Choices (35 page)

“You switched the babies, didn’t you?” I whispered. “Brandon isn’t biologically yours is he?”

“Don’t you say that! Don’t ever say that! He’s mine! He’s all I have. He’s all I’ll ever have especially since Robbie left me.” She was crying.  He was disgusted with me! He said I repulsed him…that I was a monster…A MONSTER!? Can you believe that nonsense?” 

I shook my head in response to her rant, trying to evoke sympathy from myself and for her. “No, you must have misunderstood him, Jo.”

“No, he was very clear about what he was saying and what he was doing. He was leaving. My Robbie. My life. He was leaving. I begged and pleaded and I even threw myself and Brandon against the door to stop him. I couldn’t understand what was so difficult for him. I fixed it. I told him I would fix everything. All he had to do was to stay with me, love me, never leave me and we’ll raise the baby, our Brandon. I told him we had a second chance. God had given us a second chance. ‘No, Jo! NO! My God can you hear yourself! He said. He was yelling at me. I couldn’t understand why he was yelling at me.” Her brows were now knitted in consternation and confusion, she was drenched in sweat despite the chill in the air and the frost that now covered the grass and the train tracks. Her breath was coming out of her nose in big, puffy clouds of white giving her the appearance of a dragon. “He told me I was crazy and that he wanted no part of this at all. This could get us both killed. I told him he was being ridiculous!” She sobbed and started whirling around her hand with the gun that was pointed directly at me.

“Go on, Jo, let it out. I’m here. I’m listening. I won’t judge you. I know how much you loved Robbie. I know. Go ahead, keep talking. I’m sure you haven’t been able to talk to anyone about this, right?
Why don’t you just tell me how you did it? I’m sure you had help. You mentioned something about your neighbor, who I guess was a nurse?” I managed to make some head way, she at least stopped waving and whirling the gun that was pointed directly at my stomach. She let out a strangled, muffled wail that began in the inner depths of her broken soul and was slowly taking flight begging to be glued back together again.

“You always were so easy to talk to Laurel, so trusting and loving. I loved hanging out with you and Kristy when we were kids.  You two were the best!” She shrugged her shoulders then. “Somewhere, somehow, it all went wrong, didn’t it? I don’t understand, to this day, I still don’t understand when and how it all went so fucking wrong!  I fell in love, I loved him… Robbie… desperately, I still do. Why do you think I never married again, sure part of it was I never wanted to run the risk of anyone else finding out but really, truly, I had made my choice! NO ONE could EVER take Robbie’s place
- NO ONE! Do you hear me?” She screamed and started shaking and the birds that were resting in our tree of discontent were unhappily shaken awake and squawked and fluttered away until the danger passed. Shit, what I wouldn’t do to be able to join them. I had to keep her talking because she was slowly breaking, piece by shattering piece.

“Talk to me, Jo, tell me what happened.” I smiled as reassuringly as I could, trying to encourage her to talk and held my hands over my stomach.

“I made a choice that night in the hospital when my baby died. I made a choice. Sharon helped me. I told her that if she didn’t help me I was going to call the police and tell her supervisor the mistake she made and then she would lose her job and the authorities would take away her two babies. I reminded her of how hard life would be for Maggie Mae in foster care with all her disabilities. Sharon came to me later that night and agreed. So she helped me. See, God was giving me a new destiny, Laurel. Sharon said the father disappeared. They weren’t any numbers for next of kin or any other adult figures to contend with, just the paperwork and Sharon took care of all that. And I left with that other girl’s baby, just like that!” She snapped her fingers as if to express the ease in which she left the hospital. “And I never looked back. I always prayed and hoped Sharon would keep my secret, especially when she left Florida a few days later. Don’t look at me like that, Laurel.”

“Jesus
Christ! Wait a minute, you don’t mean my neighbor Sharon?” Puzzle pieces starting falling into place. This must have been the secret that Sharon had and couldn’t share with me.

“Oh, I know that was frustrating! I didn’t expect that little curve ball.
I was snooping around your neighborhood when I saw her and knew that I was definitely going to have to talk to you sooner than later.” She huffed and shook her head.

“
You were spying on me! That’s why she left in such a hurry! How? How did Sharon do it?”

“
I know she worked diligently that night, probably falsifying documents and filling out paperwork. Sharon handed me the baby, helped me pack my things, gave me all the documentation, placed me in a wheelchair and wheeled me out through an exit in the basement. She helped me escape into the night. You know, Laurel, you would have done it too. Imagine if that baby you’re carrying now died and you had to leave the hospital with empty arms.” I thought about that for moment.
Would I? Would I?
I actually fought back the urge to comfort her. I could almost, almost understand, in that moment witnessing her heartbreak, what she did twenty two years ago. Almost! But I would have never done that.

“NO! Never! I could never live with myself. Maybe Robbie was right. Maybe you are a monster. Jo, I don’t want any part of this! How could you? How could you involve me like this?”

“You involved yourself, you cradle robbing whore!”

“Cradle robbing wh…?” I took a deep breath to contain myself and continued, “Jo, I love him and I wasn’t looking for anything. He found me. I knew nothing.”

“True, but you know now.”

“Please, Jo, tell Brandon. Tell him everything. He loves you. He’ll forgive you.”

“Too much to lose, including him.”

“Exactly, I don’t want to lose him either.
I love him.”

“I know you do. He’s told me he loves you too but I needed you to send him away-to protect him.”

“Protect him? Don’t you mean to protect you and your vile web of lies? That’s why you came to me that night and crushed my soul, said those shameful debased accusations about me, making me feel guilty, preying on that guilt to force me to give him up!”

“
Yes, it was for the best. Knowing the truth was only going to destroy him. She nonchalantly shrugged her shoulders.

“NO! Knowing the truth was only going to destroy you, you lying sadistic bitch! He’s
going to find out. I. HATE. YOU!”

“
I know, but you loved him more so I knew you’d do it, little miss goody two shoes! Maybe, he’ll find out but only when I’m dead and gone, if I have anything to say about it.”

“Don’t tempt me!” I snarled.

“Tsk. Tsk. Now, be careful, Laurel. In case you’ve forgotten I’m the one with gun.” She was in my face now, her cold breath slapping against my face like icicles.

I thought I had heard a rustling in the woods further behind us but figured we were in the middle of night time feedings for the forest animals.
Well, isn’t this just great! Now, if Jo doesn’t kill me; then I’ll probably be mangled by some wild fox with their ferocious teeth and sharp claws.
I shivered and nodded my head to let her know I was listening.

She was becoming increasingly agitated. I was thinking of a way to calm her down and keep her talking.
Maybe if I switch gears and start talking about Emily she’ll calm down.
I still heard the rustling noise behind me just off to my left.
Now, what the hell is that?

“Just relax Jo. It was a long time ago. Why don’t you…”
I couldn’t even get the words out and she was focusing on Robbie.

“Monster! Wrong! How dare he call me a monster, how dare he tell me what I did was wrong! ‘Don’t you preach to me about what’s fair’ I said to him.
He said I had no right to take another woman’s baby! “Did I even hear what was coming out of my mouth? Are you listening to yourself?” he said. “Can you imagine how upset she is?” That’s when I told him that the other mother was dead. That’s when he said I repulsed him and he called me a monster. He said that he loved me but he wasn’t going to jail for me and if I wanted to do this I was doing it on my own. And he left! Her eyes were blazing now, the hand with the gun was horribly erratic, she was spewing snot, tears and steam now and most assuredly reminded me of a dragon ready to strike. I was so scared, now, frantically thinking of a way to calm her down, trying despairingly to find a way to reach her. She was out of control now and I was running out of patience and options. The noise off to my left was unnerving and for a split second I was weighing my options...fox or gunshot. The noise was coming closer. I had to make a move.

“Jo, just tell me where Emily is and let me go and you can call your son and I’ll go get Emily and everything will be fine.” I managed to croak out while listening to
the rustling getting closer and closer. Jo was so dazed and stuck in the past that she didn’t even notice it. She was too far gone now.

“Fair, he had the balls to talk to me about what’s fair. I told him what was fair; taking what should have been mine in the first place that’s what was fair. Oh, it was only fair that I take your baby too. Who do you think has her? The only person you can ever count on is your mother, no one else.”
Holy Shit! Of course, her mother would have Emily!
She was in ferocious dragon mode now for sure. Her eyes were bright and glazed her breath spewing and spitting, her hands and arms waving frantically in the air now.
Here’s my chance now!
I lunged for her and threw myself at her. I saw the flash of blue and white and heard the backfire of a car and thought how odd since we were nowhere near civilization and the rustling turned into full fledged heavy footsteps. Something brushed passed me and I saw a very large, very dark shadow.
Is that…?
All I remember after that was excruciating pain shooting down the left side of my body and my body not cooperating with me, everything turning into spaghetti noodles. I felt the cold, hard early spring ground against my cheek, I could smell the hint of early grass and mud and then suddenly heard the birds squawking again looking for refuge and then everything went totally and completely black.

Okay, Laurel, some new cars now have the trunk release for people who have the unfortunate luck to be shot and shoved into the trunk of a car by a psychotic old friend who is slowly coming unglued as I lay here bleeding and about ready to give birth to her first grandchild. Now, if I can just find the latch and pop it I should be good to go.
I looked but no such luck. The tears were starting to spill again and I was beginning to feel a little woozy. I started to think about Brandon and I just let my mind wander in order to calm down and start to look for another way out or a way to let some passing car know I was trapped in here. I remember his smile and his laugh and his large warm hands on my wet, sandy skin that first weekend we spent together.  His boyish charm and his bright eyes came to mind too but I will always remember his gentle reassuring manner. Brandon was constantly telling me what he wanted - someone who knew what she wanted - a family, a home - not someone interested in only making a name for herself and driven by career. Age had nothing to do with that pretty little package; which he said he found in me. He knew he was old fashioned and a lot of his friends were not on the same page as him but he was okay with that - ‘to each his own. I know I’m an old soul. I don’t know maybe it’s because I saw my mom struggle so hard that just gave me a different perspective about women. Everything she did she did for the family, our family. I don’t want to see my wife work that hard by herself. All I want is for her to love me and whatever lives we bring into this world.  Family is important to me and I want to be the head of it! I want to be the one responsible for keeping everyone safe and loved and protected. I honed in on you that day like a scud missile. Oh, believe me I knew it was wrong. I knew you were married but I couldn’t help myself. I kept thinking why and how could someone so loving and so beautiful be so sad. I saw the sadness in your eyes that day and I wanted so badly to do everything I could to take that away.’ That’s just how Brandon operated. He’s fierce, determined and oh so confident probably boarding on arrogance, but I didn’t care either. I wanted so badly just to be in his company. He simply radiated strength and confidence and through his strength and confidence he was able to love openly and wholly without strings, without games, pure, honest and organic and completely. I remember thinking how sweet and old fashioned he was. It was touching.   
Oh, Brandon, I wish I could have told you then that you did take the sadness away and replaced it with warmth and a love that I never knew existed.
Okay, this wasn’t helping my situation either. It only made me cry harder; back to plan A.  I remember a story about a girl who was able to break open the rear taillight and poke her fingers out through the hole to let drivers know she was in the trunk. If I remember the story correctly I think it worked to her benefit. If I could just maneuver my arms forward a bit but the pain from my left shoulder was too intense and my stomach was in the way to get to the taillight. As I lay there willing and forcing and praying for my arms to move and inch just the slightest bit forward I felt it - hard and sharp and enough to engage my brain that something was happening that shouldn’t be happening at least for another three weeks. I had noticed that the baby was quiet. That should have been my first clue. There was cramping in my lower back and my stomach but Christ that could have been attributed to my current tied up situation and I was a little pre-occupied with not bleeding to death before I gave birth. Suddenly the car made a few snake turns and then came to an abrupt stop. I heard the car door slam and a whoosh of cold, crisp spring night air roared through the trunk. Oh, the air was so refreshing. I was momentarily sidetracked with the delicious feel of it. A flashlight shone directly in my eyes and I could hear Jo’s voice strained and slightly frantic -
oh, great not much has changed!