Diane Warner's Wedding Question & Answer (17 page)

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Authors: Diane Warner

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Page 140

Have two receptionsa simple cake and punch reception for all your guests served immediately following the ceremony, followed by a more elaborate reception later in the day for close friends and family.

If you only have a few relatives who offer to bring food dishes to the receptionnot enough food to fill the buffet tablesupplement the donations with side dishes ordered from your neighborhood grocery store delicatessen.

Do we need some kind of security when it comes to guarding oar wedding gifts?

It's a shame to say, but yes. You see, not only can gifts ''grow legs" and disappear, but cards even more so. Be especially careful of any cards that contain checks or money. If you have a basket on display at your gift table to collect your cards, be sure it is emptied frequently throughout the reception. If your reception is being held at a club, restaurant, or hotel, there may already be a security officer available to keep an eye on your gifts as well as any "overly happy" guests who may be getting a little out of hand. This security officer, whether provided by you or the facility itself, should also be in charge of designating drivers for any guests who may have had just one too many glasses of champagne!

Is it necessary to include the garter toss and bouquet throw during our reception?

Actually, more and more couples, particularly those who are older and consider themselves a little more sophisticated, are eliminating both of these traditional ceremonies.

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What about shooting off fireworks at the reception?

This is becoming quite a fad, and it doesn't have to be a fourth of July wedding either. Usually the fireworks display takes place after dark as the bride and groom take off in their getaway vehicle.

What happens after the reception? What things need to be done?

Unfortunately, there are still a number of details to be tended to. Here they are:

The ceremony and reception sites need to be "undecorated" and cleaned. Hopefully, your families will receive help with these chores!

All the "precious" things need to be gathered up and transported to the bride's family's home, such as the top layer of the wedding cake, the cake top itself, the guest books, floral arrangements, wedding gifts, and the inevitable leftover wedding favors, ceremony programs, unity candle, etc.

Retrieve the bride's and groom's wedding attire, if they changed into their going-away clothes at the reception site. Take special care with the wedding gown, which should be taken to a dry cleaner for preservation as soon as feasible.

All rental equipment and clothing must be returned. The best man should see that all the men's rental attire is returned.

Pay all hired staff with cash or check, including the musicians and caterer.

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Decide what to do about leftover food and drink; there may be unopened bottles of champagne or wine that were included in the prepaid catering fee.

Thank all hired and volunteer staff, including the host or hostess, if applicable.

Search the ceremony and reception sites for any belongings your guests may have accidentally left behind, such as gloves, umbrella, coat, or jacket.

Provide transportation for any guests who got carried away with "toasts" and need a designated driver.

With all the hundreds of weddings I've been involved in, the biggest reception mistake I've seen is a lack of planning for the "after-wedding cleanup." My suggestion is to plan ahead by recruiting designated helpers to lighten this load.

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Chapter 16
Photography and Videography

How soon should we start shopping for a photographer?

The sooner, the bettereven before you've set the wedding date. Shopping for an excellent photographer who is also affordable is a great treasure hunt. To begin the hunt, ask other brides who they used, what they were charged, and how they liked the photographs. Then, get on the telephone and begin calling some of these photographers. Most will ask you to come in for a consultation, at which time you will see samples of his or her work and receive price lists for various wedding packages. After you've visited several of these artists, you'll have a feel for which style suits you best. Some photographers are demanding perfectionists and are known for their flawless formal poses; others excel in their creative, candid shots; and some are easier to work with than others. If you've found a photographer you think might work for you, have him take your engagement photo to see how you like him first before hiring him to photograph your entire wedding.

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I don't want my fiancé to see my wedding gown until I come down the aisle. I've been told that photographers hate this. Why?

Because it means they have to rush to take all the photographs after the ceremony, while your guests are waiting for you at the reception. Many couples are disregarding this tradition and posing for all their formal shots an hour and a half to two hours before the ceremony. However, if you are really determined to "wow" your groom as you come down the aisle, then hold fast and don't let anyone talk you out of it. One solution is for the photographer to take as many photographs as possible before the ceremony that don't involve the bride and groom together. For example, all the photographs that include youeither alone, or with your parents, or with your bridesmaids and other attendants. Of course, the photographer can do the same with your fiancé and his family, groomsmen, etc.

Does the photographer take pictures during the ceremony?

He or she shouldn't; nothing is more distracting than the flashing and clicking of the camera during the ceremony itself. However, he or she will probably take photographs at the rear of the church as each member of the wedding party enters and leaves the site. (A photographer with the right equipment, however, can take photographs during the ceremony, zooming in on a timed shot from quite a distance away, with no flash required, or mounting the camera out of the congregation's view, on a balcony, for example.)

My parents are divorced, but they are on good terms with each other. Is it proper to have them stand beside me in a photograph?

Usually divorced parents do not appear together in the same photograph, but you may certainly use your own

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judgment on thisit's your wedding. What most brides do is have separate photographs taken, one with each parent.

What are some questions we should ask before signing a contract with a photographer?

In addition to the answers to these questions, be sure everything else you discuss and agree upon is put
in writing
so there are no misunderstandings:

What does the wedding package include? How many albums? How many photos? What sizes? How many proofs? How many formal shots? How many candid shots?

Is the bride's formal portrait included?

How many hours will the photographer be on duty? Will he or she stay until the end of the reception for the cake-cutting ceremony?

If we decide to order extra copies of certain shots, how much will they cost?

What's the difference between a "studio photographer" and a "wedding photographer"?

A
studio photographer
takes photographs in his studio where the settings and lighting are controlled; a
wedding photographer
specializes in taking formal and candid photographs on location at various sites, such as the bride's home, the church, and the reception site, where very little is controlled, from the subjects to the settings to the lighting.

Will the photographer take photos of us at other sites?

Yes, if you arrange with him ahead of time. Many couples like to scout out interesting spots for additional

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photos, such as a nearby garden or park or, perhaps, someplace very special to them. Do your homework now before things get too busy and take a walk around your ceremony and reception sites looking for unique backdrops for a few extra photographs; your photographer will appreciate your effort and will be glad to incorporate your suggestions.

Can we give the photographer a list of the photographs we want him to take?

Yes. In fact, he will appreciate having your list of "must" shots; most of them will probably be on his list already, but there will be others that are unique to your own individual wedding, and he has no way to know what they are unless you tell him. I suggest you make up a master list of all the photos you want for your album. Be sure to give him this list ahead of time so there will be no surprises. Here are some poses you may want to include on your list; I have separated them into formal and candid shots:

Formal: