Clearer in the Night (34 page)

I put my back into a corner, and then I just let the tremors come.

I didn’t notice him opening the door, just saw his feet come into my field of vision. He lifted me up like a child, settling me in his arms. I felt the motion, felt us sink down onto the bed, and felt my weight settle onto his chest as he nestled me against him.

He didn’t say anything, or make any noise. He just held me, one arm wrapped around my waist, the other stroking my hair. He was warm, so much warmer than he seemed. Slowly, that warmth seeped in through the cracks, and the tremors faded out to just a small twitch every now and then.

He’d changed clothes, too, while he was gone. His jeans were replaced with sweats, and it looked like that was what he’d brought for me as well. Something tight and twisted in my stomach relaxed just a little bit further. Maybe I wouldn’t be alone tonight after all.

I looked up to get an idea of what he was thinking, and the warmth in his deep blue eyes unsettled me. He had softness written all over his face, a delicate upturn to his lips. “Hi,” he said.

“Hello.” I snuggled closer into him, then tilted my face up for the kiss I knew he wanted to give me.

He didn’t bend over me, though, and when he spoke, his voice was as tight and strained as I was loose and easy. “Please, don’t misunderstand. It’s not that I don’t want to kiss you. But if we don’t succeed—I am the one who will be called on to end things. I need to know that I can do that if necessary.”

I nodded, and like he had earlier, I tried to gently open my thoughts so he’d know I was being truthful. I pictured cracking a door open, and letting my words echo just a little bit. “I understand. And if that’s what it comes to, I want you to do it. I don’t want anyone else hurt because of me. But don’t let my mother find out, okay? Tell her I’ve taken off, that I’m traveling the world. Pay someone to send her postcards once a month. She’s been through enough, she should be happy for a while. Her and Sophie.”

He looked at me like he was going to argue, then sighed and nodded. “I promise. If I can keep her from getting hurt, I will.” I snuggled closer into him, and he held me tighter. His fingers traced light patterns down my sides, brushing up against the sides of my breasts, the curve of my hips. Every time he flinched away like I was burning him, and every time he came back, like iron filings to a magnet, like a river to the ocean. I turned my face up towards him again, intending to excuse myself and change into the comfortable clothes he’d brought me, then figure out if there was a way for us to both crowd into that narrow bed without me actually sleeping on top of him. But his pupils were dilated so wide they almost looked blown. My breath hitched in my throat, and my lips parted, and he gave a funny little groan. “Fuck the rules,” he said, as he lifted my face up to receive his kiss.

He held nothing back this time. No reserve, nothing closed off. He opened his mouth, and his heart to me, and I lost track of who was who as his hands skated over my skin, teasing the hem of my shirt, finding corners and snatches of skin and making me shiver. I turned, kneeling between his legs, my hand resting against his knees.

The kiss was boiling hot as we danced against each other, and I waited impatiently for him to—deepen the kiss, or advance his hands or—something. I made a little sound, deep in my throat, and he chuckled in response, but his hands stayed where they were, tracing the narrow band of skin that was exposed between my waistband and my hem. He darted up to my mid-back, down to my hips, he tightened and loosened his pull on me, but he pushed no further. Everything was so sharp and clear that I could see individual molecules of air, feel each fiber in his pants under my hands, and I was sure I was going to burst just from the softness of his tongue dancing over my lower lip. If he didn’t put his hands on me soon, I was fairly sure that the drawn-out sexual tension would give me a stroke.

I let my hand start to drift down from his knee, my goal clear. He moaned into my mouth as I cupped his hardness, and then he tore himself free. His hand came away from my waist and caught my wrist, gently overcoming my strength and moving my hand away. “You don’t have to do that to get me to stay with you.”

I opened my mouth to argue, but his eyes were so blue and deep I thought he could see all the way down to the howling emptiness that passed for my core. “What if I want to? What if I honestly want to?”

He studied me. “Do you? Because you look like you’re about to burst into tears at a moment’s notice. And pardon me, but that’s not actually the sexiest thing ever.” His hand stroking down my cheek somehow made it less of a rejection. “I said I’d stay. No strings. So you tell me what you actually want.”

I studied him for a long moment, looking for any sign that he was being anything less than perfectly honest. I watched him as I stood up. I wanted to be all sexy as I changed my clothes, but then I turned my back to him as I drew my shirt over my head and skimmed my pants down to my ankles. I thought I’d feel frustration from him as I reached for the sweats and the oversize shirt; instead, he said out loud, “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are?”

I turned back to him. He reached out a hand and drew me to his side. “I do want to,” I said, “It’s just—”

He put his finger over my lips. I thought about pulling it in between my teeth just to be contrary. “No explanations required.” He shifted around to push the covers down, then opened his arms to me. I snuggled in, turning my back to him. He kept his hips carefully away from mine, and I smiled into his arms. “Are you okay?” I asked. “Will you get any sleep like this?”

He reached over to a control on the nightstand and dimmed the lights until they were almost gone. “I’ve slept in spots that were a million times worse than this. I get to wrap my arms around a beautiful woman and keep her safe from nightmares. Not exactly a fate worse than death.” He started to whisper something else in my ear, but I faded out before I really heard him.

SATURDAY, AUGUST 10

I felt the bed shift when he slid off the mattress, but it was the light spreading across my face that actually woke me. I pushed my eyes open and saw Eli’s form backlit for just a moment before the door closed behind him. I told myself that he probably just needed to pee, but that didn’t stop my heart from shaking.

I tried to close my eyes again and rest, but there was no way. After tossing and turning for longer than I’d want to admit to a jury of my peers, I sat up and turned on the lights. My phone was on the table by the bedside. I picked it up; the message received LED was blinking. Surprising that they even got service underground, but then, they had a secret base under the city. They probably had a cell tower tucked away in the church spire.

The messages included half a million useless updates from social networking sites, a couple of spam emails, and a text message. From Wes.

I almost shut my phone off rather than read it, but curiosity got the better of me. ‘So sorry for however I hurt you. Miss you. Love you. Please get in touch. Anything that’s wrong can be worked out.’

They had clothes and shoes in my size for the asking. What were the odds they’d dig out a smartphone for me if I batted my eyelashes and explained about dirtbag guys? I’d even take secondhand if it got me a new phone number.

I remembered Eli’s ratty flip phone, and decided not to smash mine. Sending back ‘screw you, you freak,” was tempting, but might invite further conversation. I closed the phone without sending anything back. Total silence was the way to go.

And then I noticed the shouting. It was right outside my door, or close to it. I had the idea that, a month ago, I wouldn’t have been able to make out the words I was hearing, maybe not even have noticed the volume. I could hear them, though, perfectly, like they were standing inside my room.

I stood and padded barefoot over to the door, debating on opening it and confronting Eli—he was clearly one of the shouters—and his partner in crime. It was a female voice, which was familiar, but I couldn’t quite place it.

“She’s not a danger,” Eli was saying, “not to anyone here. Except for herself.”

“It’s not up to you to make that decision.” There was exasperation in both the voices. This was not the first time they’d gone around this circle.

“Someone had to make it. You said you wanted me to help her, but really, you just wanted me to watch her die.”

“You’re exaggerating.”

“Really? We’ve watched her for twenty years and never intervened. Why is that?”

“She’d never manifested anything more exciting than intuition until she was infected.”

“And now? She’d put any of our psy ops to shame, and she’s completely untrained. Can you imagine, if we had more time—”

“But we don’t have any more time, do we? Because in a little more than a week, she becomes a ravening beast who, by any interpretation of the law, is our enemy. Some would say, the very reason that we exist.” The voice softened a fraction. “You’re the one who’s going to get hurt in this scenario, Eli. I didn’t bring you here so that you could fall in love with her.”

I yanked the door open before I could stop myself. Eli stood, facing off with Mrs. Dennis, who’d traded in the floral house dress for a black turtleneck and a pair of tailored grey slacks. Her glasses were gone, but she’d kept the iron-gray, no-nonsense bun. Eli had the grace to look embarrassed. She stared at me, all five foot nothing of her built around a core of flint.

“Hi,” I said. “I thought you should know that the irreversible evil curse comes with really excellent hearing. Which way to the bathroom?” After a moment, Eli pointed down the hall to my right. “Thanks,” I said, way too brightly. He nodded, and I walked down the hall, forcing my back straight and my hands still. Once I’d found the door and walked through it, though, I crumpled.

I peed, then washed my hands and splashed some cold water on my face to—I’d never known what it was supposed to do. But I did it. I took a deep breath, and walked back out into the hallway like everything was just fine and dandy. I expected them to be gone, and Mrs. Dennis was. Eli, however, was sitting on my bed when I opened the door, his hands folded in his lap.

“I’m sorry you heard that,” he said, without looking up. “She means well. She just has a lot of people that she’s looking out for. The needs of the many.”

“And what about you? Why do the needs of one girl make you so willing to take such a big risk? And if you say you have a thing for redheads one more time, so help me—”

“You shouldn’t be here,” he said. “I definitely shouldn’t be here with you. You should have been eliminated as soon as I was sure you’d been cursed.”

“But you didn’t—eliminate me.”

“No.”

“You kissed me. Repeatedly.”

“Yes.”

“Why? I want a reason, a real one.”

He ran his hands through his hair, which did nothing to decrease his sex appeal. “I don’t honestly know, Cait. I know that I want you to beat this. I know that I think you could, if anyone can. I may have even found a way.”

My heart beat thumped like a train getting up to speed. The wolf stirred uneasily. “Tell me.”

He shook his head. “You won’t do it.”

“Maybe. Let me make that choice. Tell me.”

“The curse of the Afflicted is passed down through generations at the moment of the attack. In the old days, the Afflicted would kidnap those they intended to change and hide them away until the first full moon had passed. Our scholars theorized that the newly Afflicted were vulnerable in some way that they weren’t after the first moon.”

His tone was excited, his eyes bright, his gestures huge. He rose, pacing. “But you think they’re wrong,” I said.

“I think it’s the line of the curse that’s important. I think that if you break that link, before the curse fully takes hold and you change, then maybe—just maybe. It works that way with people who’ve been ensnared by vampires. It’s a long shot, and it’s unproven—but it’s a shot. It’s something.”

I’d gotten stuck in there, somewhere. “Wait, you’re saying vampires are real, too?”

He shot me a pitying look. “You’re not going to argue about werewolves, telepathy, or underground training facilities for shadow organizations that fight evil under the guise of religious affiliations, but you’re going to hang on vampires?”

Right. Moving on. “There’s only one flaw in your genius plan.”

“Only one? It’s a good day.”

“We have no idea who attacked me. I don’t even know where to start looking.”

His easy smile faded. “Yeah. This is the sticky part. But, I do have an idea.”

“Really? Who?”

That pitying look came back. “Come on, Cait. Don’t bail on me now. Who’s new in your life, volatile for no reason, with a shady cover story and an unwillingness to talk about her past?”