Clearer in the Night (33 page)

“Okay,” he said, his fingers rising to his temples. “That’s the first order of business. We need to keep your thoughts in your head, and everyone else’s out.”

“I can’t help it. It just happens.”

“It seems that way, but that’s not the way it is.” He reached out and captured my hand before I could jerk it away. “What happened last night that made you so afraid?”

“I…” My mind was full of his hands, forcing their way inside. My throat flexed, and I was sure I was going to throw up. Somehow, someway, I choked the fear back inside. Away. Somewhere else.

I looked at Eli again, and at the mix of concern and disgust on his face. “Did I just—all of it—”

“Straight into the brain,” he offered a wan smile. “Saves a lot of exposition, though. But let’s work so that you only do it on purpose, okay?”

“I did that to him.” My voice was so quiet that Eli had to lean in to hear. “I made him do those things. It was my fault.”

“No,” he said, and he was so convinced that I let my eyes meet his. There was a crackle of lightning inside my head that made my skin tingle. “The wolf did that. She took advantage of you, and then used your abilities to cross to him. But even then, she couldn’t have forced him to do anything that wasn’t already in his mind. I’m not saying he wanted to rape you—but he wanted you, and the wolf rearranged his priorities.” He believed it so hard that I decided, after a moment, to believe him, even if what he was saying sounded like complete crap.

And he wanted to kiss me. I knew that without even reading his mind. His eyes lingered on my lips, and his fingers stroked over the back of my hand. I leaned into him, just a fraction, and let my lips part ever so slightly in invitation. His eyes widened—and then he let go of my hand, and settled back on his own square of mat. He tore his eyes away from my lips, and stared at the walls. “I want you to imagine a candle flame,” he said.

I didn’t know how much time had passed, but I was ready to scream in frustration. After I’d imagined my candle flame and described it in enough detail to satisfy my taskmaster, I’d moved to imagining a ring of them, keeping me safe from all invaders, and keeping the stray moths of my thoughts from crossing over their hot ring. Once Eli was convinced that I was focused on that, he started throwing images at me. They were sexy, or disgusting, or shocking, but they made me gasp as they invaded, and then the next thing to interfere was his frustration. As I was hit with an image of him pinning me up against the wall, his hands on my waist and his mouth on my neck, I pounded my fist into the floor as hard as I could. I heard something crack underneath me.

He heaved a huge sigh. “Clearly, this isn’t helping.”

“I can’t focus with you thinking things like that.” I could feel his lips pressing down over my collarbones, and I knew exactly what it would feel like when I used the wall for leverage to wrap my legs around his waist.

His pupils flashed wide, and his lips parted. Apparently, I was still projecting. “We need a break,” he said. I stopped myself from smirking, but only just. “Have you eaten at all today?” My stomach let out a dull roar in answer, and he laughed. “Food, then. It’s stupid, expecting you to concentrate on something this new and complex with no fuel.” He stood and offered me a hand up. “The cafeteria food is okay, or we can go outside, find something else.”

“I feel like an idiot. Two days ago, this wasn’t even an issue.”

“The moon is closer, now. The pace of the changes is picking up. I’ll see if I can shield you at all. It seems like people still have to be in pretty close proximity before you start picking up on them.”

I nodded, and let him draw me up to my feet. “Can’t hurt, might help. What time is it, anyway?”

He pulled a cell phone out of his pocket—the old kind, that flipped open—and glanced at it. “Later than it should be. Well past noon. Let’s give it a shot.”

We seemed to hit the cafeteria between meals. Eli assured me that it was open all day and all night. “People are on all sorts of schedules.” There was one guy in the corner eating a sandwich and reliving a fight so bloody that Quentin Tarantino would tell him to take it back a notch, but I could ignore him like I’d ignored Shannon in the car until the noise faded. The food looked halfway decent, instead of mass-produced and pre-consumed, which was most of my experience with cafeteria food. We took plates, and I followed Eli to a table far from the Bloody Guy.

The odor of the bowl of chili that I chose hit my nose, and I was ravenous, all of a sudden. I’d barely eaten yesterday, I’d eaten nothing since then. I could feel Eli watching, smiling, and I paused just long enough to flip him off. “I’m hungry,” I said. “Sue me.”

“It occurs to me,” he said, as he took a bite of his own sandwich, “that you’ve been hungry all your life.”

The tears were too close to the surface. They slid out, just one or two, before I could get a handle on them.

“Maybe not all of it,” I said. “But since Sophie disappeared. Maybe.”

“What do you know about their disappearance?”

His tone was too neutral. I reached down deep to try and match it. “Not much. I always thought that they were just going out for a few groceries, but between Sophie’s story and Mom’s, it seems like there was a lot more going on.”

He nodded slowly. “I believe that you’re right.”

Something in his inflection made me study him more closely. “Why do you say that?” It was like staring at a stone wall, he was protecting himself so carefully.

“You know, it’s generally considered very rude to try and actively read someone’s mind without permission.”

I thought about sticking my tongue out. “Good thing that everything you say is written on your face, then.”

He smirked.

“Do you know what made my dad go crazy?”

He sighed and stared off over my shoulder, clearly regretting opening this can of worms. “No, Cait, I don’t. But I do know that he wasn’t entirely crazy. Especially not when he thought his family was being watched.”

I set my spoon down and carefully laced my fingers together. “Look. It’s clear that you know something. I’m guessing you’re not just telling me what you know because of some secret Holy Knight code. Right?” He grunted. His arms were crossed over his slim runner’s chest, but his eyes sparkled with amusement. “How about you just tell me what you can, and no more games?”

The nod he gave me was just shy of pleased. “How well do you know your mother?”

“What?”

“Do you know about her childhood? Her past? Her parents, even?”

“Her parents are dead. She was an only child. She didn’t really talk about her past. Ever, basically.”

“They were her foster parents. They died under suspicious circumstances. The house collapsed, suddenly. Everyone was killed.” He smiled, and was all cold business again. “Nearly everyone.”

It didn’t click, and then it did. “That night, when she had a nightmare, and the entire house shook.” He nodded, and his smile grew. “She killed her foster parents?”

He shook his head. “No, that implies agency. But she…you’re not wrong that many people see a connection between the two events.”

“So, what, you were watching her?” He stayed silent, watching me. “And her children, to see if we…what, turned into X-Men?” He did not tell me I was wrong. “So Dad left with Sophie—to try and protect her from them? My God. Does she know any of that?”

“Unlikely. He was unbalanced, and although his disorder may have been triggered by something real, I doubt that enough sense ever made it through his ranting for her to realize.”

“What happens to them—when I’m gone?”

“What do you mean?”

“Once you’ve killed me. What happens to Mom and Sophie? Are they in any danger?”

He shook his head, and opened up so I could feel his sincerity. “No, I promise you. They’ll face no harm from us. Not that it will matter, because we’re going to figure this out, and you’ll be there to protect them.”

“Good save.”

“I’m not giving up, Cait. Don’t you give up on me.”

“Of course not,” I lied through my teeth.

“Back to work, then?”

“Sure.”

When we called it quits for the evening, I was so tired that I was dizzy. I stood up, my head swirled, and Eli caught me just before I went down. When my head stopped spinning, I was nestled in his arms, my palms resting on a strong chest that I would not have predicted from his narrow build and loose t-shirts. I looked up into his eyes, and my breath tangled up in my throat.

“I should go,” I whispered.

He cleared his throat before he spoke. “If I’m out of line, say so, but it seems like things are less than excellent at both of your homes. You can stay here if you like. The quarters aren’t fancy, but you’ll rest without interruption.”

“No dreams?”

He sighed. “I can’t promise that, but…most people find that knowing they’re safe helps greatly.”

Did he know that his fingers were gently stroking down over my spine and tracing out over the waistband of my pants? I couldn’t hear him in my head, but the longing in his eyes wasn’t covering itself well. “I’d like to stay. Very much.”

“Okay.” He stepped back from me, but kept his hand on the small of my back as he led me down hallways towards the quarters he’d pointed out earlier. He opened a door no different from all the other unmarked doors, and I stepped inside.

It was a small room, just fitting a bed, a table and chair, a small bureau. The covers on the bed looked simple but warm, the mattress yielding. Somehow, as I looked around, the things I held firm and tight began to relax.

“I’ll get you something to sleep in,” Eli said.

I turned, letting my hips sway ever so slightly as I stepped back into his arms. He hesitated before he rested his hands on my hipbones again, fingers gently kneading my flesh. “Cait,” he said, cautiously.

“I don’t care. Whatever you’re going to say, whatever warning you have for me, I don’t care. I don’t want to be alone tonight, and…please?”

He wanted me so much that it had to be painful, but he still leaned down and placed a chaste kiss on my forehead. Screaming was starting to seem like a viable option. “You need clothes to sleep in. I will go find something. And then I will be back. I promise.” He caught my eyes, and his thumbs stroked my jawline. “Okay?”

“Sure,” I said, trying to choke down the disappointment. He turned, closing the door behind him. As the latch shut, I started to shake. With exhaustion, with emotion, with pure need. I could feel the wolf in every one of my bones, and she’d been there all day, distracting me. Holding me off. Keeping me distracted from myself. I didn’t notice when Eli was there, holding my hand and touching my face, but now? It was like she was laughing at my efforts to gain control.