Denying Heaven (Room 103) (13 page)

Did the fact that if we prohibited the words, even though
we both knew how we felt, help?

I had no idea but we could try, hell, I’d try to hold the
moon if it helped.

“And I… really, really like you” I reciprocated as I
captured her eyes to tell her I was with her and that I understood.

A huge bright smile lit her face and my whole core
shivered at the sheer beauty she radiated. My god, she was stunning and I
gulped as my heart seemed to explode in my chest.

Could we do this? Could we take what we had and just roll
with it, go with the flow? Hell, I hoped so because right now, I wanted nothing
more than to have this beautiful woman and our baby in my life.

More than I wanted to breathe.

More than I wanted to live.

More than I wanted to grieve.

The way his eyes locked on me, the heat in them
surrounded by something completely different, took the breath from my lungs and
slammed it into my brain, making me dizzy with an emotion I wasn’t familiar
with.

His hand reached up to my hair and he took a tuft between
his fingers, moulding it around his knuckles until it resembled a glove,
completely sheathing his hand.

I gasped when he gave it a swift tug and my mouth was
unexpectedly covering his, the wicked glint in his eyes bringing a small smile
to my lips.

“I want to taste you so much.” He breathed against me and
I swallowed heavily.

“I… uhh, you just slept with…”

His eyes bore through me, a deep regret in his expression
before he nodded sombrely, “I’m so sorry. I’d just found out you were living
with Kenny.”

Shit!

I stiffened and pulled back. Kenny had completely slipped
from my thoughts and I screwed up my face.

“I was just angry Spirit, it didn’t mean anything, it was
just sex… no emotion, no feelings.”

I slipped out of bed and looked around the room for my clothes,
“I have to go.”

He jumped up off the bed, grabbing my wrist and yanking
me back hard so I fell on top of him, my butt landing in his groin. He groaned
and circled me with his arms, holding me tight against him until I was
bracketed against him securely, his growing erection greeting my ass crack with
a firm hello.

“I refuse to let you, I have kidnapped you and you are
now all mine. You’re my new toy, and I intend to play. I will tie you up if I
have to and force feed you snails and horrible gooey green things.” He chuckled
slightly, his humour forcing a slight laugh myself.

“I can’t” I giggled as his long fingers dug into my ribs
lightly and wiggled, causing my laughter to become louder and heartier, “Stop!”

“Never!” he smirked as he flipped us completely, my back
hitting the bed with a heavy oomph as his knees flanked my hips so he was
hovering above me without squashing my stomach.

A soft smile lightened his face as one of his large hands
gripped the edge of my shirt and bunched it up so it was gathered underneath my
boobs. He placed his other hand gently over my stomach without removing his
gaze from me. “I gotta ask,” he whispered hesitantly and I nodded.

“Yes, it’s yours. Although I’m angry that Romeo told
you.”

He shook his head as he lowered his eyes to watch his
fingers circle my belly button, “No, he was worried. He gave me a right fucking
off.”

My eyes widened but he shrugged. “I deserved it. I was
trying to hurt you and I succeeded. And for that I am so sorry, honey. I
panicked, I…”

I placed my hand on his
chest,
his very firm muscular chest, and lowered my eyes to take in the scenery.

“I… The video…” he said as his eyes fired and his body
flinched when I stiffened. “We should talk” he said somewhat cautiously and I
fought the bile back.

“No, honestly, you don’t want to know.”

He regarded me, his eyes narrow and curious as he heaved
a heavy sigh, “Why.”

“Why? Because it won’t help either of us, that’s why.”

He leaned forward until his lips lightly pressed against
my forehead, his warm breath wisping over the miniscule drops of sweat that
were forming in my anxiety, but causing my heart to twitch in response. “I want
to. No, I need to know everything about you, Spirit; your life, your happy
times, the painful ones, the sad ones. I need to absorb it all; I need to see your
soul.”

Oh Jesus Christ. Why did he always have to make things
difficult? The pain in the truth would annihilate whatever feelings he had for
me.

I stared at him regretfully as I nodded slowly, “If
that’s what you want.” I knew I could never tell him the whole truth but maybe
giving him some of it would bate his need.

He frowned, slight annoyance guiding his expression but
he knocked it back and softened his eyes, “It’s not a matter of me wanting to
hear it, Spirit, it’s a matter of wanting you to tell it.”

I chewed my lip manically, a nausea sweeping through my
body as tears suddenly pooled in my eyes.

“Hey, it can’t be that bad?”

He sat back on his heels and took my hand, sweeping his
long fingers over my short stumpy ones in a calming manner and I nudged myself
upright until I was knelt before him. Taking a deep breath I removed my gaze
from him and placed it on our joint hands, wanting to watch our union for the
last time.

“I…” My brain stuttered as my larynx knotted and my gut
twisted with nerves, “I made a porn movie to… to pay off my heroin debt.”

The silence was consuming, its thickness curling round me
and squeezing my body in a vice, the pressure making my ears pop and my heart
scream in pain as I waited for his reaction; for any reaction, but he was still
and quiet, too quiet.

I daren’t look up. My eyes refused to meet the horror in
his as my ears took in his heavy breaths and the hammering of his boisterous heartbeat
that was audible in the silence.

“You… you’re a heroin addict?”

I could hear the clenching of his teeth as he voiced his
revulsion. “I
was,
” I answered quietly, still refusing to meet his gaze
as I concentrated on the crisp ironed lines in the duvet cover.

I choked back a sob as his hand slipped from mine,
dropping it with a thud against the bed before he slowly but heavily edged
backwards.

Away from me.

I felt sick. I felt immoral. I felt hurt. I felt
exhausted but most of all I felt disgusted with myself after what Bulk had gone
through because of drugs, his childhood destroyed and maybe his spirit along
with it.

“You made a porno to pay for drugs?” he choked out as a
tiny gurgle rolled up his throat.

My eyes snapped up to his as I held back the vomit I was
currently wrestling with. “No, I didn’t… I didn’t do it to pay for them, not
like that. I did it because… because…” I couldn’t tell him, it stuck in my
throat as my heart refused to betray him, even now.

“I… he…” I shook my head slowly, my teeth sinking harshly
into my tongue as my brain refused to explain.

“He?” he asked with a tilt of his head and his jaw tight
and sharp. His eyes were bitter and a little hostile but I shrugged.

“It doesn’t matter” I murmured as I cringed inside.

He scoffed loudly, his jaw hanging slightly open in incredulity,
“I think it does? I think it matters a lot, if you can’t even talk about
him
,
whoever
he
is!”

My eyes widened with his tone, the jealousy evident and
blatant in it. “Bulk, there’s nothing to be jealous of…”

“I’m not jealous!” he raged as he paced across to the
window, his hands rubbing his head frantically and his body rigid as he
strained to control his temper.

I remained seated on the bed watching him struggle with
whatever was going through his head.

Minutes passed as we both waited for… what? I wasn’t sure
but we waited.

“I…” he growled low and I blinked at him when he spun
around to face me. “Shit, never mind… Is there anything else?”

I shook my head as I swallowed the lie and held his gaze
as easily as I could, “No.”

His eyes narrowed in suspicion as his lips tightened to a
thin line. He took two steps towards me and palmed the bed, leaning into me,
almost caging me beneath his huge frame. “Are you sure? You don’t look so
sure.”

I nodded and locked his gaze firmly, “Yes, I’m sure.”

His eyes flicked over my face as he climbed onto the bed,
his knees once again bordering my thighs as he drew closer. “Don’t lie to me,
Spirit.” He growled as he cupped my chin with a conflicting tender hold. “Don’t
treat me like I’m stupid. I’m not.”

Shit!

So I changed direction, feeding him a morsel to bate his
doubt. “I did it to pay my huge drug bill, okay. It was either that or die,
which would you have preferred? That they wipe me out? Would that have been
better for you?”

His chest heaved as he drew in a thick gulp of air, “How
much?”

Okay, now I was getting angry. What right did he have to
ask these questions, it was nothing to do with him, nothing!

“None of your damned business” I spat as I pushed against
him. I needed to get away; this conversation was getting way too uncomfortable,
way too close.

He refused to move as he remained pressed over me, his
eyes holding me down as well as his form. “Tell me, Spirit. It must have been a
hefty debt to take six men.”

“No, it doesn’t matter, all that matters is that I’m off
the heroin and I paid the debt, okay?”

I prayed he backed down; my whole body ached with a need
for him to back down but he continued to watch me as he grew closer to me, “And
now?”

“Now?” I asked with confusion.

“Coke, Spirit, are you still on the coke? You’re carrying
my baby, I think I have a right to know that much at least.”

 “No, I’m not using and I haven’t had a drink since I
found out… happy now?” I stormed, fuming at the way he was treating me, talking
to me like I was a child.

His finger tilted my head back and he stared at me, his
eyes penetrating mine, looking for a speck of coke in my system but eventually
he sighed and a small smile twitched his lips, “Good.”

“Good! Good! You know what, Bulk, fuck you!”

How fucking dare he praise me like a child, how dare he
judge me. “Just move, get out of my way.”

He glared at me, his nostrils flaring as his eyes blazed
and his teeth cracked as he snapped his jaw together, “What the fuck is wrong
with you?”

I shook my head in despair as I ducked under his arm and
slipped off the bed. He reached out for me but I moved back, “Spirit! Damn it!”

He sat watching me as I hunted the room for my clothes,
my temper rising at each unproductive drawer and bare cupboard I came across.
“Where are my clothes?”

He shrugged smugly and I shrugged back sarcastically,
screwing my face up like a three year old haughty child, “Well, I’ll just have
to walk home like this.”

He was off the bed quicker than I had the door open as he
pushed me against the back of it and confined my body under his. “What the fuck
is wrong with you?”

I saw red and snarled at him.

His whole body stiffened over me and a growl much louder,
way much louder, than mine echoed around the room and I cursed the whimper that
left my mouth.

“I told you Spirit, never to fucking growl at me again”
he stated quietly and much too calmly.

I trembled beneath him. My entire blood supply tingled;
my brain fired shots of electricity straight through my core and into my lower
belly as every hair on my body stood to attention with his warning tone.

His body hardened over me and I could physically see each
of his muscles contract under his skin as his eyes held an air of danger.

I could hardly pull in oxygen and my head swam as an
intense pulse rippled through my body.

“Fuck!” I whispered as he cupped my mound, the heat from
his hand drawing the moistness from me as I struggled to keep my eyes open in
the heavy atmosphere between us.

A smug smile twisted his lips, “Already so wet for me,
Spirit.”

I pursed my lips angrily and narrowed my eyes on him,
“Why does sex with you always have to be a damn contest?”

His lips lifted higher, the smug smile now resembling an
arrogant grin, “You wanna see who can win?”

I gulped as his finger slid over my inflamed clit,
delicately stroking his bent knuckle over the sensitive muscle as my legs
twitched and my thighs trembled. I struggled to remain upright, my whole body
was vibrating with raw need and hunger as his finger slid lower, teasing my
entrance with a gentle touch.

He leaned in closer, his mouth settling beneath my ear
and dampening my already heated skin with his own hot breath. “I think you’ll
lose, honey,” he breathed against me and I bit my lip to stop the moan,
“Because in exactly four minutes you’ll be begging me to fuck you.”

“Oh really?” I scoffed, well I tried to scoff but it came
out more like a whimper.

He didn’t answer my question but slipped his finger lower
until he was tracing the entrance to my pussy and I fought with myself,
refusing the groan to free itself.

His teeth lightly grazed the skin under my ear and my
chest stuttered when he drew slowly out of me and then gradually pushed back in
at the same time as his little finger delved into my anus… “Oh… Oh god…”

“Can you feel that, Spirit, can you feel how good that
is? How fucking amazing it is when I fuck your ass with my finger?”

His words were the equivalent of pouring a bucket of hot
lava over me; my whole body seemed to erupt in heat as he dragged out and drove
back in more forcefully. “Your pussy is begging me Spirit, it’s begging to feel
my hard firm cock inside it, driving you higher and higher, nearer and nearer
to that explosion that rocks your fucking body and takes you to the high that
you’re missing.”

“Damn you, damn you, you bastard” I practically sobbed as
my brain fired up with need, the mention of the high demanding its whole
attention and commanding me to give in.

I couldn’t take it when his mouth clamped over mine and
his lips moulded perfectly to me, his lips controlling me under him, bringing
the high to a new level as his tongue entered my mouth and he fucked every
single opening in me; his long middle finger driving deep to his knuckle in my
pussy, his little one fucking my arse with expertise and temptation and his
tongue, sliding in and out of my mouth, mimicking the movement of his hand.

It was too much, the pleasure high, the need, the want,
the whole fucking sensation overdrive and I grabbed his chin firmly, “Just fuck
me, take me and make me come,”