Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (5 page)

The best car for a ride

Which is the best car for sex?—D.B., Cleveland, Ohio

Short of a limo, a van or a vintage Nash Airflyte (in which the interior seats can be folded down into a bed), having sex in an automobile isn’t the most comfortable experience. And yet almost everyone you ask has fond memories. That’s because car sex is risky and typically rushed, which makes it exciting. It also forces you to be creative. The British sex columnist Grub Smith once made the keen observation that “the sexier a car appears, the harder it will be to actually have sex in it.” He also made note of an exercise known in the U.K. as the hot bonnet, in which the woman leans back or forward over the warm, vibrating hood. Parking brakes on, everyone.

Wife says I have to ask to use ’vette

For her 40th birthday, I bought my wife a 1982 Corvette. We are Corvette nuts—for more than 20 years I’ve been buying, restoring, selling and maintaining them. I own a 1972 convertible that is my treasure. It’s a little tricky to drive, so she had always asked me before she took it. Now the tables have turned. She says I must ask to take her car—the one I bought, maintain, fix, clean, polish and wax. She checks the mileage and last night threw a fit because I had used her car to go to lunch. I sold my Camaro Z-28, my motorcycle and my kid’s four-wheeler to get this car for her. I consider myself the leader of the household and I’m not inclined to ask her to drive the car. I recognize that it’s hers—her name is on the title—but who’s out of line here? I think she’s being ungrateful. Frankly, I’m sorry I bought her the car. I am not so sure I don’t want her to pack her shit in it and take off.—J.C., Memphis, Tennessee

Didn’t we see you on
Jerry Springer
? You have a lot of control in the relationship, and your wife sees the car as a way to claim some for herself. So, leader of the household, share the power. Tell your wife you’ll ask. Accept her decisions graciously (once she sees you respect her wishes, she may not turn you down often). In the meantime, put aside the idea that you earned chits by cleaning the car, waxing it, etc. You’re not doing that for her benefit. Don’t make us come down there to straighten this out, because we’ll take both cars away.

How to avoid a ticket

What is the best way to get out of a speeding ticket?—P.L., Spokane, Washington

Let’s start with the strategies that don’t work. We asked Robert Snow, a police captain who has stopped thousands of motorists in and around Indianapolis, to run through his list: (1) Giving the officer a lame excuse you concocted in the 30 seconds it took him to reach your vehicle’s door. “I’ve heard them all,” Snow says. “The brakes failed, though they work now; you were racing home before your tire went flat; a foot spasm made you hit the gas; you were going too fast to stop. The problem with excuses is that they all fall apart with the slightest investigation.” (2) Feigning bewilderment. “A stop sign? Where?” Any driver that inattentive or careless deserves a ticket. (3) Blustering about your connections. “Just wait until the mayor/chief/governor hears about this!” A driver with real clout would accept the ticket politely, then get it fixed. (4) Denying the charge, which implies that you consider the officer to be corrupt, blind or stupid. It may not always work, but the best strategy to avoid a ticket is to admit your error. “Only two drivers have ever done that to me,” Snow says. “I was so flabbergasted, I sent them on their way.”

Standard procedure requires officers to write down relevant comments made during stops, so admitting your guilt may not be wise if you later decide to fight.
Beat Your Ticket
, a guide written by a California lawyer, advises drivers who are stopped to be pleasant but never to admit guilt. You also should be as forgettable as possible—if the officer is honest and can’t remember you in court, you win. Furthermore, many officers and prosecutors are as confused by traffic laws as drivers are. Here in Columbus, a posted speed limit of 35 mph is presumed safe. But if an overzealous officer gives you a ticket for going 43 in light traffic on a wide roadway with no pedestrians and clear weather, a judge may decide that your speed wasn’t unsafe. (This happened to me.) The law you are accused of violating will be noted on the ticket, so make sure you did what the officer accuses you of doing. You may save yourself money on the fine, insurance and work-related problems if you drive for work.—T.D., Columbus, Ohio

I am a lawyer who used to be a highway patrol officer and traffic-court marshal. Arguing that your speed wasn’t unsafe only works in states that have presumed speed limits. Some states have absolute limits—one mile per hour over and you’re guilty. Others have absolute limits on freeways but presumed limits elsewhere. As for avoiding a ticket, you should never attempt to manipulate an officer, because it creates resentment. This includes women who shift their clothing to reveal their assets and drivers who threaten to waste the cop’s time by calling him to court. He’ll just earn overtime for being there.—H.F., Richmond, California

I received a ticket in North Carolina for driving 15 mph over the limit. What would have happened had I not mailed in the $111 fine?—T.C., Royal Oak, Michigan

If you ignore a ticket for a moving violation, it’s sent to a judge, who could revoke your license and issue a bench warrant for your arrest, making you a fugitive from traffic justice. If you pay the fine, you’re pleading guilty. In either case, the DMV notifies your home state under a reciprocal agreement called the Driver License Compact. If your state also is a member of the Non-Resident Violator Compact, it’s obligated to suspend your license until the fine is paid. The last time we checked, only two states (Michigan and Wisconsin) didn’t belong to one or the other.

Renting Luxery Cars

Is it possible to rent a Lamborghini? How about a Ferrari?—L.K., San Diego, California

This is America—you can rent anything. Hertz offers Jaguars and Lincolns in 50 cities; Avis has Cadillacs. Beverly Hills Rent-a-Car (bhrentacar.com or 800-479-5996), which supplies the movie industry, will rent you a Rolls Royce convertible or Ferrari Modena 360 Spyder for $3,500, a Lamborghini Diablo VT or Bentley Azure for $2,800, a 1966 Cadillac DeVille for $550, Maserati Spyder GT for $950, or, if you’re on a budget, a Hummer H2 for $350, a Jaguar XK8 for $400 or a Porsche Boxster for $300. What it won’t do is sell you insurance, meaning you’ll need your own coverage (this isn’t a good way to practice for your stunt-driver career) and the Beverly Hills agency requires that you have $20,000 free on your credit card to take the priciest cars. Many cities have agencies that specialize in high-end vehicles; search online for “exotic car rental.” If you’re ready for a
long-term relationship, Exoticcarshare.com (847-358-7522), sells shares in fancy wheels. You can own one-fifth of a Lamborghini Murcielago, for example, for $25,000 plus an annual fee of $15,000, which covers maintenance, insurance, storage and the cost of delivery and pick-up anywhere in the continental U.S. (The company is based near Chicago.) Your share gives you seven weeks alone with the Lamborghini each year—two in the spring, three in the summer and two in the fall. Or pay $60,000 plus the annual fee to own an equity share, which allows you to receive at least $25,000 back when the car is sold after three years.

How often should I change the oil?

Oil companies, automakers and mechanics say to change your oil every 3,000 miles or three months. I’ve always thought that was just a ploy to get more business. Am I right?—C.O., San Mateo, California

There’s no grand conspiracy; 3,000 miles is considered the minimum for vehicles subjected to “severe driving.” That’s the industry term for stop-and-go traffic, idling for prolonged periods and short trips. There are other factors to consider, such as climate. If you live in Miami, which has high heat and humidity, or endure the extremes of Chicago, it’s wise to have the oil changed by the book. If you live in a milder spot such as southern California, you may be able to go 5,000. If you’re using a synthetic oil, you can wait 6,000 to 7,500 miles.

What about the car’s other fluids?—A.H., Dallas, Texas

Providing hard and fast rules is difficult because so much depends on the make of your vehicle and how often and how far you drive. MotorWatch.com tried to establish guidelines by creating a chart that outlines intervals for severe and normal driving. It immediately drew criticism from the site’s 48-member technical committee, with advisors representing automakers who say the intervals should be longer and mechanics who insist they should be shorter. The guidelines state that drivers who generally make trips of 10 miles or less in each direction should have their coolant/antifreeze changed every two years or 24,000 miles (whichever comes first) with conventional coolant and every three years or 36,000 miles with long-life. Brake fluid should be changed every two years or 24,000 miles on cars with antilock brakes and every three years or 36,000 miles on vehicles without them. Power-steering fluid should be changed every three years or 36,000 miles. Transmission fluid should be changed on automatics every three years or 36,000 miles and every 10 years or 100,000 miles on manuals. If most of
your trips are longer, you can wait three years instead of two (or 36,000 miles instead of 24,000), or five years instead of three (60,000 miles instead of 36,000) for fluid changes. If you’re driving a mix of short and long distances, the intervals are somewhere in between.

Breaking a lease

Is there any way to get out of an auto lease early?—G.J., Detroit, Michigan

Just ask the dealer nicely. No go? You can post an ad online and hope someone will assume the payments. The two major sites for unloading leases are Swapalease.com, founded in 1999 by a chain of Cincinnati dealerships hoping to turn lessees into buyers, and LeaseTrader.com, created in 1998 by a Miami businessman who didn’t want to forfeit $14,000 to dump his Beemer. The services charge $40 to $50 for a basic listing, plus $95 to $150 if you make a transfer. It may help to offer an additional cash incentive or to be unloading a sports car—the five most traded vehicles on LeaseTrader are the BMW 325i, the Audi A4, the Mercedes C230, the Porsche Boxster and the BMW X5. The finance company must approve the deal, but that’s usually a rubber stamp. If you’re lucky, your freedom will cost only a couple hundred dollars.

How to become a stunt driver

Car commercials on TV always include a disclaimer that reads, “Professional driver. Closed course.” How do you become one of these drivers, what is the pay, and is it necessary to become a professional to drive a car for a commercial?—Z.C., Albuquerque, New Mexico

It’s harder than it looks. First you’ll need a Screen Actors Guild card and a reputation with directors. The former is easier to get than the latter. For the past 20 years Georgia Durante has operated Performance Two, which specializes in providing drivers for TV ads. She says wannabes need to be trained in precision driving at schools such as those run by Bobby Ore, Rick Seaman and Skip Barber. “A big part of the job is keeping pace with the camera car,” Durante says. “You see a car traveling down the road and it’s serene, but the driver may have been behind a truck holding a camera boom inches over his hood. I had one driver who ducked just as the boom ripped the top off the car.” Durante says her drivers all make six figures, with one earning more than $500,000 during a particularly good year. That’s in part because they receive residuals each time a commercial airs. To qualify, a driver has to perform a stunt. That can involve executing a controlled
skid or jump; having his or her vision impaired by the camera, fog or smoke; or being asked to drive too fast for the conditions. Before you get any bright ideas about instant riches, Wally Crowder, editor of the
Stunt Players Directory
, points out that there are already 1,200 professional drivers hungry for work.

Is it faster to change lanes?

My wife and I commute together and always get stuck in freeway traffic. If a lane adjacent to us is moving faster than the one we’re in, I’ll switch. My wife says I should sit tight, because everyone is switching and making the fast-moving lanes more congested. Who’s right?—T.W., Los Angeles, California

Changing lanes in a traffic jam might save you a few minutes, but most of the time it only increases your risk of being involved in an accident. That causes a big delay for you and everyone behind you. According to researchers armed with computer simulations and videotape evidence, most lane changes in a traffic jam are pointless because the average speed of each lane is the same. But because the speed of each lane isn’t constant, and because drivers gauge the speed of adjacent lanes only when they are stopped (i.e., every time you check, you’re in the slow lane), one or another lane always appears to be moving faster. We also tend to ignore cars we’re passing or have passed (since they leave our vision) and concentrate on those that move ahead of us, creating the illusion that we’re falling behind.

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