Darkness Betrayed (Torn) (14 page)

“It’s time to go.”

I opened my eyes and I was once again, on the other side of the door. No longer in my father’s presence, I barely had the energy to move. “He didn’t answer anything.”

“He did. You just weren’t listening.” Damien knelt before me. “We need to go.”

I looked over his shoulder at the open door. “Where’s Ethan?”

“He’s back with the others.”

“Why?”

“He called to me. He wanted me to handle this with you.”

“He couldn’t even stay? He knew my father. He’s supposed to be my…” I couldn’t think of what he was supposed to be.

“Your what, Samantha?” Damien’s voice was soothing, soft.

“I don’t know.” My head fell to my chest.

“I’m sorry you can’t count on him any longer. I’m sorry you feel separated from the rest of them. I can be your...”

I raised my head when he didn’t finish the sentence and I knew that he was truly the only one I could count on.

Chapter 19

It wasn’t long before we were back at the house. Ethan was nowhere to be found. Lucas sat on the porch, waiting for me.

“You’ve really stepped in it, Sam.”

I broke my hand free from Damien’s grasp as he walked into the house. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Ethan has always been faithful to you. He’s always stood by you, even when your actions became dangerous to everyone around you.”

“I don’t think you should be the one to talk about anything having to do with faith.”

He continued to rock back and forth, not looking me in the eye. “Maybe not
, but I know pain when I see it.”

I snorted my disbelief and started towards the door.

“You don’t have anything to say in your defense?”

“My defense? I find it funny that I need to defend myself to you of all people. Talk about causing pain. Do you have any idea what we went through when we found out about your misguided allegiance to Sebastian? And now you’re back, begging to be forgiven. You’re a joke.”

“And now you’re making my brother the joke.”

“Who the hell are you to talk to me like that? To make any observance to anyone here? You’d do well to shut your mouth and not talk about things that don’t concern you anymore. You lost that privilege when you gave up my father.”

He stood and walked over to me, anger in his eyes. “I know I’ll never be forgiven for that. I’ll never ask for it because I don’t deserve it. But Ethan doesn’t deserve to be tossed aside.”

“Like you tossed him aside?”

“Damn it, Samantha! Can’t you even see what’s happening?”

I glared at him with hatred. He was right. He’d never be forgiven for what he’d done. “And just what is happening?”

“You’d rather follow the devil than depend on Ethan.”

“Look who knows so much!” I jabbed a finger into his chest hard enough to make him step back. “For your information, Ethan is the one who’s become distant. Ethan is the one who
can’t help keep me in control any longer. For whatever reason, he stopped trying. Ethan is the one who left me at my father’s tomb today. He’s the one who called for Damien to take his place. Get your facts straight.”

He shoved my hand away and started toward me. “You think that’s what happened? You think, in a million years, he’d ever leave you to deal with that alone? Think, Sam! Shake away everything Damien has whispered in your ears and think hard. Damien told Ethan to leave you there. He told Ethan to stop helping you maintain balance between dark and light. After all this time, you think Ethan wants nothing to do with you?” Throwing his hands up, I thought he was going to hit me. “God, he’s in love with you. Everyone can see it but you. And as for him controlling your anger, maybe you should figure out a way to do that yourself and stop fucking blaming everyone else.
Own your shit, Sam. Stop making everyone else suffer because you can’t fucking deal!”

“Screw you, Lucas. You think I’ll ever believe anything that comes out of your mouth? Ethan left because he wanted to. He’s tired of having to hold my hand.
He
stepped back from
me
. Why would Damien want Ethan to stand down? He’s here to help us, unlike you. I have no fucking clue why you’re here. No one wants you here. You may as well crawl back to Sebastian. You might receive a warmer welcome from him.”

He took a few steps back and looked at me like he was seeing me for the first time. “What happened to you?”

“What happened to me? Let’s see, uh, you. You happened to me. Your betrayal. My father’s death. Jesse, Scott, Malena. Sebastian. And now I can do something about all of it. With Damien’s help.”

“I’ll pray for you.”

“Keep your fucking prayers. I didn’t ask for them. I don’t want them.”

I stormed into the house
, slamming the door behind me. Damien was standing by the window. I knew he had heard the conversation.

“Sorry.”

“For what?” He cocked his head to the side.

“Him.”

“Oh, I’m not worried about him. Lucas is easy enough to handle.”

Something inside me fluttered in warning at his words but I tamped it down. He turned and walked into the kitchen as I went upstairs to my room.

I felt antsy, like something was happening and I wasn’t prepared. I stripped out of my jeans and sweatshirt and pulled on sweatpants. I strapped my iPod to my arm, plugged in my ear buds and, instead of a playlist, shuffled through every 30 Seconds to Mars song I had and hit the floor. I’d done at least a hundred push-ups before I rolled over and started on crunches.

I worked out until I thought I’d throw up, grabbed my sweatshirt and headed outside for a night run. Instead of running my normal path through the woods, I ran down the dirt driveway and headed to the main road. Keeping to the side, I pushed myself harder than I had in a long time. But that time, there was no emotion to run through, no sadness to erase. Instead, I ran without regard to what was happening. Lost without thought I
didn’t pay attention to the hum that suddenly threatened to consume me.

I stopped running and searched around me for the source of the noise. I knew the Exiled were close. They were always close, always looking for an opportunity. I also knew Sebastian wasn’t the one coming. Looking behind me, I stared down
the road searching for whatever or whoever had decided to confront me. Finding nothing, I turned around. A scream escaped my throat when I found myself inches from one of the minions.

Its vile stench threatened m
y senses as it laughed at me. Its beady, red eyes gave me the once over. “So we meet again.”

“Again?”

When it smiled, long pointed teeth gleamed in the moonlight. “Ah, I’m hurt. You don’t recognize me?”

I steeled myself for a fight as it began to circle me. “Should I?”

“You let Sebastian live. You let Lucas come back. Because of that, you made me what I am.” His voice was filled with gravel, like it was painful to speak.

I had no idea what he was talking about until he closed his eyes and opened them again to reveal focused steel gray eyes. “Because of you my father is dead.”

My hand flew to my mouth. “Scott.”

“Ah. I knew you were smart. Not smart enough to take care of what needed to be taken care of. For that, you’re weak. You’ll never be able to lead the Faithful.”

“I didn’t do this to you. Sebastian did.”

“He was only able to do so because you didn’t destroy him. And for that, I’m afraid you’ll have to pay.” Steel gray was replaced by red once again.

I struck first, kicking him in the stomach. My wings snapped open and I lifted myself off the ground. Without my sword, I knew I’d have to depend on other skills.

He came at me with his slim sword, missing my face by mere inches. As Darkness grew inside me, I focused on keeping control. I was no longer fighting a nameless face - I was fighting Scott and the anger he unleashed. Like it was intertwined within me, Light and Dark held together, worked together
, to keep me going.

Throwing out my hand, I pushed him back and he landed on the asphalt with a crunch. He was up faster than I could move and his wings, though fragile to look at, beat faster until the sound blanketed me. I felt immobilized by the hum. Stranded in mid-air, panic tore at my chest as he advanced on me. He lifted himself off the ground and when he was close enough, I was able to strike out
, landing a punch square in his already misshapen nose.

“Don’t do this, Scott.” The sound ceased and I was able to retreat from him.

As he pulled his hand from his face, I saw blood the color of night glint in the moonlight on his palm. “Look at me! Look what you did.”

He threw me back.
I hit a tree then slumped to the ground. Stalking over, he lifted me up by my wrist, snapping it in the process. I screamed in pain, but he didn’t let up. He pulled me to the middle of the road and dropped me to my knees.

“Look at me! You d
id this to me!” He screamed, his voice filled with hatred and sadness. “Do you know what I have to do now? I kill Faithful. I attack innocent humans: women, children. And I take them to Sebastian so he can turn them into this.” His hands motioned towards his grotesque body. “I have to live in this body with hatred and darkness coursing through me. And because of this, I am going to kill you.” His face twisted from shame to dominance, his inner struggle playing out on his scabby face.

I held my broken wrist in my good hand and though it was healing quickly, I had to force myself to block out the pain that coursed through my body. I was running on pure adrenaline.

He lifted his sword to strike and I quickly jumped to my feet still crouched and barreled into him. His head hit the ground with a sickening crack. My body on top of his immobilized him. My wings lay on either side of his body. When I looked into his eyes, I saw tears slip down his face. All the fight he had left him.

“Kill me,” he whispered.

“No.”

“If you do not, I will kill you. Please.”

I knew he was suffering. I also knew that the man I knew lived beneath the grotesque exterior. The pain he felt tore away his humanity. What was left would soon be consumed by Sebastian’s will.

“I can’t.”

“You have to. This is what is expected of you. Why would you let me suffer? You’re no better than Sebastian if you let me live. You know that.”

I looked away, contemplating his request. “I can help you. The others, they can help you.”

“No one can help me. If I return having failed my mission, I will meet a fate you could never imagine. If you kill me now, you will be showing mercy. All I ask for is mercy. You owe me that.”

With a growl of frustration, I stood and stepped away from him. Making no move to get up, his eyes returned to their human form. “How am I supposed to kill you? Tell me that! I’m not built to kill the innocent. And you are, Scott. You are innocent regardless of what’s become of you.”

Slowly sitting up, he fixed his stare on me. “Soon, there will be nothing left of my innocence. Nothing left of the human part of me. I will fade into Darkness and Sebastian will have complete control. I’ll be a mindless drone, doing his will without regard for life. I don’t want to become that.”

I closed my eyes to remove emotion from his request, from my actions.
Can I do this? Can I kill a friend?
My head reminded me he was no longer the friend I once knew. He was no longer the man fighting for the Faithful.
But if I can get him back to the others, we can help him together.

A rush of wind forced me to look at him once more. He was on his feet, wings outstretched with a grim expression plastered on his face. With a beat of his wings, he threw his sword at me, aimed for my heart. I caught it at the last minute and threw it back at him. Time slowed and I saw him stand with arms stretched out beside him, eyes closed. When time sped up, I watched as the point of the slim sword pierced his heart and embedded itself in his body.

He lay on the ground struggling for breath. “Do it.”

I pulled the weapon from his chest and slowly rolled him to his stomach. He tensed, waiting for me to finally end his suffering. Quiet sobs escaped into the air as I sliced off his wings. They fell to the ground on either side of him as the weapon slipped from my hand and clattered to the ground. I did what I could to
quell the rage, to quash the sadness.

Sitting in the middle of the deserted road next to him, I became hyper aware of every sound of the night. Every hoot of every owl sounded like music. I could hear
the sounds of every animal skulking through the woods. Even the breeze whispered in my ears. My breath fogged in front of my face, twirling into nothing. Trees whispered in appreciation of my mercy.

I placed my hand on him and wished for his peace when we became bathed in the warmth of bright light. I watched as his soul lifted from what Sebastian made him and float in front of me for a moment before fading away. Night descended once again and I closed my eyes, taking it all in.

Chapter 20

It was almost dawn by the time I returned to the eerily quiet house. Part of me wondered why no one was up waiting for me, why no one had come looking for me. Another, more prevalent piece of me was grateful for the silence.

I opened the door to Malena’s room and sat on her bed. I wasn’t sure why I’d chosen to be there. Looking around, I noticed for the first time, the hominess of her space. Photos of her with others, smiles plastered on their faces. I frowned. I didn’t remember her smiling much in the short time I knew her. She should have, I thought absently. She had a great smile, full of warmth and laughter.

Standing, I walked over to her dresser. Lipstick, nail polish and perfumes littered the surface. I picked up the lipstick she used to wear and forced my face close to the mirror. I was shocked to see my eyes fading in and out from black to blue, the first time I’d seen them blue in months. I concentrated on holding the color, not blinking until my eyes began to water. Very carefully, I slid the lipstick across my lips and puckered for the reflection. Almost normal.

Using her brush, I stood in front of the mirror. My hair was knottier than it used to be. Then again, I didn’t brush it quite as often. Fully brushed out, the ends grazed my waist. Hair clips and bobby pins sat neatly in a small ceramic bowl. Gingerly picking them up one at a time, I began to secure my hair. When I finished, I looked in the mirror. Almost normal.

Malena
kept most of her makeup in a drawer: blushes and eye shadows, eye liner and concealer, tweezers and eyebrow brushes, mascara. Jet-black mascara. I methodically began to tweeze stray eyebrow hair. Using her make-up brushes, my eyes became smoky, outlined in black. My cheeks became rosy. Almost normal.

Unscrewing the top of the mascara, I pulled out the wand and stared at the bristles. Getting as close as I could without bumping my nose, I peered, eyes wide open, mouth agape, at my reflection. Slowly
, I brushed the mascara over my lashes. I’d almost forgotten how long they were. Long strokes fanned them out. Long strokes thickened them. Long strokes lengthened them even more. Almost normal.

I turned to her closet and carefully opened the door. I was envious that even as an angel, she remembered the importance of dressing like a girl. I touched each fabric before looking at my
own stained sweatshirt and jeans that had gotten too big over the months. I slid each hanger aside, taking in all the pretty things I could imagine she once wore. At the very back of the closet I came across a white sundress I’d never seen her wear. I held it in front of me and walked back to the mirror. I smoothed it out and held it up to imagine what I would look like wearing something so pretty. It had been so long since I’d been pretty. Sleeveless and fitted at the top, the a-line skirt would come to the top of my knees. The blue sash would accentuate the waist that had become too small. I laid it out on the bed behind me and turned back to the mirror.

I began to undress, careful not to mess up my hair
or smudge the made up face that stared back at me. Slipping out of my pants, I studied the muscles that weren’t there before. Too skinny and hard for my liking, I gaped at the angular body that reflected back. I didn’t recognize it.

Picking up the dress, I held it once more in front of me before unzipping it and taking it from the hanger.  As I slipped it over my head, the soft cotton felt good against my skin. My hands zipped up the side of the dress. M
y breasts didn’t quite fill the bodice. I tightened the pale blue sash around my waist until it cinched. I twirled side to side as I studied myself in the reflective glass. My eyes big and blue stared back at me. Almost normal.

The reflection became wavy and my features smudged. I took a few steps forward and placed my hands on the glass attempting to regain the image I’d just seen. When everything stopped moving, I was nose to nose with my former self. Eyes black as night and smudged make-up sliding down my face. I tried to wipe it away as my wings ripped the fabric on my back and outstretched, silver and black swirls of light and dark cast shadows in the small bedroom.

The dress felt constricting and I clawed at the fabric hoping for room to breathe. In the mirror, snakes wrapped around my legs, my waist and my throat. The girl in the reflection screamed silently and as she did, a snake protruded from her lips and fell in front of her. I shook my head to rid it of the images.

In a
blink, Sebastian was staring back at me. His green eyes clouded over to mirror my own. He smiled, showing perfectly white teeth. His face was more handsome than I remembered. He whispered my name. I took a step back, watching the image morph again, returning to me. The glass cracked and I watched in horror as my face twisted from girl to demon, back and forth, from blue-eyed innocence to black-eyed wretched demon. I screamed but no sound escaped my lips. Sebastian’s laugh filled my head until I fell to my knees, hands covering my ears. My pendant glowed brightly, singeing my skin. I grabbed for it and tried to pull it off. The palms of my hands began to burn and Sebastian’s laugh grew louder until it wasn’t just inside my head anymore, it was a part of me, covering me.

I lay on the floor of the room, cowering in the fetal position when the scream that wouldn’t come finally escaped. The sound of my voice was primal
, conquering the space. Over and over, I screamed, willing Sebastian to leave me alone. Willing someone to kill him. Hoping someone would kill me.

Images of my father’s murder played in my head followed by the deaths of Jesse, Scott and
Malena. In slow motion, I replayed my meeting with Azrael and the choice I had to make. Finally, Scott returned to my thoughts. Scott as one of them, begging for me to kill him, begging for mercy, his own sword piercing his heart at my hand and his wings falling to the ground. I replayed his soul’s ascension as it disappeared into the night.

From somewhere I heard my name weaved wi
th panic. From outside I heard the door rattle and muffled yelling. Sebastian’s laugh continued to envelop me. It tore at my skin, boiled my blood, pulled sanity from my thoughts. Forced anger to take over.

When I could finally move, I didn’t move toward the door. If they wanted in, I was certain it wouldn’t be that difficult. Sebastian’s laugh didn’t fill me as it had moments ago. Instead, he was there,
on the other side of the mirror. His angelic features suggested innocence. His smile was relaxed, welcoming. Standing in front of him, I reached over to the dresser with my right hand and wrapped my fingers around a heavy crystal vase containing bright yellow, out of season tulips. As I lifted it, I kept eye contact with Sebastian, forcing my face to give away nothing. His arms reached for me. Tulips and water spilled onto the floor. Hands outstretched, he beckoned me forward. My pendant continued to burn white-hot but the pain had long since gone. As he whispered my name, heat churned in my belly. I shut down, kept him out with a strength of will I’d never felt before and the vase fell to the floor.

I slowly lifted my arms and his eyes grew wide, his face once again twisted into the demon I knew
him to be. He screamed when I threw my hands toward the glass. Light filled the shadows, surrounding him. Pieces of him shattered within the mirror, braking down like fading pixels. I rose from the ground and continued to barrage him with light and hope. Then, suddenly, all the noise stopped and the bedroom door opened. Lucas and Damien rushed in before taking a step back.

The room was a mess
, but nothing of Sebastian’s visit remained. Nothing other than the destruction I’d caused. I shook in fear, anger, hate and confusion.

“Samantha?”

“Leave me alone, Lucas.”

“You need to calm down.” Lucas held up his hands and tensed.

Damien’s expression was calm. He almost seemed amused by what he saw. “Now this isn’t control. What are you doing?”

“I’m angry.” The voice came from deep inside me.

“We know you’re angry. We need you to calm down though.”

Lucas took a step toward me and I threw him back. Damien let him fall, keeping his eyes on me. “Close your eyes, Samantha. Close your eyes and remember who you are. Anger is natural. This is not.”

I threw my palm at him but he deflected it, lazily.

“Now, we both know that isn’t going to work on me.” He continued to move closer.

“Don’t.” I lifted Lucas from the floor and held him suspended.

Damien looked to his left as Lucas kicked in protest, trying to remove invisible hands from his throat. Still, Damien did nothing to help him.

“Why are you here?” Each syllable was a bullet intended for Lucas.

“Why do you think I am here?”

“Stop screwing with me! Answer my question.”

Damien stepped in front of me. “Let Lucas go and I will answer your question.”

“No. I want to know why you’re here. Why he’s here.” I jutted my chin towards Lucas who was struggling to release himself from my control. “Someone is going to give me answers.”

“Or what?” Damien was close enough that I could’ve reached out to touch him, but I fought the urge to do so. “Are you going to kill Lucas? If you do that then you’ll never get the answers from him.”

He threw something at me and I had to drop my hold on Lucas in order to catch it. It was an apple. I stared at it, unsure of what to do while Lucas scrambled to his feet.

“You haven’t eaten, Sam. You must remember to eat in order to keep up your strength.”

Alarm bells went off in my head but I brought the fruit to my mouth anyway. I knew why he gave it to me. Control. Damien was all about control and at that moment, I didn’t care. I wanted no part of what I was. Damien’s eyes never left mine. Lucas stood behind him with a look of confusion. Despite the internal warnings, I took a bite. Calm immediately coursed through me, my anger dissipated to nothing. I felt nothing. I was empty and I was grateful for it.

I noticed Ethan standing at the door to
Malena’s bedroom. With his head down, he shook it almost imperceptibly and walked away. My heart broke into a thousand pieces and part of me longed to run to him, to fix everything, to go back to what we were. But the stronger part of me, the part now controlled by Damien let him go. It was for the best. The best of what? I hadn’t figured that out yet. And in that moment, I didn’t care to do so.

Lucas left Damien and I alone. The door barely clicked softly behind him before our hands were on each other.