Dear Playboy Advisor: Questions From Men and Women to the Advice Column of Playboy Magazine (48 page)

If you build it, she will come. There are remote-controlled panties and vibrating eggs, but the reviews we’ve heard haven’t been enthusiastic. Because the panties are one-size-fits-all, their strategically placed nub often shifts out of position. The woman could keep it snug with tight pants, but then she may not need any vibration to get off. The setup is usually too noisy for anywhere but the dance floor, and it won’t have the range you expect. Plus, each pair costs about $100. Still game? Order through reputable outlets such as the Xandria Collection (xandria.com or 800-242-2823). We’d tell you more, but someone just paged our testicles.

Cyberskin

I have seen catalogs that offer sex toys made of cyberskin. Supposedly it feels like the real thing. I’ve read elsewhere that it’s hard to keep clean, that bits of it can break off and that it should be cleaned with talc, which has been linked to cervical cancer. What do you know about it?—M.C., Boston, Massachusetts

The sex toy store Good Vibrations (goodvibes.com or 800-289-8483) sent us a dildo and a fake vagina (positioned at the end of a 10-inch cylinder called the Fleshlight) so we could handle the stuff ourselves. We found it to be soft, pliable and clammy. It also easily picked up smudges, was difficult to clean and looked like bits could flake off. Yet we can understand the appeal—every guy who stopped by our office stuck his finger inside, then examined his digit as if he felt it should be wet. Good Vibrations recommends using cornstarch rather than talc to preserve the surface of the toys, and to rinse it off before penetration. However, cyberskin becomes stickier after being washed, which attracts more grunge. You could slide condoms over the toys before you use them, but that certainly doesn’t help the fantasy. Despite these drawbacks, the Fleshlight sells well enough, and you also can find butt plugs and even fake mouths that are made of cyberskin. The question is, does anyone buy them a second time?

I thought that your response was too negative and might discourage people from enjoying these wonderfully textured toys. My husband and I have found that as long as the cyberskin is wiped down with a cleaner such as Safe Suds, dried well and dusted with cornstarch every time the toy is used, it stays in great shape. As for the “clamminess” you found so disconcerting, a touch of lube makes that go away.—V.T., Phoenix, Arizona

Am I just her vibrator holder?

My wife has taken to calling me her “vibrator holder.” I think she may be kidding, but I can’t tell. Should I be offended?—P.M., Milwaukee, Wisconsin

That depends on when you’re holding it. If your wife considers you a vibrator attachment, that’s a problem. If you can touch her vibrator only when it’s unplugged, you’re in trouble. If you’re in the next room cleaning her vibrator while she fucks the neighbor, call a professional. However, if she’s saying in a slightly awkward way that her vibrator feels best under your control, you’re ahead of the game. Ask for specifics: Would she prefer a holder or a handler? As Joani Blank points out in
Good Vibrations: The Complete Guide to Vibrators
, it’s difficult for even the most diligent lover to please a woman with a vibrator as well as she can herself. That’s why some women enjoy having their partners hold the vibrator still while they move against it. Or they take the reins as they near orgasm to ensure optimum pleasure. Since vibrators are unisex, perhaps your wife could demonstrate her holding and handling techniques on your body. There’s nothing more wonderful than two vibrator holders in love.

Can’t see, can’t move

My girlfriend lets me tie her to the bedpost but only if she is blindfolded. Is she ashamed, or is there something extra-erotic about this?—R.P., Reno, Nevada

This is supersize erotic. Gather a sexy tool kit that includes feathers, velvet gloves, massage oil, her favorite vibrator (plus a new one to surprise her), dildos in three sizes, a book or CD of erotic stories, ice, a hand warmer, chocolate (to reward her), a small butt plug and extra lube. And take your sweet time.

The best sex toy ever

I’m 19 and my girlfriend is 18. Before we have sex for the first time, should I get some sort of lube? Which do you recommend?—G.G., Indianapolis, Indiana

You’re already thinking like a great lover. Many guys are threatened by lube—the world’s most underrated sex toy—because they feel inadequate if they can’t get their partners sufficiently wet. But many factors affect how much a woman lubricates, including her menstrual cycle, pregnancy, diet, dehydration, exercise and stress levels. What you need (and what most drugstores carry) are water-based lubes such as Astroglide, For Play, ID and Wet. Some people prefer silicone-based lubes such as Eros or Wet Platinum, which stay slick longer and don’t get sticky. However, they don’t clean up as easily. (One company sells a substance you can use to “degrease” after sex with silicone lube.) Never use vegetable oil, Vaseline, cooking oil, baby oil, lotion or moisturizer. These substances break down latex condoms and are difficult to wash out. Plus, they don’t stay wet.

Fair warning

My vibrator has this warning: “Do not use on unexplained calf or abdominal pain.” Why is that?—F.F., Las Vegas, Nevada

Because that unexplained pain could be from a blood clot, and shaking it loose might send it toward the heart or brain. The notice appears on most vibrators and massagers sold in the U.S., courtesy of Underwriters Laboratories, which tests products and advises companies on consumer warnings. You’ll see other vibrators labeled “for novelty purposes only,” which means they don’t claim to do anything but entertain you. When you read as many vibrator instruction manuals as we do, you stumble across some peculiar admonishments. Wahl Corp., for example, makes massagers that are sold by sex-toy stores as vibrators. The Wahl family would prefer that their products not touch unauthorized body parts, so it warns customers, “Do not use massager on genital areas.” A spokesman says the company is concerned any time electric appliances are placed near moisture but admits the warning is included for moral reasons. The Wahls don’t approve! That makes it even naughtier. The Advisor now uses Wahl massagers for all his personal pleasure needs.

Ring around the cock

While stroking me during foreplay, my girlfriend slid a large rubber band over my cock and behind my balls. After a few more strokes and licks, she had given me the biggest, hardest erection of my life, and it seemed to last forever. My girlfriend loves this trick because it prolongs her pleasure. I am curious as to what it’s called and why it works. Are there any side effects?—J.A., Austin, Texas

Your girlfriend improvised a cock ring. It works by restricting blood flow from the penis, which can heighten sensation and provide staying power. But a ring may cause serious damage if worn for more than half an hour (don’t fall asleep with it on). Avoid using metal or latex rings, which can only be put on or taken off when you’re flaccid. If the metal ring starts to pinch after you’re hard, you can either wait for your erection to subside (ice might help) or visit the emergency room. Latex rings are safer because you can snip them off, although that means placing a sharp point perilously close to your penis. But we prefer leather rings that fasten with snaps or Velcro. The deluxe models have straps that separate the testicles or stretch each ball downward, if that’s your thing, and/or D-rings to which your lover can attach a leash. Rough, rough.

Glass dildos

One of my girlfriends owns an expensive glass dildo she says is made of the same material as the Pyrex bowls in her kitchen. She raves about it and even offered to lend it to me. I’m afraid it will break. Have you ever heard of these toys?—M.D., Orlando, Florida

They were introduced by two guys in Florida—Steve Ritchie was a yacht captain and Dave Reynard owns an answering service. The partners had already patented two sex toys, the Aqua Vulva and the Whip Lite, when Reynard and a girlfriend discovered the illicit pleasures of a glass martini mixer. The men realized that inserting a glass stick into orifices wasn’t safe for the masses, so they investigated making dildos from borosilicate glass, better known as Pyrex or, in this case, Boronex. The advantage of borosilicate glass over rubber or latex, they say, is that you can drop it in hot water for a few minutes and it will stay warm for 10 to 15 minutes of sex play. Glass also feels smoother and, because it’s nonporous, requires only a few drops of lube. Finally, it’s easy to clean. Each toy is handmade, which accounts for the higher prices (most cost between $100 and $200). Get info online at asstroknots.com, or phone 800-292-9173 for a catalog. If you invest in a glass dildo, keep in mind that it’s not the best toy for sex in the driveway. But you won’t have any problems in bed.

Please advise your readers of a potential hazard with dildos made of borosilicate glass. I learned the hard way that kitchenware made from this material can explode if it has even a hairline crack.—V.E., Los Angeles, California

That’s unlikely to happen with a dildo unless you expose it to extreme changes in temperature, which is not recommended or practical. While toy companies advertise that the products retain heat and cold, most people find that room temperature works best. (The glass will feel cool because of higher body heat.) Lately the number of sites selling inexpensive glass toys has risen, in part because of a crackdown on bong shops, which has led to a glut of unemployed glass-bong craftsmen. John Sanchez of the Original Glass Dildo Company suggests that anyone considering a glass dildo keep it simple. While most guys order 12-inchers with all the trimmings because they think that’s what their partners want, most women buy clear, smooth eight-inchers. Sanchez suggests going to 10 so you have a few inches to hold on to.

THE SINGLE LIFE

Looking for love.

Where to find single women

I have lived in Silicon Valley for the past 10 years. I’m 40, never married, no children, average height and in great shape. I’m interested in art and music and participate in all kinds of sports. I can cook, iron and take care of myself. The
San Jose Mercury News
recently published data that showed Silicon Valley having among the worst ratios of eligible men to women in the country, including some parts of Alaska. The region is filled with single male engineers. The women I meet don’t feel the need to keep a date (two have canceled on me in just the past week), because they sense it’s no big deal; they can go to any party and be outnumbered three to one by guys. I’ve decided the best thing to do is move. Can you find me a list of cities that have the best ratios of women to single men?—W.T., Palo Alto, California

You cook? You iron? Find another town, man, and now. The women are waiting. In the meantime, look on the bright side: You don’t live in the absolute worst place to meet women. That would be Jacksonville, North Carolina, home to two Marine bases. (If any single females are planning moves to Jacksonville or Silicon Valley, consider the lament of one woman who lives in the latter: “There are lots of guys, but they’re all the same guy.”) To send you in the right direction, we hired the market research firm Claritas to identify the cities with the most available women. It’s an inexact science. The standard census data on unmarried, separated, divorced and widowed females include anyone aged 15 or older, which includes teenagers and retirees alike. The figures also can’t be divided more precisely by age, though we did cross-reference the data against local populations of all women aged 18 to 40. Finally, the figures don’t account for prisons, nursing homes, lesbians, serious boyfriends or the Playboy Mansion. For you stats majors, here’s more detail (the rest of you can jump to the list below): We first ranked each of the country’s 318 metropolitan statistical areas (MSA) by its percentage of excess single women of all ages—that is, he compared the number of single women to the number of single men and determined what percentage of the single females would still be available if everyone paired up. Second, we weighted the results by ranking each MSA by its number of excess women, single or married, aged 18 to 40. We further weighted the rankings by the percentage of each MSA’s total population made up of women aged 18 to 40. Finally, we added the three rankings together. Thus, an MSA that ranked 2nd in the first list, 15th in the second list and 10th in the third list ranked 27th overall.