Diary of a Wimpy Vampire (21 page)

In the end she gave me a leaflet about IT and I binned it at the first opportunity. After her meeting, Chloe decided she wanted to help disadvantaged children in Africa. I admired her selflessness, but I tried to steer her away from the plan because Africa would be too hot for me.

T
UESDAY
14
TH
J
UNE

Mum and Dad are back from London with a new supply of delicious type AB+ blood.

I was happily tucking into some when Dad came into my room looking awkward. He sat down on the edge of the bed and explained that as I had a human girlfriend now, it was time that we had a talk about feeding. I told him that I didn’t have any plans to feed on Chloe, but he went on with his prepared speech.

He said that vampires need to be very careful when they feed in order to avoid accidentally transforming a human into one of us. He explained that unwanted transformation occurs when the blood of a vampire mixes with that of a human, so you should make sure that you don’t have any cuts in your mouth before you feed.

We then sat in uncomfortable silence for a couple of minutes until he handed me another one of his old-fashioned pamphlets. I think if it were possible for vampires to blush, we’d have both been bright red!

W
EDNESDAY
15
TH
J
UNE

Chloe was engrossed in her homework this lunchtime so I went to the back of the gym to hang around with the goths instead.

I shouldn’t have bothered. They kept asking if my girlfriend was busy and saying that they thought they weren’t worthy of my attention any more. It was really immature and motivated by jealousy (admittedly, Brian does have a girlfriend, but mine is more attractive than his, so he has every reason to be envious).

I did my best to ignore it but I started to get riled when John said in a really sarcastic voice that I should go and check that my ‘princess’ was alright.

So I have officially broken friends with the goths now. Who needs friends when you have a girlfriend anyway?

T
HURSDAY
16
TH
J
UNE

The leaflet Dad has given me is called
Feeding on Humans Without Bleeding on Humans
. Although it had a serious message, I couldn’t help laughing at the diagrams because they were so out of date. All the men were wearing huge velvet capes and the women were wearing gowns and corsets.

Nonetheless, I made an effort to take in all the safety advice in the leaflet. I just hope I can remember it if my desire for blood ever gets the better of me.

F
RIDAY
17
TH
J
UNE

Tomorrow I’m calling round at Chloe’s house and then we’re going out for a romantic walk in the park. Apparently it’s going to be a hot day so I’m putting on extra sunblock. Should be good.

S
ATURDAY
18
TH
J
UNE

9
AM

A strange start to the morning. Chloe has posted a note through our letterbox instructing me to meet her at the school gates rather than her house. It’s definitely her writing, and nobody else knows she calls me ‘Fangy’, but I find it odd that she chose to write a note rather than ring the doorbell and tell me. It’s not like she would have been waking anyone up.

The school isn’t on the way to the park, so I think she has a surprise trip planned. I’m off to meet her now, though I’m a bit wary about going near school at weekends. There was an incident last October when a group of ex-pupils broke in on a Saturday and draped toilet paper around the corridors. I wouldn’t like to be falsely associated with a weekend toilet paper attack if it happens again. I had enough trouble living down the monkey bum disease allegations.

6
PM

Well, that was a stressful day to say the least. When I got to the gates of the school, I found another note in Chloe’s handwriting telling me to go to the gym. I had no idea what she would be doing in there on a Saturday. The only thing I could think of was that she might be helping with the preparations for the summer fair.

I saw that the fire doors to the gym were open, so I went in. As soon as I got inside, I felt like I was surrounded by bright flashing lights while the sound of metal scraping on metal was blasted directly into my brain. I fell down to the floor with my hands on my head trying to work out what was happening, and why Chloe thought that this would be a pleasant way for me to spend my Saturday.

The scene in front of me gradually came into focus, and I could see a barrier of bookshelves filled with crucifixes stretching across the width of the gym. All around me, the floor was covered in pungent cloves of garlic.

My first instinct was to run away, but as I forced myself to ignore the pounding in my head, it dawned on me that someone must know I’m a vampire, and I must be in trouble.

Was this an elaborate revenge planned by Wayne? Was it the goths’ idea of a practical joke? Could it really be true that Chloe was a vampire slayer, as I had once speculated?

This last possibility was ruled out when I saw my darling girlfriend in a gap between two of the bookcases, tied to a chair and with a gag over her mouth. A figure was lurking behind her, and through the haze of my migraine I made out that it was Mr Jenkins, the PE teacher!

I told him I was sorry I had lied about having a bad back, but kidnapping my girlfriend and torturing me was surely an excessive punishment. He asked me if I was really stupid or just pretending, which I thought was a bit rich coming from a PE teacher. He then bent down towards Chloe and took a good sniff of her neck. I wanted to get up and stop him, but I was still too weak from all the garlic and crucifixes.

Mr Jenkins looked at me and said that he loved the smell of type O-. Then he smiled, exposing two elongated fangs! I couldn’t believe it! My stupid PE teacher was
one of us
!

My head was spinning so much that it took a while for everything to fall into place, but at last I realized that it must have been Mr Jenkins who was responsible for the rogue vampire attacks in town, and not my parents after all. For a minute, I almost felt relieved, until I looked up again and saw his ugly face smirking at me.

Mr Jenkins told me that he knew all about my family, and that if I didn’t find a way to bring my dad to the gym by nightfall, he would drain Chloe’s veins so much that she’d never wake up again. Then he stooped down and pressed his fangs right up to her jugular. It was so unfair. She hasn’t even let me do that yet!

I managed to extract a promise out of him that he would release Chloe if I brought Dad in. So I crawled out of the gym and stumbled back home, where I’m writing this and waiting for Dad to get back from his Saturday hike. As usual, he’s not answering his phone.

I wish my stupid dad would hurry up and get here. He is putting my happiness at risk!

12
AM

OK, I admit that if I’d thought about it, I would have realized that I was leading Dad into danger. But it’s hard to think rationally when your PE teacher has just taken the love of your life captive.

So when Dad got home, I told him he had to come to the school gym as I’d be performing in a surprise talent evening. It wasn’t a very good lie, and he was hardly falling over himself to get there, but I thought it was an invitation he couldn’t really turn down.

I know it was wrong of me to deceive Dad, but I’d just found out that he’d been lying to me my whole life about us being the last remaining vampires. If even the PE teacher at my school was a vampire, then how many others were still around? Perhaps he didn’t want to alarm me. Perhaps he was frightened that I’d run off and join another coven. Either way he should have told me the truth.

I ushered Dad through the door of the gym, telling him that the show was about to begin. The garlic and crucifixes floored us both when we got inside. I was prepared for it this time, but it was still really painful. I thought it might be easier for Dad to ignore the vampire repellents, but he seemed to be in just as much agony as me. By the time I managed to ignore my headache enough to see again, Dad was squinting at the gap between the bookshelves.

I heard him ask if it was ‘Vaclav’ he could see. I was about to tell him that it was just my stupid PE teacher who was causing all the trouble, when Mr Jenkins replied, ‘Of course it is. You didn’t think you could hide from me forever, did you?’

The weird thing was, my dad apologized to Mr Jenkins. I would have expected him to be angry rather than sorry. Mr Jenkins said there was no way he could be expected to show mercy when he had been shown none himself.

Mr Jenkins was good to his promise and released Chloe. She ran towards me and helped me to my feet. She was about to offer my dad a hand too when Mr Jenkins pulled out a Super Soaker water gun from behind one of the bookshelves. He told us that it was loaded with holy water and he’d cover my dad with it if we tried to rescue him. We were forced to leave Dad and Mr Jenkins alone in the gym as we made our escape.

Chloe helped me stagger out of the fire exit and across the playground. As I walked away from the gym and my headache faded, I began to think more clearly. We paused at the railings on the edge of the playground, and I stopped feeling frightened and started feeling angry. I thought about how Mr Jenkins had manipulated me to trap Dad, and how long he must have been planning his revenge. But the thing that really tipped me over the edge was remembering how he’d threatened to drink Chloe’s blood when I haven’t even done that yet. My dear sweet Chloe! The one mortal who understands and accepts me! How dare that vile fiend threaten her?

A look of alarm on Chloe’s face snapped me out of my rage. I followed her gaze and saw that I’d somehow managed to bend back the iron railings I was holding on to. I tried bending the railing next to it and it gave like it was made of tinfoil. I bent another railing and then another. I could now feel a strength and power I had never known before flowing through my body.