Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (9 page)

No. But you may have medical recourse. Vasectomies have been reversed as long as 30 years after the procedure. About 60 percent of men who have microsurgery to reconnect the vas deferens produce children.

The condom ripped

The condom ripped as my girlfriend and I were having sex last night. What are the chances that she’s now pregnant? This is the third condom we’ve ripped in the past three weeks.—H.N., Trenton, New Jersey

Chance has nothing to do with it. By now, either she’s pregnant or she isn’t. It’s extremely rare for condoms to break because of structural defects. Our guess is that you’re pulling them on too tight. Once you’ve unrolled the condom over your erection, gently pinch at least a half inch of airless space at the tip. This allows a place for the semen to be deposited, and it provides room for the condom to move as you thrust.

When is she most fertile?

When is a woman most fertile? My girlfriend makes me wear a condom when we have sex, but she can’t possibly be able to get pregnant every day of the month.—T.R., Los Angeles, California

According to a study published in the
New England Journal of Medicine
, a woman has a window of about six days during her monthly menstrual cycle when she can be impregnated. Her hot zone is the day of ovulation, during which one of her ovaries releases an egg into one of her fallopian tubes to hook up with any available sperm. Your girlfriend’s remaining fertile days occur during the week or so before ovulation, and in some cases a day after. Researchers calculate that fertile women who have unprotected sex once a week over the course of their menstrual cycle have about a 15 percent chance of pregnancy; those who have sex every other day, a 33 percent chance; and those who have sex daily, a 37 percent chance. Those are good odds only if you’re trying to have a kid. Keep your condom on and leave the body temperature charts, hormone tests and guesswork to couples who are ready for the miracle of life.

The male pill

Can you give me an update on a contraceptive pill for men?—T.A., Detroit, Michigan

Researchers have been searching for years for a pill that could shut off the sperm factory as relatively easily as the female pill shuts down a woman’s reproductive cycle. There have been many false starts. One problem is that hormonal methods can lower sperm counts to zero but usually have serious side effects, such as reduced libido, loss of muscle mass or liver damage. However, progress is being made, and there’s talk of a male patch or implant on the market in Europe by as early as 2009, followed by a U.S. debut. One promising technique is a progestin implant that reduces the hormones in the male brain that control sperm production, supplemented by a testosterone injection every 90 days to keep everything in balance. Other scientists are working on ways to make sperm too tired to swim very far, or to keep them from attaching to the egg. Keep your vasa deferentia crossed.

Hot, hot, hot

I saw some Brits on the Discovery Channel who soaked their testicles in hot water for a few hours a day, with the idea that your testicles must be cooler than your body temperature to make sperm. That’s why your scrotum hangs away from your body. It took a few weeks, but eventually the guys shot blanks. It struck me—why not create a discrete pouch to keep guys’ balls overheated? People have laughed when I explain my idea, but I think it could change the world, and make me rich.—W.S., Madison, Wisconsin

We’re sorry to disappoint you, but you’re 80 years behind the curve. Scientists have been studying the effects of heat on sperm production since at least the 1930s, and several inventors have attempted to market testicle pouches and insulated underwear without success. Heating your balls does seem to work, but it takes discipline. One widely cited 1946 study with nine volunteers found that men who soaked their balls in 116-degree water for 45 minutes a day for three weeks become sterile for about six months. Other research has found that holding the balls extremely close to the body raises the temperature enough to impede production. But that too is a tough sell, and we wouldn’t trust either method. We’ve been writing about research into male contraception for years, and there is always something revolutionary just over the horizon. The latest technique that doesn’t involve hormones is Reversible Inhibition of Sperm Under Guidance, which is currently being tested in India. Doctors inject a gel into the vas deferens that causes the heads of passing sperm to explode. RISUG appears to be reversible when the gel is flushed, although removal requires a combination of vibration, electric current and rectal massage. Elaine Lissner of the Male Contraception Information Project (newmalecontraception.org) notes that there have been 25 years of research on RISUG but it’s still a long way from being approved in the U.S. or Europe. “This is the most promising method because we know it works,” she says. “Several dozen men in India have been using it for a decade without problems and 140 others for three or four years.”

My girlfriend is horny on the pill

Ever since my girlfriend went on the pill, she’s gotten really horny. Is it me, or could it be the drug?—T.S., Trenton, New Jersey

It’s you—maybe. Your girlfriend may be more interested in sex because a big risk (pregnancy) has been all but eliminated. Her interest might also depend on what type of pill she’s taking. While past research has shown that the pill lowers the hormones thought to affect sexual desire, a recent study of 364 women suggests that certain types of pills may inhibit them less than others. Writing in the
Archives of Sexual Behavior
, researchers at San Francisco State University found that users of triphasic pills, which vary the level of progestin released during the pill’s 21-day cycle, reported more sexual thoughts, fantasies and arousal than those taking monophasic pills, which maintain a consistent level of the hormone. Surprisingly, women taking triphasics also reported more sexual thoughts and interest than women who weren’t using oral contraceptives, but pill users may be hornier to begin with. Another interesting finding: Women not taking the pill reported more and better anal sex.

What are the odds?

My wife says birth control pills fail about three percent of the time, while I’ve read that condoms fail about 12 percent of the time. So what would the failure rate be if a couple used both the pill and a condom—0.36 percent?—J.T., College Station, Texas

Your calculations are on target, but they’re based on the worst-case scenario, i.e., the woman forgets to take her pill, the guy is a klutz with the condom and they don’t use spermicide. In the best-case scenario, in which both people know what they’re doing and do it well, the probability of simultaneous failure is one in a million. About the only way to get better odds is not to have sex.

Morning-after pills

I’ve heard there’s birth control that can be taken after sex. Is that true? My girlfriend and I had a scare after a condom broke, so we’re curious about any safety valves out there.—R.W., Oakland, California

Given our culture’s reliance on pills to battle everything from tension headaches to lackluster personalities, it’s surprising that we haven’t embraced more drugs that combat the serious social problem of unwanted pregnancies. There are two methods. The first is to take a specific dose of common birth control pills within up to five days after unprotected intercourse (it’s most effective within 120 hours). There are two types, both of which work by preventing the fertilized egg from implanting in the uterus. The first contains estrogen and progestin and can reduce a woman’s chance of getting pregnant by at least 75 percent. The other, known as Plan B, has just progestin. The latter is preferred by many women because there is less chance of nausea and vomiting and it reduces the risk of pregnancy by 89 percent. The second
method is a copper-T intrauterine device inserted by a doctor within seven days after intercourse. You can get more information, including a list of birth-control pill brands and a list of health-care providers at a site maintained by the Office of Population Control at Princeton University and the Association of Reproductive Health Professionals. It’s located at not-2-late.com.

COOKING

Hey, good looking…

Do certain foods cause sex dreams?

Have any studies found a connection between the foods we eat and the dreams we have? If so, what foods create the sexiest dreams?—T.G., Seattle, Washington

There’s no surefire way to determine if a person is having an erotic dream other than waking him to ask, and no sleep scientist has felt the need to do that and also record what the subject had for dinner. Even an erection isn’t a reliable gauge, since they occur whenever a healthy male is dreaming about anything. Many people believe that heavy or spicy meals induce vivid dreams, but it may be that certain foods simply cause more frequent awakenings, which increase recall. In an earlier time, authorities speculated on diets that could prevent “pollutions,” or wet dreams. Our dusty copy of
The Illustrated Encyclopedia of Sex
, published in 1950, asserts that “erotic dreams mainly come to persons who during the day too frequently nurse erotic desires.” To prevent sexual intrusions, the authors recommend an anti-erotic vegetarian diet rich in vitamins and salts. “Whole wheat bread, potatoes, vegetables, salads, fruit, etc., also prevent constipation,” they noted, while “stimulating foods” such as game, fish, eggs, cheese, mushrooms and alcohol only cause trouble. Whatever your diet, you’re more likely to have pleasant dreams when you’re relaxed. Anxiety can produce landscapes you may not want to visit: running into your mother at an orgy, discovering strange plants growing from your genitals or realizing at a crucial moment that you left your penis in your other pants—but that your girlfriend brought hers.

Sexy recipes

I would love to have some sexy recipes to impress my girlfriend. Any suggestions?—L.W., Phoenix, Arizona

We recently came across a tantalizing work in progress,
Simple Recipes That Will Help Get You Laid
, by a photographer who goes by the online nickname Short2000 (short2000.com/simple). She uses color, fruit and scotch to get the job done. Examples: (1) Place fresh pineapple chunks and maraschinos on skewers, then throw them on the grill for a few minutes until the pineapples are slightly
caramelized. For extra impact, serve with coconut ice cream. (2) Blend two cups of frozen mango chunks, or two large, soft but not mushy mangoes, with a cup of yogurt and a cup of vanilla rice milk until thick and smooth. Serve in a frosted wine glass, and top with fruit. (3) Mix salad greens, pomegranate seeds and balsamic vinaigrette for a “sweet, crunchy, juicy, tangy, leafy” salad. (4) Pour single malt scotch into a colored glass and call it a butterfly wing. “The name alone will get you some action, and its color will cast spells. Just don’t use a glass that says SeaWorld or anything like that.” If any of this gets you laid, drop Short2000 a line to thank her.

Serving caviar

What is the best way to serve caviar?—D.S., Cleveland, Ohio

Place the open container in a small glass or porcelain bowl, surrounded by crushed ice. Don’t use a metal or stainless steel serving spoon, which can spoil the taste. Some caviar lovers insist the roe should be served only with lightly toasted bread points, or with a squirt of lemon juice if you’re serving a lesser-quality grade. You don’t want to serve chopped eggs, onion, sour cream, crème fraiche or anything that overpowers the roe. The drinks of choice are dry champagne or frozen vodka. Adventurous hosts use caviar to top dishes such as omelettes, pasta, salads or fish. In preparing caviar, never freeze or cook the eggs, and finish eating the roe within a week of opening the tin. Store fresh caviar in the coldest part of the refrigerator, or in a bowl of crushed ice; unopened tins will remain fresh a few weeks at best. Traditionally, the best roe (beluga, oestra and Sevruga) comes from the Caspian Sea, but because of concerns about overfishing, the U.N. has banned the international trade of wild sturgeon caviar. Fortunately, some American caviar is also excellent.