Diary of a Wimpy Vampire (22 page)

I ran back to the gym in a matter of seconds and looked up at the high windows. I became aware that I was about to jump up high into the air and crash through one of them. Usually I would have been worried about doing this in case I landed in a funny way or got some glass in my eye, but I didn’t consider any of this. I wasn’t thinking rationally at all, to be honest. I was moving so fast by this point that I’m finding it hard to remember exactly what was going through my mind.

I know I jumped through the window, and landed on the floor beside Mr Jenkins. Now I was on the other side of the bookshelves, at a safe distance from the garlic and crucifixes and in a good position to attack. Mr Jenkins was ranting at my dad, but he turned his attention to me as I charged forwards.

I think Mr Jenkins was surprised at my newfound speed and strength, especially as I could hardly manage a press-up last time I’d been in one of his PE lessons. He tried attacking me with a flying kick, but I blocked it and forced him into a corner. He tried to punch me, but I caught his hand and pinned him against the wall. I would have said ‘How’s this for a press-up?’ But I didn’t think of it at the time.

Mr Jenkins wriggled free and jumped up to the top of the climbing frame on the gym wall. I leaped after him and ripped off one of the rungs of the frame to create a makeshift wooden stake. I tried desperately to ram it into his heart while he batted it away in terror.

I was getting the better of the struggle when I heard Dad calling from below. He said that we were vampires, and this was not how vampires do things.

He then started reeling off some ancient mumbo-jumbo I couldn’t follow, but it must have meant something to Mr Jenkins because he climbed down and solemnly nodded his head. I did the same. It was only as we were walking Chloe home that Dad revealed I’d agreed to fight a duel with Mr Jenkins under the ancient rules of the Vampire Council.

S
UNDAY
19
TH
J
UNE

In my anger last night, I forgot that killing Mr Jenkins would have meant permanent exclusion from vampire society. I would have had to leave Mum and Dad’s house. And you can bet my sister would have moved straight into my room. She’s always been jealous of me for having the biggest bedroom.

I am to fight the duel against Mr Jenkins at midnight next Saturday in the park. Neither of us will die, but one of us will eventually surrender, and go into exile for 100 years under terms dictated by the winner. I don’t know exactly what Mr Jenkins has planned for me, but I bet it will involve press-ups.

If I win, I’ve decided to banish Mr Jenkins to a small town in Kenya called Nanyuki, because I saw on a map that it’s right over the equator, so I’m guessing it gets loads of sunlight. Even if he worms his way into another PE teaching job, the sun will prevent him from torturing the pupils too much.

The annoying thing is that Mr Jenkins was in the middle of challenging my dad to a duel when I jumped in through the window, but because I attempted to kill him, I now have to take part in the duel instead. To be honest, I wish I’d left them to it.

M
ONDAY
20
TH
J
UNE

9
AM

Dad has phoned school to say I’ll be off sick this week as it’s forbidden for me to see Mr Jenkins before the duel. I doubt he’ll turn up at school either, as he’ll be too busy honing his vampire kung fu. I’m not going to waste my time worrying what he’s up to, though. I need to focus on my own preparation.

This afternoon I went to the park to test my vampire speed and I ended up circling the whole thing in a matter of seconds!

It’s funny to think that I was so convinced I didn’t have vampire powers, while they were in me all along, waiting to be set off. Perhaps the emergency situation I found myself in on Saturday forced me to unleash them. Or perhaps being in love has given me the confidence to access powers I’ve always had. I’d write a poem about it if I weren’t so busy.

7
PM

Dad is supposed to be teaching me vampire martial arts today, but he’s still angry with me for luring him to the school gym and putting him at the mercy of Mr Jenkins.

I’ve said sorry. He needs to get over it.

Anyway, I should be annoyed with him! He said we were the last four vampires on earth! Now it turns out there are hundreds of us still around, and some of them, like Mr Jenkins, have long-standing vendettas against Dad for transforming them. He says it only happened when he was young and reckless and he doesn’t see why they still want revenge on him now he’s settled down with a family.

I’m not allowed to tell my sister any of this, as Dad says she’ll be happier not knowing, just as I would have been. The difference, though, is that I’m mature enough to cope with the truth. And rather than wasting my time accusing my parents of attacking the local townspeople, I could have been searching for the real culprit.

I have no doubt that I’d have used my powers of deduction to identify Mr Jenkins as the true perpetrator, and this whole unpleasant situation would have been avoided.

T
UESDAY
21
ST
J
UNE

3
PM

I went out to the countryside this morning to try and get some control over my vampire speed and strength. I think I’m getting there. All I have to do is stand at the bottom of a cliff and focus on the energy building up inside me and a few seconds later I find I’ve jumped right to the top.

It feels amazing to finally access my powers after eighty-five years of believing I didn’t have them. I was having a great time splashing through streams, leaping up hills and uprooting trees, but I had to remind myself that I was here to train, not to mess around. It’s brilliant to finally have these abilities, but they won’t be much use if Mr Jenkins commands me to spend the next 100 years on a desert island living off stinky fish blood.

7
PM

Chloe came round after school today. She’s been grounded for staying out late on Saturday, and has chosen to take the punishment rather than reveal anything about us. I am deeply moved by her loyalty.

I ran down the street in just four seconds to impress her, but she told me I should preserve my energy for the duel. She said that she’s very worried about it, especially as she won’t even be allowed out to watch it. I told her I’d text her afterwards and that even if I was banished to somewhere horrible she was welcome to join me. I don’t think I sold that idea very well, because she changed the subject.

She said she felt foolish for going into the school on Saturday with Mr Jenkins, but he told her that someone had daubed graffiti all over the gym and her sense of duty as a prefect took over from her common sense.

She gave me a quick kiss and rushed off home. I would have liked her to stay longer but in my current vampirey mood I didn’t trust myself to hold back from sinking my fangs into her neck, so it was probably for the best.

W
EDNESDAY
22
ND
J
UNE

My sister couldn’t believe it when I offered to play football with her today. Mum and Dad hadn’t told her that I’d finally got my vampire powers, and you could tell she was looking forward to dishing out another humiliating defeat.

She took her penalties first and I let her score them all like usual. But when she went into goal, I blasted the ball at her with such force that it carried her through the back of the net and into the fence at the bottom of the garden. She tried to kick the ball back at my face, but I batted it away with ease. She then charged towards me at top speed, and couldn’t believe it when I ducked out of the way. She ended up chasing me around the garden at such a pace that we destroyed the lawn and Mum sent both of us to our rooms.

My sister’s in a foul mood now she’s worked out I’ve got my speed and strength. Anyone would think she’d be pleased for me. She’s probably worried that she might stop being the centre of attention for once in her spoilt life.

Tonight I have been trying to learn vampire kung fu from one of Dad’s crusty old manuals, but it’s very difficult to hold onto a book when you’re performing a forty-foot back flip. I hope he stops fuming and agrees to teach me soon.

T
HURSDAY
23
RD
J
UNE

Dad has finally given in and agreed to train me. About time too. Anyone would think he wanted me to go into exile.

We drove to a field in the remote countryside to ensure that we couldn’t be seen, and Dad demonstrated the basic moves of vampire kung fu. As I got more confident in my abilities, I could feel my strength increasing. It’s like I feel more alive (or more undead, to be accurate).

By the end of the day I’d learned the vampire leap, the ghoul jab, the nightstalker punch and the undead roundhouse kick. I’m off to practise these again in the garden now.

F
RIDAY
24
TH
J
UNE

2
PM

I must have looked worried this morning because Mum made a lovely warm bowl of type B+ to cheer me up. She seems more concerned than Dad at the prospect of losing me for a century. She said that all she ever wanted was to settle down to a quiet family life and didn’t see why vampires like Vaclav (this is the name they use for Mr Jenkins) couldn’t just forgive and forget.

Much as I hate Mr Jenkins, I wouldn’t say his behaviour was entirely unjustified. From what I can gather, Dad transformed him over 200 years ago by accidentally infecting him with vampire blood while feeding on him. He then refused to let Mr Jenkins join his coven and wouldn’t even train him in basic vampire survival, forcing him to spend the next few decades drinking the blood of rats in the sewers of Prague.