Confessions of a Heartbreaker (33 page)

Okay, thought and reason are once again flooding back into my brain. Whew, that was a close one.

"Just answer me this- would you still want to go through with this if you weren't leaving town tomorrow?"

Biting down on her lower lip, she silently ponders my question. It takes a moment before she finally answers quietly, "I want my first time to be with someone special. And you're my someone special, Parker." She reaches up before sweeping a gentle kiss across my lips.

I groan in agony. This freaking wet dream has totally turned into a nightmare.

Because I want her.

So much so that it hurts.
Literally
. As in- I'm
literally
so hard right now that it's painful. And knowing that I could remedy the situation and that Jordan is totally on board and giving me the flashing green light to do so, only makes this whole situation more difficult to turn down.

Damn.

Riddle me this- why the hell am
I
the one who's thinking so hard about the future and what's best?

Isn't that the girl's job?

I mean, it's always been that way in the past. Isn't she supposed to be fighting off my advances? Jeez, here I am-Parker J. Montgomery, having to fight off hers. Has the world completely fallen off its freaking axis or what? Because that's the way it's beginning to feel.

More disturbing than that? I'm actually turning down sex.

That bears repeating in italicized shouty caps-
PARKER MONTGOMERY IS TURNING DOWN SEX!

From the only girl he actually
wants
to have sex with...

What the hell is wrong with me? Because there has got to be something seriously wrong with me... Limp dick-itis? Nope. The big guy is standing at full attention, ready to spring into action at the slightest command.... So that's not it...

"I can't believe I'm about to say this," I mutter the words more to myself than to her. Jordan's wide eyes are still locked on mine as I clear my throat. "You're my someone special too... which is exactly why we can't do this."

Her brows draw together probably because she doesn’t understand my logic. "You're really saying
no
to me?" She stares at me as if I'm a pod person from a galaxy far, far away.

"I'm saying no with a caveat," I try clarifying.

Her brows beetle together even more, if that's possible. "I don't think you can add a caveat to sex. Especially when you're turning it down in the first place."

Embarrassed, she pulls away before laying her head back down on my chest. My fingers slowly thread their way through her long blond hair. "I'm not turning you down, I'm simply delaying it. And I'm doing it because I like you, Jordan. A lot."

I pull her face back up so that she has no other choice but to stare into my eyes. To see the truth of my words. Of my feelings. The ones I tried like hell to deny. Yeah, those feelings.

"I want you, but not like this. Not because you're leaving. If we do this today- it's because it's goodbye and this isn't goodbye between us. It would just end up being another mistake and I don't want there to be any more mistakes between us. I think you'd agree that there have been enough of those already."

She continues searching my eyes quietly before asking, "Have you ever even turned down sex before?"

Of course I haven't turned down sex before. I'm a guy for God's sake.  Guys, as a rule, do not (I repeat-
do not
) turn down sex.

Wait just a second here... actually I
have
turned down sex. At least I think they would have both had sex with me. Naked Natalie. I turned her down flat. I bolted right out of that situation like my damn ass was on fire. I couldn't get away fast enough. And Marissa the barnacle... Yep, I turned her away as well.

Huh...

"Actually I have," I say proudly (throw in a dash of self-righteousness as well) as if I have morals and you know...
scruples
. Stuff like that. Because apparently, I do. Yeah, it comes as a total surprise to me too. But I can't argue with history, now can I?

Her eyes narrow as if she doesn't quite believe me. "Really?" And sure, I get where she's coming from. I almost can't believe it myself. But it's true. Totally and unequivocally true.

My lips tug upward. "Before I met you, I'd never turned down a willing chick-"

Shaking her head, she gives me a massive eye roll. "I was so right about you, you're a complete man whore, Parker Montgomery."

"That may be so, but I'm
your
man whore." I give her a slow sexy smile (panty dropper smile alert).  Because it seems called for in this particular situation.  Even though I’m actually trying to keep those panties on her...

Yeah… go figure.

She snorts and thankfully I feel her muscles loosen as she relaxes against me once again. "Now why doesn't that make me feel better?"

"Before you,” I continue, “I wouldn't have thought twice about hooking up with some random girl at a party. Hell, that was pretty much my MO."

"You're not exactly redeeming yourself here," she cuts in dryly.

Yeah, she's probably right. I need to stay focused and on topic otherwise I’m just going to get myself in trouble. So I cut to the chase.

"But then I met you and everything changed. I couldn't stop thinking about you. And that scared me. No other girl has ever mattered to me the way you do. I want us to be together. And I want to be your first."  Rolling my eyes, I reemphasis my words. "I want that more than anything and if you didn't mean shit to me, I'd take what you're offering and not think twice about it. But you
do
matter, Jordan." Slowly my fingers stroke up and down her cheek. "You matter more than anyone ever has and I don't want to rush into something you might end up regretting later on.  I don’t want to take that chance."

"But I won't regret it," she whispers, "I want you. I do."

Her cheeks grow warm as she murmurs the last few words. Bringing her face to mine, I kiss her softly. Then I whisper against her lips, "Let's just take our time with this.  We’re not in any rush. I promise you, we'll make it work."

Pulling away she shakes her head before repeating, "I can't believe you're actually saying no to me."

Silently I mull over her words before agreeing, "Yeah, me nether."

"So... no sex?"

"No sex," I confirm. I'm sure come tomorrow, I'll totally regret taking the high road. But for today I'm pretty sure it's the right decision. Maybe not for me but certainly for Jordan. She has enough to deal with moving back to Boston, leaving her friends and aunt behind, and starting all over again almost midway through her senior year. She doesn't need the added complication that sex brings with it.

Quietly she closes the distance separating us until she's able to feather her lips softly across mine. Her hands settle gently on my face. And then she's kissing me, stroking her mouth over mine.

When she finally pulls away, she sighs softly before whispering, "You're right, I guess we should wait." She holds my eyes for a long heartbeat as if she's searching them for an answer to a question she has yet to ask. "Thank you for putting me first."

"You're welcome." This is probably the first time in my life that I've ever put someone else's needs ahead of my own. And you know what?  It feels surprisingly... good.

With a small smile curving her lips heavenward, she lays another gentle kiss on the tip of my nose. "You're not quite the man whore I thought you were."

"Thanks...”  My brows slide together as I frown. “
I think.
"

She begins to shake with silent laughter. But you know what? I'm still hard as stone over here. So no, I'm not finding the situation at hand very funny.  In fact, that’s probably what I'll be using a little bit later to ah, relief some of this pent up tension.

"How about I go change and we use the hot tub for a little bit."

"Sure, sounds like a plan." I'm actually thanking God right now that she isn't slipping into some sexy little bikini because I think my hard on would pretty much explode at this point. And that would definitely be bad for business.

After she leaves, I continue lying on the plush carpeting, doing my best to focus on horrible things like- the cat we dissected in advance bio or last week's mystery Monday's meat of the week (which Max really seemed to enjoy) or Ms. Fisk droning on and on about
Phantom of the Opera
(kill me now, please- no for real…).

I take a deep cleansing breath before blowing it out slowly. Okay, I think my johnson is finally deflating. Yeah, that
Phantom of the Opera
is some seriously boring shit. Hmmm, I guess Ms. Fisk was right- I actually was able to take something away from it. Or should I say- it was able to take something away from me (wink-wink).

I'm just about to get up and change into the sexy little speedo I brought to dazzle Jordan with because it shows off all my finer qualities... Yeah, I'm totally joking. I don't actually own a speedo- sexy or otherwise. What the hell am I? Some hairy European dude? Get real. I got some long board shorts.  And trust me, I rock them like nobody’s business.

Okay, so here’s some good news- I am totally and completely in command of my body once again. There's nothing more than a limp biscuit hanging between my legs right now. And that's exactly the way it needs to stay. For everyone's sake. Mostly mine.

And wouldn't you know that's precisely the moment Jordan steps out of the bathroom.

"Oh. Hell. No." 

Is she seriously out of her freaking head?

“What the hell happened to the Amish get up you were going to wear?”

A slow smile dances its way across her lips. "I lied."

Let it be known right now that
Phantom of the Opera
is absolutely no match for Jordan standing in front of me in a teeny tiny pink bikini. Oh my God, I have never seen her showing so much gorgeous skin. All I want to do is drop to my knees and worship at the alter of Jordan.

Damn but she looks crazy beautiful.

Yep, I am definitely schwinging over here. Or should I say down there..
.

And I turned down
that
?

I must be seriously stupid.

"Are you trying to kill me?"

Without realizing it, I find myself standing right in front of her. My hands go to her hips before I lean down, feathering my lips slowly across hers. She opens her mouth under the pressure of mine and within moments I'm deepening the kiss.  I’m like a damn Viking as I plunder her sweet warm mouth. I couldn’t stop my hands from stroking up and down the sides of her lithe little body even if I had wanted to.  Which I don’t.

Breathless.

That's the only word I can think of to describe how I’m feeling right now. Utterly and completely breathless as I finally find the strength of will to pull myself away from her before resting my forehead against hers. "You are so freaking beautiful." Eloquent it is not, but it's the damn truth.

She smiles. "So you'd prefer for me to wear the Amish get up instead?"

"At this point, yeah- yeah, I would." This girl has absolutely no mercy within her heart. And yeah, I love it.

"Unfortunately this is all I have with me."

I close my eyes. My erection is back in full force. Pulsing like a drumbeat in my head. I think it's chanting (if a boner could chant anyway)
Jordan, Jordan, Jordan, Jordan
. Yeah, not good. Not good at all. "You're going to ruin all my noble intentions here."

Her hands slide tenderly up to my face. "I love you, Parker. Whatever happens, happens. Okay?"

My eyes widen and my breath catches at the back of my throat. She watches my reaction carefully, quietly. Even though she continues to hold my face between her hands, she doesn't move a single muscle. It's as if she's suddenly frozen in place. We both are.  Our eyes cling.

One beat. Two beats. Three slip by.

Silence.

Finally she whispers in a strangled voice, "I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry. I don't want to ruin the mood between us. Forget I said anything." She starts to pull away but I'm quicker. My hands tighten around her impossibly small waist before I yank her against me.

"I love you, too."

But still she doesn't release the pent up breath she's holding. Her muscles remain tense. "You don't have to say it if you don't mean it," she whispers softly. Her greenish-gold eyes slide swiftly away from mine before she sinks her teeth into her lower lip. "I guess I just wanted you to know."

A small smile tugs my lips upward as I suddenly start laughing. She looks so damn embarrassed but I can't seem to help myself. Her eyes widen and she looks at me like I'm a total douche. "Jordan, I have never told a girl that I loved her before- hell, I've never even told a girl that I
liked
her before. And the first time I do, she doesn't even believe me!" I shake my head at the irony of it all. Yeah, whoever said irony was a bitch was totally right. It is. "Look, I'm glad you said it first. As usual where you're concerned, I was too damn chicken shit to say the words. But I feel them. I really do love you, Jordan Whitnall, whether you believe me or not." I chuckle again before picking her up and spinning her around a few times.