Cruel Summer (14 page)

So after a concentrated, quickie tour of every single gold store the town of Mykonos had to offer, after Mr. Bonham had successfully saved himself the equivalent of five U.S. dollars by bargaining down the price of an eighteen-karat gold Greek key design necklace in the loudest voice imaginable, all five Bonhams decided they were starved, and consulted the guidebook to see where they could get a hamburger.

That’s right,
A HAMBURGER.
Just like the kind you can get back home, or, I don’t know, maybe on their cruise ship, you know, the one that was docked in the harbor?

“Don’t you want to maybe try a gyro?” I suggested. “They’re really good, kind of like a Greek hamburger,” I said, having grown quite fond of them in the short time I’d been in Tinos.

“Oh, I’d love to try one myself.” Mrs. Bonham smiled in that tight, squinty way I’d come to know as her signature smirk. “But Salem and Duncan really prefer to keep it simple. They don’t always do so well with these foreign foods,” she whispered, motioning to the twelve-and thirteen-year-olds, blaming it all on them.

So, we headed to a taverna. One that was chock full of people they recognized from the boat. And while we were seated at the table, each of us hunched over our meals, chewing quietly and staring into space, I couldn’t help but notice how different Levi was, how he suddenly seemed so opposite of the way he was at home, the way I’d remembered him.

I mean, at home he’s like this uber-cool deity, the undisputed king who rules the school. But seeing him sitting across from me, dragging a fistful of fries through some ketchup as he admired his silver ring, I couldn’t help but notice just how fake and phony and almost empty he seemed. Like he was so caught up in his clothes and his hair and his jewelry and his image, that there was no room left for anything else.

So then of course, the second after I thought that, I felt horrible, terrible, and guilty. I mean, so far, all I’d done was spend the entire afternoon judging them. Just like I’d spent all of the previous night judging Yannis. And it made me wonder if maybe I was the one who should be judged. Maybe the problem wasn’t them at all. Maybe the problem was
ME.
Maybe I was the one with no personality or identity. Maybe I was the one who was empty inside.

Because the truth is, when I gazed at all of them again, watching as they enjoyed their meal in silence, obviously feeling content with their lives and each other, I realized I was the exact opposite of content. That while these people knew exactly who they were, what they stood for, and seemed to be entirely at peace with it all, I myself was as lost and clueless as ever.

I had no idea what I was doing.

And lately, I didn’t seem to stand for much of anything.

I mean, here I’d somehow convinced myself that I’d been humming along, making some major life progress, when all along I’d been slowly unraveling at the seams and was too dumb to notice.

For example—Stupid Exhibit #4 (obviously, none of these exhibits are in actual chronological order):

I’d been friends with Natalie Zippenhoffer for practically my whole entire life, and even though she’s nice, and smart, and interesting, and real (and yes, a major geek), and even though we have tons of things in common (like the fact that I’m a major geek too, and we like the same books, songs, and movies—which are mostly all the books, songs, and movies that nobody even knows about, much less likes), I didn’t even hesitate when it came time to throw her overboard. It’s like the second I got a shot at being visible and cool via hanging with Amanda, into the water Natalie went.

I guess I just felt so flattered that someone who’s as popular and important as Amanda would even want to speak to me, much less hang out with me. Not to mention how I hoped she’d be able to make me popular and important too. I just wanted to be known for something more than high test scores. So every time she wasn’t so nice (which was pretty frequent), and every time she made fun of all the things I like (which was pretty much all the time), I either completely ignored it or pretended I no longer liked those things either. Then I did my frantic best to avoid Natalie when I passed her in the hall, so I could stay in good with Amanda.

So when I got my shot at Levi Bonham, I knew I hit the big time.

It was only after spending the day with his family, in a foreign place that’s like a million miles away from everything that once made him so cool, that I could barely remember what the attraction was to begin with.

I mean, of course he was still gorgeous, anyone could see that, since it’s not like distance and a new time zone could ever mess with his cool, movie star looks. Only now he seemed gorgeous in a way that was too intentional, too calculated, too premeditated, as though being cute had become a full-time endeavor, and something about that just really bugged me.

Anyway, after we finished our meals and his dad settled the check, his family decided they had “done” Mykonos and were eager to head back to the boat. Making it clear that Levi was free to stay and dance the night away with me.

So he did. I mean, we did. Though we didn’t exactly start with dancing, since it was still early and really hot out. So I, thinking it might be fun to hit the beaches, managed to convince him to rent a Vespa together. But after we crashed it twice (not badly, but both times his fault) I insisted on taking over, since it was obvious he just couldn’t get the hang of working the clutch since it’s on the foot pedal, which, of course, I’d totally mastered thanks to Yannis’s lesson in “Vespa Riding and Safety 101.”

But even though we didn’t crash again, it was pretty obvious that my sitting in front, taking charge of the driving, wasn’t going over so well with him. It was like his whole alpha-male, he-man, jock persona just couldn’t handle giving up control to a girl.

So when we finally made it to the beach with the very best name of them all—Super Paradise, he totally freaked when he saw it was full of mostly naked, mostly gay, guys. And I mean,
FREAKED.
Like he thought all that nudity and gayness was somehow contagious.

So then of course we had to get right back on the bike and head over to just plain old Paradise beach, which just happened to be filled with row after row of topless and/or nude girls. Which of course made him bug me about taking my top off, but only for a little while since there were plenty of other breasts for him to ogle. And believe me, did he ogle. I mean head swiveling, eye bugging, tongue hanging and dripping with drool kind of ogling. And he was so obvious about it I was actually kind of embarrassed to be sitting next to him. Because no matter how many times I’ve been to the beach with Yannis, I’ve never once seen him carry on like that. And even though that’s probably because he’s used to it, having grown up like that and all, I’m really not joking or exaggerating when I write that Levi was
RIDICULOUS.
Seriously, even after the sun went down and there were only a few people left, I practically had to drag him by the arms and legs just to get him out of there.

So then, because we were in Mykonos, and because that’s what you’re supposed to do when you’re in Mykonos, we hit the clubs. I mean, we were still kind of sandy and messy from the beach and all, but after a cocktail or two at some pretty waterfront bar in Little Venice, it’s not like we even noticed or cared.

In fact, I no longer cared about much of anything.

I no longer cared about my parents’ divorce.

I no longer cared about moving.

I no longer cared about the fact that I was about to cheat on Yannis.

I no longer cared about the fact that I was about to cheat on Yannis with someone I no longer cared about.

Because suddenly, with my head all light, and cloudy, and woozy, and with the music blaring so loud, and with Levi dancing so close—it was all good.

In fact, it was better than good it was—

Luminous!

And brilliant!

And shiny, and warm, and sexy, and glamorous, and exciting and fun!

And then suddenly my mouth was on Levi’s, and his tongue was in mine, and his hands were sliding down my body, and my eyes were closed, and then the room started spinning, which was totally cool at first because I thought we were spinning together, like two people who are so madly in love they just spin across rooms. But then when I opened them again, I saw it was still Levi, and I tried to remind myself how much I once liked him, how popular he is, and how cute. How lucky I was to be there in his arms. How no other girl in our school, no other girl
ANYWHERE
had ever made out with him in a club in Mykonos. Not even that stupid Penelope chick. Not anyone. And then I remembered how I saw Yannis talking and laughing with Maria by the harbor, how he whispered
S’agapo
to me, and how I was leaving soon so it’s not like it mattered. How there’s no such thing as love. Just people who like to pretend they’re in love. When the truth is it’s false and invisible and doesn’t really exist.

And I convinced myself so well of these things that I just kept kissing him back. Closing my eyes again, blocking everything out, letting the room grow calm and quiet until it settled around us, knowing that
THIS
was real. That fleeting moments like this were the best you could ever really hope for.

And so we kept kissing—between drinks, between songs, even after the club closed and we found ourselves a small, secluded beach where we kissed some more. We kissed as the sun came up. We kissed as he told me he had to head back to his boat. We kissed as he promised to e-mail. We kissed one last time before I headed off to my ferry, where I bought a ticket, climbed aboard, and watched as his boat sailed away from the dock—pressing my forehead against the smudgy, scratched glass, and wondering what the hell I’d just done.

Circle in the Sand

0 Comments:

August 11

To: NatalieZee

From: ColbyCat

Re: The sordid truth

It’s true.

My mom sold the house. What can I say?

Though I want to thank you for all of your efforts in trying to sabotage it from the start. Seriously, for that alone I will be eternally grateful.

And, not like it probably matters much anyway, I mean, after everything that’s happened and all, but I still want you to know that I’m actually really grateful for a lot of things that you’ve done. And I’m sorry that I acted like such a BIG FNB. (I know you hate abbreviations, but did you really want me to spell that out?) Or better yet—A BIG CONFORMING RETARD—like you once said.

And yeah, believe it or not the whole thing with Levi was totally real. But in the end it just wasn’t as great as you’d think. Okay, maybe YOU never thought it would be even close to great, but we all know I did.

Well, if you want, I’m thinking maybe we can get together when I get back in town, before my mom makes me move to Arizona. (Yup, you read it right, though I’ll explain it in another e-mail, on another day.)

Ya’Sou—

Colby

August 12

To: AmandaStar

From: ColbyCat

Re: summer lovin!

Hey Amanda,

Just responding to your e-mail, and thought I’d tell you that those pictures of you and Jenna and Penelope and Casey at the beach were really cute.

And to answer your questions:

—Yes, it was fun seeing Levi.

—And, yes those are real, live, alcoholic cocktails we’re drinking in those pictures he sent you. There’s no age limit here, so you can pretty much do whatever you want.

Anyway, I’ll be home by the end of the month, but I’m not sure if I’ll be going back to Harbor or not, since as you may or may not know, my mom sold the house, and I have no idea where I’ll end up.

Okay, well, take care, and thanks for writing—

Colby

August 12

To: Levi501

From: ColbyCat