Committed (8 page)

It wasn’t the first time
I
had ever heard it. Lots of young girls mixed up love and sex. The difference
was, it didn’t mean anything then and it meant everything now.
Emmi
loved
me
.
I
pulled her in for another kiss. Everyone and everything around us faded into
nothingness as
I
pulled her lips close to mine.

“Do you mind repeating that?”
I
breathed into her.

She smiled.
“I said, I love you.”

I
finished the kiss, and damn was it good.

CHAPTER
SEVEN

EMMI

“So you’re coming to the party tonight, right?” Zoe
asked
me
as we walked home from the warehouse after
the fight.

“Mm, I don’t know.”
I
wasn’t sure I was in the mood for a sorority house full of pretty girls and
horny guys. I was in a good mood…no,
make
that a great
mood, but I was hoping to just go home and wait for Braxton to get there.

“But Braxton went out with his friends.” Zoe pouted.

“He went out to celebrate with his team, but they
won’t be gone long and I’d really like to be there when he gets home.”

“Come on,
Em
. Leave him a
note and come hang out with me for a while.”

I
wanted to be a good friend.

“Okay,”
I
agreed with a
sigh. She wasn’t going to let up on
me
until I did
anyways.

Zoe got a devious look on her face. “I heard you
tell him you loved him tonight.”

I
felt my face go hot.
“Yeah.
I
can’t even describe how he makes me feel, Zoe. It’s better than
I
felt with Trent, better than anything I’ve ever felt.
My
life is so good right now which is weird for me.
I
’m passing all of my classes with “A’s”, the paper, in
spite of Sarah’s mini-obsession with Braxton is using all of my photographs,
and I’m in love. And he loves me too.”

I
could feel my face stretching wide from the smile. It was
like
I was walking around with a coat hanger in my mouth, but I couldn’t help it, I
couldn’t stop, I was happier than I could ever remember being.

“That’s good,” Zoe said smiling. “I’m happy for you
guys.”

“Thank you,”
I
squealed.
“I’m happy for us too. I just need to stop by the apartment to change and leave
him a note, okay?”

“Okay,” Zoe agreed, knowing that if she didn’t,
I
just wouldn’t go.

When we got to the apartment
I
changed. When
I
came out of the bedroom I went to
Braxton’s desk to get a piece of paper to write him a note.
I
was still smiling that big, stupid grin when I saw it.
I
had opened his biology book, the top one in a stack of books because I saw
paper sticking out the top. It took
me
a few seconds
to process what I was really seeing. It was the MMA contract, but it
was flipped
to the last page and it was signed…by Braxton.

I
was in a mild form of shock for a few seconds. Zoe must have noticed that
I
had frozen because she was standing behind me and she
said, “What’s wrong,
Em
?”

I
had just told her how perfect things were and how in love I was.
I
wasn’t prepared to tell her that he was already lying to
me…not yet.
I
sucked in a lungful of air and turned
around.

“I just remembered that I have to upload some photos
for Sarah. She needs them tonight.”

“What? It’s almost ten. We’re going to miss the
whole party.”

“Why
don’t you
go on
without me and if I get done in time, I’ll meet you there,” I told her.

She pouted again and then asked, “Are you going to
at least try to show up?”

“I’ll try,”
I
lied.
I
would explain it to her later, I hated lying to her, but I
just didn’t have the energy to do it.

“Okay, call me,” she said.

I
gave her a hug and thanked her for coming to the fight. Then,
I
walked her to the door, locked it behind her and had a
complete breakdown in the hallway. When
I
saw the
contract an unsettling feeling of tenseness had settled down into my muscles.
I
suddenly felt tight all over and my chest felt heavy, like
something was sitting on it when I tried to breathe.

I
pictured Braxton in the cage with some muscle-bound guy trying to pound him
silly.
I
pictured what his face looked like after his
last fight.
I
pictured the sick feeling I saw him get
on his face tonight when he broke the other guy’s arm. This was going to be his
life…
mine
, if I stayed with him.

I
was gulping breaths and I knew I was hyperventilating.
I
needed to regulate my breathing before I ended up passing out.
I
tried to remember if we had any paper bags, but my brain
was foggy and I couldn’t reach through the fog to grasp at the memory of where
I may have put them. I tried to find something in my head that I could wrap
myself around besides being mentally tormented by the thoughts of Braxton lying
to me, me telling him I loved him, and him getting beaten up every week of his
life for who knows how long?

It was a terrible feeling when
I
couldn’t take hold of my own mind-set.
My
mind was
running a thousand miles a minute, but refusing to focus on anything, except my
problems with Braxton.
My
breathing was becoming
shallower and my stomach had begun to churn.
I
could
taste bile in the back of my throat.
I
looked down at
the hands in my lap and I could see them trembling.
I
wondered if Braxton would care if he saw me like this or would he think I was
overreacting the way I had about the kiss. Would he regret lying to
me
?

The thought of him lying to
me
was the worst part of it all.
I
was taken back to
Trent and his lies.
I
had to wonder if I was destined
to spend my life with men who said they loved me, but really did nothing of that
kind. That thought did nothing for the state of
my
breathing and as it got worse, I started to panic.
I
tried willing myself to relax.

I
even began rocking myself back and forth and saying out loud, “Relax, just
relax, take a deep breath, now let it out.”

Why couldn't
I
breathe? Oh
God,
I
couldn’t breathe. Just relax, just relax, and
breathe in slowly,
Emmi
. Don’t gulp the air. Take a
long, slow breath.

My
thoughts wouldn’t let go though, they wouldn’t let me relax. Instead of
confidently telling
myself
that I was going to be
okay, I started saying I couldn’t. I couldn’t stop thinking that he
lied
.
I
couldn’t stop remembering
that I told him I loved him and he said that he loved me too.
I
was having a war in my head. The sane portion of
me
was the one chanting the motto to get me to relax and
breathe, and the panic stricken side was screaming at me that it wasn’t
working!

I
sat there, with my back against the front door in the dark hallway and I felt
like I was going to die.

CHAPTER
EIGHT

BRAXTON

Sam,
me
and a couple of the
other guys from the tournament met at Lou’s. It was Sam’s favorite place to go
for beer since on Friday nights Lou sold it by the pitcher for only three
bucks. We didn’t have to worry about it though, it seemed like everyone who had
been at the fight was there and we weren’t paying for a thing.

Sam ordered another pitcher of beer when Scottie got
there. We’d been sitting in the bar for over an hour and
I
’d
been high-fived, bumped up and back-slapped about a hundred times. It was cool
being the hero, and
I
didn’t have to pay for my beer.
Yet all
I
could really think about was getting home to
Emmi
. She told
me
that she
loved me and that meant a new chapter of my life was about to begin.
I
had no fear, no anxiety and no regrets about it.
I
couldn’t wait and that was how I knew she was the right
one.
I
knew that as long as she loved me, the rest of
it would fall into place.

“So, kid, did you bring my contract?” Scottie asked
me
, interrupting my thoughts.

I
took a long swig of my beer.
I
pictured the contract
lying where I had left it on my desk after I signed it.

Then
I
said, “No, I
actually wanted to talk to you about that—” He wasn’t finished talking yet
though.

“I couldn’t believe it when I heard that guy’s arm
pop tonight.
I
was sitting two rows out and I actually
heard it. It was like…Snap…Crackle….Pop!! Crusher
my
ass. More like
Crushee
!”

It was funny that he was so excited about that. He
was actually grinning ear to ear, talking about some guy’s
career
basically
being over. It was going to take a long time for that to heal
and when it did,
I
doubted he would ever be as fast as
he was before.
I
felt bad about that. That was the one
part of the whole night that actually made
me
cringe.
I
wasn’t shy about the fighting, inflicting punishment with
my fists. When it was hit or be hit, kick or be kicked,
I
liked being good.
I
wanted to be the best, but I never
wanted to feel someone’s bone snap in my hands again…ever. It was especially
bad because
I
just kept thinking about how damn fast he
was and how that was a big advantage for him in the cage. I got a chill just
hearing Scottie talk about it
like
it was nothing.
I
had broken other guy’s noses, cheek bones and orbital
sockets before, but for some reason the crunch of that guy’s bone while I held
it in my hand was just too much.
I
didn’t want to
think about it.
I
started to open my mouth again about
the contract.

“I told you he was amazing,” Sam said, stopping any
audible noise from coming from
my
mouth. A large grin
was plastered
on his face with his chest puffed out. He did
do a lot for
me
, but from the look on his face you
would think he gave birth to me.

“That you did, Sam. Everything you said was right
on. Natural talent with your teaching has made this kid into a fighting
machine,” Scottie told him. He turned back toward
me
and said, “That audience tonight thought you were losing that fight. They were
waiting for that guy to beat you down. Not
me
though.
I
could see that passion in your eyes.
I
know you’re too young to remember the Rocky movies, but that’s what it felt
like to me. You were not leaving that ring a loser.
I
didn’t doubt for a second that you were going to come back. Damn! That was a
good fight. Listening to the crowd cheer for Crusher and call you a pussy and
the whole time you had it in your pocket. I’ll bet a whole bunch of people lost
a whole
lotta
money tonight
betting against you.
I
’ll also bet that doesn’t happen
again. Next time all of the money will be on you.”

“Thanks,”
I
told him.
“About that contract though.”

“What does your girl think of all this?” Sam said
with a wink and a grin. “I’ll bet she’s thrilled. Suddenly her boyfriend is a
famous MMA fighter. Hopefully she’s not the jealous type
though,
girls are already crawling all over you. Once you sign on with the MMA you’ll
have to beat them off with a stick.”

“Can I talk now? Please?”
I
said, more sharply than I had meant to.

They
were so fired
up that
I couldn’t get them to listen to what I needed to say and it was annoying.
Kind of flattering, but annoying just the same.
They were
both looking at
me
, wide-eyed, wondering what was up
my ass I’m sure.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap,”
I
said. “But I need to tell you that as much as I appreciate
your offer and as much as I am truly flattered by it, I have to say no thank
you.”