Confessions of a Wild Heart (17 page)

Ase seemed to be well-liked by the staff, even if he was a bit standoffish to them. The man was an enigma. Jase was still so shell-shocked by the man’s re-emergence in his life that, between the surprise, his mother coming home, and their work schedules, he hadn’t had much time to process how he felt other than glad to have Ase around.

He’d pulled out some of the old e-mails he’d sworn long ago to never look at again, and poured over them. He cringed every once in a while when he’d read how smitten they were with one another. It’d only been four years, but, God, did their twenty-one and twenty-three-year old selves sound so much younger. And, he was saddened to note, they sounded much less jaded.

They also had the beginnings of a decent friendship. Nothing deep, but something tentative and hopeful that they weren’t each lost to the ether. Until they had been.

There were quiet moments, when they’d be having lunch, and Jase would be merrily chatting about his day, that Ase would seem lost in himself. Jase wondered what had happened in those four years to dampen the shine of that young man who’d chased a stranger, camera and heart in hand.

Jase most decidedly did not dwell on it. If Ase wanted to talk about it, he would. If not, he wouldn’t. They didn’t owe each other anything. There was plenty you didn’t share with friends. Even if this felt like a little more than that. Denying the chemistry was hard, but if that’s what it took that’s what he’d do. He wouldn’t squander this time, even if he was being a pansy.

He winced at the thought. Being a pansy in Ase’s company didn’t feel quite like the same sin as when he was alone with his thoughts, in the house his father had built with
manly
sweat and tears. He almost could convince himself he was too fucking old to concern himself with that.

Almost.

Which is why he most definitely never looked at those photos Ase had sent him forever ago. He doubted Ase ever did, either. They were painful; a life lived long ago. He was happy he’d had the experience, happy to have enjoyed it. Hell, he was happy to take it one day at a time and enjoy this un-fucking-believable chance he had now to reconnect with a friend he’d assumed he’d never see again.

Knuckles banging on Jase’s desk made him jerk, sitting up in his chair. Sheriff Dean stood there smiling. “Look alive, Deputy Emery.”

“Sir?”

“I’m just messin’, boy. Calm down.” Jase quirked a brow at a man barely ten years his senior calling him
boy
. “Walk with me,” he said.

Jase put down his pencil and followed the sheriff to his office where he was told to have a seat, the door shut behind him. “Everything okay?” Jase asked.

“Oh, everything is fine. I think.” Sheriff Dean took a seat on his desk, rather than behind it.
Okay, so not formal.
Jase relaxed a little.

“I see you’ve got a… thing going with that Ramirez fella. Can’t say that I’m not surprised. I thought he was sweet on Dustin…” Jase knew he must have gone completely rigid. He didn’t hear much after the Sheriff started going. He was lost in thoughts of
Why would the sheriff think we’re fucking? Did I suddenly start moving differently? Am I different?
He hated it, the insecurity that gripped him whenever he’d been with a man, or attempting a relationship with a man. It was like as soon as the cum flew, he thought someone turned up the Bunsen burner under his ass and let his gayness boil over for everyone around him to see.

“Jase?”

Jase realized that wasn’t the first time his name had been called. “Yessir?” He cleared his throat.

“You okay?”

“I was just wondering why you thought I was
with
Ase?”

“Oh, I didn’t. Maybe I was just assuming. But, if I’m wrong, I’m sorry. You know what they say about making assumptions.” The sheriff seemed genuinely chagrined.

“Is… Can you tell?” Fuck, he hated himself for asking that question.

“Can I tell you like men, or can I tell you like
him
?”

“Uh, either.”

“Well, I don’t rightly care whether you like men or women; I thought I made that clear, but if that’s a problem for you, I s’pose my being surprised by it should be your first clue I didn’t know. But you should probably work on why you give a shit about that, boy.” Jase felt his face flame at the well-intended but stern censure in the sheriff’s words. “But as far as him, you just seem a lot lighter. You were so humdrum when you first got here. I guess I just assumed you might be getting laid and liking it since you weren’t running around scowling something fierce anymore.”

Jase didn’t dignify that with a response, though now he thought on it, the sheriff was right. He thought it had to do more with having someone to talk to these days, though, rather than his being enamored. Okay, so he did still have a flame for Ase, but not being stuck alone on the ranch with his surly mother and her put-upon home aide was enough to keep Jase content.

He was counting the damn days til he could get back to San Antonio and regularly scheduled life. He didn’t mind helping his mother, but between the personality issues caused by her stroke and her already being unhappy with life in general and him in particular, she was not taking it at all easy on him. And that’s when she’d let him come in the house at all. She was prone to tantrums that left the nurse no choice but to ask him to leave. Oh, he’d leave all right. He smarted a little at the thought, since that’d put the miles between him and Ase again. But Ase himself said he’d be going back to San Diego after his residency was done, and they’d resolved to stay friends.

“Guess I just didn’t see you as the type.”

And that made Jase bristle. “The type?”

“Oh, simmer down. I meant the type to go with bad boys. You seem more the strong-and-steady type.”

“I’d hardly call him a bad boy.” Thought, Jase could see the stereotype, with the tattoos and the motorcycle, the ubiquitous leather jacket, and the serious look the man always had on his face. Well, the look seemed to be softening more and more around Jase, but generally he seemed pretty dour.

“Many times as he’d been hauled in between county and city, I’d say bad boy is an appropriate description.”

“He’s not that bad.”

The sheriff held his hands up. “Look, Jase. This is Rob speaking, not your boss. I don’t know your history with this guy. He seems like a good enough fella, but from what I understand he’s got some problems. I’d say drinking is on the top of that list.”

Jase had noticed Ase was a heavy drinker, but he’d only been with him in situations where it was appropriate to drink, so he hadn’t noticed otherwise.

“Just, let us know if you need help. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jase drawled. What a strange conversation. “Is that all?”

“Yeah, guess so,” Sheriff Dean said, brow furrowed like he wanted to say more, but wasn’t one to pry. Which was a damned lie. Jase stood to leave but stopped before walking out the door.

“Rob?”

“Yes?”

“Thanks.”

Sheriff Dean smiled, and Jase went back to his desk.

He got there in time for his phone to light up. He opened the new message from Ase.
Were you asking my schedule for a reason?

He replied with
Yes. I’m off in 10. Wait for my call.

Jase tidied his desk and gave the incoming shift advisor the end-of-shift notes before clocking out. He headed to his truck, dialing as he walked.

“Yo, homie,” Ase said, sounding ridiculous.

“Never call me homie again,” Jase said drily.

“Aw,
ese
, you don’ like i’ when I show my roots?” Ase’s accent was silly and made Jase snort.

“Anyway. I was wonderin’ what you were doing tonight?”

“Aw, shucks, Deputy. You gonna handcuff me?” Jase looked at his phone, wondering if the sheriff was right. Ase had to be drunk to be this silly, because he was almost teasing like he had four years ago when they’d been young and silly.

“Ase, you okay?”

Ase was silent for a moment. Jase had to check the phone to make sure he hadn’t lost the call. “Ase?”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m good,” Ase said, sounding like
he
couldn’t believe he was in a good mood.

“That’s what you get for being such a miserable peckerhead. Even you don’t know how to react when you’re not in a shitty mood.”

“Fuck off,
gringo
.”

“You gotta come up with a less cliché nickname.”

“You gotta suck my dick,” Ase drawled. Then thought better of it, obviously, because he quickly said “Er, or not.” Jase snorted.
If only
.

“Anyway. I was gonna see if you wanted to ride the bike out to the ranch. There’s enough daylight left. I thought I’d grab some barbecue and we can go back on the back of the property—yes, you can ride an ATV instead of a horse—and I can show you the village.”

“Why would I want to see? Did you say a village?”

Jase cranked his truck and rolled down the windows to let the heat out. The day had been surprisingly hot, as they’d been on a downward trend with the temperatures lately. But such is Texas. Mother Nature loved to fuck with your head around there.

“You were saying you wanted to break out the camera, so I remembered I could take you to the village. It’s just a few old cabins and there’s some of the false-front buildings that was a main street. It’s back in the woods on the far side of our property. Technically it’s state land, but we won’t get in trouble for hiking back there—”

“There’s just a random village in the wilderness behind your house?”

“I believe it’s what you’d call a ghost town.”

Ase was quiet for another disconcertingly long moment before saying “Sure. Sounds awesome, actually. I’ve got a while left on this shift, and I gotta go home for my gear, then I’ll ride out. Cool?”

“Sounds great,” Jase said.

After they hung up Jase made his way to the barbecue place. The bottle-blonde waitress hit on him, like clockwork, the cute cook was sadly not there, and Lacey wandered in with her friends. She managed a friendly smile. She’d even texted him once to tell him not to worry when he’d tried to call to apologize again.

He made his way down Friendly Highway and was happy, for the first time since he’d been home, to see his little cottage. He noticed a familiar dually sitting in the driveway and groaned, hoping it was just his brother and not the whole brood.

After parking and going in his own house to change out of his uniform and shove the bag of take-out food in the oven, he walked up to the house. He still was wary of just walking in, so he knocked on the front door. That seemed to be the theme of his life, as of late. Unwanted.
That’s not dramatic at all.
The home aide, Ms. Jacklyn, answered and beckoned him in. She seemed perplexed by his need to knock every time, but she didn’t comment on it, other than the confused expression that greeted him when the door swung open revealing him.

“Come, come, come. Your brother’s here.”

“I saw. Everything go okay today?”

“Oh, yes. Well as can be expected. She was in a mood. Still a bit grouchy, but she’s not being too difficult.”

Judging from the surly tone of the woman in question coming from the living room, Jase thought perhaps Ms. Jaclyn was being diplomatic in her choice of descriptors for his mother’s mood.

When his mother snapped at his brother about something, Ms. Jaclyn winced and smiled at Jase ruefully. “Well, at least he didn’t bring the children.”

“Small favors,” Jase grumbled. Ms. Jaclyn swatted Jase’s arm playfully. Jase knew some of the mood swings were to be expected. He’d been warned ad nauseum. Especially when he’d first arrived, and his brother had been trying to keep Jase from throwing up his hands, putting their mama in a home, and returning from whence he came.

Jase knocked on the wooden frame of the double doors that led to the large old living room. It was still eerily similar to how it’d been since his childhood, save for the new couch and love seat. Though they were both so similar in style, Jase hadn’t noticed they’d been replaced when he’d returned home four years earlier until his mother had told him.

But that was his family. None of them liked change. So it was no wonder his hankering for broader horizons was met with hostility.

Speaking of. His mother’s scowl deepened when her attention was grabbed by his knocking.

“Afternoon, Mama. How’re you?” Her eyes tracked him as he came further into the room. The way she was ensconced in her La-Z-Boy, surrounded by blankets, made her look more like an old Dowager or Lady of the Manor, when that was most definitely the furthest from reality. He was also saddened by how many years her health problems had added to her face. You’d never guess she’d just rolled into her early fifties; rather she looked to be in her later seventies. The constant frown didn’t help much, but he supposed he couldn’t blame her much for her unhappiness.

“You decided to grace me with your presence today? I’m honored,” she said dryly.

“Sorry, Mama. I’ve been working a lot.” She didn’t look like she believed him. Or just didn’t give a shit what his excuse was. And it wasn’t a lie. To get any time off to get anything done around the place required he work his ass off on his four days on. But he stopped by every afternoon to check on her, and Ms. Jaclyn was live-in help so it’s not like she was neglected. Hell, she didn’t want to see him half the time he came around anyway, so he wasn’t sure why she threw the guilt at this point.

“Hey, Will,” Jase said. Will gave him an uncomfortable tip of his baseball cap by way of greeting.

“Mama was telling me she wants one of those lifts put in to get her up and down the stairs so she doesn’t have to stay downstairs,” Will said. At the blankness on Jase’s face, he shrugged apologetically. As of now, Jase hadn’t had to dig into his personal savings to cover any extras. Their mother was covered well for medical care, and thanks to the mortgage on the ranch being clear at this point, her bills were easily covered. She was in a more enviable position than some people older than than her.

But he’d discussed how the addition of the lift, while not majorly expensive, was unnecessary for the fact her physical therapist didn’t think she’d need it for more than a few more weeks, as her limp was improving every day. He’d also said he’d prefer her actually using the steps at this point.