Darker Water (34 page)

Hillary screamed, and I laughed. Oh my god!
This was even bigger than the lily pad project. I needed to call
Carson. He’d be just as happy as—

Right. I couldn’t do that anymore. My
excitement took a tumble. It took another when Hillary’s expression
suddenly looked nervous and what Andi was saying registered in my
mind.

“The pictures are already up on the Bennett
Foundation’s auction page. Just two, though, probably as a teaser
since the auction is so far…” She kept talking but I’d heard
enough.

The Bennett Foundation. “That bastard.” Was
it his way of apologizing or his way of taking pity on me? I didn’t
want either. I wanted him in front of me, looking me in the eyes
and talking to me without the bullshit qualifications or
denials.

“What?” Andi asked.

“Her old…friend works there,” Hilary said,
reaching for the phone as if I was going to chuck it against the
wall and—Well, would you look at that: my arm was raised and
prepped to throw.

Big breath. Relax muscles. Promise Andi a
favor whenever she needs it, thank her profusely, and hang up.

Hillary took the phone out of my hand. “It
doesn’t matter who bought them, Laney. You should be just as happy
as you were a minute ago.”

I couldn’t be. “How could he think that
buying my stuff makes everything okay? Or that I even want his
money?”

“You do want his money. At least, you
should
want his money. Because that’s a big number.” Yeah,
it was a huge amount, more than I thought my bank account could
hold, but it was guilt money.

“I’m not going to take it. He’s paying me off
like he paid off his mom and stepsister. So he doesn’t have to
speak to them.” As if money could replace him.

“Maybe.” Hillary flopped down onto my bed.
“Or…he’s buying your work because he knows how much you’re worth
and this is the only way he can tell you he cares about you.”

I spun my chair around. “By writing a check?”
I didn’t mean to shout at her, but it came out sounding angry and
bitter. Hillary didn’t seem put off at all.

“He might be screwed up about relationships,
but he’s not an idiot. If he can’t be with you—for whatever reason,
true or not—but he loves you—”

“He doesn’t love me.”

She paused for a quick eye roll. “Right.
Okay, so if he can’t be with you but he has a lot of something you
don’t—money—and if he gives it to you—someone he
likes
a
lot—and it’ll improve your life, how does that make him
insensitive?”

“That’s the point. He
isn’t
insensitive.” I didn’t have a legitimate reason to be mad at him,
and that made it even worse. “He’s amazing but refuses to see it.
Like the only things he has that anyone wants are his wallet and
his ass.”

“I don’t remember what his wallet looks like,
but I remember his ass. And it’s pretty damn nice, so it’s not hard
to see how he might get that impression.”

“Hillary!” I shouted as my friend busted up
laughing. She was the last person I’d expect to take Carson’s
side.

“Am I telling you something you don’t know?
After all that time you guys spent in bed? I was with him once and
hated him for months, but that beautiful image is branded on my
eyelids.” Her expression changed, and she came over to me and
hugged me. Only then did I realize I was crying again. Again? “Oh,
honey. I didn’t mean anything by it. I was just trying to make a
joke.”

“It’s not that.” I wiped my face. “I wish I
could
do
something for him. He keeps giving me things like
the money and the lily pad gig.”

“You got that job because you’re talented.
Carson just pointed someone in your direction.”

“Maybe, but I’m happier than I’ve ever
been.”

“Yeah, looks like it,” she said, handing me a
tissue.

“Shut up. I mean I like knowing what I want
and not being afraid of admitting it.
He
did that. He helped
me understand myself. He saved me.”

I tried not to think about what might have
happened if Carson hadn’t shown up at my shop that day. I never
would have imagined Kevin was capable of what he did, so how could
I possibly know where he would’ve stopped?

“I’ve never done anything for him,” I said.
“I take that back—I’ve made his life worse. He liked his life
before I came along, and now…”

“Look, I have my issues with him, but he was
right about you—you’ve changed. When you broke up with Kevin and
started hating men, that wasn’t a healthy change. When you met
Carson, you changed again, but in a good way, like you transformed
into who you were meant to be.”

“Great, so I screwed his life up while he
made mine better.”

“Knock it off, Laney. If
I
can get
over my issues with him, you need to get over yours. You didn’t
screw up his life. How can loving him possibly screw up his life?
He’s not married, he’s just confused.”

“He won’t ever let anyone love him.”

“Can anyone control who loves them and who
doesn’t?” Hillary asked matter-of-factly. “We can barely control
our own emotions, let alone someone else’s. If you need proof of
that, just think of how many boxes of tissues and pints of ice
cream you’ve gone through.”

After staring at my bank balance on the
computer screen for another half an hour, I changed my mind. I
would take it, all of it. Even if I paid my rent for the rest of
the year and bought a shitload of new tools, I’d still have more
than enough to do the other thing I needed to do. With the person I
needed to do it with.

“Guess why the little sign says ‘Do Not
Disturb!’” I yelled at the door Hayden had been pounding on for,
like, ten minutes. “I’ll give you one shot at it.”

“I’d prefer not to talk about this in the
hallway. If you don’t open the door in the next thirty seconds, I
have to assume you’ve drowned in the hot tub and get the hotel’s
manager to open it up.”

“He’s already been warned to stay away.” And
paid. We were moving onto Day I’m-Not-Sure of not answering the
door or the phone, so you’d think people would get the hint. My
friends had all gone home days ago. They had things and people to
go back for.

“Carson! Stop being such a baby and open the
goddamn door. Things are getting serious, and you need to do
something about it.”

About what? I climbed out of bed to find out
what the fuck had happened while I’d been in isolation. That’s when
I noticed the legal-sized envelopes that had been slipped under my
door, despite all the money I’d paid the staff to keep people away
from me. So the paperwork, plus Hayden taking time out of his
workday to fly to Vegas, meant... Hell if I knew.

I flicked the deadbolt and cracked the door
open on my way down to grab them, scooting back just in time to
avoid getting smacked in the head as Hayden burst in.

“You have no idea what’s going on, do you?”
He didn’t give me a chance to answer, probably understanding from
my expression how clueless I was. Or maybe it was because I looked
like someone who hadn’t gotten out of bed in the last…

“What day is it?” I asked, scratching my
unshaven jaw.

“You’re in deep shit, little brother.” He
pushed me backwards and shut the door behind him.

“What’d I do?”

“Well, if I believe Laney’s ex-boyfriend,
i.e. the person most likely to have answered my phone calls, you
attacked him for no reason.”

Shit. That shook me out of the fog. “That’s
what the bastard said happened?” I regretted that day more than any
other, but not because of what I did to Kevin. “He deserved
everything he got. He should be happy he could still walk
away.”

“And that kind of comment won’t help your
case. He’s threatening to go to the police and tell them that he
almost
didn’t
walk away.”

“So? Lane already talked to them.”

“She didn’t go to the police.”

“What?” I straightened. “Why the fuck
not?”

“Because if she had, they would’ve questioned
Kevin, and he would’ve told the police what he told everyone who
wasn’t holed up in a hotel room drinking their meals. Kevin O’Leary
is doing his medical residency at UCSF. He was the physician who
worked on the man from the bar fight.”

“That guy signed a nondisclosure
agreement.”

Hayden nodded. “That didn’t cover everything
he’d already told the physician who worked on him before he signed
it. When
said
physician got his ass handed to him by the
same goddamn idiot his ex-patient did, he knew exactly where to hit
to cause the most damage.”

My lungs stayed on ‘empty.’ “Lane?”

“No.” Hayden pantomimed smacking me on the
back of the head. “Your pockets.
Our
name.” Hayden gave as
much a shit about our family’s honor as I did, so I knew he was
talking about the foundation. Exactly the same reason I’d agreed to
pay the other guy off—so my screw-up wouldn’t hurt other people.
Shit. Not one but
two
victims of my anger issues would flush
donations down the toilet. Probably get me arrested, too.

“The guy in the bar, yeah, that was on me.
But Kevin…” I slumped onto the couch. “He was hurting her, Hay. I
couldn’t let him hurt her.”

He sat down next to me and blew out a breath.
“He wants money. Lots of money. But unless you’ve given it all to
Renee or spent it all on cards, booze, and expensive hookers, you
can afford it. He also wants an apology with all the sincerity you
can fake. You give him what he wants, he signs some paperwork, and
we all move on.”

“I write a check, so I don’t have to deal
with it anymore.” Just like I did with Renee and Anna. What I’d
done with Lane. So I could pretend I was doing the right thing.
Then I’d apologize to someone who deserved as much punishment as I
did.

Fuck that. I stood. “No.”

“Carson, think about it. Even if O’Leary
doesn’t go to the police, he’ll still tell the media, skew what
happened into something that works in his favor. And he has just
enough facts to make it look true. No one roots for the rich kid,
little brother. If he talks, things will only get worse for
everyone—Laney included.”

“I don’t care about the money. If he doesn’t
talk, he can have however much he wants.” Because his lies would
hurt good families who were hurting too much as it was.

“I have to do something about my shit,
Hayden. I can’t keep telling myself it’s not affecting anyone.” How
long had I been pretending the first eighteen years of my life
didn’t exist? “I’ll need some help with the board, though.”

He raised an eyebrow. “You’ve got it. What
about the apology?”

“Yeah, the bastard will get a fucking apology
I don’t mean and he doesn’t deserve. But on one condition.” I
thought about it. “Make that two conditions: You wake Anna up to
tell her about an emergency meeting of the board.”

“Really, Carson? You know what I do for a
living and approximately how much money I get for doing it. And you
want me to make a wake-up call?”

“You never lived with her, so you’ve never
had to deal with her in the morning. Trust me, it’ll be one of the
most unpleasant things you’ve ever had to do. And I’m not even
going to ask you to break it to her that she’s finally getting a
real job. Because I love you too much to put you through that.”

I didn’t trust my wicked stepsister to be
responsible for anything hugely important. But she was beautiful,
smart, and manipulative—all things appreciated by wealthy men from
every nation on earth. She might as well start using her powers for
good.

“Oh, and make sure she understands that she
doesn’t have to be there in person, so she shouldn’t worry too much
about her hair.” Expecting her to show up would be stupid, even if
I
wanted
to ever see her again. Plus, not all the board
members were local, so we’d have to set up the teleconference
anyway.

“Is the second condition as terrifying?”
Hayden grumbled.

“No. The second condition is simple: Kevin
signs an agreement that says he’ll stay the fuck away from Lane for
the rest of his life.” Just like I had to.

It wasn’t hard to track Renee down. The
wealthy can afford more security, but privacy can’t be bought. The
next day I was on a plane to Los Angeles with an address and a
whole lot of anxiety. There was a chance the address could be
wrong, or she might have gone to Vegas, opted for the complete
Elvis wedding package, and was already living with her new husband.
But Renee didn’t seem the type to do anything that normal.

I pulled the rental car up to the security
gate and told the guard who I was here to see. If Renee refused to
see me, I’d move on to Plan B. Hopefully it wouldn’t come to that,
because my Plan B sucked and involved acting skills I didn’t have.
After the guard made a call, presumably to Renee, he opened the
gate and waved me through.

Renee’s house was bigger than the entire
neighborhood I grew up in—manicured lawn, no chips in the sidewalk.
Even the house number painted on the curb out front was
flawless.

My confidence turned into nausea until I
reminded myself that I had absolutely nothing to lose. I’d already
lost him. And, even if everything went perfectly, I didn’t expect
that to change. I just hoped
he
would.

Carson would never open himself back up to
me—that was something I’d have to live with—but maybe he could to
the woman who gave birth to him, who’d been there while the damage
was being done.

The door opened before I even knocked.

“Is Carson alright?” Renee asked, looking as
if she’d hike up to San Francisco in heels if she had to. That gave
me hope—the woman wanted what was best for her son, she probably
just didn’t know what that was.

“Yeah, he’s fine,” I said quickly. “I mean, I
think so. Mostly. Have you spoken to Hayden lately?”