Derailed (7 page)

What was Ben doing at my house?

I assumed he was around back, but decided to go inside first to drop off my bag. I took one step inside and heard the music—Snow Patrol—a song I only had on a mix CD Ben made me senior year.

I took the stairs slowly, pausing at the door to my room. Ben looked up from his spot on my floor. “Hey, feeling nostalgic, huh?” He held up a few pictures from the box of mementoes I hadn’t returned to my closet yet.

“What are you doing here? And how did you get in?”

He grinned, stretching out his legs. “I used my key.”

I walked into the room. “You have a key to my parents’ house?”

“Yeah, you gave it to me when I came by to feed Pretzel when you went on vacation.”

“You still have the key we gave you junior year when you came to feed the cat?”

“You never took it back. You knew that. I used it a few times senior year when your parents went away.”

I definitely remembered those few times. Those were the only nights we ever spent together, and we did everything but sleep.

“So you just happened to have it with you tonight?”

“I guess I never took it off my keychain.” He shrugged. “But I wouldn’t talk. It looks like you kept everything.” He gestured to the pile in front of him.

“I was always sentimental.”

“We had fun together, didn’t we?” He held up a picture of us making goofy faces. It was from a photo booth at the local movie theater, and it was one of the many photos of us that used to stick out from behind my mirror.

“Yeah, we did. But you didn’t answer me. What are you doing here?”

“What does it look like? I’m looking through pictures.” He looked at me innocently.

“Come on, why are you in this house?”

“I thought I’d come by and surprise you and to make sure you weren’t swimming without me. Where were you anyhow?”

“Over at Kelly’s.” I specifically left out who was there. I had no idea whether Ben and Gavin knew each other.

“Have you two been catching up?”

“A little, it’s good to see her.”

“How about me?”

“What about you?” I asked hesitantly.

“Is it good to see me?” He pulled a pillow off my bed and lay down on the floor. Tired of standing, I sat down next to him.

“I guess.”

“You guess? You seemed really glad to see me last night.”

“You caught me by surprise.”

“Oh, was that all it was? So you don’t want it to happen again?” He sat up to lean on one elbow. “Are you sure about that?”

I nodded.

“I’m calling your bluff.” Without warning, he pushed me down, pinning my arms above my head as he hovered above me, his lips mere inches from mine. “Tell me you don’t want me to kiss you. I dare you.”

“I don’t want you to kiss me,” I said with far less enthusiasm than I intended. Kissing him was exactly what I wanted.

“Not even a little?”

“Nope.” I played along with the game we played in high school. We’d get into a fight, and Ben would always try to wriggle his way out of trouble by teasing me.

“Well, that’s too bad, because you don’t have a choice.” This was a new addition to the game. He always gave me a choice, and I always chose to take him back.

His lips met mine as he cradled my head with one hand. His other hand found my leg underneath my dress. As his tongue demanded entry, I opened up to him, reveling in the familiar taste and feel of kissing him. He tasted faintly like mint. I ran my hands down his back, slipping them under his t-shirt to feel the warmth of his skin.

I tugged at the shirt, wanting the barrier out of the way. He drew away from me long enough to pull it over his head and toss it. His hand moved to the top of my dress, trying to yank the fabric down. He grunted in frustration when it wouldn’t move.

“You have to unzip it.”

“Oh,” he breathed, his hand finding the tiny zipper and pulling it down with urgency. “No bra?” He smiled, running his hands over the sensitive skin of my breasts before continuing his assault on my dress, grumbling when it took a moment to pull it down over my hips. I loved the way his hands felt—and the excitement he stirred in me with just the smallest touch.

“The dress has one built in.” I looked up at him as he hovered above, running my hand down his chest, trying to get used to this older and more muscular version of the boy I grew up with.

His eyes raked over me, doing a similar evaluation. “I didn’t think it was possible, but you’re even more gorgeous now.”

“You don’t look so bad yourself.”

He grinned. “I’m glad you approve.”

As his hands continued their exploration, I tried to unbutton his shorts.

He put a hand over mine as it uselessly messed with the plastic. “I’ll get it.”

My body missed his touch as he moved to slip out of his cargo shorts and boxers.

“You’re still wearing too much clothing.” He hooked a finger in the side of my panties before slowly sliding them down and off of me. “That’s better.” He moved back to lay down next to me, his lips finding my ear and trailing down a path to my neck, his hand sliding between my legs.

“Ben?” I said breathlessly.

“Yeah?”

“Are we really doing this?”

He chuckled. “I hope so, or you picked a really bad time to change your mind.”

“I’m not changing my mind.”

“Good.”

His weight shifted as he reached for his discarded shorts, retrieving his wallet and pulling out a condom.

“You still carry one around with you?”

“You know, just like the house key, you never know when you’re going to need one.”

Various parts of my brain warned me that I was about to make a mistake, that having sex with Ben was the least intelligent thing I could do, but Ben silenced my concerns when he returned his lips to my neck, moving lower, only removing them to speak. “Tell me you missed me.”

I didn’t hesitate to answer. “I missed you.”

“Good. That’s all I needed to hear.”

***

“Damn, I forgot what that was like.” Ben flipped onto his back, clasping his hands behind his head, pulling his knees up.

I mirrored his movements, loving how uninhibited I was with him. Even after four years with Adam, I’d still had to fight the urge to cover up my body around him. “You forgot what sex was like?”

“I forgot what sex with
you
was like. Either my memories didn’t do it justice, or it’s gotten even better.”

“I think it was even better.” I hadn’t ever remembered feeling so physically fulfilled. I tried to hold onto the feeling of completeness so I could hold off the other thoughts that threatened to drown me.

“I’m glad you’re back.” He clasped my hand, placing our joined hands on his leg.

I thought about how the chemistry between us was too hard to ignore. Unless we found a way to avoid each other, this wouldn’t be a one-time occurrence. “This is going to keep happening, isn’t it?”

Ben turned to me with a sheepish grin. “If I have any say in it, it will.”

“Then we need to set down some ground rules, or well, at least one.”

“Okay, what rule?”

“We keep things purely physical.” Sex with Ben was fine, but I couldn’t let it go any further. I had nothing else to offer him

“So pretty much you want to use me for my body?” He arched an eyebrow.

“Is that going to be a problem?”

“Do I want no strings-attached sex? Hmm, let me think about it.” He pretended to mull it over before grabbing me to pull me on top of him. I looked down into his eyes, loving the contentment I saw there. “Okay, I know I just said it, but I’ll say it again, I’m glad your back.”

Chapter Eight

After kicking Ben out around one a.m., I got three hours of fitful sleep in before waking up screaming in a cold sweat. The nightmares were worse and seemed endless.

The dreams usually followed such a set pattern, but that night they almost felt like a movie stuck on replay. Just as I was ready to hit the water, I’d be back where I started. Then to make matters worse, images of my dad entered the fray. I’d never had dreams featuring both of them before.

Leaving Boston might have been a way to avoid memories of Adam, but I couldn’t stay in my childhood home without thinking about my dad. I idly wondered if I was being punished for actually enjoying myself. With relief, I pulled myself out of bed and got dressed.

Heading out for another run, I decided to take a different route. I wasn’t about to take the chance of running into Mr. Mathews again considering his son had just left my bedroom a few hours before. I headed up a few blocks, running along the beach, but in the opposite direction. The downside was that I was running into the wind when it was earlier and cooler out. At least I hoped that, when I was exhausted on the way back, it would be easier.

I saw a figure a little way ahead of me and contemplated hanging back so I wouldn’t come up on him. I changed my mind when he stopped. I would just have to pick up the pace and pass him. It was definitely a him—broad shoulders and extremely tall. I realized exactly who it was as I got close. He was still retying a shoe lace when I ran past. I hoped I would go unnoticed.

“Molly?” My first thought was whether I could pretend not to hear him, but the wind wasn’t that loud. Reluctantly I slowed down and stopped, turning to face him as he jogged to catch up with me.

“Hi, Gavin.”

“Hey. I never see anyone on my runs; nice to know I’m not the only one crazy enough to get up at the crack of dawn for exercise.” Gavin seemed to be in his natural element, and I doubted he really considered himself crazy.

I kept the fact that I hadn’t actually chosen to get up to myself. “I usually take another route.”

“Oh, okay. Do mind if I join you?”

“Sure, why not?”

“Great.” He started moving again, and I matched his pace. I assumed he was going slower for me, so I gradually sped up. He followed.

My body was exhausted from lack of sleep, but it felt nice to stretch my muscles. Trying to show up Gavin forced me to push myself a little harder than usual, which was probably a good thing. I didn’t mind his company too much, although I was definitely aware of him looking over at me several times.

“This is me,” he said about two miles further up the coast.

“Oh, well, nice seeing you.” I stopped. It was as good a time as any to turn around and start back. I was supposed to be at work at six forty-five, so I had plenty of time, but I didn’t know how far I could push myself.

He wiped sweat off his forehead and shook out some of the moisture from his shirt. “So have you thought about dinner?”

And I thought I’d escaped it. “Sure, but only as friends, it’s not a date.” I’m not sure why I said yes; maybe because I couldn’t think of a rational reason not to. Besides, if I didn’t get out with other people, I’d probably spend all my nights hooking up with Ben, and that wouldn’t be smart.

He grinned. “Great. Thursday night at six-thirty?”

I got a little suspicious at how detailed he was. “You didn’t already make reservations somewhere, did you?”

His smile grew even bigger. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You’re impossible.”

“Have a great day. I’ll see you soon!” He waved, sprinting toward the road.

“Bye,” I called after him before heading home thinking that I should have run my usual route.

***

“You want me to what?” I asked Kelly as we sat at the same table at Marney’s Ben had occupied a few days earlier. I absently ran my fingers over the scratches in the black veneer of the tabletop. Someone had gone through a lot of effort to carve in their initials, J.H., especially in such a visible spot.

“Take some engagement shots. Nothing too fancy, but maybe you can make them artistic. We don’t want cookie cutter.”

“You do realize I’m not a professional photographer, right?”

“Uh huh,” Kelly said innocently. She had entirely too much time on her hands now that school was out for the summer. “But we’re on a tight budget with the wedding and everything, so I thought… I mean, we can pay you if you want.”

“You don’t have to pay me. I just can’t promise you’re going to love what I come up with.”

“Of course I will. So maybe Saturday? Want to do the beach?”

The more I thought about it, the more fun it started to sound. “I was actually thinking the marina. But we can do the beach if you prefer.”

“No, the marina sounds great. Or wait, I have an even better idea.”

“Let’s hear it,” I said, not sure what to expect.

“Let’s go out on a boat. You know, get open water shots.”

“Like on Tom’s speedboat?”

“No, I was thinking more like one of the Mathews’s. They have that gorgeous one they use for events. If we had more money, we’d totally have rented it out for the wedding. But maybe they wouldn’t charge us to just use it for an hour.”

“Well, you’ll have to ask Mr. Mathews then.”

“Can’t you ask Ben?”

“Kelly.” I couldn’t believe she was putting me on the spot like this.

“I mean, you’ve talked to him since Gill’s, right? I figure you wouldn’t be in such a good mood otherwise.”

I looked away, not willing to meet her eyes. “Maybe.”

“Molly Marie Sander, what aren’t you telling me?”

“Could you keep it down?” The last thing I needed was for Gail to come out and hear this. She’d never let me live it down.

“Spill it,” Kelly demanded.

“Hey, weren’t you the one trying to hook me up with Gavin?”

“Oh come on, you know I was only sucking up to Tom.”

“What about the whole ‘give it a chance’ speech?” I asked, still looking for a way out of having to admit everything to her. I still wasn’t sure how I felt about what happened—let alone having to share it.

“Gavin shmavin, he’s not the one you’re holding out on me about.”

“Okay fine, I’ve seen him twice.”

“Twice?” Kelly yelped, almost falling out of her seat.

“Once that night after I left the bar, and then again last night.”

“So what did these visits consist of?”

“None of your business.” I messed with the tabletop again, giving myself an excuse to look down. 

“I’m your best friend. It’s all my business. I never held back on you about Tom and me.”