Confessions of a Heartbreaker (9 page)

This is just more proof that Jordan is some kind of strange anomaly where I'm concerned. I beam a smile at each of them. And no, it's not the panty dropper smile because all that would do is piss Jordan off even more. And I seem to have a knack for doing that without even trying.

"Hi, I'm Parker."

They both just stare without uttering a single word in response. At least I know that the world hasn't totally fallen off its axis. I'm not going to lie- once in a while I like to have my ego stroked like this. I find it especially necessary after being around a certain someone who thinks of me more or less as a walking venereal disease.

Stroke away, ladies, stroke away...

Jordan rolls her eyes before elbowing the shapely brunette next to her.

"Ow!" But the girl doesn't take her deep blue eyes off me. "Hi, I'm Lindsey." She gulps before adding in a rush of words, “We were actually in the same kindergarten class together."

"Oh," Raising my brows, I silently wrack my brain. Nope, I don't remember that but I'm going to act like I do because chicks really hate it when you don't remember every single insignificant interaction you've ever had with them.

Yep, I'm definitely a guy who learns from past mistakes.

If I were ever so inclined, I could write a how-to manual regarding the opposite sex. It would be called something like-
Chicks, can't live with them but we'd all be sexually frustrated without them
. Yeah, I'm working on shortening that up. But Max should definitely read it. He needs all the help he can get. In fact, I'd write a special book just for him entitled-
How not to have girls come to blows about who gets stuck taking you home at the end of the night
. Seriously, that whole episode still cracks me up.

I give her a little nod with a smile.  "Right, sure, I knew that."

Her blush deepens.

The girl next to Lindsey just continues to stare like she's in some kind of bizarre trance... or coma. Is it possible to be in a coma with your eyes wide open? Yeah, that's a little freaky.  I hold her gaze expectantly but all she does is stare mutely at me. I slide my eyes back to Jordan as I raise a brow questioningly.

"Is she okay?  She's not having some type of seizure over there, is she?"

Jordan closes her eyes briefly before shaking her head in what appears to be disgust. "She's fine. Just ignore her."

Easy enough to do.  Picking up my fork again, I shrug my shoulders. That loaf-type-thingy is staring me straight in the eyes. I still don't know what it is... but from what I can tell, it's starting to form a thick gelatinous layer.  Jelly film or not, I scoop up another hulking forkful before shoving it into my mouth.

Hmmm, I can't... quite... pinpoint the flavor.

If Max were here, we would probably play that game- animal, vegetable, or mineral. I poke at it a few more times because I'm still curious to know what it is.

I'm just about to engage Jordan in some scintillating conversation full of sexual innuendos when Max slides into the open spot next to me. If you thought my tray was loaded down, think again. Max actually has two helpings of that... loaf-type-thingy as well as a whole bunch of other sides. Max is a first string defensive tackle and takes bulking up extremely serious. I think he's up to six full meals a day now. Plus snacks.

Almost immediately he starts shoveling the loaf into his mouth as we all stare silently at him.

"What?" he says around a mouthful of... well, whatever the hell that is.

I shrug. Jordan and the other two girls say absolutely nothing in response. Max eyes them all curiously before turning his attention back to me.

And just to be clear- being inconspicuous is not one of Max's strong suits. "So, why are we sitting over here in no man's land?"

"Just decided to try something new."

Which is completely true. Me chasing after some girl
is
completely new.

He nods his head towards the girls. "Do we know them?"

"Yep." I point to each one of them. "This is Jordan, Lindsey, and-" hmmm, I guess I didn't catch the dazed ones name. "That's-" I look to Jordan for help.

"Annabelle."

"Hey."  He gives a nod to each of them.

"And this is Max," I add before turning my attention back to him. "So, why aren't you sitting with Captain Crazy?"

Shoving another forkful into his mouth, Max scowls. Now whether it's from my inquiry or the mystery loaf, I don't know. I suspect it's the question. Lord knows I would grimace as well thinking about that psycho chick.

"We're still splitsville."

My brows slide upwards. Well, this has to be some kind of record. Usually Max and Emily break up for- oh, about eighteen to twenty-four hours before deciding that they really are soul mates... in some demented alternate universe where soul mates act like complete whack jobs.

My lips twitch.  "Didn't do enough groveling, huh?"

He shrugs. "Didn't even try." Then he shovels another forkful into his mouth. "I'm tired of her incessant drama."

Whoa
. All I can really say is that I'm stunned by this sudden turn of events. Who would have ever thought it possible that Max would tire of Emily and her whiplash mood swings? And, even more impressive than that, he used the word
incessant
correctly in a sentence.

I'm blown away on both accounts.

Jordan asks with some interest, "So, is Emily the one who's staring daggers at us right now?"

We all turn, craning our necks to find Emily. Sure enough, she's glaring at the whole table with what appears to be a well-honed death stare. Honestly, I don't know what Max ever saw in her.

Okay, I do know what Max saw in her- it's a great set of tits and a nice ass. Not to mention a decent face. But still, there have to be other girls out there who aren't total head cases that have just as much going for them.

Find one of them, man! Stop subjecting us to Looney Tunes and her epic meltdowns.

For some inexplicable reason I decide to add fuel to the fire and give her a little wave. She looks precariously close to snapping. Her eyes narrow even further before she turns to confer with her table of dyed blonde, Emily wannabes.

"Dude, you're just making it worse."

"Is that really possible? She caught you talking about-"

Max elbows me hard in the ribs before nodding his head all subtle-like towards the three girls who're watching us rather owlishly. Well, Lindsey and Annabelle are staring at us wide eyed. Jordan just looks aggravated that I'm still here. I want to tell her to get used to it, because I'm not going anywhere. But she'll figure that out soon enough for herself.

"We don't really need to bring that up, do we?"

Yeah, I guess he's probably right.

Max continues to eat as his eyes rake over each girl. I can almost see the proverbial wheels in his head turning. The first two blush profusely as he inspects them silently. Then his eyes land on Jordan. Arching a brow, she holds his gaze with a challenging look of her own. Yep, she's definitely not one to back down.

God, I love that about her.

It's so damn hot!

Schwing!

Max's eyes slide back to mine for just a moment. And of course there's a knowing smirk to go along with the grin he's suddenly sporting.

Crap.

I can tell that he's totally figured me out. Honestly, I thought he and Ms. Insane-in-the-Membrane would be back together by now. And they usually eat lunch together because Max is like one of Emily's accessories. Kind of like one of those yappy little dogs in a handbag. She loves to drag him around, showing off all the rather impressive tricks he can do.

And Max loves how she rewards him for good behavior...

"So Jordan," he begins-

I want to bury my head in my hands.

"-How do you know my boy, Parker, here?"

Double crap.

I still haven't told anyone about the tutoring and let's all admit that if Max finds out about it, he'll have an absolute field day with that information. I can only hold my breath as I wait for her answer.

"I-"

"Parker! What are you doing sitting all the way over here?"

Who would have ever thought that I'd actually feel relieved to see Marissa Sandberg?

That is, of course, until she bounces her way right onto my lap.

Okay. So now I have a problem and I can tell that it hasn't gone unnoticed by Marissa. She flashes me a huge, mega-watt smile as she wiggles her bottom on my woody which unbeknownst to her, is because of another girl.

Awkward.

She wraps her arms around my neck before pulling me close. Then she whispers in my ear, "My, my, my, it's nice to see you
too
!  Do you want me to take care of that little problem for you?"

Alright, first of all- don't ever call my junk
little
. Because it is so not
little.
It's totally massive. Like weapons of mass destruction massive.

Second- what the hell am I really supposed to say to that?

Of course I don't want her taking care of anything for me. Hell, I don't even want her on my lap right now.  My eyes slide tentatively to Jordan who sits watching us with an expression of... I'm not even sure what that expression means. Although I do know enough to realize that it's not good. It doesn't exactly look like jealousy. Which is unfortunate because if it were, at least I would know that I was making some headway here.

All I know is that I've got to get this girl off me pronto if I have any hope of shoring up the damage that Hurricane Marissa just caused.

But I'm not quick enough because suddenly Marissa's hands are stroking all over me. It's like public molestation or something like that. And now I'm remembering why I dubbed her
Marissa-the-barnacle.

This is definitely not a good situation for me because Jordan already thinks that I'm the male equivalent of the school slut. I really don't need to perpetuate that notion by having Marissa dry hump me in the middle of the cafeteria in front of about 300 students.

And a few extremely disinterested looking teachers as well.

Jordan quickly stands with her tray in hand. It doesn't look like she's even touched her lunch.

"Hey, you're not going to throw all that out, are you?"

Seriously, Max?
That's
all you can contribute to this conversation?  Mentally I roll my eyes at him. He can be so freaking oblivious sometimes.

She looks down at her untouched tray. "No, you can have whatever you want."

Max sweeps everything off her tray and onto his own before digging in.

Jordan is doing an awesome impression of what ignoring me looks like but I'm not going to let her just walk away from me.
Again
. Because her walking away has developed into something of a pattern between us.

"Where are you going? Lunch isn't even over yet."

Her eyes slide back to mine. There's definitely some kind of emotion churning within her greenish-gold eyes. I just don't know what it is.

"I'm not really interested in dinner and a show." She grimaces before eyeing the ever bouncy and incredibly perky Marissa who is still grinding away on my lap. Thank God, there aren't small children present. This whole thing could be really scarring for them. Hell, I'm feeling pretty scarred at the moment. And, if I'm being completely honest, (which let's face it- I always am) a little victimized by the assault currently taking place. "I've lost my appetite anyway."

This lunch has not exactly worked out the way I planned. My intention was to try and chip away at that hard candy shell of hers so I could get to know her a little better.  Instead, all I've managed to do is drive her away. Probably right into Hartley's waiting arms. I seriously want to throw Marissa from my lap.

"Jordan, wait, I need to talk with you." But she's already striding away from the table.

Marissa frowns at me. "Do you even know her, Parker?"

Arghhh! Just get off me!

"I do." None too gently I push her from me. She stumbles a bit as she gets to her feet.

"Parker!" Pouting, she bites down on her lower lip.

It's one of those-
I'm a sexy little kitten
looks.

But you know what? It's doing absolutely nothing for me because the one who actually matters, the one who refuses to give me the time of day, is all but running away from me right now.

"But I thought we were gonna..."

"Sorry," Grabbing my books, I take off after Jordan. She's practically out the cafeteria doors and I'm all but jogging to catch up with her. Out of the corner of my eye, I see people turning in their seats as they watch me run past.

This chick is seriously driving me insane! She makes me feel completely messed up inside. It's the worst feeling ever. And yet... when I'm around her and we're verbally sparring with each other, it's kind of the best feeling ever.

Does that even make sense?

Because I think it makes me sound totally masochistic. And not in a good way either...

Slamming through the cafeteria doors, I search the hallway for any sign of her.  But it's empty.

She's gone.

And I'm seriously left wondering what the hell I'm going to do.

Chapter Eight

So here I am, twiddling my thumbs at the library.

Why, you ask?

Because, believe it or not, I've been stood up! Yes, that’s right,
me
, Parker Montgomery. Stood up.  And at the library no less. It's like adding insult to injury as far as I'm concerned. Jordan is a complete no show. No text, no call, nothing!  The chick has totally flaked out on me.

Un-freaking-believable!

I should have listened to my instincts where this girl was concerned. The ones that were screaming at me to run far, far away at break neck speed. Yep, after that first conversation, I pretty much knew I was a goner. And it's been totally downhill from there. The evidence is that I completely hauled ass to get here, committing all sorts of moving violations in the process, just so I could have her all to myself for an extra couple of minutes tonight.

And she can't even be bothered to show up!

There's unfortunately a name for guys like me... and I think we're all thinking it at the moment. I know I am.

I never thought I'd see the day when I was this hung up on a girl. Actually, I didn't think it was even possible. Somehow this chick has managed to crawl under my skin like some sort of nasty infection. One that's itchy and rashy. I'm wondering if there's some kind of ointment I can use to make this go away.  Because at this point, I'd totally lube myself up to stop this in its tracks.

You know what else I can't figure out? Why anyone would actively seek out these feelings because they pretty much suck ass.

Glancing down at my cell phone, I quickly check the time. 6:25. She’s twenty-five freaking minutes late. We've been meeting here at the library for the past three weeks and Jordan has yet to miss one single tutoring session. In fact, she's always ridiculously early, like she actually enjoys hanging out here or something like that.  Man, she takes everything so seriously.  I've never met anyone who was wound so tightly around the axel.

That being said, I'd like to know where the hell she is right now.

My brow furrows as I mull over the possibilities. Could she have forgotten that today's Monday and we always meet on Mondays?  Maybe she was in a car accident. Or... and I really don't want to think about this one, but... could she be knocking boots with Hartley?

Shooting to my feet, I decide that I'm going to drive over to her house and give that girl a piece of my mind. You're probably thinking that I don't have much to spare, but that's where you'd be wrong. I have plenty. I just like to conserve it for really important occasions. Like now.

The fact that Jordan has ditched me to get laid by Hartley has me seeing red.

Jealousy
. Yeah, I totally recognize this feeling now. What's next? Am I going to follow the yellow brick road to Oz so the wizard can give me a freaking heart?

I don’t think so.

I'm in the midst of storming out of the library- and trust me, I've worked myself into a fine lather about Jordan getting it on with Hartley- that I almost don't hear my name being called. Except I find that voice so completely annoying and grating that it triggers some kind of wincing reflex in me.

"Parker?"

See? I just winced again. That damnable voice could only belong to none other than-

"Parker," she shrieks with disbelief, "what are
you
doing here?"

I really have no other choice but to stop and acknowledge her. "Oh, hey, Emily."

You probably thought I was going to call her Cuckoo-for-Coco-Puffs or Cuckoo-Cha-Cho or one of the many other pet names I have for her, didn't you? Yeah, well, I just so happen to like my balls exactly where they are and would miss them if she ripped them off and blended them into a smoothie, so- no, I'll just stick with Emily.