit,” she said. “They’re drinking Moscato. I missed out.”

“You didn’t enjoy all the hard liquor?” Bob asked.

“I prefer wine.”

“You’ll be fine. I think.” Bob threw back another shot and winced. “I may stop now, too.”

Caroline leaned down even further on her elbow. “Yeah, perfectly fine.” She felt a hand on her shoulder.

“Are you okay, Caroline?” Jack asked.

“I’m really good.” She lifted her head up and tried not to giggle.

Jack glared at Bob. “How much did you give her to drink?”

“I didn’t force it down her throat,” Bob said sharply.