Denying Heaven (Room 103) (11 page)

We were recognised as soon as we entered, the wide eyes
and low jaws making me think this was a mistake. I closed my eyes and pulled in
a breath as Romeo pulled on my arm and a waitress in tight black hot pants and
stupid thigh high stripy socks led us to a table.

“What can I get you gentlemen?” she asked us all but kept
her gaze on Jax.

He lifted an eyebrow and waggled his finger at her,
indicating his marital status with a blatant exposure of his wedding ring.

She curled a lip slightly but turned to Romeo, “Sir?”

He gave her his Romeo special smile, the lazy one that
darkened his wandering eyes and told her exactly what he thought of her. “Well,
we’ll take four beers and four whisky chasers seems as though it’s my
birthday.”

“Oh, happy birthday” she grinned before leaning over and
planting a soft kiss on his cheek. “If you need anything else, entertainment wise,
then be sure to ask me or book in with Hilary on reception.”

Romeo gave her another glance and tipped his head, “Do
you entertain, sweetheart?”

“I do, Sir.”

He nodded slowly, his eyes virtually peeling her clothes
off her. “Then I’ll make sure I go see Hilary.” He winked when she lit up in
excitement.

I shook my head at the pair of them before casting a
glance around the club. It was Romeo’s birthday and he had been eager to check
out the local sex club. E knew the owner and he had allowed us in without
membership for the night and the guy had reserved us a table bang in front of
the stripper’s podium and banned all camera’s, asking members to leave their
phones in the deposit boxes in reception. I liked this guy instantly.

The stripper wasn’t performing yet, it was still
relatively early but it gave us a chance to down some alcohol and loosen up
ready, not that Romeo needed loosening up anymore, the man was a walking hard
on. 

My eyes landed on a redhead spinning a pole. Jesus she
was hot. She was one of those you knew would be dirty in the bedroom. A bit
like my little sinner.

Fuck, I needed to stop calling her that. She wasn’t my
anything.

She caught my eyes and smiled as one of her legs lifted
and wrapped around the pole so she could spin her whole body around and lean
backwards.

A blond haired bloke who was sat before her turned to see
what she was looking at and narrowed his eyes on me. Lifting a gold bound finger
to me much like Jax had done to the waitress, he pointed to the redhead.

I held up a hand and gave him a nod. He returned my nod
and returned to watching his wife dance.

That was her out then.

“To…” Romeo started with his glass in the air and then
cast a glance at Boss.

“Freedom, friends and fucking,” Boss finished with our
usual Room 103 motto E had and Boss had formulated years ago.

“Freedom, friends and fucking.” We all finished as we
downed our shots.

“Sir.” A small voice said in my ear and I turned my head
to be met with huge chocolate eyes and bright blond hair. “I’m part of your
entertainment tonight and I’m just introducing myself. Darla.”

Her eyes told me exactly what entertainment she wanted to
provide me with and a wicked grin lifted my lips as I took in her huge tits.
“That’s good to know, honey. I’ll come find you later.”

Fuck, down boy.

She gave me her own naughty smile and a wink before
turning and displaying her arse with a swing of her hips as she made her way
across the room. She had a nice arse, quite plump but a little wobbly but her
body was tight so why not.

I turned back to the table as Boss narrowed his eyes on
me. “What?” I asked him as I tightened my own eyes.

“You, you’re a fucking whore lately.”

My brows lifted into my hairline as I snorted at him.
“And why do you have a problem with that? Jealous cos’ I can play?”

He scoffed, “Are you fuckin’ kidding me. Having a woman
in your bed to keep you warm at night beats fucking hookers galore… cool, that
sounded like the name of a chat line… Hooker’s Galore.” He said as he gave
himself a proud nod. I rolled my eyes and Jax let out a bark of laughter as a
spotlight appeared on the stage in front of us.

The curtain at the back of the stage dropped and a woman
sat with her back to us on a chair.

She wore a tight red leather basque, a long black skirt
that appeared to have a split all the way up the side, fishnet stockings and
heels the height of the empire state building. My dick reacted happily as
What
Now’s, High Class
hit the speakers and the strippers shoulders started to
roll to the beat of the music. Her back bent suddenly and my eyes widened when
her masked face tilted towards us and her long black hair swept the floor.

“Fuck, that’s hot. Would you fuck a bird with a mask?”
Romeo whispered in my ear.

“Fuck yeah, I know what you mean. That little bit of mystery
as to what’s under there.” He nodded in agreement as we both turned back to the
stage.

The girl lifted her arse high in the air as she unhurriedly
stood. Her hips were driving me crazy as they swayed and rocked to the beat and
I swallowed heftily.

There was just something about her that drew everything
in. My body reacted to hers and hardened everywhere as she lifted her hands and
ran them through her long hair and slithered them down over her tits and then
back up to the zip at the top of her basque.

My heart thumped in eagerness as she slowly lowered the
zip, tempting the fuck out of everyone in the room as all eyes trained on her.

Slowly, very slowly, she opened her basque and all the
men in the room groaned as her exquisite small pert tits made my mouth water.

Fuck, I just hoped she was available for fucking after. I
wanted this bitch, fuck that, I
needed
this hot little number.

She let the piece of red leather drop to the floor as she
moved nearer to us, her whole body demanding my attention as her fluid dancing
heated my blood. I was near ready to climb on the stage, throw her on the floor
and bang the fuck out of her. She was just so damn tempting.

I knew it was because she reminded me of Spirit; Hell,
she was her twin, the long black hair and tiny tits stirring the rage in my
guts and tightening my balls painfully.

I shook the images from my head and focused on the masked
little dancer now edging further towards the end of the stage, ready for the
twenties everyone would slip into her thong. I knew how it worked and I pulled
a few from my pocket, eager to slide my fingers up her smooth thighs to reach
said thong.

The stripper gestured to the tie on the side of her skirt
and tilted her head in question as she looked out to the darkened room. Shouts
of ‘
Yes
’ ‘
Fuck yes’
‘
Take it off’
rumbled through the room
and she smirked as she slowly pulled on the tie and the long slip of material
dropped to the floor.

My head swam.

My stomach rolled.

My heart stopped.

What the fuck!

My blood exploded in my brain as the room erupted in
whistles and dirty shouts when the wings of a phoenix curled up from beneath
the small triangle of material covering her pussy and over her hip bones.

“Spirit?” I hadn’t even realised I’d left my chair and I
had no idea how I had managed to climb on the stage without even knowing it,
but I suddenly had her shoulders in my hands and was shaking her frantically.
“What the fuck?”

I bent and plucked her basque from the floor, pressing it
against her chest to cover her tits from these pervy leers.

She just stared at me before two hefty fuckers had hold
of me and were tackling me off the stage. “Get off the fucking stage!” A
security guard growled at me as he dragged me backwards.

I was so fucking angry with her. What the fuck was she
playing at? A stripper? A dirty fucking stripper? Fuck… just Fuck, fuck, fuck!!

“Sit the shit down!” A familiar voice hissed in my ear and
I turned to see Janey glaring at me, “You’ll get her sacked.”

My mouth hung open as I stared at her. “Jesus Christ,
Janey.” I scoffed as she pushed me into my chair and dragged a spare chair up
to the table.

“Do you wanna get both your faces in the paper?”

My heart stuttered when I realised she was right. “That
why she wears a mask?” I asked as I took another glance at a frozen Spirit.

A small slither of my heart went out to her when she
appeared lost and… frightened. Why the fuck did she look frightened?

She remained silent and still; her chest heaving
violently as she held the scrap of leather to her chest where I had placed it.
The whole population of the room were shouting an encouragement for her to get
on with it as her eyes locked on me and didn’t move.

The little redheaded pole dancer appeared and stood in
front of Spirit, taking her cheeks in her palms and gently speaking to her.

Spirit shifted her eyes to Redhead as Redhead’s hubby
appeared and joined in the conversation.

Jesus Fuck! My brain was on fire, it didn’t know what to
think. Was she really a whore? Did she crave all the sexual attention from men?

Was I not enough?

Fuck! Fucking Fuck!

My heart, the lump of muscle in my chest that was already
frozen, finally solidified; finally, once and for all, annihilated anything it
ever held.

I along with it had had enough. Why did God make you fall
in love? It just led to pain and an ache worse than purgatory.

Why couldn’t Spirit… why couldn’t she love me?

Was I too broken for her?

I glanced back at her. She nodded slowly to the guy who
was giving me quick flicks of deadeye and I curled my lip at him. What the hell
did he know?

He nodded reassuringly back to her with a soft smile and
climbed from the stage, giving me a final glare as he passed.

Up yours, arsehole!

The music fired up again, much to the rooms delight and
Spirit’s hips started to move again; quite reluctantly at first but as she
removed her gaze from me and stared across the room, she seemed to move more
fluidly.

Jesus Holy Christ!

Every eye in the damn room was on her, on her tits, on
those smooth soft thighs, on the length of her supple shapely legs. On the rise
of her breasts, the pink abundance of her nipples. The smooth skin tightly
pulled over the small mound of her stomach.

Well at least she’d put weight on now I was out of her
life. Maybe I had been dragging her down, making life too difficult for her.

She certainly looked healthier. Her eyes were clear and
beautiful, a sign her veins were also the same.

She appeared sober too.

I rolled my lips, ignoring Janey mumbling something in my
ear, as Darla reappeared with more shots.

I snatched one up, downed it and turned to her. “You
ready now, honey? I want between your thighs right the fuck now!”

She blinked but smiled, “Sure, I’ll just get some cover
and book it in.”

I nodded as I stood before bending into Janey’s ear,
“Tell the bitch to go fuck herself.”

She gasped and looked at me sadly, “Don’t do this, Bulk.
You have no idea what is going on here.”

I scoffed and laughed with absolutely no humour. “Oh, I
have every idea what is going on here. I bet she’s already shacked up with
Kenny, opening her legs for him every hour, on demand.”

Her face said it all and I shook my head with both anger
and sadness, “I’ll say no more then.”

Darla emerged from nowhere and I took hold of her hand
firmly before pulling her against me and licking a trail along her jaw, over
her cheek and up to her ear. “You ready cos’ I most definitely am? I am gonna
fuck you crazy.”

She smiled widely and giggled before nodding and pulling
me towards some stairs.

I didn’t look back.

I didn’t want her face in my head when I fucked this
tight little blond to hell. Fucked the little sinner right out of my system.

But as Darla rode the hell out of me in a little room at
the back of the club, all I could see was black hair, bright green eyes and the
brightest smile on the damn planet.

Something broke deep inside me when I watched him climb
the stairs with Darla.

I waited until they had disappeared behind the top floor
door before I allowed my legs to give in to the shake and I collapsed in a
heap, banging my head on the chair as I went.

Romeo, Jax and Boss were beside me within moments, Romeo
lifting me gently into his arms and carrying me through the rear curtain whilst
barking requests at people to show him where the staffroom was.

“Spirit, what the hell is going on?” He asked as he
lowered me into a chair in the corner of the room.

I didn’t answer him at first, just looked at him in a
daze as my heart rocketed inside my chest, making me feel dizzy and sick.

“I’m pregnant!” I burst out randomly.

He keeled back on his heels and stared at me wide-eyed.
“What?”

“I’m pregnant” I repeated unemotionally as my world
finally stopped moving. The relentless push of life now seemed to shrug and let
me go, allowed the pressure of my life to cease when all of a sudden, now I
knew I had lost him forever, nothing mattered anymore.

God could kick me in the shins, the earth could demand I
leave immediately, Satan himself could rise from the ground and take hold of me
and it wouldn’t matter anymore.

Because I didn’t want to be here anyway.

I didn’t want this anymore. I wanted to be free of this
shit. Free from all the pain and agony, free from all the crap life threw at me
relentlessly, over and frigging over until it was like a huge ball of
suffocation around me, squeezing every inch of life from me that I had to give.

I wanted to be free of the sting and the stab.

I wanted to be free from myself.

“Oh shit, darlin’” Romeo sighed as he sat back and rested
his arse on the floor.

I shrugged, still staring at the wall as though it would
magically produce something that would take the hurt away.

I knew what would take the hurt away.

My veins knew also, and they begged me to fill them with
the numbness as my brain lifted in excitement at the thoughts racing through
it.

“He has no idea.”

I scoffed, “Well that’s stating the obvious. I didn’t
until five weeks ago.”

I stood and smiled softly at him. “I need to go,” I
whispered as my heart ached with the goodbye. “You… you’ve been a good friend,
you know that.” His brow puckered before he nodded with confusion, “Hey, I’ll
be fine.”

I opened my arms, encouraging him to close the gap. He
did immediately, drawing me into his trim body and enveloping his arms around
me. “You should tell him.”

I nodded faintly, “Soon.”

He rested his hand on my cheek, “Why don’t I like this
goodbye, Spirit?”

A small laugh fluttered from my mouth, “Because goodbyes
are always sad. They take a small piece of you with every one and leave you
that little bit emptier.”

His eyes deepened, the pure chocolate of them turning
into a deep grey as he studied me with a tight expression. “Darlin’, you sure
you’re okay? Bulk was pretty damn… well, he’s a fucking knob, that’s all.”

“Yeah, but he’s hurting Romeo, and the pain of loss is
something that never leaves. It refuses, it sticks like fucking glue, rotting
and decaying everything inside you. Be there for him, see him through the
tunnel, eh?”

I blinked and coughed as I gave him another smile, trying
to relive the worry on his face. “Now, I really have to go, but take care.”

After planting a soft kiss on his cheek, I left the room
and exited through the rear door. I didn’t need Janey following. She would fuck
it all up.

***

I palmed my stomach, holding my heart in my hand and
trying to push it through as a tear dripped from my chin and landed on my
thumb. “I am so sorry, baby.”

My tongue licked hastily at my lips, trying desperately
to remove the pool of tears that were collecting rapidly across them. “But you
know, you know, it will be so much better, so much more…” I squeezed my eyes,
begging the stupid tears to just stop. They were making it harder. “…Free,” I
finished as I tickled my fingers across the small rise of my belly.

“I know you are beautiful, too beautiful for this. For
me.” I whispered with a soft smile, “You deserve the world, the whole wide
world in your hands and I… I know that I can never give it to you, never give
you what you deserve. I don’t deserve you, I know that now.”

 I licked my lips again as I eyed the lines of coke
decorating my glass coffee table with a pretty pattern, each a perfect line in
symmetry to the one next to it, each a white rung on the ladder leading to
heaven.

“We’ll make it this way, baby. We’ll be happy and… and…
together, together with Amy. All of us, all three of us, finally…”

The pain in my heart was tremendous. I could physically
feel the slow shatter, like a slow motion movie playing inside me, exploding my
heart into millions of pieces, each piece embedding into my soul as they
splintered and made it scream in a torturous agony.

“I… I want you so much; so, so much…”

I pulled in a deep breath, one that filled my lungs
fully, one that calmed me and soothed my soul as I knelt at the table and
picked up the twenty pound note.

There was a soft smile on my lips as I rolled it tightly,
tubing it securely and I blew out the breath as his face swan before me, “And
you’ll always be with me… always, because now I take a piece of you with me.”

I blew him a kiss and leaned towards the table, towards
oblivion, towards death.

Towards peace… finally.

So very finally.