Deadly Expectations (6 page)

“I let go of the handle bars and swung my elbow around at him as hard as I could, got lucky and broke his collar bone.
 
The bike went down and he broke his wrist.
 
Other than some gravel in my skin I was okay but we did some damage to the dirt bike.”

He was opening a small band aid.
 
“You want a smiley face on it?”

“Sure,” I smiled.
 
He got out a pen.

“That the same Kenny you were talking about when you got here?”
 
Ray asked.
 

“The same,” I said as my mood soured.

Ray was quiet for a moment.
 
“You didn’t dump his bike too did you?
 
Do you want to tell me about it?”

“Maybe another time, I’ve poked an old wound.”

I thought about it.
 
I hadn’t replied very nicely.

“Sorry Ray.
 
It’s not your fault.
 
Kenny was my best friend.
 
When I was sixteen I went to his house for dinner.
 
He said his parents were getting pizza or something.
 
We’d trucked dirt bikes up
Mount
Benson
and had been racing each other down the logging roads all afternoon.
 
I was starving so I took him up on it.

“He’d started to think of himself as my boyfriend and I guess I should have put a stop to that sooner but I didn’t.
 
He started kissing me then he said he wanted me to make him a man.
 
It sounded so corny I said yes.
 
I couldn’t believe guys actually said that shit.
 
I don’t know what I was thinking.
 
Maybe I was feeling grown up at sixteen; maybe I just didn’t care.

“Anyway he was finished before he got within a foot of me.
 
He was so embarrassed.
 
I mean you expect a short fuse like that at sixteen, but at eighteen you think he’d have had some self control.
 
He cried.
 
He begged me not to tell anyone and for another chance.
 
I said sure Kenny but his parents were pulling in so we got dressed fast and I ran out the back.

“I didn’t tell but Kenny did.
 
The next time we got together with his friends he told them all Anna wanted was more and if any of them wanted to help him keep up with my needs he’d set it up.
 
I’d been one of the guys until then.
 
I thought they were my friends.
 
I didn’t ride with them again until the night I came here.”

Then I gave him a small smile.
 
“Mrs. Kenny gave him two kids before she took off with them to
Nova Scotia
.
 
He’s put on forty pounds now too.
 
I feel strangely good about that.”

I quickly covered my mouth as I yawned.
 
Then I listened as words I didn’t expect came out.

“Thanks for listening, big brother.”

I closed my eyes but not before I saw Ray’s mouth drop open with surprise.
 
After a minute he turned off the lamp and left, my blood jingling in his pocket.

Chapter 6

I slept a bit after Ray left.
 
Paul was in for a shower after his run then he disappeared downstairs for breakfast.
 
I could smell bacon and coffee and hear the boisterous talk of more men than I could guess.

The last night I saw Paul before he left the message started out much like the others.

Food, sex, sleep
.

I’d learned more about him since our first night together.
 
He was ten years older and spent over a decade serving the
US
overseas.
 
He couldn’t tell me most of what he did other than to say his teams took care of things that needed to be done quietly.
 
He said was still in touch with the men he served with and they helped each other out adjusting to life back stateside.

I’d woken from vivid nightmare, bolted into the headboard, fallen out of bed and crawled under the desk before Paul realized I was gone.
 
He was usually the jumpy one at night.
 
The noise I made woke him and he called to me sleepily from the warm blankets.
 
When I didn’t answer he turned the light on.

“What are you doing under there?”

I couldn’t respond.
 
He tried to pull me out I crossed my arms and backed in further.
 
“You awake?
 
Must have been a hell of a bad dream.”

He sat next to me until I got up.
 
I was chilled and at least had a chance of being coherent.
 
He pulled me back to the bed and waited as I hesitated to get in.
 
I couldn’t lie on my side so I got in his.

“Are you in there now?”

I nodded, embarrassed.

“You move fast.
 
You could have been on top of me before I had my eyes open.”

I curled up closer.
 
“You usually have your eyes open when I’m on top.”

“True,” he said and reached over to turn off the light.
 
“Do you want to tell me about it?
 
It won’t be in your head any more if you let it out your mouth.”

I shook my head.

“Are you sure?
 
It can’t hurt you,” he encouraged.

He was right.
 
I was still learning to put my stubbornness aside when it came to Paul.

“I was in a cabin.
 
The man who brought me there came in while I slept.
 
The fire had gotten low and the room was cooling off.
 
I didn’t know who it was at first.

“He said, “I know you’re awake.” And he pulled me out of bed.

““You stink of him,” he said.

“He hit me a couple of times and let me drop to the floor.”
 
I reached up to rub my cheek.
 
Even awake it still stung.
 
My words ran on as I watched it replay.

“I don’t understand why he was so mad.
 
He kicked me on the ground over and over then he rolled me on my back and in the fire light I saw he had a beautiful dagger.
 
The guard was like lace sparkling in the flames.
 
He held it to my throat.

“Then he heard something outside.
 
He picked me up with one hand and threw me on the bed.
 
He turned me to face the door and said if I moved we would both die.
 
Then he went to stand by the fire and pretended to clean his dagger.

“Another man came in, crouched low with a knife in his own hand.
 
He didn’t see me right away and when he did, he stopped.

“The man by the fire said.
 
“You’re too late.”

“They stared at each other and the second man got down on his knees.
 
He dropped his dagger and opened his collar.
 
Then he lifted his chin and closed his eyes.
 

“The man who beat me walked slowly around behind him and grabbed him under the jaw.
 
He watched my face as he cut his throat.
 
His neck opened up.
 
His blood shot out and ran.
 
When he stopped breathing he let him fall.

“He said “Are you still with me, Catherine?
 
I know you are.
 
Maybe he’ll have better luck next time.”

“He cut my stomach open.
 
I died before I could watch him leave.”
 
My eyes were wide open in the dark.

“It’s just a dream,” Paul whispered.
 
He held me tight like he was trying to hold me in the present.

“I can feel the blows Paul.
 
If I walk over to the other side of the bed my feet will stick in the blood and I’ll trip over his body.
 
I can see it.”

“Can you turn the light on so I can see something else?
 
Please?”

He did.
 
Then he pulled the blanket up to my chin.

“It’s over Sugar.
 
Just a bad dream.
 
Try and sleep now.”

I tried but all I could see inside my lids was the dead man on the floor.

In the morning Paul was quiet.
 
I was still too shaken to notice how withdrawn he’d become.
 
After a sullen breakfast downstairs he said goodbye in the room and went to his cab.

I didn’t think he’d call again.
 
His no commitments casual sex girl had turned into something that was work.
 
Frightened.
 
Hiding.
 
Needy.
 
I upset myself with my behaviour.
 
It came out of nowhere and exposed a part of my character I worked hard to get by without.
 
He was a different man when he said good-bye than he’d been when he greeted me at the door the night before.

I packed as fast as I could and fled.
 
The drained body was still on the floor.
 
Its dull eyes seemed to follow me wherever I went.
 
I jumped home as soon as I was clear of the city and slept for eighteen hours.

A polite tap on the closed bedroom door snapped me out of my reverie.
 
Paul or Ray would just come in.

“Miss Creedy?”

Creedy?
 
I thought.
 
“Anna?” I answered.

“No it’s Denis … Lieutenant Martin, I—.”

There was a clatter of cutlery followed by an ‘Ah shit.’
 
He had food and a solid vocabulary.
 
I liked him already.
 
“I helped the Captain carry you in the other night.
 
Are you hungry?”

I quickly made sure I was buttoned up and my legs were covered.
 
“Bet your ass Denis.”

The tallest man I’d ever seen pushed his way in.
 
He had a huge grin on his face and a tray in his hands.
 
He made Paul look like he’d have trouble reaching the top of the fridge.

“I knew it,” he said as he put the tray down on the foot of the bed.
 
“Any patient of Ray’s is hungry.”
 
The tray held two plates heaped with steak, eggs, and fried potatoes.
 
There were two cups of coffee and two bowls of Jell-O.

“Be right back,” he said over his shoulder and thundered down the hall.
 
He was back in a minute with fresh steak knives, two glasses and a carton of juice.

“Someone let on that I’m a sucker for orange Jell-O?” I asked.

Denis passed me a plate and slid the tray closer so I could dump cream in my coffee.
 
“You won’t be after you eat that.
 
Ray is such a bad cook he took two terms of screwing up Jell-O in university.
 
Nobody should have to eat it alone.”

I quickly forgot about wondering how you could screw up Jell-O with the first bite of steak.
 
“I think I’m in love Denis.”