Derailed (3 page)

“Honey, I’ve been deciding for you since before you were legal.”

“Fine. See, Molly, aren’t you glad you didn’t drive?” 

“Sure.”

“You want anything, Gavin?” I asked.

“No, I’m fine.” He held up his beer as evidence.

Heading to the bar, Ronny pulled me close to him. “It’s good to have you home.”

“Thanks. It’s good to be home… I think.”

He laughed. “You haven’t been back long. Give it some time.”

A light voice pulled my attention. “Molly? I thought that was you.” So, Katie was bartending at Gill’s. Not too surprising.

“Yeah, I’m back.”

“So, can I see it?”

“See what?” I asked with confusion.

“The ring, dummy. I bet it’s a gorgeous rock.”

“Oh. Well, I don’t have it anymore.” I looked at the faint tan line on my left ring finger. I’d taken off the ring the night of Adam’s funeral. I couldn’t bear to look at it anymore, to think about the future we’d never have.

“Oh. I’m sorry. That must suck.” Good old Katie, she never did have a filter to stop her from putting her foot in her mouth.

“It’s fine. Could we get three Millers?”

“Sure, but we’ll have to get together sometime soon, okay? And don’t worry, you’ll find yourself a new man. Heck, Ben’s still single. Maybe the two of you can work things out.” Katie always meant well, but she also loved matchmaking. Throwing Ben’s name in the mix only stacked the cards against her if she actually wanted to catch up.

I slipped a ten on the bar and took a beer, leaving Ronny to take the other two.

Gavin started chatting me up again the second I returned to my seat. “So, is it nice to be out of the big city? I’m sure it was a little overwhelming for a small town girl like you.”

“Maybe when I first went, but I lived in Boston for almost five years.”

“True, but don’t they always say you can take the girl out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the girl?”

“Are you a country boy then?” I hoped the conversation would shift off of me.

“I’m from Georgia actually. Augusta.”

“Oh, what brought you to Clayton Falls?”

“Looking for a change and a beach.”

“Yeah, the water’s nice.” I smiled.

“We’ll have to head down to the beach together sometime.” It was a statement and not a question.

“Maybe.” I turned my attention to my beer, reaching the half-way point, drifting into my comfort zone.

“So, are you staying with your parents?” Gavin asked.

“At my mom’s house, but she’s living in Seattle with my sister and her family right now. My sister works long hours in her residency—as does her husband—so Mom’s helping with the kids.” I left out the part about my mom needing distance from the town as much as I did.

“Oh, all right. How does it feel to be back?”

“It’s weird to be here by myself, but I’m sure I’ll get used to it. Where are you living?”

“I’ve got a place over on Maple. It’s not much, just a two bedroom, but it’s fine because it’s only me.” There he went, trying to emphasize his availability. “It does have a fantastic view, though.”

“Great.” I hoped the one word responses let him know I wasn’t interested. He was an attractive guy, but I wasn’t in the state of mind to even play the dating game.

I drained the last of my beer and settled back in my seat. Part of me wanted another, but I knew it’d be getting into drunk territory, and I couldn’t do that at Gill’s. At least not yet.

“Kelly, is there any way you could give me a ride home?” I asked.

“Oh, sure.  I’ll take you home and then swing back.”

“How about I take you home? I was thinking about leaving as well,” Gavin offered.

I shot a pleading look at Kelly, hoping she caught it.

She did. “It’s not a problem. On second thought, I might head home myself.”

“If you’re sure.” Gavin didn’t hide his disappointment, and I wondered if he actually thought something was going to happen between us.

“Good night, everyone.” I stood up and pushed in my chair.

“Night. Don’t be a stranger.” Ronny smiled.

“It was great meeting you. I’m sure I’ll see you again real soon.” Gavin also stood.

“Bye, see you at home, Kelly.” Tom kissed her.

I caught a few words of conversation from the table as we headed to the door.

“Damn, you’re right; she’s gorgeous.”

I turned around to catch Gavin staring at my ass. Wonderful.

We got into the car and took off toward my house.

“Thanks for taking me home.”

“No problem, hon. I could tell you didn’t want a ride from Gavin.”

“Not a chance.”

“Yeah, he was coming on pretty strong. Tom’s convinced you two are going to hit it off and end up together. You know, his partner with my best friend. Maid of honor and best man, as cliché as it gets.”

“Fantastic.”

“Tom knows you probably aren’t ready to date yet, so I promise he didn’t set up tonight… but he probably would have done it soon anyway.”

“It’s okay, but it isn’t going to happen.”

“I didn’t think so.”

I laughed. “I’m that obvious?”

“No, but if you are getting together with anyone in this town, it’s Ben.”

“Oh come on, you know that’s not happening. Besides, he hates me.”

Kelly pulled the car to a stop behind my Civic.

“He doesn’t hate you. You hurt him, but he still has feelings for you.”

I paused with my hand on the door handle. “How would you even know that?”

“He still writes songs about you.”

“How do you know they’re about me?”

“They are. Trust me. How many blond haired, blue eyed girls have stolen his heart?”

“Well, it doesn’t matter; I’m hoping to avoid him.”

“You do realize how impossible that is, right?”

“Maybe, maybe not.”

“Okay, be delusional.” She unbuckled her seatbelt and reached over to pull me into a hug. “I’m glad you’re home. Call me if you need me, okay?”

“I will.”

I got out of the car and to the front door, glad I had the three beers to protect me from the loneliness of stepping into an empty home.

Chapter Four

His arms reached out for me as he struggled to keep his head above water. “I need you, Molly, I need you!” His anguished cries pierced me. I fought to reach him. It was like some invisible hook had me and wouldn’t let me jump in after him. If I could only free myself from the hook’s hold, I’d be able to save him. His head disappeared into the water just as the hook released me and sent me plummeting into the cold abyss.

I woke up screaming and covered in sweat. Confused by the complete darkness, I felt around, trying to figure out where I was. As my eyes adjusted, I remembered I was in my childhood bedroom. I was home. The red numbers on the digital clock read 4:15, and I knew I wouldn’t be getting anymore sleep.

Digging through a suitcase, I found a sports bra, tank, and shorts. I tied up my running shoes before heading out the front door into the still dark morning.

I ran toward the beach, taking the route I’d always taken back when I lived at home. Running in the dark felt strange at first, so different from the constant light of the city. I liked knowing I was nearly invisible.

I couldn’t shake the dream. Even the pounding of the waves failed to drown it out. I kept seeing Adam’s face, his pleading eyes, and the helplessness in his voice. My feet hit the sand, and I tried to concentrate on the way the wind felt on my face. Only two miles in, I sank down, unable to run through the pain. The tightness in my chest threatened to suffocate me as I leaned back onto the damp sand. Closing my eyes, I silently begged for relief.

“Are you okay? Miss, are you hurt?” The voice startled me, and I sat up too quickly, feeling dizzy. My hands moved through the grainy sand. The rising sun told me I had fallen asleep on the beach.

I searched around for the source of the voice, but still disoriented, I accepted the outstretched hand before finding the face.

“Molly?”

“Oh, Mr. Mathews.” I couldn’t believe it. In town less than twelve hours and I’d been found passed out on the beach by my ex-boyfriend’s father.

“Are you okay, sweetie?” He dropped my hand, but stayed close.

“Yeah, I must have fallen asleep. I’m sorry to have worried you.”

“I’m just glad you’re okay.” His brow wrinkled with concern. “I didn’t know you were home. Is your mom here too?”

“No, it’s just me.”

“Oh. Just taking a break before the big day then?”

Big day? It took me a minute to realize he was talking about the wedding. “Oh, no. That’s not happening.”

“I’m sorry to hear that, but I’m glad to see you. Does Ben know you’re in town?”

“No… I don’t think so; well, unless Jake told him.” I held in a groan, remembering his less than amicable reception.

“You should give him a call, I’m sure he’d love to see you.”

I shook my head. “I doubt that. I’m pretty sure he hates me.”

“Ben could never hate you. I know my son enough to assure you of that.” He smiled.

“I have seen Jake though… at Gill’s last night.”

“Ah, now I see. Don’t listen to anything Jake says, especially if he’s been drinking. He’s always been particularly defensive of Ben, even though he’s the younger one.”

“I remember.”

“Are you sure you’re all right? I’m just heading over to the marina, but I can call someone.”

“I’m fine. I promise.”

“Okay, but don’t be a stranger. I know Mary would love to have you over for dinner or brunch. And call Ben.”

“Aren’t you going to tell him I’m here?”

He smiled. “No, I think I’ll let you do that yourself. It’s good to see you, Molly.”

“You too.” I waved goodbye before jogging toward home.

***

I needed a job. The student loan money I had left for the semester wouldn’t carry me forever, but even more than that, I needed something to keep me busy. As much as I hated law school, it had given me something else to concentrate on. Left to its own devices, my mind was a dangerous place.

I scoured the kitchen for something to eat. Thankfully I found some coffee and put on a pot before heading upstairs for a shower. I let the hot water run over me for slightly longer than necessary, not ready to face an empty day. Coming back to Clayton Falls had seemed like a good idea when I was still in Boston, but once I got there, I started to doubt it. I could have gone out to Seattle, but I didn’t want to face my mom or my perfect sister and her perfect family. They’d just worry about me, try to get me to see someone, and mostly try to convince me not to feel so guilty. It’s easy for someone to say that when they weren’t the cause of the deaths of two of the most important people in their lives.

As the dark thoughts settled in, I turned off the water, dried myself, and got dressed in my usual uniform of a jean skirt and tank top. Some girls have 20 pairs of jeans. I had 20 jean skirts in assorted colors and styles. It had started out as a statement in high school, one I never outgrew. Adam used to make fun of me, but all I had to do was threaten to stop wearing skirts entirely, and he’d shut up. For such a straight-laced conservative boy, he had a weakness for exposed skin—at least on me. Becca said it was his form of rebellion, but that was probably just her psychology major side talking. I think he was just a guy who liked to have a girl who looked sexy.

The hot coffee helped wake me, but my stomach still demanded food. Jumping in my car, I drove the few blocks to the square, hoping to kill two birds with one stone: food and a job. The only place to do that was Marney’s.

Marney’s café wasn’t actually owned by a Marney. Kind of like how there were no falls in Clayton Falls. I guess a Marney might have worked there at one time, but for as long as I remembered, Gail, a perpetually upbeat 70-something-year-old had run it.

“Can I help you?” Gail never lifted her eyes off her paper.

“I don’t know, can you?”

She looked up, brushing some silver hair from her face. “Molly! What are you doing here?” She threw down the paper and ran out from behind the counter. “And why do you look so skinny? Isn’t that boyfriend of yours feeding you?” She gave me a bone crunching hug that seemed surprising coming from someone with her slight frame.

I swallowed, not looking forward to yet another one of these conversations. For once, I hoped the rumor mill would do its job so I could stop explaining.

“No boyfriend anymore, Gail. It’s just me. If you’re worried about my weight, how about giving me one of those strawberry Danishes of yours?”

“I’ll do you one better, how about two?”

“Wow, I must really look skinny.”

She laughed. “Come on, let’s get you some food and catch up. The morning rush is over, so we should have some time.”

Over pastries and the orange juice Gail insisted I get for the vitamins, I filled her in. Or at least I gave her the edited version.

“What’s going on? What are you doing home?”

“Adam’s gone, I don’t want to be a lawyer, and I didn’t know where else to go.” I laid it out there.

“Gone?”

“Please don’t make me tell the story. I don’t want to cry anymore.”

“The devastation in your eyes is from more than a break up, but I’ll respect your wishes. One piece of advice: holding the truth in is only going to hurt you more.”

“You’re probably right, but it’s what I’m doing right now.” I finished my juice, using it as an excuse not to make eye contact.

“All right, it’s your choice to make.”

“I need a job.”

“And she gets to the point.”

I nearly snorted my juice. “Any chance you can give me some shifts?”

“Aren’t you a little overqualified to serve coffee and sandwiches?”

“My political science major isn’t going to help much anywhere else in town.”

“You know you always have a job here, honey.” She’d said the same thing when I left for college.

“Thanks, I really appreciate it.” I smiled, relieved that something was going my way.

“When can you start?”

“The sooner the better.”

“All right, I’ll get you an apron.”

“I’m starting now?”

“Unless you have somewhere else to be.” She looked at me questioningly.