Darkness Betrayed (Torn) (12 page)

“You do not touch them.”

“Why not?” I stuffed my hands into the pockets of my coat.

“We are here for one.” He spoke without breaking his stride.

I rolled my eyes.
Here we go.
“One what?”
Can’t anybody talk in anything but circles?

“One human.”

“One human? What the…Wait a minute.” Azrael stopped and waited. “Who are you?”

“
Azrael.”

“
Azrael, right. You said that. But
who
are you? Are you an Exiled? A Faithful?” Even as I said it, I knew no Faithful would look like that. “Did Sebastian send you?”

“In a manner of speaking.” He continued to walk up the mountain.

“So you’re here for me.” I reached back for my sword before I realized I’d left it back at the house earlier.

“No. I am here for one.” H
e motioned toward still bodies. “Of them.”

I grabbed his coat and pulled him. “Stop! Why are you here? And don’t say ‘for one of them’. Why are you here?”

Voice even, he answered me and the conversational tone of his voice frightened me more than his reason. “We must choose which I am to take with me. Then they will stand in judgment. He will decide where they are to spend eternity.”

Judgment. Eternity.
“You’re the Angel of Death.” He nodded and continued to walk. “But so many have died already. Look around you. Take one of them!” I waved my arms wildly, but he still he walked.

“I have. But there is one more. And a choice must be made.”

“You have to pick one more? Someone who hasn’t died yet? Hasn’t there been enough death and destruction today?” I grabbed at his cloak. Sebastian’s words floated through my mind,
Force Samantha to choose.

He didn’t answer. The only sound was the crunch of our f
eet across the snow. Yards later, he stopped and kneeled down to inspect two figures huddled from an imminent crush of snow just feet behind them. Once time continued, I knew they’d both be buried. One, a female, was using her body to cover that of a young boy. They had the same facial features and I assumed she was his mother and he could be no more than ten years old. Azrael laid his fingertips on them. After a moment, he stood. “These two will do.”

Will do?
“Wait! You said only one more! Let’s find someone who is alone. Don’t take them.” The Light inside me pulsed alive and all I could think of was saving them.

“No. I’ve been instructed. Choose.” He turned his eyes on me.

The gravity of his statement hit me like a load of bricks. “Choose?”

“Yes. Choose.”

“You want me to choose one of them? Me? No. I won’t. I won’t take a boy from his mother and I won’t take his mother from him. I can’t.” I stepped away from him and the impending doom of the two before me.

Anger at his request reared up and I began to shake in fear. There was no way I could do it.
How could I
?
Decide the fate, the life or death, of innocent people?

“You must choose.” He motioned toward the mother. “She is a doctor. She saves the lives of many people through research and medicine.” He nodded toward the boy. “He will grow up to lead men into battle. He will be responsible for sa
ving many lives as well. In ten-years-time, she will lose her husband, the boy his father, if they both remain here. If one of them comes with me, the man will live a long life with whoever stays. He will be both a positive influence in her life as well as the boy’s. Choose.” He spoke like I was supposed to pick out decor colors.

Two good people. And I was supposed to decide which one to take. I shook my head. “No.”

“You must.”

“I can’t.” I stepped back, farther away from them.

“If you do not, I will take them both.”

Leaving a man with neither his wife nor his son.
“This isn’t even a choice! Can’t you have me choose between a good guy and a bad guy? Not a mother and her child!”

“This is what is meant by balance. There are tim
es when a decision must be made, regardless of your feelings. You must choose. There isn’t much time. You are being tested. You must pass the test. It is His will.”

“His will? God?”

Azrael nodded.

“I thought you said Sebastian sent you?”

“In a manner of speaking.”

I couldn’t keep contained any longer. I stepped outside myself, the hopeful part of me watching from the sidelines. The nonchalance the Darkness gave would make the decision easy.

Do not.

My father’s voice floated around me.

This is about balance Samantha, not feelings. You must decide.

I can’t. It’s easier to let shadows take over. For that part of me to decide.

You must do this with courage. Light offers that courage.

Why?

It’s what you were created to do.

Like Damien was created to absorb pain?

Yes.

And
Azrael was created to accompany them on the journey to death?

Yes.

It isn’t fair.

Your choices can’t always be about what’s fair to you. Your decisions must accommodate the balance of nature.

I slowly returned to myself, once again whole. Tears fell and stained the snow. Azrael waited patiently, waiting for my answer. “Just one?”

“Yes.”

“Will they both go to Heaven?”

“Yes.  They will stand before Him but yes, it is certain. I need to know your choice.”

I fell to my knees, in front of the two huddled figures unable to stop the pain that invaded my heart. Darkness and indifference fell away, leaving me with the Light to amplify the gravity of what I was about to do. I reached out and placed my hand on the knee of the mother, sealing her fate. Tears fell and stained the pure white snow with shadows.

“It is done.”
Azrael’s cloak fell away as he opened his magnificent wings. His face was mangled and grotesque. Thin, almost translucent skin stretched over his bones. Leaning down he carefully lifted the mother’s soul into his arms. She looked longingly at her son, still covered with her physical self. “Please,” she whispered to me. Azrael nodded and the two of them disappeared into the sky as a wall of snow struck me. I tossed and turned for what seemed like hours when, as quickly as it began, the snow stopped moving and falling from the sky.

Lying atop of a mound of packed ice, the boy, unconscious with his arm bent at an odd angle, was inches from my hand. His mother was nowhere to be seen.

Chapter 16

Dazed and confused, people around me slowly began to move about, clawing their way out of the snow, reaching for the hands of
others still trapped. Police, medics and firefighters rushed to the scene. Stretchers began to fill with broken bodies. The dead were left where they lay while the living were attended to. I stood, lifting the boy into my arms and walked toward an ambulance.

“Gavin! Melissa!” A man was shouting, tearing through the crowd. “Gavin! Melissa!”

I froze, immediately knowing who the man was and who he was looking for. When our eyes met, he began to cry and ran over to me. “I think his arm is broken, but he is still breathing.” I handed the boy to his father.

“Oh my God! Thank you! Thank you! My little boy! Gavin, it’ll be okay. I promise.” He buried his head to his son’s chest and continued to sob. “Have you seen his mother? Melissa? They were together.”

Was I going to tell him that I chose her death over that of his son’s? Was I going to tell him that his world would never be the same? That the love of his life would no longer greet him as he awoke each morning?

“No. I didn’t see anyone with him.” I wiped my face with the back of my hand, and walked away. I turned to watch him fall to his knees with his son in his arms as a paramedic approached
them.

Having become
newly educated on the laws of balance, I continued to walk, lost in my own head. I passed people on the street, crying, despondent or crazy with fear. I refused to look at any of them for fear that I might lose control.
Is this what I have to look forward to? Deciding the fate of people like Gavin and his mother? Will I be doomed to look into the eyes of those left behind without being able to answer that one question  – why?

It wasn’t long before Mara and Ethan found me. I knew Ethan could feel
my despair roll off me in waves. He grabbed my hand and I felt his concentration as he tried to fill me with Light. The trouble was, Light was already there. I knew it was the reason I felt like this. Had Darkness taken over I’d surely be indifferent. I’d be able to brush off what just happened.

He looked at me, eyes filled with sadness. “I can’t help you with this.” But still he wouldn’t let go of my hand and I
didn’t have the energy to untangle my fingers from his. “How are you feeling?”

Loaded question.
I didn’t answer, just continued walking in the direction of the car.

“
Talk to me! Tell me what happened.” He pleaded with me and I was terrified because he couldn’t help me. Terrified that I’d severed the bond we’d shared.
I’m sorry.
My wordless apology filled him and I knew that he knew his attempts were fruitless.

“Let’s get you home. Damien can help you.” His voice cracked at the name he’d fought so hard against. But he was right. Damien was probably the only one who could.

I stopped at turned to him. “Sebastian isn’t here.” I answered his silent question aloud so the others could here. “There’s no reason to stay. They have enough help here.”

“How do you know?” Mara’s question floated around me.

“I just know. He’s done, for now. We’ll see him soon enough, I am sure.”

“What happened on that mountain?” Her voice was desperate as she pulled my shoulder.

“Because of Sebastian’s destruction, I met Azrael.”

Their collective breathless acknowledgement told me they knew who he was.

“What did he want with you?” Ethan’s fear intensified.

“I had to choose.”

“No.” Branna squeaked from behind me. I hadn’t known she was there.

“Yes.”

“What? Why you?” Ethan blocked my path to the car forcing me to keep still.

“Balance. Someone has to do it, right? Isn’t that what I’ve been training for?” I sidestepped him with my best attempt at nonchalance, opened the car door and settled in the backseat wanting nothing more than the security Damien’s arms afforded me.

Why isn’t he here?

Chapter 17

Dusk faded to night. I sat on the front porch, bundled in a wool blanket, watching snowflakes flutter silently to the ground. Everyone had left me alone since we returned to the house and Damien, the one person who could really ease my pain, was nowhere to be found. When I inquired as to his whereabouts, Cal gave me his best “I told you so” glance. And I gave him the finger.

Every once in a
while Mara, Branna or Christian would come out and make sure I was okay, occasionally bringing me a steaming cup of hot chocolate or bowl of soup. I left both untouched on the small wooden table next to the rocking chair I wouldn’t leave.

Images of the woman, Melissa, looped in my head. The sight of her son alive but broken threatened to overtake me. Pictures of the father crying relentlessly at the sorrow of his missing wife and the elation of finding his son flashed, unstoppable.
Azrael’s hideous existence marred his purpose. Damien’s absence wilted my heart.

“You okay?” Ethan stepped on to the porch and closed the door lightly behind him. I didn’t even bother to glance up.

“Fine.”

“You’re not fine.” He settled into a second chair on the other side of the table and began to slowly rock back and forth.

“Then why’d you ask?”

“Jesus, Sam. I’m just trying to help.”

I continued to stare straight ahead, attempting to count each falling flake to keep my mind from running away with me.

“You don’t have to talk. I’ll just sit here with you for a while, if that’s all right.”

“Fine.”

Silence stretched, though it wasn’t entirely uncomfortable. I could feel Ethan trying to probe my mind for stray thoughts, anything that would help him alleviate my pain. I was grateful
for his attempts, but that’s all they were – attempts. He wasn’t going to break into my head. Not with the structure I’d built around it.

I pulled the blanket tighter around me, wishing for a break from everything. Randomly, my thoughts moved to my father and the fact that I had yet to properly mourn his passing. I straightened up causing Ethan to jump.

“What’s wrong?”

“My father.”

“What about your father?”

“It just hit me. He was buried.”

“Yes.” His face gave away that he knew where my thought process was headed.

“Where? Florida? South America?”

“No. Here. Close by.” He stared off, his mind somewhere I couldn’t find.

“Here?”
All this time and he was right here.

“Jesse buried him.”

“Take me there.”

His voice was soft. “Do you really want to do this now? We can go tomorrow, when you’re feeling better. When it’s light.” Even as he spoke the words, I could tell he was agreeing to take me now.

“I need to do this now.” I stood, dropping the blanket. An involuntary shiver ran through me though I only half knew it was from the cold bitterness of the night air.

“Okay. It’s cold out here. Get ready and I’ll meet you in the back yard in five.”

I dashed past him into the house, threw on my coat and boots. I shoved my hands into thick gloves and wrapped my scarf around my neck. I stopped a moment, my fingers grazing the soft material. Damien had wrapped it around me just this morning.

Where was he?

I screwed my face up with indifference. I had something more important to worry about.

I arrived seconds before Ethan. “You ready?”

“You’re sure about this?”

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t I be?”

“It’s a bit of a hike.”

“Fly there.” I cursed myself as soon as I said it. Ethan hadn’t gotten his wings yet.

Annoyance fluttered over his face. “Can’t. Let’s go.”

“I can.”

“No. Let’s do it this way.” It was a moment before I realized he’d entered the woods.

We took an unfamiliar path. It was so dark I had to watch the ground to make sure I didn’t trip on a branch or root. Ethan’s silence told me he was still annoyed at my earlier statement.
Whatever
. Nothing I could do about it, anyway.

In
spite of my gloves, my fingertips began to protest the cold and my nose had long since lost all feeling. We’d been walking for what felt like hours. “How much farther?”

When he looked at me, his eyebrows rose. “Do you want to go or not?”

“Of course I do.”

“
Then stop whining. God, Sam.”

“Wait a minute.” I grabbed the back of his coat and turned him around to face me. “What’s your problem?”

“My problem? I don’t
have
a problem.”

“What’s with the snarky retort? The attitude? You’re the one who offered to bring me here.”

“I don’t have time for this. It’s not much farther.”

He tried to turn and walk away
, but I wasn’t about to let him off that easy. “No. Don’t walk away. You have something to say. Say it.”

He spoke through gritted teeth. “I have so
many
things to say to you right now, but I’m afraid I might say something I won’t be able to take back. So leave it.” Sadness hid behind his fury as he wrenched his arm from my grip. We stood for a moment with a smoldering
something
between us.

Instead of fighting him, I was honest. “I miss you.”

“Don’t.” His face screwed up with whatever feeling washed over him and backed away, holding his arm out to separate us further.

“Just talk to me.” Whatever it was had to come out. Right there. Right then. I wasn’t moving on until he let it out.

“You…gah!” He threw his backpack to the ground and crouched with his hands in his hair. He was pulling and I was afraid tufts might come loose in is fists.

“What?” I knelt slowly beside him and put my hand on his shoulder. He jerked away so quickly I fell on my ass.

“Damn it. How can you not
see
it? It’s right there in front of your face! And you toss me aside without a second thought.” His nostrils flared under his labored breath. “Jesus, Samantha. I love you so much and you pushed me away the second he arrived.” He snapped his fingers in my face. “I thought…I thought…” Whatever he was going to say was lost when he covered his face with his hands.

Tears streamed down my face at his short outburst.
Everything I did caused him pain. Pain because he couldn’t help me, because he couldn’t be with me and because I released him. Even when I thought I was doing good, doing right, everything always blew up in my face.

“But we can’t be together.” I tilted his chin towards me. “You know that. Why keep pretending when all it does is hurt us both?”

He stood pointing at me with a broken heart. “I told you I was going to find a way. I told you I would. All you had to do was be patient. But I never, never in a million lifetimes, would have thought I was so expendable.” Everything about him hardened and I flinched under his cold stare.

“You aren’t expendable!”
How can I make him see?

He looked away quickly. “Let’s go. Like I said, it isn’t much further.” He picked up his backpack and tucked his arms in. Turning his back on me
, he walked away and I was left with a hole in my heart.