Confessions of a Heartbreaker (8 page)

"But the keg's the other way, dude!"

I don't even bother responding because I don't want to lose track of her through the thick crowd of bodies. So I push and shove my way, all the while trying to keep my eyes locked on her blonde head moving through the crowd.

And yes, I feel like a complete stalker at this point.

But what else can I do?

She's like a drug careening through my system.  And all I want at this point is to detox because honestly, this sucks royally.

I watch her go into the bathroom before closing the door. Wanting to look as circumspect as possible, I lounge against the wall as if I'm waiting to take a leak. When the door opens again, Jordan steps out. Her gaze immediately locks onto mine. I do my best to act surprised.

"Hey," I nod at her all casual-like. You know, like I haven't been watching her for the past twenty minutes or like I didn't just follow her to the bathroom like some kind of creeper. "Didn't expect to see you here tonight. What happened to your big plans at the library?"

So this is what pathetic looks like... it's not really a good look on me.

Looking equally casual, although maybe she's not acting like I am, she leans against the wall next to me. Her eyes hold mine. For just a moment she stares at me like I'm a puzzle she's trying to figure out in her head. I'm not going to lie- it's a little disconcerting.  "I was there. And I'll be back there tomorrow again."

"Don't you have a home to go to?"

Something darkens in her eyes before she shrugs. "It's easier to get my work done at the library."

Okay. Now, if I want to play this cool, then I need to keep this convo extremely light and extricate myself after a moment or two. You know, to leave her wanting more. That kind of thing. And I definitely don't want to bring up Chris Hartley like I actually give a damn about what's going on between them.

"So, you're with Hartley, huh?"

Did you just hear that big explosion? Yeah, well, that was me crash and burning. There's nothing but flames and wreckage down here. My dignity has all but been destroyed.

May it now rest in peace.

Again she eyes me silently. Her eyes are so freaking direct. They hold mine unflinchingly. I almost want to look away but I don't. I think something important is about to happen here.

"You thought I'd be with some girl instead because I'm a lesbian?"

I can't help the smile that tugs my lips upward. "Nah, I never thought that." Yeah, I totally thought that. "I was just teasing you." I wasn't. I
totally
thought she was a lesbo.

"Uh huh."

I don't think she believes me. Which is a first. Usually girls gobble up whatever farfetched line of crap I spoon feed them. Why does she have to be so different? And why is that such a turn on?

"So... Hartley..."  Man, I totally suck right now.  It's almost embarrassing how much I suck.

"What about him?"

"You're with him?" Getting any information from her is seriously like pulling teeth. Most girls I know don't ever shut up, it's like they have diarrhea of the mouth. And yet I can't get this one to string more than a few words together to make a complete sentence.  Pretty soon I'm going to need to buy a vowel...

"I thought we established that already."

"I'm simply reconfirming it."

Her brows draw together. "Why?"

Jeez, haven't we covered this already?  It's because I totally suck.

Even though I wanted to play it cool, clearly I haven't. This conversation has turned out to be yet another disastrous interaction between us. In fact, I think a hazmat team has just been dispatched to clean up the charred remains of my ego.

This is seriously the most uncool I've ever been.

In my life.

"Curiosity." Oh, it's way more than that. She has to know that I totally want her. I'm all but salivating over here.

"Yes, I'm with Chris. And you're with," she pauses before sweeping her hand towards all the rowdy, laughing people jammed into the hallway and beyond, "everyone."

"Well, I wouldn't say
everyone
."  That is, in fact, an exaggeration.  I don’t go for dudes.  Just the ladies.

"Look, Parker, I'll admit that I kind of enjoy the chemistry we have but that's all it can be. I'm not interested in doing anything more with you."

"Because of Hartley?" Yeah, I'm really stuck on this Hartley character. In fact, I'd like to smash my fist through his face right about now.

She doesn't answer immediately. But I want an answer and I'm going to get one.

"It's because of Hartley."

"Yes, Chris has something to do with it but I'm also your tutor and we need to work together." She pauses before adding, "And I'm not into playing games which is all you seem capable of doing.  You're a player. It's your MO.  You'll screw anything that moves-"

I think my mouth just fell open.
Again
.  Damn but she has a real knack for leaving me speechless. Before I can utter one word in my defense- which let's face it, she's kind of correct in her assessment, she barrels on.

"Look, I'm not judging you. I'm just not interested in being one of your conquests."  Again she sweeps her hand towards all the people who are smashed around us.  "There are plenty of girls who don't care if you use and abuse them before throwing them away like a dirty Kleenex. You need to find one of them to toy with."

I should be used to her direct manner by now, but I'm not.
Use and abuse
? No one has ever complained about being used or abused by me. Each and every girl knows what she's getting into when we hook up.  Not once have I ever lied about my intentions. I'm always forthright.

Clearly Jordan doesn't know what she's talking about.

And frankly it kind of pisses me off that she would even say it. I don't abuse girls. Hell, I love them. Sometimes a little too much. Just because I'm not interested in tying myself down in a monotonous (or is that-
monogamous?)
relationship doesn't mean that I'm the bad guy she's making me out to be.  Because I'm not.  I'm just in it for a good time like everyone else.

"Look, Parker." Jordan sighs unhappily, "I like you and I want us to be friends."

Seriously?  She all but told me that I'm practically a serial rapist and now she wants to be friends?

Chicks. I'll never figure them out.

I think my tone is just a little bit shitty when the words finally tumble out of my mouth.  "Why would you want to be friends? It sounds like you don't even like me." And I'm not going to admit just how much that bothers me because I don't really want to think about it right now.  Nor do I want to think about what it means.

She steps just a bit closer until our faces are scant inches apart. "I do like you." For the first time probably ever, her eyes slide away from mine. "It's just that I've known guys like you before and I can't go back to that again."

"Guys like me?"  I don't even want to think about what that means. It's bad enough to think about her with Hartley. But other guys... ones like
me
?  Yeah, that doesn't sit too well in the pit of my gut.

She lays her hand gently on my cheek. "Yeah. I can't be with someone like you. We can be friends but that's it."  She searches my eyes for understanding.  "I think we could be really good friends."

I've never had a girl who was strictly a friend before.  And somehow I don't think that she's talking about friends with benefits either.  But I'm smart enough not to bring that up.

Yet.

"So, what, we like hang out and do non-sex stuff?"

Silently she nods her head before saying, "Yes. Nonsexual stuff. Exactly. You know- go to the library, watch movies, grab something to eat... things like that."

"So, just to clarify, there's absolutely no getting naked at any point in this relationship?"  My fingers all but ache to trace over the plump contours of her lips.  Yeah, this friends thing is never going to work between us.  The boner in my jeans agrees unequivocally with this assessment.

"Umm," she pretends to think about it for a moment- well, I think she's pretending, "no. No nakedness."

See, she was just pretending. I knew it all along.

"You're such a killjoy, Jordan."

For the first time since I've run into her tonight, she actually gives me a smile. Something unwanted pings at the bottom of my gut. And yeah, I still want to grab hold of her and kiss the hell out of those incredibly kissable lips but that's not going to happen anytime soon. Apparently we've entered some strange realm called the
friend zone
.

Can't say I've ever been there before.

Why am I even contemplating this friendship nonsense? I don't want to be friends with Jordan. But I guess we're going to have to play this her way.  For the time being anyway.

"Okay, fine.  As you're
friend
, I'm telling you that you should dump Hartley.  He's a total idiot."

She bursts out laughing. "Sorry, Parker. I'm not breaking up with Chris."

It was worth a try, right?

Well, another plan shot to hell. I guess its back to the drawing board because I'm not ready to give up just yet.

No.  Way. In.  Hell

Chapter Seven

"Hey there- good buddy, good pal."

Grinning, I set my tray down on the table across from hers. In true Jordan fashion, she levels what she must consider to be an irritated glare in my general direction. Her prickly behavior doesn't faze me for a moment. I think I'm pretty much immune to it now. Kind of like how she's immune to my stunning good looks and charismatic charm.

This girl definitely has one hell of a hard candy shell wrapped around her. But I'm banking on a nice, soft nougat filling inside. Of course, for all I know, it could be hard candy shell all the way to the core. One way or another... I'm going to find out.

At this point, I've made it my mission in life.

"What are you doing here?"

I take a forkful of-

Frowning, I peer curiously at the brown, loaf-type-thingy on my tray. Hmm... What the hell is this anyway? Ah, well, they wouldn't serve it in the cafeteria if it wasn't somewhat edible and mostly nutritious, right?

Shoving the fork into my mouth, I give her a questioning look as if to say-
whatever do you mean?

She just keeps her steady green gaze trained on me. Have I mentioned that I absolutely love her cat-like eyes?  Man, they get me completely fired up.  Downstairs.  Below deck.  In the britches.

Come on, you know what I mean... I don't think I have to spell it out for you.

But I will-
b-o-n-e-r.

And all I'm doing is eating lunch with the girl...

Yep, I've got it pretty bad right now. It's like a disease. A flesh eating one that ends up killing you in the end.

"I'm eating lunch. Why? What does it look like I'm doing?" 

Her lips slant downward even more.

Which seriously has me wanting to kiss those incredibly kissable lips. I'm like a thirsty man dying for one tiny drop of rain. And there isn't a single raincloud on the horizon. If Jordan has her way, it'll never rain again. Ever.

"I can see that."

"Then I don't understand the question."

Oh, I understand the question all right. I'm not dense after all but I love when we engage in these little back and forths. So I'm just going to keep rolling with it... much to her aggravation. I kind of like it when she looks at me all heated up like that.

Yep, totally perverse... I'm not denying it at all.

"What I'm asking is why you're eating
here
... with
me
?"

I give her one of my most innocent looks. I even blink a few times for good measure before saying, "Because we're friends. And
friends
eat lunch together. I believe you said that yourself.
You
said that there would be absolutely no getting naked but we could grab something to eat together. And look, here we are doing just that." I give her a little wink. "But I'm totally open to any
other
suggestions you might have about what we can do together."

It's all about baby steps with this girl. Normally I like to move at the speed of light but I can take it slow. Nice and slow... and I can keep going for as long as it takes. I'm dedicated like that.

Her brows lower over her eyes before she glances at the two girls sitting next to her.

Actually, I hadn't noticed either one of them until now. I have total tunnel vision when I'm anywhere near Jordan. As my eyes land on the pair, they both blush to the roots of their hair.

See? Now
that's
the effect I'm used to having on girls.