Darker Water (24 page)

But why did he make a point of telling me
women weren’t on the menu if they were?

Maybe she’d read my mind, maybe she’d read my
facial expression, but she said, “He probably didn’t mention it
because he didn’t want to hurt your feelings. But you guys are
casual, right? So it’s not a big deal. Not to him, at least.”

Wait, this was Carson. “He’s not a frog,” I
whispered, poking the stupid elevator call button harder. “He’s
not.”

“Last night I saw him at a club downtown,”
Anna said. I didn’t need to look at her to know she was smiling,
enjoying the damage she was doing. “I didn’t say hello though
because I
hate
the girl he had up against the wall, and if I
said hello to
him
, I’d have to say hello to
her
.
Plus, they looked…busy. The next thing I knew both of them were
gone, so it was a non-issue anyway.”

He’d said he wouldn’t, but it’s not as if he
owed me anything. We weren’t even together, and I knew it would
happen eventually. He’d promised he would tell me, so I’d let him
tell me. I’d wait until I heard it come from his mouth. Not
Anna’s.

Right? Right. I took a deep breath and turned
as the elevator door opened. “Thanks, Anna. It’s nice to know there
are sincere and caring people left in the world.” Anna said
something, but I’d already stopped listening. “Have a great
day.”

“Bitch,” I said, as soon as the elevator door
closed. It was all bullshit—Carson didn’t even trust his
stepsister, so why should I? The reasons didn’t matter and I
refused to let Anna’s lies get to me. I came here to mess with
Carson, and mess with him, I would.

He wasn’t in his room. “Carson?” Or his
bathroom or in the living room or kitchen or any other room.

“Carson?” I called louder, knowing there was
nowhere I hadn’t already checked. What Anna said flashed through my
mind, but Carson said he wasn’t going to. He didn’t even know how
to lie. Plus, he never spent the night with a woman because he
couldn’t sleep and hated awkward morning afters. And the only
reason he liked it when
I
stayed over was because our
morning afters were as good as our night befores.

Did I actually think I was the only
exception? There was nothing overly special about me. Carson and I
had sex—that was it.

I pushed the paranoid thoughts away and
replaced them with a bunch of possible reasons he wasn’t home, none
of which involved a woman. But the tension in my body wasn’t as
easy to release because I couldn’t make Anna’s voice go away.

He would tell me. The next time I saw him, he
would tell me, and I’d deal. Because he’d be honest.

I left the coffee and bagel on his kitchen
counter with a note.

‘
Call me. I need to talk to you about
something.’
Then I added,
‘Hope you had fun last night.’
Maybe since I’d written it down, I’d believe it.

There was no tension on my key as I turned
it. I knew I’d locked it before going out last night, and I’d only
ever given one person a key. Which meant I just might find Lane in
my bed like I had when I got back from L.A. But this time she’d be
naked.

Excellent. I headed straight for my bedroom,
flinching when I saw her walking out of the kitchen doorway,
completely dressed and looking as if she was leaving. That wasn’t
going to happen anytime soon. After the horror of last night, I
needed a warm body to remind me there was still good in the world.
Her
warm body.

“Is that for me?” I nodded to the coffee and
bag she held.

“Yours is on the counter.” She stood to the
side so I could pass.

“Much appreciated. And much necessary.”

“How was last night?” she asked quietly.

“Meh. The place was really loud and
overcrowded. I’m already getting too old for that kind of shit.” I
leaned against the counter and took the cover off my coffee to blow
on it. “It’s sad actually. I think Hillary may have done some kind
of voodoo spell on me because the best moment of the night was when
I left the place.”

“You left early?”

That’s when I noticed the tension in her
voice, the discomfort in her body. It was so obvious, I was
surprised I hadn’t noticed before.

“Is something going on that I should know
about?” I asked.

“No. I’m just curious.”

“Okay,” I said slowly, having a tough time
believing that. “Yeah, I left a little early. I’m not sure how it
happened, but Marcus got so wasted he could barely stand. I had to
hold his hand and listen to him whine about his ex all the way to
his place.” God help me if I ever got that stupid over a woman. “I
crashed on his couch.”

“Oh.”

I watched her for a minute, not understanding
why she was being so weird. Only one way I was going to find
out:

“Why are you being so weird?”

“I’m not,” she said quickly, trying to move
her arms into a defensive position that was thwarted by the stuff
she held.

“Yeah, you are. And I can’t help feeling like
it has something to do with me which doesn’t make sense because
that’s not what we do.”

“What do we do, Carson?” she snapped. “We
fuck, we talk, we hang out. But evidently we aren’t as honest as I
thought we were.”

Whoa. She’d completely lost me. “We
are
honest with each other. Aren’t we?”

“Well…you were honest when you said you were
a prick and selfish and didn’t commit to anyone. But you also told
me you weren’t a liar.”

I drew back, confused. Where the fuck was
this coming from? “What are you talking about?”

“You’re just as bad as the rest of them.”

“Yeah.” What the fuck happened in the last
twelve hours? “I told you I was. The first time we met, I told you
who I am.”

“You also told me that you couldn’t sleep
with anyone in your bed and that you didn’t apologize or open doors
or a bunch of other things.”

“I wasn’t lying
then.
I didn’t do any
of that stuff.” And I hadn’t really thought too much about why I
was doing all of it now. Frustration filled my voice, something
that happens when you find yourself in a fight about something
you’re not privy to.

“How am I supposed to know which ones are
true and which ones aren’t?” She tossed her bag onto the counter
and threw up her hand. “I don’t know about you, but I can’t keep
track of it all.”

“Tell me what the fuck you think I lied
about, Lane. Right now.”

Since when did I care more about what she
thought of me than my pride? And why was I so fucking angry right
now? If anyone else yelled at me like that…

“What the fuck is going on?”

“You said if we were going to sleep with
someone else, we would tell the other person.” When her eyes filled
with water, she looked away. “Because that was fair. That’s what
you said. Because you knew…you knew how scared I was it would
happen again. Why did you lie? I thought we were good for each
other.”

“We
are
good for each other. And I
didn’t— I’m not sleeping with anyone else. I didn’t lie. Jesus,
Lane. I didn’t lie.” I backed up a few steps, needing the
space.

That was all bullshit. She wasn’t upset
because I lied—which I
didn’t
—she was upset because she
thought I’d screwed someone else. And that upset her because she
didn’t want me to be with anyone else. Just like I didn’t want her
to be with anyone else. Just like I didn’t want anyone other than
her in my bed and my mind and my life.

Oh fuck
. I needed to get out of this.
Right now. But I couldn’t, not while she looked so hurt, so damaged
by something she thought I did. I couldn’t leave her just like all
the other assholes had, especially because it wasn’t true.

“Lane, I didn’t—”

“Stop lying to me!” She threw her cup into
the sink. The top came off and coffee splashed everywhere, but she
didn’t even flinch. She put her hands on her hips, as if that gave
her more strength. More strength to do what? “I heard what you were
doing at the club last night.”

“What? What was I doing at the club?” I’d
spent the night leaning on a table, milking a beer, listening to
Marcus bitch about his ex, and watching my other friends talk to
women they didn’t give a shit about and whose names they would
forget in less than forty-eight hours. Probably a lot less. Just
like I used to do.

“It’s not about you fucking someone else,
Carson. It’s that you lied. Lying is disrespectful—like you think
I’m too stupid to catch on.” She threw her hands up in the air.
“Shit, maybe I am. Maybe I
am
too stupid. I mean I’ve fallen
for it lots of other times. But I thought…this was different. I
thought
you
were different and I was safe because you
wouldn’t lie to me. But you’re exactly the same.”

No. No, I wasn’t. “Stop comparing me to those
other guys!” Even though I’d done it myself a minute ago, it had
suddenly become very important that she not group me with the other
assholes she’d been with. “I don’t lie to you, Lane. Ever.”

“Maybe you didn’t use to but—” Her mouth
stayed open while she backed up a step. “Oh my god, I did it again.
I turned you into a frog.”

“Enough with the stupid frog thing. I’m not
another one of your frogs, and I’m not lying. I don’t know where
you’re getting your info but it’s wrong.” Shit. I shut my eyes.
There was only one person I knew who could and would lie that well.
“It was Anna, wasn’t it? Anna told you whatever she told you, and
you decided to believe
her
instead of me.”

“It’s happened so many times, Carson.” Her
tears came on so fast, she couldn’t catch them until they were at
her jaw. “You don’t know how humiliating it is. I just started to
trust my own judgment again.
Please
”—her jaw was shaking,
softening her voice, weakening it—“if you are, then just please
tell me the truth. I won’t be mad. I promise.”

When I saw the disappointment and doubt on
her face, it felt like I’d been stabbed in the gut. I’d done that.
By bringing Anna into her life, by making Lane trust me, I’d made
her feel like that. So I was the one who had to stop her from
feeling like that.

“I am not sleeping with anyone else, Lane.”
Each word was clipped, severe, and totally fucking honest. “I won’t
lie to you. I won’t.” Most of the room was still between us, her
pulling away and me not being brave enough to move forward.

It felt like shit that she believed Anna more
than me. Lane knew me better than anyone, so if
she
didn’t
trust me, what other good did I have? I didn’t know that meant
anything to me until now.

I gathered up enough courage to take one
step. “Please stop doubting someone who respects the fuck out of
you and who couldn’t—not wouldn’t—
couldn’t
do that to you.
Ever. Because I would rather see the moon fall than see you
cry.”

Her arms were crossed, and she wouldn’t look
at me. How could I convince her I was telling the truth?

I swallowed, my throat dry and tight. “Think
about it—why would I lie? Why would I
need
to lie? We’ve
talked about it and we’re not together, so how could I possibly
benefit by lying? Why would I risk a really fucking good thing to
lie about something I didn’t need to lie about?”

I didn’t tell her that I was having the best
sex I’d ever had, so I didn’t want to go anywhere else. A one-night
hook up with someone who didn’t know what I liked, might be a
disaster in the sack, and who I’d want to get away from as soon as
we both came. Versus someone I knew was incredible in bed, I
actually liked talking to, and I could have in the middle of the
night and the next morning if she was up to it.

Did she think I was a moron?

“Anna’s messed up—her dad was even worse than
mine.” She’d never said anything, but I was pretty sure the asshole
used more than his fists on her. Fucking pervert. “It’s not an
excuse, but it’s a reason. She’s worried”—and scared shitless—“I
won’t be there to catch her next time she fucks something up or
someone fucks her up. She lied so this would happen. This exact
thing we’re doing right now. You know how she is—you’ve seen her
try to screw with us before.

“I’m not her, Lane. I don’t want to screw
this up.” I was practically shaking, waiting for her to say
something like ‘I believe you’ or ‘I trust you’ or ‘You’re not a
horrible person for bringing this into my life.’

She shrugged, hopefully a sign I was getting
through to her, past the bullshit Anna had piled onto a woman who
deserved so much better than me and my fucked-up family. But who I
didn’t want to let go of yet.

“
Nothing
is worth fucking this up
for,” I said. “So have a little faith. Please.”

She studied me for a while without moving.
Maybe even without breathing. I was jittery as hell, amped up by
anger, betrayal, and anxiety.

“I’ll try,” she said quietly. “But if
you…”

“Yes. Yes, I will tell you.
Before
anything happens. And you’ll do the same.” I took a deep breath to
let go of some of my unease. It didn’t work. “So you believe
me?”

“Yeah.”

“Then we’re done talking about it.” I stared
at her for a long couple of minutes, trying to figure out what to
do. “I’m really fucking pissed off right now, Lane.”

“I know.”

“I’m pissed off and I want you. Hard. You got
a problem with that?”

She shook her head.

“Then take off your fucking clothes.”

“Anna!” My fist pounded against her door. I
knew she was home because I saw her car out front. The car I’d
bought for her. Was this her way of paying me back? “Whose life
were you trying to screw up, Anna? Hers or mine?”

Whatever she’d said almost fucked up the best
thing I’d ever had. The expression on Lane’s face...