Confessions of a Wild Heart (6 page)

Jase watched in horror as the group of men surrounded Ase, shoving him around, then another man pulled up in a small sedan and Ase nodded, dejection written in every line of his body. He gave one last look Jase’s way before they slammed the car door on him.

A couple of the men looked Jase’s way, and he wanted to go out and hit every one of those motherfuckers, but he couldn’t get arrested. He’d get thrown in the fucking brig if he got arrested for assaulting civilians. And he didn’t know Ase well enough to know if he’d been telling the truth. Ase could have lied and had a wife and kids back home, and these were family members serving up a dish of comeuppance.

All he could do as he watched them speed away was hope to hear from Ase soon.
Dear Lord, don’t let them kill him.

Chapter 6

JASE had slept for shit the night before. He’d tossed and turned, feeling guilty for not stepping in and angry at Ase for the possibility he’d lied.

Then he felt guilty for doubting Ase, because he seemed so sincere.

He hated their night ended like that. He didn’t want to regret it. It’d been the single most special night of his life, romantically speaking. He wanted to think he could take it with him, hold it close, and remind himself it’s better to feel for someone even if briefly than not at all.
Better to have loved and lost….

Not that he thought it was love. But it’d been special. And now it was tainted.

He hadn’t heard from Ase, either. Not one fucking peep. The asshole could send one text, right?

He checked his phone a million times, but all he had were a missed call from his mother, his dad, and a few texts from Christa and buddies in his unit. No Ase. He knew he should contact all of them, but worried as he was, he’d just worry all of them. What the fuck was the point? And he really didn’t give a shit about Christa, because what could she want from him at this point? They kept going in circles and they. Were. Not. Together.

Finally, after hours and hours of waiting, he hopped a cab over to the address Jase had texted him before the thugs showed up. When he got to the restaurant he checked to see if they’d seated Ase, but then he realized he didn’t know Ase’s last name, so they told him to check to see if his party was there. They also gave him the hairy eyeball, so he must look as shitty as he felt.

When he didn’t see Ase, he asked to be seated and he sat. And sat. And sat. He must have finished two pitchers of beer, waiting well past four p.m., before they cut him off, gave him food to go, and poured him in a cab.

He didn’t want to be beside himself. But he was. He felt like he was in a bad soap opera. And he was playing the swooning maiden. Which just pissed him off.

He headed for the minibar when he got back to his room, cracking open a Heineken because it was the only beer he recognized from the selection.

After downing his second and staring at his phone, he realized he simply didn’t have time for this anymore, and he was going to feel like absolute shit tomorrow. Leaving with the uncertainty was going to suck, but flying out super early with a hangover and being unable to chase the hair of the dog was going to make for a shit day.

So he put the third beer back and grabbed a bottled water instead, opened his food and started scarfing carbs. He needed to pack, needed to check into his flight. He probably needed more carbs before bed.

One thing at a time
.
One day at a time.

Opening his laptop, he signed into the hotel Wi-Fi and opened his e-mail to check into his flight. But first a new message caught his attention.
A. Ramirez
was the name. Subject:
For You, Gringo (2 Attachments).

Jase practically broke the damn touchpad clicking the link so hard. It’d been sent just an hour earlier.

Jase,

Thank you so much for last night. It was the best night I’ve had in a long time. Thanks for giving a stalker a chance.

Jase had to stop to chuckle. And the stupid booze had him all misty-eyed so he couldn’t see for a second.

I’m so fucking sorry for how the night ended. I’m even more sorry for not making our lunch today.

My cousin’s friend saw us holding hands in
Glockenbachviertel
and followed us to your hotel.

Jase had to stand up and pace a couple of times. Fuck, why hadn’t he thought about Ase’s family? He’d been so busy thinking about how no one
he
knew could have seen them. But then again, Ase hadn’t seemed particularly concerned. How would he know?

He sat back down, breathing in and out, trying to calm down his racing, angry, and aching heart.

I am being sent to my parents “in shame”. Of course, it is not 1820, so all they can really do is put me out. It’s strange. I feel worse for you having seen that than for them to know the truth. Maybe that’s just me putting on a brave face. I’m sure you understand what it’s like to not want family disappointed in you. I won’t trouble you with the details.

I hope this weekend with me has made you feel as ready for the changes coming as it has me.

I’m sorry again we didn’t get a proper goodbye. I’m also sorry there have been so many “sorries” between us since we met.

Good luck with your last months abroad and with going home. Maybe I’ll find one of my own, soon. I know I may not have known you long, and at the risk of sounding incredibly silly, I still think you’re a very good man. Hold your head high.

Your Stalker,

Ase

           Jase swallowed around the lump in his throat. Fuck. This should not be so hard. He really liked Ase though, and he felt horrible for him. He also felt a little sorry for himself that he’d never see the man again.

           He moved the cursor over the attachments. The first was the photo of him at
Neuschwanstein
Castle. God, that felt like a lifetime ago, even though it’d only been two days. Ase had done as promised and put it through photo editing, because it was so very crystal clear. He looked like a model in a tourism ad. Ase had titled the file
For Your Mom,
which made Jase smile.

           He clicked the one that said,
For You.

           And his breath caught in his throat.

           He lay asleep on Ase’s chest, lit by the bedside reading lamp, looking much younger than his twenty-one years. Ase was kissing his forehead, his tattooed arm visible in the side, obviously holding the camera up. Ase hadn’t used a filter on that one. They both looked perfect, regardless.

           Jase stared at the photo for what felt like hours, remembering the smell of Ase, his laugh, his sexy accent, the way he teased Jase. A weekend was not enough.

          
But it has to be.

           He closed out of the e-mail with finality, saving it to its own, new, untitled folder, then put away his inner drama queen, wiped his eyes because yes, they were leaking, and yes, he knew he was acting like a love-sick kid again. But hey, he’d gone this long without it, he was due one fit of adolescent dramatics.

He pulled up the e-mail with his flight information and checked-in for his early-as-fuck flight.

Then he decided, fuck it. This weekend had been good, amazing even. In large part, because of Ase. He thought about his many friends who’d left the service, his buddy Ryan who he hadn’t seen in three years but still e-mailed often. Maybe Ase… No, that was dumb.

“Don’t be a pussy, Emery,” he said out loud. So what if the guy didn’t respond? The weekend would just be a fond memory. Even if they did start e-mailing, he’d probably never see Ase again, not with that much family drama going down.

He pulled up a new message and typed.

SUBJECT: Good Luck

Ase,

I didn’t know if it was okay to e-mail you. I hope it is. I thought maybe a friendly “good luck” was in order. So good luck, man.

Thanks for the weekend. This was great.

I was wondering if maybe we could keep in touch? Maybe we’ll be in each other’s neck of the woods one day. Either way. The photos were great.

Thanks again.

Jase

He blushed and erased each line at least twice before re-typing it. Then clicked send. The only way he could think not to obsess over the damn message was to go to bed. He had to be up early anyway. Not that he ended up getting any sleep.

It wasn’t until the next day when he was preparing to board his plane, making last minute check-ups on his phone that he saw an
RE: Good Luck
.

His chest may or may not have pitter-pattered with delight.

But his face definitely did stretch into what he had no doubt was a goofy-ass grin when he read the simple message.

Jase,

Thank you. Always. I’d love nothing more than hearing from you.

And did you really say “neck of the woods”?  ; )

A

PART II

Broken Heart

Chapter 7

Four Years Later

JASE blinked awake in the still, early morning hours. He reached down and fumbled for his jeans on the floor next to the bed. And got a handful of condom.
Gross.
He picked it up and dropped it in the wastebasket beside the bedside table, sitting up and using his feet to search farther out for his jeans. Finally he found them, but the movement made Lacey rouse a bit and ask what time it was.

He sighed, rubbing his hand over his face, and leaned to pick up his pants. He pulled his cell phone from his pocket, checking the time. He could have slept another hour, but he didn’t sleep all that well in someone else’s bed, even if they weren’t a cuddler, so he stood and started dressing.

“It’s still early. Four thirty in the morning. Go back to sleep.” Some people didn’t have to feed horses at the ass-crack of dawn. He had to be at the sheriff’s department by seven thirty, and he had plenty to do between now and then. Lacey didn’t have to be at work until noon.

She made a few more noises before settling back into the bed. He slipped on his shirt, zipped his pants, and stepped into his boots. He didn’t bother setting himself to rights before heading out into the pre-dawn chilliness and hopping into his truck.

Jase cranked his Ram to let it warm up for a minute as he checked his phone, calculating in his head how long each leg of his trip would take. After checking his phone for messages and letting the windows de-fog, he flicked on the headlights and pulled away from Lacey’s small rental home to made the fifteen-minute trek to his parents’ ranch.

As he drove down the long, winding driveway, he felt the same leaden weight in his chest that came every time he saw the dark windows in the big house. Knowing his mother would be awake, working in the kitchen if she were home, rather than miserable in a neurological rehab two hours away, made him miserable.

Things would never be the same, hadn’t been for three long years, but they were worse now, heavier. The ranch felt desolate. The cattle were all gone now. His brother had sold them off after their father’s death two years earlier. The only thing keeping bills paid at this point was the hay they sold, his mother’s Social Security survivor’s benefits, and money they’d had left over after his dad’s final expenses.

Guilt was a hard thing to live with, knowing his brother had tried to keep things afloat alone, but no one told him how bad things were until his mama had her stroke.

“Jase, I gotta work. We have another kid on the way.” Number three. Jesus. It’d been the first one that started part of this mess to begin with. “I need a job that pays. But Mama needs someone here taking care of things.”

“Will, I know that, but I have a job here. I can’t just leave Austin. Besides, Mama won’t want my help.”

“I know that whole situation was shit. And I know I wasn’t the nicest. I still don’t understand it. But we need you. I need your help, and Mama needs support me and Michelle can’t give right now.”

Jase looked around his empty apartment, feeling like a heel for acting like his life was too important to leave. He had a few regular fuck buddies and a job he liked, but he’d be no great loss for the San Antonio Police Department. He was a good officer, but not high enough on the totem pole for his absence to make a dent. But it felt like the principal behind the thing. And damn it, he’d worked hard to get past… everything. Going back to Hope Springs felt like taking steps back. Especially if he wasn’t wanted, and for such a stupid fucking reason.

“I just don’t know.”

“It’d just be for a few weeks. Two months at most.”

Oh, Jase had given in. He didn’t particularly care about the ranch. He’d never wanted it as his birthright or anything like that; his brother had a better head for ranching. He missed the solitude of it, the roots he’d had there. And he felt like he couldn’t leave his brother to deal with their mother alone. He had a family, and Jase just had himself.

Strangely enough, when Jase came back, he’d felt empty. With his parents gone and the damage done, he felt untethered again. He felt like he had when he’d first gotten out of the Army and was jobless, had left his friends in a desert, and had no one to come home to.

Finishing his final semester of college had given him some semblance of being normal, but then his family situation had gone sideways. His parents hadn’t been thrilled when he announced he couldn’t stay in Hope Springs. He wanted room to grow. His mother’s disappointment was palpable and riddled with days of silence, and his father’d had harsh words about Jase’s lack of responsibility. Jase couldn’t wrap his head around being considered immature for not wanting to live at home, wanting to continue being his own man. And he’d
needed
that. He’d then found his structure, some balance again when he’d joined the SAPD.