Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (24 page)

Finally, I announce to the room what I
really
think of Hayden. “Hayden, how about you? You want to pick apart my ‘feelings’? You fuck anyone you deem hot enough if they so much as salivate in your general direction. You’re a fuckin’ male whore, you always have been, and you’re the last fuckin’ person I want advice from. So, please, how about you people leave me the fuck alone for a while.”

Immediately, Travis turns to walk out, taking his anger and frustration with him. In a small way, I’m disappointed he didn’t give me a knock to the face. I’ve earned it.

Briefly, Hayden’s face is impassive. His arms stay at his sides, his face holds little emotion, but his words are deliberate. “You know what? This isn’t about
us
. This is about
you
. Ace, at what point in your life are you going to start figuring out your own shit? God, you can’t be this fucking blind.”

Rubbing his forehead, he takes a quick glance of the floor while deciding what to say next. “The night at The Ward, when I met her, I knew how you felt. How can it be so fucking obvious to everyone but the person feeling it?”

Sighing in surrender, he gives his last thought before giving up on me completely. “You’re about to lose the best part of you and whether you choose to believe this or not… she is most definitely, without a doubt, the best part of you. Make me jealous, Ace. Make me wish I had that. Because I’m being honest with you, even if you don’t want to hear this. If I had the chance to care about someone, it would be someone just like
her
. Love her, or let her go so she can find someone that deserves her. Don’t make this a repeat of Sadey.”

Toby doesn’t say anything in response to Hayden slamming the door on his way out. In my frustrated and drunken state, I went too far by pointing out the cruel but lingering insecurities in each of my friends. I did it so they would focus less on mine.

Out of all of them, though, it would be Toby I wouldn’t ever want to hurt. My comments about Marlee and his son Maddux were right, but it took them a long time to get where they’re at, and I just verbally tainted his blessings in having them.

Quietly and carefully so as to not give me reason to interrupt, he explains his life in a nutshell as though I wasn’t there to witness it first-hand. “She loves me, I know this. Marlee and I have had our fair of shit, Ace. You, of all people, know this. She almost died having Maddux, and every day she carried him was a question mark. Would she make it? Would my son meet his mother? So, fuck you for putting any kind of rancid spin on my family. I’m a lucky son of a bitch, but I haven’t always been.”

Toby turns to follow Hayden’s hasty exit but stops as he grabs for the handle. “There’s nothing stopping you here, Ace. Whatever bullshit Rae gave you to get rid of you is a lie, and you’re wasting time here wallowing in your ‘never was’ when you could be out claiming your ‘happily ever after.’ It’s your decision and you know I’ll support you either way, but by you sitting here doing nothing, you’re asking fate to deliver you the ‘never was.’ Who asks for that, Ace?”

Guilt gnaws at me in knowing I’ve hurt him. In all our lives, he’s done nothing but support my decisions, stupid or not. “Thank you, Toby. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything. You know I love Marlee and Maddux. I’m not sure what to do and until I am, I just need time alone to figure it out.”

“Maybe it’s best if you just
do
something for once. Thinking about things you don’t have, but want, hasn’t boded well for you in the past, my friend. Just a thought.”

He’s right and as he closes the door, I’m left alone to replay his words.

I send another hopelessly-unanswered text, but this time I’m not going to wait around for her to answer it.

12:47 a.m.
I’m coming for you, Rae.

CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE

Cherry

I’VE BEEN BACK just over a week. As promised, Vinnie “handled” my parents. My mother was indifferent, but Dad was incredibly resistant. I wasn’t surprised to see my dad’s reaction to Vinnie.

My father was merely mechanical and neglectful as I was growing up. He was lost in his job and did his best to keep my mother quiet and content. In all my years living with them, I had never seen him angry, frustrated, confused, or saddened. When Vinnie met me at the airport last weekend and took us straight to pick up Decklan, I witnessed each of those emotions as they crossed his face one after another. Knowing I was helpless made it all the more painful to watch.

At one point during the discussion, Dad threatened to call the police, citing to Vinnie that I was being kidnapped and taken against my will. Vinnie rightfully explained, in detail, the definition of kidnapping and described our new family plan; that we weren’t leaving town, that he was going to take care of me, and that I was free to come and go as I pleased, making it so my dad could reach me anytime.

Once my dad gave up his argument and started to believe this tragic lie, I was relieved. Having his support, with this move to save him and all those that I love, was imperative. Vinnie saw that it was done and deserves an Oscar nomination for his portrayal of loving father and caring lover.

Hammers to the knees, Cherry. He’ll bleed for your decision to run. He’ll know, too, that your decision caused his pain.

“Table five is asking for another round, Cherry. I got it, honey.”

“Thank you.”

Tara, my only friend at the club, has been bailing me out all week while I’ve been busy adjusting to my new life. My days are spent spending time with Decklan, who luckily hasn’t had a difficult time adjusting to life with Vinnie. My evenings are spent avoiding Vinnie at home before going to wait tables or bartend at his club. As I was told, there have been no signs of Marcus.

Vinnie’s condo is massive in size. Decklan and I share a room, for now. I’m not willing to part from him, at all, while he’s in my presence. Vinnie hired a full-time nanny to stay with Decklan and at the end of next summer, he’ll be home-schooled by her, as well. Thankfully, I like Maria. She’s older and has grandchildren of her own. She doesn’t know of my dire situation with Vinnie. No one does except Marcus, Vinnie, and his number one lynch man, Dominic.

Vinnie has yet to lay a hand on me. To be honest, I fear this more than if he were beating and raping me as he used to. Life is easier when you sense, then expect, what’s coming. So far, he’s had no interest in me at all, though. I don’t speak to him unless he finds me where I’m told to be and when he does, it’s only to bark orders regarding my work at his club or to discuss Decklan’s schedule.

Tara pulls me from my saddening thoughts often. She senses something isn’t right, but she also knows if she tries to pry or help me in any way she won’t just end up without a job, as Marcus Gallo’s reputation threatens everyone in the club. Witnesses to crimes of any sort are painfully silenced or those people meet a tragic and painful death.

“I’m about ready to go. Do you need anything from me before I do?”

“No, T. Thanks, though. I’m going to clean up and head home myself in a few minutes.”

“Vinnie said that Decklan is doing well?”

I smile and lie. This has become second nature; an alternate, super-hero persona I’ve adopted to save everyone I love. “Yeah, he is. I’m glad Vinnie and I are finally working things out.”

Tara doesn’t say anything else, but behind her eyes I sense her worry and fear toward Vinnie and her constant wonder of why I’m here.

Decklan will be in good hands. He’ll have his mother and father.

I don’t carry my cell phone with me. I’m not allowed to take it from the house, and Vinnie keeps close tabs on whose calling and texting. To reassure my father that we are the family we say we are, I’ve been allowed to call Dad daily to “check-in”. This has pacified him and also reaffirms my decision daily, knowing he’s being kept out of harm’s way.

“You’re fitting in and adjusting here nicely, Cherry. The customers love you as well as my staff.” Vinnie’s voice sends shivers down my spine as I hear his compliment slither from his mouth. The snake is about to shed his skin from the tolerant pretend-lover to the romancing rapist. I feel it as the air shifts in his presence.

I don’t respond as he walks toward me. I just continue to wipe the bar down so I can finish cleaning up and get back to Deck.

Once he stands in front of me, crowding my space, Vinnie reaches out and rubs my cheek with his thumb. I close my eyes not in comfort, but in fear. I’m waiting for the inevitable slap of my past to waken me from this damning and dimly-foreseen future.

“Things are as I told you they would be. Maybe, if you played this smart, it wouldn’t hurt if you’d learn to accept this rather than sit and stew in your constant sulking state. You’re home for good, so whether you choose to make this situation all it can be or not, that’s your decision.”

Opening my eyes, I watch as a seductive smirk crosses the evil frame of his face. He holds my chin tightly in his grasp and studies my reaction. When there isn’t any fear, concern, or anger, he rips it from his hands and my face is cast to the side.

He mutters his insult as if I’m boring him. “You always were such a defiant child.”

Chancing an altercation but treading lightly, I whisper softly, “I don’t know what you mean. I’ve done everything you’ve asked.”

His eyebrow cocks in response as his dark eyes penetrate my fear. “So, if I ask for more?”

Even you, old and broken, will remain under guard and unharmed as long as you’re compliant.

“You said you wouldn’t.”

“I said I’d keep you safe and I have. I said you’d get to live your life with our son, and so far you are. I’m not only a monster, Cherry. If I didn’t have feelings for you, I can assure you that you’d already be dead.”

Pinning me against the bar, his hands bracing me in at each side, Vinnie leans in. The scent I remember from so long ago envelopes my senses as he moves my hair from my neck with his face, and forcefully his tongue slithers out, tracing a wet mark from my neck to my ear. I can’t hold back a whimper.

At the first sign of my fear, Vinnie laughs into my neck. “Oh, how I remember the taste of you. So young and beautiful, salty and sweet. You were my first addiction.” His hands find the hem of my skirt and lift it on one side. There are no witnesses to his torturous touch, and if there were this would represent a show of affection and wanting; not making me a terrorized victim.

“Maria is taking Decklan Wednesday evening, and he’s spending the rest of the week with her family. You and I are going to take this opportunity to get appropriately reacquainted. I’ve given you long enough to settle in. You’re mine again, and I plan to remind you of what that means.”

Momentarily, I stop breathing. My hands shake as they hold the bar on each side of my body. “Please, don’t. I won’t survive this again.”

“I’ll be gentle…” he says, while pulling the skirt far enough up the sides of my thighs so he can yank the thong I’m wearing away from my center. The material wedges and scrapes the inside of my thigh. “…until you deny me.” I gasp as I feel him thrust his long fingers violently into me.

Not wanting to risk losing my balance, I grab his shoulders at each side. He misinterprets this and begins his reclaiming by grinding his hard cock into my body as he continues to aggressively pump his fingers in and out of me. I wasn’t ready for this invasion, so my body’s panicked state causes pain without its sensual lubrication.

As he senses this, he bites at my neck in frustration. I allow an echo of a whimper to escape before he lets go and steps back, bringing his fingers to his mouth and sucking them viciously. When he’s finished, he moves them to my mouth and I nearly choke as he pushes each of them to the back of my throat.

“I expected your enthusiasm to be more than this. If it’s not so going forward, I’ll get creative.”

As he walks away, for the first time since I left my dad’s arms last week, I cry.

As of now, my only thought is that I’m going to spend my life in prison, or running from Marcus Gallo forever, because I’m going to kill Vinnie Bartone before he kills me.

* * *

“Rae, will you read it again?”

Decklan doesn’t call me Mom. It was the one thing I was able to negotiate with Vinnie on the way to pick him up. If I hold out any hope of changing our circumstance, and I do, I don’t want Deck to learn I’m his mother while we’re here. I most certainly don’t want him to ever know his father.

Decklan’s been told, so far, that he’s spending time with Vinnie and me while his grandparents are on an extended vacation on a boat near the Bahamas. Surprisingly, this hasn’t bothered him yet, and he’s not asked too many questions.

My dad talks to him every night before bed, and I’m appreciative to my father for allowing this adjustment period, for however long it lasts. My mom texts me every few days asking when I’m going to be “dumping” Decklan onto them again and continues explaining to me how a leopard doesn’t change its spots. My tolerance for her is wearing thin, but she’s the least of my worries.

“Aren’t you tired at all? You’ve had a busy day.”

“Not if you’re going to read it again, I’m not.”

Kissing the crown of his head and snuggling him further into my side, we get comfortable on his twin bed in our room and start the book over. Filling his head with fairy tales of forever love and happily-ever-afters feels as though I’m betraying his trust.

About midway through the book, he puts his small hand on the pages to stop me mid-sentence. “Can I see Grandpa soon?”

Masking sincerity, I aim for vague. “We can ask him when he calls again, if you want.”

“Can I say hi to Gramma?”

“Yes. I bet she’s missing you, too.”

“Vinnie says I’m going to visit Maria’s house soon and that she has three fish and a cat.”

I nod, faking an excitement I don’t feel; burying the ache in my chest for what’s to come. “Yes. That’s what she told me, too.”

Not long after, I near the end of the story and feel his sleeping breaths under my chin. Decklan is sound asleep, and he’s left oblivious to the tears that stream down my face and onto his soft, dark hair.