Confessions of a Wild Heart (15 page)

“What do you want from me, Jase?”

Jase frowned. “I don’t know what you mean.” Ase flicked his gaze down to Jase’s crotch. Jase hadn’t even realized he was hard. He swallowed thickly and looked up to see Ase’s face wearing that old, familiar, and sorely missed dirty smirk. “Fuck,” Jase said, under his breath.

Ase slid up the armrest and leaned over the bench seat into Jase’s space. Before Jase could really think, Ase’s hand was on his jeans-clad cock, stroking.

“Fuck, Ase, this…”

“Feels good, right? You want some closure? You want a goodbye? That’s what you want?” Jase wanted to say no, to push Ase off, but he was trapped in those fucking onyx-black eyes and even though the scent of vodka was strong around Ase, it didn’t cover up his natural cloves and musk scent. Ase’s lips attached to Jase’s neck.

“
Si,
I think that’s what he wants,” Ase rumbled, as Jase moaned. “My little
gringo
didn’t get enough taste of his brown boy?” Ase started stroking Jase. “You said it all the time in your e-mails. You missed my body. The way I touched you.” Ase unbuttoned Jase’s pants. He had a brief moment of thinking that they shouldn’t do this here. But they wouldn’t be the only ones parking on this lonely stretch of highway for the same reason.

“We shouldn’t,” Jase said.

“Aw. Forgot what it was like to be with a man? Afraid you still like it too much?”

Jase snarled, shoving Ase back. “You’re a fucker.” Ase’s cocky smirk died, morphing into a sneer.

“What? You said you didn’t get a goodbye?”

Jase wanted to pull his fucking hair out. Fuck. “Ase, what the
fuck
?” But he noticed Ase was just as hard as he was.

Ase’s eyes were stunned when Jase reached for his pants. “I’ve been with plenty of men since you.” Jase felt a certain pleasure in the stricken look the flitted across Ase’s features when he said the words, but also a little sad they’d come to this.

“Sure, you can give me fucking closure. Seems like you need it, too,” Jase said, pulling Ase’s proud, thick cock from the confines of Ase’s skinny jeans, stroking it firmly. He looked at Ase’s mouth hanging open and couldn’t stop himself from kissing the man as he stroked him off.

Ase tried to pull out of the kiss but Jase said brokenly, “No. You don’t get to act like I’m just any other fuck. If this is it, you’re
with
me.”

God, as dramatic as they were being, you’d think they’d actually dated those months rather than just exchanging silly, crushing-teenager e-mails.

“I was lost those last few months in the military, scared shitless I’d die, or maybe scared that I wouldn’t; that I’d get home and it’d be as shitty as I thought it would.” Jase spit on his hand and continued stroking Ase, who was watching him warily but with lust-clouded eyes. “Then I got home and the only sane thing I had, the only thing I looked forward to was hearing from you, because my parents were so upset with me over everything and anything.”

“Jase.”

“Then you stopped. You just stopped. And I know it was just a fuck, thousands of miles and a world away, but fuck…” Jase kept stroking Ase, nipping his chin, his jaw, his ear. Ase started bucking into the hand job.

Ase stilled Jase’s hand and made him look him in the eye. “Jase, you shouldn’t want me.”

Jase snatched his face from Ase’s grip. “Why does it matter if this is goodbye anyway?” Jase started pumping Ase’s cock again, then dropped into the foot well, which was much too small for a man his size, so he had to contort himself just right. He took Ase into his mouth. He gripped Ase’s hips with both hands and started sucking with abandon. Ase groaned, so fucking sexy, and his pre-cum leaked into Jase’s mouth. Fuck, it’d been a while since he’d been with a man, and he’d forgotten how much he loved giving head, having the heavy piece of meat on his tongue.

Ase carded his hands through Jase’s hair and Jase looked up through his lashes to see the pained, almost adoring expression in Ace’s eyes that peeled away the years.

Ase grunted. “Fuck, come up. Come up, I’m gonna cum.” As much as Jase hated to, he didn’t know where Ase had been, so he came off Ase’s cock and used his saliva to smooth the way as he stroked him. Ase reached down and held Jase’s head firm, stroking himself, banging his cock against Jase’s lips. Jase stroked himself, now, loving how Ase was taking his pleasure with him.

“Daaaamn,” Ase groaned, as his cock began to spurt. His cum bubbled out of his slit, shooting onto Jase’s closed lips and Ase’s exposed lower belly. The look in Ase’s eyes as he rubbed the head of his hard cock, smearing the cum over Jase’s lips, did Jase in and he felt his body tense as he shot on the floorboard of his truck.

He lay his head in Ase’s lap for a second, kissing Ase’s cock, Ase’s bare hips, trying to catch his breath.

This was absolutely the last thing he’d expected. His mind started clearing, and he wondered what the fuck he’d been thinking. But being with Ase again had been both exhilarating and depressing, because of how they’d done it. If this had been their goodbye, he hated it’d been in a truck on a back road like a couple of horny teenagers.

He hated even worse that this might actually be a goodbye. Jase still wanted him, and Ase seemed so fucking sad. Now that Ase was here, and Jase had his hands on him, he didn’t want to let go. Those
what if
s and that
never gonna happen
s felt so stupid since they were actually in the same town—even if it was this town.

Ase stopped petting Jase’s hair, so Jase came up and sat back in his seat, doing up his fly as Jase pulled his own shirt off to wipe up the mess on his crotch.

“Jase—”

“Please. Not yet, don’t say it was a mistake. Not yet.” Jase didn’t even want to think about it yet. He wanted five more minutes of that
feeling
he had when Ase was near, making Jase stupid with his smell and his touch.

Jase sat quietly for a bit, listening to a car pass by, then another, and couldn’t fathom what the fuck he should feel, much less do, right now.

Chapter 13

ASE blinked his eyes open, waking slowly. He was surprised to find that he didn’t have a hangover. Okay, there was a small, mewling hangover in the background, but not the usual dull roar.

He was disoriented, but again, not so much as he usually felt when he first woke. Which is why he realized quickly he wasn’t in his own room, or his own bed for that matter. The smell was the first thing that clued him in, the cedar from the wooden walls being the strongest, with a hint of fabric softener from the clean sheets, and the unmistakable scent of Jase’s spicy aftershave making him feel both relaxed and on edge at once.

As his eyes roamed the large bedroom in the full light of morning or mid-day, which streamed in through thin white curtains on one wall, he noticed all the touches of Jase lying around. The walls had generic framed landscapes, and the furniture was quaint and old farmhouse chic, but the boots and sneakers lined up on one wall were those of a younger man. There was a basketful of laundry in one corner, and a laptop computer on the bedside table, proving he hadn’t fallen back in time. Thank God.

He pushed the tattered old quilt back off him and frowned at his nakedness. He only slightly remembered Jase trying to discern where Ase lived through his sleep haze, then waking to find he was in Jase’s truck looking up at a log-sided cottage surrounded by acres of the blackness of late night. He didn’t remember too much about being put to bed, though. He just remembered feeling safe and warm, like he could put his head down for a long slumber for the first time in ages.

The sheer contentedness of waking in Jase’s bed was painful. He hadn’t dared dream this moment would ever happen. He hadn’t dared hope there would ever be a time he’d get to see the man again, much less be welcome in his home, in his bed, to feel not like he was always up in arms.

He looked next to him, realizing the other side of Jase’s bed was still partly made, and the pillow gone. He was a little disappointed to realize Jase hadn’t slept with him, but also warmed by the fact Jase had been considerate enough to give up his bed the night before even after Ase had been such a drunken asshole to him.

The fight in the truck came flooding back. As did the hook-up. He flushed with desire; remembering Jase’s mouth around his cock, the way they’d said;
I missed you, don’t leave
. It was a dangerous place to be.

That got Ase moving. He needed clothes, he needed to pee, and he needed to get the fuck home. Now.

When he stood, he noticed his clothes neatly folded at the foot of the bed, obviously having been laundered because they smelled fresh and there were no cum stains on Ase’s shirt. He vowed as he dressed, feeling a little less vulnerable, and made his way to empty his bladder, that he’d be gracious with Jase this morning.

If this was meant to be that elusive closure, the least he could do was make it friendly. Hell, maybe he could even salvage some semblance of a friendship with Jase. Although, that seemed like it’d be hard, judging by the ferocity with which jealousy had overtaken him when Jase admitted he hadn’t been quite the virginal closet-case Ase had expected.

He noticed the en suite bathroom had two doors and took a bet that the other led into the main part of the house. He wasn’t disappointed when it opened into what looked to be the living room. He was assaulted with the brighter sunlight streaming through open bay windows on either side of the front door, and the smell of coffee and bacon. The television was on, voices buzzing at a low level, considerate of the fact Ase’d been sleeping, probably. He noticed the sheets and pillow on the couch and felt bad Jase had been kicked to the sofa in his own home.

The Sunday morning news was on, and he saw it was actually earlier than he’d expected, which told him a lot about how well he’d slept the night before since he was this rested at such an early hour.

He followed the sound of a softly humming voice through a swinging door that led to an old, country kitchen, complete with a wood stove in one corner. Ase could honestly say he’d never seen one of those in person. Jase hadn’t noticed Ase come in and continued humming a song Ase was pretty sure was Britney Spears. He couldn’t help the smile that fought through his anxious mood.

Watching Jase from behind was a treat. The man’s hair was sleep mussed, sticking up in many angles, and his bare back had red lines that’d probably once been creases from sleeping on sheets. He was tapping his bare foot as he hummed to himself, which made one of his firm ass cheeks bounce lightly, each jiggle visible through his very thin, threadbare sleep pants.

“Sorry you got booted from your bed,” Ase said, trying to keep the volume of his voice lower so as not to startle Jase.

Jase gave a little jolt of surprise when he turned, those green eyes crinkling at the sides when he saw Ase. “Good morning.” He picked up the skillet he’d been cooking in and moved over to the table. “It’s okay. You were wiped out. I thought you’d do better in the bed. Plus I’d have bothered you moving around really early anyway.”
Of course, he’s fucking sweet and considerate. Fuck
.

Ase sighed. He wondered what life would have been like had he come to Jase when things really hit the fan a few years ago. Knowing what little he knew of the man, he thought maybe Jase wouldn’t have minded. No matter what he’d told himself, they’d known each other a little back then. Hell, he had internet friends, now, he knew less well than Jase, but still considered good friends. And he’d not slept with any of them.

“Want breakfast? I did basics. Eggs, bacon. I have some chorizo if you’d prefer that.”

Ase couldn’t help teasing. “Was that a Mexican joke?”

Jase let out a huff of laughter. “No, you dick. We take our Tex-Mex very seriously around these parts.” As if to prove his point, Jase retrieved salsa from inside the fridge and tortillas from on top before sitting down at the table. He spooned his eggs on a tortilla and covered it in salsa, looking back up to Ase when he realized Ase was still just standing around watching him.

“Uh… You can sit.” He tilted his head, considering Ase. “Or not.” He shrugged like it didn’t matter, but it obviously did.

           “Any more of that coffee?” Ase pointed to the mug Jase sipped from.

Jase pointed to the old-school percolator on the stove. “In there. It’s probably strong. Help yourself.”

Ase poured himself a mug and was pleased to find it was, indeed, quite strong. Just how he liked it. He pulled up a seat at the table and regarded Jase, who was a little too nonchalant.

A thought struck Ase and guilt flooded him. He’d had it briefly the night before, but figured he may as well get his apologizing over with. “I’m so sorry. Last night.”

Jase flinched. “Sorry for what?” His defensiveness was annoyingly cute. In his shorter, stocky body, he looked like a bulldog puppy with that near-offended look on his face.

“We, uh, I… I don’t mind if you don’t want a repeat, obviously. And I’ll keep my mouth shut. I don’t want you in trouble with your girlfriend.”

Jase seemed to deflate, though he did look a little guilty himself. “I don’t have a girlfriend. That was my friend Lacey.”

Ase thought on that. She seemed like more than just a friend, though. Not because she’d kissed Jase’s cheek or because she’d been his date. He knew the look of a smitten girl.

“You sure about that?”

Even Jase’s guilty expression was kind of cute. Again, in an annoying way. Because Ase and Jase, no matter what, could not go down this road. “She’s an ex technically, but a friend first. We were together for a while; she came out to San Antonio and lived with me for a few months. But it just wasn’t working. We were way better off as friends.”

Ase supposed he couldn’t get mad Jase’d lived with someone. He’d tried the same with another man. Anthony. He’d not even been prepared for the fallout that came from being with Ase. Not that he’d been all that nice a person to deserve much of Ase’s sympathy. The stressful thought made Ase’s hand shake, so he wrapped it tightly around his mug.