Choices (37 page)

“Where is she? Where the hell is she? Laurel?”

“Paul, is that you?” He was a mess, limping and bleeding himself, covered in dirt and mud, sweaty and his clothes torn and frayed. He was the most beautiful sight and my heart soared when I saw him, thank God, thank God! He rushed over to me immediately.

“My God, Laurel, are you in labor too? Jesus, it isn’t bad enough she shot you now, you have to give birth in her house. Well, if I remember from the last one he took all of an hour so this one will be probably walk out on its own if we don’t get you to the hospital. How far along are the con…” He couldn’t even get the rest of his question out when my scream forced Mr. Phillips back toward his wife and my one good hand grabbed onto Paul’s shoulder until my knuckles were white and he tried to scoop me up.

“No, Paul, it’s too late I am going to have to give birth here.”

“Not to worry, Paul, My Mrs. called the ambulance and the police. They on their way. Looks like you been rolling around with some pretty fierce night creature too.”

“If you consider your daughter a creature of the night, then, yes, I have been.”
He sneered.

“What happened Paul? How did you fi
nd me? How did you know I was at The Camp Meeting Park?” I stuttered out through my streterous breathing, wiping the sweat from my brow and shivering.

“Don’t worry about that now, I’ll fill you in later, let’s just…” another contraction stopped him dead in his tracks. “Wow, that was a big one for sure this time, wasn’t it? You’re shaking. Are you cold? Laurel, don’t go into shock now, you have a baby to deliver. I certainly can’t do this alone. Mrs. Phillips do you have a blanket or maybe two?”

The second set of footsteps moved into the room now as well, not as loudly and not as forcefully and I heard Mrs. Phillips give a long, deep sigh as she returned the phone back to its cradle. Jo leapt off the couch and instinctively started to run into Robbie’s arms and then just as quickly stopped and froze. She sucked in her breath and the rest of the air in the room as well. Suddenly, it was stifling and still. It was almost peaceful, finally. I was starting to relax a little now that Paul was here and I was flitting in and out of consciousness slightly in between contractions. 

“You’re here. You’re really here. Christ! You’re just as beautiful as you always were.” Jo whispered. She stood to reach out for him but pulled herself back and instead raised her shaky hand to smooth her own hair.

“Yes, Jo. I’m here. I’m here to really help this time. I would ask how you’ve been but I think it’s pretty self explanatory. Don’t you think we should take care of Laurel, now?” He took a few steps toward me and Jo pulled out the gun and aimed at all of us. She motioned Robbie, Henrietta and Lester to sit down.

“Help Laurel! Help Laurel!” She ranted like a bratty child. “NO ONE is moving! Laurel’s fine right where she is and her husband, her
only
husband will help her.” Jo kept the gun trained on all of us.

“Jo”, Robbie whispered and tried to get up but she straightened her stance and gripped the gun tighter.
“Jo”, he whispered again. “Jo does everyone know what happened? Did you tell Laurel and Paul?” She shook her head yes and lifted sorrowful eyes to him. At least she allowed him to speak. “Everything Jo? Everything?”

“This whore over here who used to be my friend has been fucking our son and is now ready to give birth to his baby.” She pointed the gun at me.

“HEY! If you don’t…” Paul tired to stand.

“Don’t even think about it Paul. If I were you I would have left her in my hands. Just proves she doesn’t deserve you either, the whore bitch! You’re a better man than me.” She gripped the gun harder still and pointed at him.

“Jo”, he whispered again and she thawed slightly and looked up at him with pleading eyes.

“Please, Robbie, please understand this time! I loved you, I love you still. There’s never been anyone for me but you. Are you ready now to come back? We can still have a life together. We’re not that old. If this whore bitch can start over again then so can we. I’ve missed you so much. I was so heartbroken when you didn’t understand, when you called me a monster and left.”

“Jo, I’m sorry. I loved you too. So much Jo, so much but I just couldn’t stay. I just couldn’t live with you knowing what you had done. I’m sorry. I married and I have beautiful boys. I came here because your mother called and since I didn’t really help you then, I figured I’d help you now. I’m sorry Jo.” I looked at Robbie then and he still looked exactly the same yet different. He had the same features, the same coloring, yet different, older, mature, filled out. Wisdom and experience echoed through his eyes and his demeanor. I wished Jo would have been able to trust him.  I was starting to feel sorry for her again, until the next contraction ripped through me.

“OWWWW! Do you think maybe Jo you could speed up your declaration of love for Robbie? We have a few urgent problems at the moment.”  I said through gritted teeth.

“I guess the only person you can depend on is your mother. Henrietta was horrified at first - tried desperately to convince me to return the baby and pay the consequences. We fought, she even slapped me. My mother never laid a finger on me out of anger - never. She was angry, she was devastated - swore she wouldn’t have anything to do with keeping my secret. Then, I placed the baby in her arms and she watched me take care of Brandon for a few hours and saw all the love and tenderness that reminded her of when she had me. She held me and told me everything would be alright, everything would work out. You’re mother, Laurel, what would you do if Vanessa needed help. You would help her Laurel, she’s your daughter, your flesh and blood. So I did the only thing I could do. I trusted my mother. Women are so amazing, don’t you agree, Laurel? We are the ones that hold everything together, we are the glue, the fabric of the family, yet we are ofter referred to as the weaker sex, the inferior sex. We are the ones that keep the secrets and still manage to carve out a life and raise a family. We are the ones made of steel. The men, well, they just run don’t they?” She aimed the gun at Robbie. He didn’t even have second to run this time and she shot him, right in the head and he gently fell to the floor as if he were taking a nap with the exception of all the damn blood that was oozing and flowing everywhere.  A second sizzle shot through the air, the baby cried and Mrs. Phillips screamed, “NO!” We all heard a sickening thud. We all smelled the tang of hot metal and burning flesh, the iron of spilled and pooling blood. Silence. Stillness. Peace. Jo landed with a bone shattering thump on the floor next to her beloved. She looked peaceful as if in slumber and that quickly - one simple, single shot form her own mother directly into her heart and it was over.

“No more Joanna Elizabeth, no more. You will not hurt another living soul any more. “ She gently placed the gun back into the drawer of the phone table where she
had quickly retrieved it, sat down, looked at me and calmly said, “She won’t hurt you any more. I won’t let her. I should have stopped her so many years ago” She sat down quietly and big, fat silent tears slid slowly from her weary, green eyes as she folded her hands in her lap. “The ambulance and the police are on their way, dear. She said as matter of factly as someone would who was asking to pass the butter for the toast at the breakfast table. 

I heard the distant wail of the sirens, police and ambulance. Just in time too. This contraction felt as though my hips were about to break and the burning and stinging from stretching perineum let me know that the baby’s head was crowning.

“Paul, the baby is coming, I HAVE TO PUSH NOW!”  He jumped up from beside me and asked Mrs. Phillips for a pair of scissors. She opened the drawer to the phone table and pulled out a pair of scissors. He used the scissors to cut my pants off my lower body.

“Alright, Laurel, you probably remember this better than I do, so just do what you need to and I’ll make sure the baby comes out alright.”

“Paul, don’t let me die, don’t let the baby die, don’t let Emily die.” I screamed through clenched teeth and jaw.

“I won’t Laurel. I promise. I won’t.” He smiled, looked me straight in the eye and squeezed my hand. “Now, push, Laurel, I can see his head. Wow, he has a lot of hair.”

Mr. Phillips had placed a chair alongside Mrs. Phillips and while still holding Emily, clung to his wife for comfort and solace.

“Don’t fret, darlin’, nothin’ gonna  happen to your little princess here. She’s safe with me. The Mrs. and I taken good care of her for all these last three months and no harm come to her, no harm ‘t’all.

“Did you hear that Laurel? She’s fine! Now, concentrate on pushing this baby out!” Paul placed a hand on my tightening abdomen.

“C’mon, Laurel, push and push hard. The ambulance is coming. I think it’s pulling up into the driveway now. That’s it Laurel, that’s it.” He encouraged.
This is it, Laurel, do this for Brandon, do this for the baby!
I pushed my backside into the floorboards and did the same with my feet. I clenched my jaws and my teeth together so tightly that I thought I would break them. I wrapped my arms around my bent knees and sat up hard and quickly and pushed until I thought my eyeballs would rupture.

“The head is out! The
head is out! Wait, don’t I have to scoop out its mouth or something?”

“Yes, you do, here let me help. Mrs. Phillips quickly washed her hands and moved to
stand near Paul and my almost newborn baby.

“Paul?” I asked hesitantly. His look said it all
- ‘I won’t let anything happen to the baby, I’m right here.

“There, all done.” Mrs. Phillips said through shining tears sliding slowly down her aged face, a face that seemed to age even more in the last few hours.

“That’s it darling, finish the job and let’s see this beautiful, great-grandchild of mine.” She cooed and I set about to do exactly that. One last bone-crushing push and the baby slid, silently and quickly from between my legs. I could feel every ounce of the baby leave my body, slippery wet, skin, shoulders, elbows, hands, fingers, feet, I swear the baby wiggled toes on its exit and separated me from the very thing that kept me alive these last nine months. I heard the baby wail, a good strong wail that actually reminded me of a donkey and then I heard the three of them wail, “It’s a boy! A boy!” The paramedics came in through the door, with the police on their heels.  Mrs. Phillips placed the baby in my arms. “Well done, Laurel, well done. This will probably be the only time I’ll see him so thank you, thank you for giving me this beautiful little creature to look at and hold if only briefly. It reminds me of all the good things about Joanna Elizabeth.” She stood. I gazed down at the creature in my arms and thought it really is a creature, isn’t it, when you think about it, and a scary one at that. It’s frightening to see your own soul staring up at you from your arms; a soul that holds all your secrets, dreams, wishes and desires, knows everything about you and yet still loves you anyway, what human being can do that other than a creature such as a newborn baby or when you’re lucky enough a man you’ve surrendered your heart.  I really have no recollection of anything else that surrounded me except for the little bundle that nursed at my breast.

I honestly don’t remember anything, I was so elated and in so much pain, things were incredibly hazy. I refused any pain medication after the surgery to repair my shoulder because I insisted on nursing the baby. Geez, what the hell was I thinking! I needed twenty stitches and I’m healing well.
Lots of flesh damage, a few repairs to some veins and no need for plastic surgery, thank God for small favors. No damage either from the baby’s traumatic birth and he’s doing beautifully as well. Finally, one baby that latched on the first time without any difficulty, maybe this was God’s way of showing me a little grace.

Paul brought in the children and I was increasingly wary as the day progressed trying to figure out a way to explain to them exactly what happened and also attempting to gauge their responses to Brandon’s baby. Fortunately, Paul explained everything to the older girls and just simply told Jake that Mommy was hurt but she’s just fine.

Paul certainly has made some incredible changes in the past year. I’m happy that he’s finally getting himself together. It’s a shame it took such dire circumstances to do just that but life usually works that way. It usually does take an impressive catalyst sometimes in the form of a sledgehammer or in my case a gunshot, an affair and a baby to cause a person pause and reflection, not for all people but some; I’d even go out on a limb and say most. A happy life is a constant, sometimes painful effort, but if you want the most out of life you need to stretch those limitations of self and move along faking it sometimes until you make it. Corny I know but, somehow surprisingly effective. I’m actually going to need to follow my own advice while striving for the happy life bit now that I have a new baby and lost a best friend. Kristy’s longed-for reunion with Emily certainly didn’t turn out the way I anticipated. My face is still stinging, my heart is breaking and my friendship, well, my friendship is ruptured due to the choices I made. In time, I can only hope and pray, she’ll come to forgive me and love me again. I need to forge ahead and create a new life for myself and my children with or without Kristy and certainly without Brandon. The scene coming into the hospital will certainly be seared into my memory like a brand on a cow.