Choices (34 page)

It was a lovely spring night, cool, crisp and clean filled with a hint of hope and faith that goes hand and hand with the beckoning of spring promises.  I promised I would meet her at the Camp Meeting Park across the street from the soccer fields and next to Wilson’s Auction house, although I don’t know why I would do something so stupid, yet knowing that seeing her would somehow connect me to him as if she would carry his scent and his essence on her clothes.

“Wow, Laurel, you really do look amazing! Brandon would be so proud of you and that glorious stomach you have there. May I?” She stretched out her hand to lay it across my belly.

“No! You may not! Where is he? What’s wrong? What happened? I came as fast as I could.” I stepped back and placed my hands protectively across my girth.

“You know that he isn’t with his wife Beth, anymore.” She smiled shyly like a child who was caught with its hand in the cookie jar.

“What the hell are you talking about and why the hell am I here, Jo?” I stepped back even further until I was up against the huge birch tree and damn thankful for it too because the look on her face was a cross between an angelic child caught red-handed stealing cookies and a Talking Heads version of psycho killer. My mouth was dry and my ears were starting to ring and the hairs were rising on the back of my neck, not to mention King Cobra was beginning to coil. I was beginning to get the feeling I was duped and going to be in some serious trouble.

“No, I guess you wouldn’t know, now would you?” She sighed and gently laid a hand against my belly. I had nowhere to go so I let her place her hand against my child.  Okay I was going to need to talk to her like I would talk to Jake…slowly, clearly and without any sudden movements. She was skittish now, twisting and ringing her hands, a thin bead of perspiration sprung out across her upper lip and her eyes were rolling left and right, looking for something or maybe someone.

“I wouldn’t know what Jo? He’s not here is he?” I breathed quietly and could feel the rustle of a light wind that picked up my hair in the breeze and made me pay close and careful attention to my surroundings, the birds in the trees, the faint babbling creek, the absence of cars or other people, the dusky, streaky sunset, the shrill, forlorn lone whistle of a far off express train.
Why on earth did I agree to meet her here?!
Do I have my damn cell phone, is it charged?

“You wouldn’t know, you just wouldn’t know. Why would you, how would you?” She turned with her eyes glazed in a frenzied type of excitement but certainly not the good kind.

“No, Jo, you’re right. I wouldn’t know. I wouldn’t know anything about Brandon. I have…

“Shut up! Shut up! Don’t say his name!”

“No, Jo, I won’t say his name.” Things were beginning to deteriorate quickly and she was slowly coming unglued that was obvious. Calm, just stay calm.

“You know, he’s all I have, all I ever had! First you and then this Beth, at least, she’s dead now.”

“She’s dead?” I croaked out between my cotton mouth and my thickening tongue.

“Oh, for chrissake, stop looking at me like that! You look like I killed her.” Her eyes flashed back to what almost looked rational and normal-almost. I breathed a sigh of
relief. She spat out a terse, “Really? Puh-leeze.”

“You didn’t kill her?”

“Kill her, are you crazy? Why the hell would I kill Beth? The poor thing had leukemia! I had no reason to worry with her. Brandon was so preoccupied with her illness that they would never have time to figure out Brandon’s secret. No, Beth wasn’t my problem, you were!” She flashed eyes that radiated instability, rolling, widening and furrowed eyebrows. “Now, that she’s gone, he’ll come back to you. He told me about seeing you in New York and how he thought that maybe you were pregnant and did I know anything about it. I won’t be able to stop him. You know Brandon, Laurel, you know how determined he is. No, him I can’t stop, you…you I can. You’re too close to the truth!” She whipped out a small, glistening gun. I remember her wavering hand and my desperate pleas to try to win her over to my way of thinking, preferable to not be shot.

“
WHOA!!  Easy, Jo, I don’t understand, what the hell are you talking about?” I held up my hands to show her I had no intention of hurting her and slowly backed away from her up against a tree.  “Please, Jo, think about what you’re doing? Listen to me! Please! This is Brandon’s baby you’re hurting, your own grandchild! Think of that!” She wavered for a moment and raised her other hand to wipe away the tears and her snot smeared face now that she was crying and leaking profusely desperately trying to remain stoic in her choice of killing me.
Just a little bit more… a little bit more and I might just be able to reach for the gun…If I can just stretch my hand out a little further without freaking her out I may be able to…
I inched very slowly and very carefully away from the tree with my hand stretched out ever so gently, speaking to her in dulcet tones, “that’s it, Jo, that’s it sweetheart, give me the gun, just hand it over, just place it gently in my hand, you know this is what you want to do. You really don’t want to kill me, c’mon, Jo. Do you really want to spend the rest of your life in jail?  You’ll never see Brandon again…” Shit, big mistake. I mentioned his name and she went ramrod straight!

“NO! NO! NO! Damnit I told you don’t mention his name to me! You are not good enough to mention his name to me. You’re nothing but a whore, a whore who stole my precious baby, yeah, well guess what… I stole your precious baby too!” She smirked at that last comment and it took every ounce of my draining energy to process what she was saying and to not rush her and let the chips fall where they may.
Good God Almighty she took Emily! She took Emily! Why the hell would she take Emily? Oh, Kristy, I’m so sorry
! But I had to stay strong and think clearly. I had to save Emily and Kristy. I had to! It was all my fault! I forced King Cobra to settle down and with all my might I managed to move my frozen lips that were now sticking to my teeth since Jo’s revelation sucked all the air and moisture from my body and left it a cold, almost lifeless, shell of a human being. It was my own promise and hope of the future that literally kicked me back into breathing and shook me out of my semi-consciousness. I was so grief stricken, confused and overwhelmed by the sheer shock of her news that I actually had to quell the urge to laugh hysterically and scream ‘what is it with you and stealing babies from hospitals?’ I took a deep, steadying breath and continued with my plea.

“
Please, Jo put the gun down and help me to understand. I don’t understand. Why would you take Emily? Please, Jo, tell me where Emily is? Please! I promise I won’t tell anyone where I found her or who has her, NEVER! I swear I won’t breathe a word of it! Not one single word. You’re a mother, Jo, a wonderful mother at that. As a mother you can understand and appreciate what it must be like to lose a baby! Kristy is beside herself with worry, fear… !” I gulped air like a stranded fish on the beach, searching desperately for a way to reach her.
Please God!  If you can hear me, send our guardian angels down and lend a hand if you aren’t too busy at the moment!
I struggled for more air, my throat was parched and constricted, my clothes felt too tight, my hands were cold and clammy. Each agonizing slow precious minute that passed the sky grew darker and darker and the air swirled colder and colder around our perspiring bodies. The birds stopped chatting as if preparing for their sleep, returning to their nests to watch over and huddle their newly delivered eggs. I shed a single, cold, salty tear and my resolve began to waver.
NO! Don’t give up! I can’t give up! She can’t win! I have to figure out a way to end this, I have to live to find Emily, to deliver this baby, to watch in amazement as my other three precious children grow.
All the faces of my family flashed before my eyes, my children’s smiling orthodontic faces, my sisters and my mother, Joni, Bonnie and especially Kristy, even Paul and the last face, the last face I saw is from where I drew my strength, his face, his love, his warmth. It was Brandon’s life-force that re-invigorated my determination, my will to live not only for me but for him and my family. Jo was wavering now too. She was getting tired, her arm was strained and her hand was shaking badly. I took a deep breath again and tried one last time.

“Jo, sweetheart, my friend, please, just tell me where Emily is, I promise, I won’t say anything. I won’t…” I took a step back against the tree as she stiffened and barreled straight for me.

“You think I don’t know what it would be like; you think my heart doesn’t break every time I hear her tiny, newborn cry.
Oh, thank you God, Emily’s alive!
“Do you remember the night when I came to visit you? You know, the night I forced you to give up Brandon?” I nodded and felt the wave of insecurities and guilt flood through me again. “Well, Laurel, I still think you should be ashamed of yourself, you whore, for seducing my son. Christ Laurel! You could have been his mother! But, if I’m really going to share my feelings I might as well give you the whole story of why I wanted you to stay away from my Brandon.” She had that faraway, glazed look in her eye again. The kind that showed she was really going to come unglued. Every sense was on full, Def-Con 1 alert! I said a silent prayer that I would have the strength to survive this night.

“I was so scared. I was so young. Imagine, Laurel, being on your own when you first had Vanessa. Imagine the fear, the isolation, the insecurity, the doubt all of it mixed with this inexplicable love that knew no bounds, no depth, endless and all consuming. Imagine it really. I should say remember those feelings. You’re a mother, too. You would understand.” She moved closer to me as if to put a hand on me, forgetting she still held the gun. “Whoops! Well, I can’t very well put the gun down to touch you now can I?” I recoiled and shook my head no.
“I was so relieved when he called me and told me that you had the abortion and he was so devastated. It was such a relief to see him off to New York. Except, you lying whore bitch, you didn’t did you?” She moved closer to me pointing and waving the gun in my face. “DID YOU! No, of course you didn’t you had to be a selfish bitch and keep the baby and then he saw you and now Beth’s dead! And I…” She was gulping breaths now. “And I had to do something because he’d be back here to see you again and then my secret wouldn’t be safe anymore. Then he would find out about all my lies and I wouldn’t be able to protect him anymore! God, I hate you! Hate YOU!”

“Jo, please I don’t understand what you’re talking about. Slow down, you’re not making any sense, please let’s just go…” She cut me off. “No, we aren’t going anywhere until I know you are taken care of.” Closer still she moved toward me.

“Taken care of? Jo, please, I’m carrying Brandon’s baby. Please, if you hurt me, you hurt the baby. I think it’s a boy. Let’s just go talk…” I was on a roll and she seemed to soften a bit but just for a split second and then the crazy lunatic was back.

“No, no! You’re good, Laurel, you almost had me with Miss Nicey Nurse, but NO! I’m better. I’ve kept this secret for twenty two years. I’m certainly not going to allow you to ruin it for me.”

“Jo, if you hurt me…”

“Laurel, threats aren’t going to save you. If I’ve learned anything from this experience it’s that holding onto something that wasn’t meant to be will eat you up from the inside out. I think Robbie knew that all along. He was so freaked out at first when he found out I was pregnant. After he calmed down, he said he wanted to move to Florida. So we did. I would have followed Robbie anywhere. He was with my the entire pregnancy. He was with me until the baby, our baby…” She was wavering slightly, loosening her grip on the gun and I decided to step toward her. “Don’t!” She stood ramrod straight, extended her arm and pointed the gun in my face again.
The visible pain was etched in her face, in every line. “Our baby, our beautiful baby boy, he was glorious and died before he had a chance to live-before he even knew his parents, his parents who loved him so. How could God be so cruel I thought? I was a good girl. How could he destroy something so young, so innocent, so beautiful. We couldn’t even speak to each other. We just cried. It was freezing in the hospital room but I was soaked in sweat, already knowing what I was going to do.”

“What did you do, Jo?” The cold was starting to seep up through my shoes, invading my skin, my body and founding
its way to my heart. I was numb. I just wanted to sit down and cry myself. I didn’t want to hear anything else she had to say. I didn’t want to listen.

“I told Robbie to go home and get some rest. I walked him to the door of my hospital room, said goodbye and was ready to head back into bed when I heard my neighbor’s voice in the hallway. She was arguing with another person. It certainly was heated. She mentioned something about making a big mistake and that
this other  person made one too. She wasn’t the only one who didn’t do something correctly and that it was their fault the young girl was dead. She would still be alive to see her new baby boy and her husband wouldn’t run away.” Jo’s eyes started to brighten. She was becoming invigorated. “Don’t you see Laurel? Don’t you see what I did?” I shook my head no yet again. “Okay, well, I’ll just have to spell it out for you then. I guess being a middle-aged whore is wearing on your inferencing skills.”

“Jesus, Jo, enough with the insults, just finish.”

“It was brilliant really, even to this day, I’m still amazed at how fabulous the idea was and that maybe God was looking down on me because I’ve been able to keep this secret for years, until you came along!” Then it dawned on me like a lightning bolt.