Devil's Despair Box Set: Books 1-3 (19 page)

We’re at the airport and I’m stalling as I hold her tightly in my arms, mentally asking for someone to stop time and not take her away.

“It’s only going to be this one time that I’m gone for three days. Stop pouting and give me a kiss goodbye.”

I squeeze her tighter, trying to get her to shut up and just let me enjoy the feel of her soft small body in my arms. “I don’t pout, but you leaving all the time is startin’ to get old.”

I’m about to be put in my place. Although this isn’t a good time to think of her this way, Cherry’s lips pursing before her anger is unleashed has turned me on. “I’ve been gone twice since we came back.
Twice!
That’s four days away from you total. You’re going to suck it up, and you’re going to be okay, Ace. Find a way to deal. ”

Cutting her off, pulling her to me by the hair at the back of her neck, I remind my girl of one very important thing. “Four nights, Cherry. Don’t forget that. Four very long nights included in those four very long days.”

Her face softens slightly at my selfishness. “He’s my son and I get to see my dad, too, Ace. Things are going really well and when Dad asked about Thanksgiving, how could I have said no?”

Letting her go, I step back and explain the obvious because I need a place to put my frustration. “Your mom’s a rabid bitch.”

Not letting me get far, she walks back into my arms and I can’t help but lock mine around her again. She laughs softly while burying her head in my neck as I hold her in place and kiss the crown of her head, taking in the smell of her once again before she leaves me at the gate.

“Go, Cherry. Walk away before I change my mind.”

I let her go and she picks up that fuckin’ carry-on suitcase that packs her away from me. “Oh, all right. I’ll see you Sunday. Stay out of trouble, and tell Hayden and Trav I’m sorry.”

Once she starts walking away, I realize what she said after giving me the only day of the week to look forward to, Sunday. “What the fuck you sorry for?”

She turns around while walking backwards toward the fuckin’ plane that’s about to take her away from me again. She says her reply loud enough that those around us turn their heads to me once she’s done. “Your cranky mood!”

Smiling, she makes her way to the airport’s security guard with her ticket, ID, and my happiness in her possession.

Fuck my life.

* * *

“Pumpkin pie, Ace?”

Bean’s attempt to rub food on my wounds is wearing me down quickly. I used to look forward to devouring her Thanksgiving feast, but nothing tastes as good as Cherry.

Jesus Christ, thank fuck she didn’t make a cherry pie to mock me while I drown my sorrows.

Sarah is on the couch watching the Thanksgiving parade and Bean is doing dishes while I sit at the bar and contemplate a good drunk.

In her teenage wisdom, Sarah offers me
insanity
as she lounges on the couch with her feet and legs hanging off the side and dangling mid-air. “Ya know, Ace, you should take me shopping tomorrow for Black Friday. Sales start at midnight, and the stores are open all night long.”

“No.”

“Why not? It could be fun, and we could get Raegan something; maybe Decklan, too.”

Sarah has been looking forward to meeting Decklan since Cherry started sending selfies of them through text during her first visit to see him without me. The problem with this is that I’m not sure she’ll ever get the chance to meet him.

The same text messages I get from Cherry tell me that life with her son is going great, and she and her father are slowly, but surely, working on their relationship. They live in Vegas and each time she comes back, she talks more and more about her time there and less and less about her time here.

I can’t expect her to pick up Deck’s life and move across the states for me, and I won’t leave Bean and Sarah again. Bean is too old and Sarah is too young; leaving them again would hurt them both just as it did before.

My response to Sarah is to ignore her stupid request that we shop on the busiest fuckin’ night of the year. Thankfully, Bean interrupts the smartass response I was about to offer. “Stop thinking, Ace. You’re filling your own head with nonsense.”

“What the fuck are you talking about?” I’m being direct and I should remember who I’m talking to, but I’m miserable in my sullen state.

Twisting on the couch, Sarah chimes in again. “Yeah, what’s Ace thinking about? I’d like to hear this ‘cause I don’t think I’ve ever known him to think about much.”

I’m losing patience, and even the sounds of dishes being washed and stacked is grating on my nerves.

“Sarah, mind your business. Aren’t you sending words or something? Go do that.” Bean snaps at Sarah, which is completely out of her character. My grandmother looks worn and tired.

Rolling her eyes and laying back on the couch, focusing on the TV again, Sarah corrects our out-of-touch-with-this-generation grandmother. “It’s called texting, Bean. And no one’s around tonight. Everyone’s resting up for the big shopping event that I’m missing because my stupid
brother
is in a state of mourning ‘cause his woman isn’t here. Brandon said I could go with him and Jason, but I’m suuuuure that’s not going to…”

“Fuck no, it is most definitely not.” My sister doesn’t have girlfriends, just these goddamn boys that are constantly following her, calling her, and inviting themselves into her life like a bad fuckin’ cold.

“See!” Getting up off the couch, I watch her stomp to her room. Bean smiles, already knowing Sarah won’t actually have a date until she’s twenty-one if I have anything to do with it. I don’t care if she cries her precious little blue eyes out, she’s too young to be out all night with men catalogued as boys – shopping being the furthest thing from their perverted minds. Not going to happen.

Bean stands in front of me in the kitchen and leans her hip into the bar after taking a drink of her iced tea. “Your mood is obvious, Ace. She’s only gone a few days out of the month, but you’re acting as though she’s never here.”

With my frustration peaking, I don’t relish the idea of giving Bean the honesty she deserves. I’ve always been able to talk to her, though, and I’m thankful she cares. “She talks about them all the time. Her son and her dad are important to her.”

“You’re just as important, honey.”

“Maybe.”

Sensing my doubt and not prodding it further, she asks, “How’s work?”

My job, which is what keeps me from going with Cherry every month, is okay. I got a job at the lumberyard in town once we got back and settled. The agreement in coming here was that Cherry was to help take care of both Sarah and Bean, leaving her no time to work outside the house. I support her financially, and it causes me to accept additional hours if offered. With the economy picking up, families are building houses and I’m able to pick up those extra hours, especially on the weekends when she’s gone. It’s a workout, and the pain of my tired muscles gives me something else to focus on.

“It’s fine.”

My phone beeps on the counter, and I’ve been waiting to hear from Cherry all evening. I don’t text or call her when she’s gone. Not wanting to come off as a lust-sick pussy or causing her to feel sorry for me, I avoid communication unless she offers it.

It’s a text, but not from Cherry.
Damn it.

Hayden
07:38 p.m.
Hey, bro. Gng to The Ward. They opn at 8 for holiday. U in?

Ace
07:39
In.

I could use a drink since family day is over. Thank God.

Getting up from the bar, I make my way around it and into the kitchen. I kiss Bean on the cheek while snagging a piece of her pumpkin pie, not bothering to use a plate before inhaling it right in front of her. She smiles, but doesn’t comment; she’s just happy I’m enjoying it.

* * *

Once I make it to The Ward, I find Hayden and Travis sitting at a table near the bar. Hayden already has a woman on his lap, and Travis is sitting back casually with his fingers laced behind his head while looking at the ceiling. He’s attempting to avoid the display in front of him.

Hayden’s working the woman pretty good. Half his hand is already up her skirt as it rests on her thigh, his other hand holding her body by the waist under her breast and his face is in her neck as she leans to the side, giving him room to continue doing what he’s doing without crowding him. It’s nothing we haven’t seen before, but seeing it a thousand times doesn’t dull its effect.

Travis finally sits upright when he catches me walking to them. He’s shaking his head in annoyance and points to the one-night lust affair.

Hayden finds his way out of the girl’s neck long enough to greet me. “Hey, man. Wasn’t sure you’d really come out. Sarah texted earlier and said Rae left his morning and that you were home ‘dwelling in her absence.’” Taking a pull from his beer, he finishes, “I told her not to worry about it, and I’d get you out of the house.”

Already anxious and looking for target, I start here. “What the fuck? Why the fuck is Sarah texting you, and more, why the fuck are you texting her back?”

Travis’s eyes narrow at Hayden, and his fists ball up in his lap. I’m waiting for a fuckin’ answer.

Looking to Trav, then me, Hayden replies to my question. “Calm down. Jesus Christ, she’s texted me before. Usually it’s just when you’re acting like… well, this.” He motions to where I sit, pointing at my intense and protective glare. “And she texts me when she wants to be sure you’re okay. You’re not exactly approachable, like ever.”

He stops, sits up completely, grabbing the woman around the waist so she doesn’t slide from his lap before realization dawns as to what I was insinuating. “Wait. What the fuck are you thinking with our texting? She’s fourteen!”

Travis is still pissed, me less so. I shouldn’t assume Hayden has any interest other than a type of sibling affection for Sarah. He’s an asshole whore maybe, but overall he’s harmless and likes my sister for the
fourteen
-year-old that she still is.

“You’re an idiot,” Travis snaps at Hayden while making his way to the bar.

Hayden nudges Mrs. Thursday Night off his lap. “Babe, get up. I’ll be done here in a couple hours. I’ll find you.”

The woman on his lap stands, straightening her skirt, then bends and puts her tongue in my friend’s mouth as a sign of ownership. Sucks for her, because Hayden Flynn will never be owned until it’s his time, and that may never happen if he doesn’t start opening his eyes to the good in these girls he’s sleeping his way through. One thing certain, though: tonight, with her, is most certainly not his time.

As she walks away, he turns to watch her hips and ass move along with her. It may not be his time, but he’s sure as fuck enjoying the journey to it. After his brief stare-down with a tight skirt, he turns to me and asks, “So, how’s Rae? She doing okay? Haven’t seen much of her the last few weeks.”

Playing with the label of the beer Travis just brought back for me, I answer Hayden’s question in the most adult way I can without letting on that doubts are lingering constantly through my racing thoughts. “Cherry’s doin’ really well. Her son is becoming familiar with her, bonding, or whatever she says. He doesn’t know it’s his mom that visits, ya know, in case it doesn’t work out, but I think it will.”

The table quiets, and I don’t have to state the obvious. Travis offers a few words of advice, but he’s younger than Hayden and me, and between the two of them he’s less experienced in relationships. “Maybe you should commit to her. Stop with the casual and start offering her more with you.”

“I’m not goin’ there, Travis. I’m still not sure what we have and until I am, it’s not something Cherry and I talk about. And it’s sure as fuck not somethin’ I’m talking about with either of you.”

Hayden pipes in with his two cents. “Dude. I love ya, bro. You know this, but you’re fucking insane if you don’t wake the fuck up and see what you’ve got in her. She’s a good girl and for whatever reason, she tolerates your ass.”

Now Travis chimes in with his penny’s worth. “Ace, I hate to agree with the playboy, but he’s right. You like her a lot, you two have history, and you’re walkin’ around here like a goddamn zombie, all because she’s not with you. What’re you waitin’ for?”

To be sure I’m one hundred percent completely over Sadey and not just replacing her with Cherry.

To not make Cherry feel the need to choose between her son and me.

To not feel the weight of the world on my shoulders in taking care of Bean and Sarah.

“I don’t know. There’s more to it.”

Travis’s words are strained and he’s attempting to keep the anger from his voice, but I feel it within every syllable. It’s most definitely there. “There’s not anything ‘more’ to it, but you can keep tellin’ yourself that. Just don’t fuck her up, or we’ll have problems.”

For once, Hayden has nothing to offer in response to Travis’s threat other than a small piece of sincerity. “Don’t let the one good thing that’s really truly ever happened to you, other than Sarah, walk away because you’re afraid to admit your fears, Ace.”

“Are you guys done with this fuckin’ bullshit? Everybody is fine. Everything with Bean and Sarah are good, and Cherry’s happy. What more do you people want from me?”

Travis stands, throwing a few dollars on the table. “If everybody is ‘fine’ then why the fuck have you referred to her as Cherry and not Rae during this whole fuckin’ conversation, asshole? You think she’s the same person you brought here months ago? She’s not, and fuck you for thinkin’ that.” He turns around and walks out the door.

Hayden watches as Trav takes off, then turns back to me and takes a pull from his beer. “He was already in a mood when he got here. Ignore him.”

I wish I could ignore him. Unfortunately, one of my closest friends just voiced every fuckin’ thought I’ve been afraid to say out loud. Cherry’s mine, there’s no doubt, but can she say the same about me?

CHAPTER NINETEEN

Cherry

“DAD, DO YOU think Mom will ever come around to the idea of me being in Deck’s life again?”

“I don’t know, honey. That’s a decision I don’t think she’s ready to make yet. She needs some more time; she’s understandably concerned. We both are.”