Come Undone (27 page)

The
room spun as the words filtered into my consciousness.
Gone?
I scanned the e-mail again, reading but not comprehending. Could
it be? All that life, all that light, all that love.
Gone?
My heart wrenched and wrenched again when I thought of Mack.
His idolatry of Davena was endless.
He
must be shattered
, I thought.

I
ran to the bathroom and steadied myself against the sink as I looked in the
mirror. My chest stuttered when I forced myself to remember our last visit and
her final words.
One shot at life. Don’t
miss anything. Love
. She had known.

I
waited for the tears. It had never occurred to me that . . . that . . . I
crushed the ceramic beneath my hands and fell into a squat. My stomach lurched
with the threat of vomit. My eyes burned with unshed tears. My legs threatened
to collapse so I could surrender to the filthy bathroom floor. How could this
happen? How could someone leave, just like that? How could she let that happen,
when we needed her here? How, how,
how
–

Two
raps on the bathroom door jolted me to life. I remained still, calming my
jagged breathing. My knuckles were as white as the sink they gripped. I eased
into a standing position when the knock came again. My lips tensed into a line
as I left the bathroom.

In
my office, I drew out my cell phone and dialed Bill. I would tell him, and he
would come home, and we would cry. Together we would battle the emptiness I was
drowning in. Not just now, for Davena, but the things I’d been holding in for
too long. The weight of everything I didn’t tell him was suddenly greater than
the pain I avoided by keeping him at a distance. When he didn’t answer, I
watched the screen turn black and set the phone on my desk.

I
spent the next few hours operating in a daze, doing just enough to appear
functioning. The thought of calling Mack petrified me. I went over and over in
my head the things I might say. How I could possibly express my regret.

“You
look tired.” I glanced up to see Lisa in my doorway, her face predictably
drawn. “Late night?”

“You
could say that.”

She
squinted at me, examining my face. Her expression relaxed when she made out the
bruise, but she remained silent.

“What’s
up, Lisa?”

“Nothing,”
she said. “I’m going straight to the Gryphon from here, so don’t worry about
set up. I’ll make sure everything gets done.” She walked off without waiting
for my response, leaving me to look after her. Jenny stopped by next, trying to
figure out what happened, but I shooed her away, telling her I had work to do.

The
walls of my office were almost too much to take, so I ran away. I managed to
find an empty seat in the sun, far enough from the building where I could be
alone. Beneath me, the bench was slightly damp but strong and supportive. The
smell of dank wood and wet soil filled the air. Warmth on my colorless face
gave me comfort.

How
had my life directed me to this moment? My father would be disappointed to see
me now, swollen eye and fighting against the current of infidelity. It was as
if my senses left me when I was with David, and they perched just out of reach
to watch my demise. And oh, how I never even tried to retrieve them. Even now,
in the face of death, I thought of him. I sought somebody strong enough to
carry my grief, because I couldn’t do it. I shouldn’t have to. It wasn’t fair.

Sometimes
I could hardly keep from crying out because of all the things I held inside.
Bill might think I was cold, but it was far from the truth. Fear, pain, beauty,
love. I felt it all, but I didn’t always know how to speak it. Davena had asked
me to try, but she couldn’t have known how I froze in fear at the prospect. How,
everyday, I worried that the things I loved would be ripped from my very hands.

~

When I
returned with sun-kissed cheeks, Jenny gave me a concerned look. “Can I get you
anything, Liv?”

“No,
Jenny, still doing fine.”

“All
right. David Dylan wants you to call him. Should - ”

“I’ll
take care of it,” I said as I ducked away. “Thanks.”

On
the phone, David solemnly relayed that Cooper wanted to see us. I sighed
heavily, careful that David wouldn’t hear on his end. I wasn’t sure how to hold
myself together.

“I
can take you,” he said when I didn’t speak. I nodded into the phone.

I
told Jenny I was leaving for the day, and that I would see everyone at the
event later. When she began to protest, to tell me they’d be fine without me, I
cut her off with a hand in the air.

I
found David waiting for me downstairs, leaning against the Porsche with aplomb.
He was more casual than I’d ever seen him, in jeans, a t-shirt and aviators. That
is, if sweatpants didn’t count. I pushed aside the alluring memory of him in
his slumber party outfit.

“Well
look at us,” he said as I approached. “Just a couple of kids, ditching class on
a Friday afternoon.”

“I
wish,” I said, squinting up at him. “That sounds like way more fun.”

I
slid into the car as he opened the door for me. The seat was low, and I tugged
at my skirt as it threatened to ride up.

“Are
you hungry?” he asked when we were on our way.

“No,
I’d rather just get this over with,” I said.

“How
are you feeling?”

“All
right.”

“You
don’t sound all right.” He frowned over his shoulder at me. “Did you take
anything?”

“Oh
no, it’s other stuff. I’m not really in much pain,” I said. I’d been fending
off a dull headache all morning, but it was the least of my concerns.

“What’s
up?”

“Nothing.”
I waved my hand.

“Tell
me,” he prodded, unaffected by my brush off, another tactic that often worked
with Bill.

 
I hadn’t told anyone so far. I sighed
into my seat and looked out the window. I could tell him, that was the problem.
I could tell him, knowing he was strong enough to shoulder some of the pain. “A
family friend passed away last night. I found out this morning.”

“I’m
sorry,” he said, his eyes focused on the road.

“It
was cancer,” I said to the moving landscape.

“Were
you very close?”

I
bit back tears as I stared ahead. It had been so long since I’d let myself go
in front of someone, even Bill. At times he goaded me, trying to get me to cry
because it worried him. It wouldn’t be fair to him if I did in front of David.
My voice hitched when I said, “Yes. She’s been around when my mother hasn’t.”

“You’re
upset. It’s okay.”

I
looked over at him as the tingling in my nose receded. “Of course it is. Why
wouldn’t it be okay?”

“I
mean that it’s okay to cry. I won’t tell anyone.”

“Just
because I’m not crying doesn’t mean I’m not upset,” I said gently.

“I
know,” he said. “I know how brave you are. I’m sorry that we have to do this
today.”

“Thanks.”
To my amusement, he flinched slightly when I touched his arm. “You’ve been very
brave, too.”

He
looked at me uneasily over his arm and said, “I’m not going to cry if that’s
what you’re getting at.”

It
felt nice to laugh. “No, of course not. You saved the day, what do you have to
cry about?”

~

Cooper
greeted us in the waiting room. “The good news is that Alvarez number two is in
custody for violating his parole. He not only had a gun on him, but a healthy
amount of coke too. Dumbass. Since he’s a felon, he’s going to get it even
worse.” He looked from me to David. “I still need a statement for the D.A.’s
office, which you guys can do individually or together, but between us, he’ll
probably take a plea bargain.”

For
the first time, I wondered if I should have Bill present, but something about
Cooper made me feel safe. And I knew enough from Bill that a statement was
pretty straightforward, as long as I wasn’t guilty of anything.

“I’m
ready,” I decided.

“I’d
like to do it together,” David said.

“That’s
up to Miss Germaine,” Cooper said and they both turned their attention to me. I
agreed. We followed Cooper into his office, where he poured us each a glass of
water. He held up a tape recorder, letting us know the statement would be on
the record.

“Witnesses
Olivia Germaine and Lucas Dylan, incident involving Mark B. Alvarez on May
seventeenth,” he said into the recorder.
May
seventeenth?
It was almost my birthday, and I’d completely forgotten. I supposed
that everyone else had too, since nobody had mentioned it.

“All
right, Miss Germaine,” he began.

“Olivia,
please,” I said.

“All
right, Olivia. Can you give me a general recount of what happened?”

“I
left my office on Adams around ten o’clock last night. I noticed a male figure
watching me from across the street. When I realized it might be Mark Alvarez, I
turned and ran in the opposite direction.”

“How
do you know who Mark Alvarez is?”

“He
has threatened me before.”

Cooper
raised his eyebrows at both of us. “Did you file a report?”

“No,
my husband didn’t think it was necessary.”

David’s
chair creaked as he shifted.

“Tell
me about that encounter.”

“I
was walking home in the evening about a month ago.” I stopped to calculate.
“Yes, about a month ago, and he stopped me outside my apartment building. Told
me he’d been looking for Bill – my husband – and that he’d know
what it was about. Bill was the prosecutor in a case against Mark’s brother Lou
over a year ago.”

Cooper
nodded. “Sounds like retaliation. Bill Germaine? I’m not familiar.”

“I’m
sorry,” I said. “It’s Bill Wilson.”

“Oh
right, I know Bill.” He looked between the two of us. I realized then why
organized crime had stuck out to me the night before. Bill’s case had relied
heavily on gang and organized crime specialists. It was likely that he’d worked
closely with the CPD during the trial. David’s and my being together the night
before wouldn’t look good, no matter the truth.

“He
assaulted her that night,” David stated.

“Is
that so?” Cooper asked.

“Well,”
I gulped. “He grabbed me – I’m not sure if that’s considered assault.”

“Of
course it is,” David asserted.

“Okay,
continue please,” Cooper said, furiously writing.

“I
ran. I was heading toward the train. I’m not really sure what I was thinking,
it happened so fast. When I felt him gaining on me, I knew I’d run out of time.
I turned into an alley instead, but when he caught me, I discovered it was actually
David behind me.”

“I
was driving home and almost hit her with my car when she ran across the street.
I ran after her and when I caught her, I could see that she was panicked.” He
shifted noisily and ran a hand through his relaxed hair, lowering his voice
slightly. “I left the alley to look for whatever was chasing her.”

“Had
you two met before?”

“Yes,
we have a mutual friend.”

“Right
after David left, Mark appeared from the other end of the alley. He must’ve
guessed I would exit there.” I paused when David shifted again in his chair. It
almost seemed more difficult for him than for me.

“Go
on,” Cooper said, not looking up from his notes. “Be specific.”

“He
immediately pushed me to the ground, and then into the wall when I tried to get
up. That’s when I hit my head. I finally managed to get to my feet and tried to
hit him.” David snorted. “I told him I wasn’t afraid of him, and,” I stopped,
feeling mildly embarrassed. “And spit on him.”

“What?”
David exclaimed, jumping from his seat. “What were you thinking?” he bellowed.

“Calm
down, David,” Cooper threatened. “You never know how you’ll react in a situation
like that.”

“He
wouldn’t let go of me,” I justified.

“Where
was he holding you?” Cooper asked.

“When
I tried to hit him, he caught my arm,” I said, taking an extra long sip of
water so I could hide my face.

“No
shit,” David cried. I spit out my water and started coughing violently
.
“What did you think would happen?”

“What’s
that supposed to mean?” I croaked while wiping my mouth.

“It
means you’re no match for first, a man, and second, a criminal.”

“I’ll
kick you out if you keep this up, David,” Cooper warned. “Just ignore him,
Olivia.”

I
shot a distinct scowl at David before turning back to Cooper. “That’s when he
hit me. He was mad that I’d spit on him.”

“I
can’t listen to this. He’s scum, Coop. Why was he even out in the first place?
Scum
.” David sat back down and ran his
hand over his face, pulling at his chin.