Cherishing You (12 page)

“Andi, I had no idea you felt that way about me. If I had, we would’ve never had to deal with all this shit we’ve been through these past four years. I’ve always felt the same way about you. I wanted you so bad I couldn’t see straight, but I was scared shitless to admit it. I was convinced that you would never look at me as a boyfriend, that you would probably smack me if I told you, and I couldn’t take the chance of not having you in my life. Then, when I found out you’d left, I was crushed. I lost all purpose in life because, without you, I had no future. I could only see darkness. You’ve always been my sunshine.” I give her a squeeze.

“So, back to your first question, about Kelly. You were right about her; she hated you, but I realized it was because she could probably see how much I really cared about you. She knew I cared way more about you than I did her, so she was doing whatever she could to break our friendship up. She felt threatened, and rightfully so. I just wish I’d had the nerve to tell you then how I felt.

“Now as far as the baby goes, I would have stuck by her, for its sake, but I don’t know if I would’ve married her or not. I knew she wasn’t who I wanted for my wife, but I needed to factor in the baby and do what was right for it. Turns out, she was lying to me, there
was
no baby. She was faking the pregnancy the entire time. That girl should’ve been an actress as good as she was at spinning a story.”

“I’m sorry that happened to you, Ethan. I know you’ll make a great father someday. How did you find out she was lying?”

“After I got past the initial shock of you leaving, I started working on the Naylor farm to make money—you know, for the baby and all. Anyway, I had to go into town and pick up some supplies and decided to grab a sandwich for lunch. Kelly was in there with some of her friends. She didn’t see me at first, but as I started walking up to her to see what she was up to, I heard her saying about how we hadn’t slept together yet but that it was only a matter of time, especially since she had you out of the way. That instantly pissed me off, but I managed to keep my cool. Then she said she’d stopped taking her birth control because she wanted to have a baby with the same eyes as my eyes.

“As soon as she saw my face, she knew I’d heard. Her face got all red and she started bitching at me for sneaking up on her. She even had the nerve to ask if I was following her around, spying on her, as if
I
was the one doing something wrong. I asked her right there in front of everyone when the appointment was for the baby doctor. You should’ve seen her face then. She stood up and started to pick up her food, but she dropped it because she was all flustered. I asked her friends if they knew she was already pregnant. Then I told her I wanted to go with her to hear the heartbeat and I was going to make the appointment for that afternoon, that I had called the OB office my mom had suggested and they could work her in if we could make it.

“She called me a bastard and stomped out the door. Her friends ended up telling me how she’d spun the whole plot of setting me up. Of course, I was upset about losing the baby, even though there was never a baby to lose in the first place. I was so angry with her I honestly think I could have knocked her head off and not thought twice about it, and you know how I feel about hitting a woman. The sad part is, I was so damn grateful that I didn’t have to be stuck with her for the rest of my life.

“Andi, you know I’ve always been a firm believer that everything happens for a reason, and maybe this is the way things were supposed to happen for us. Maybe she was meant to shake us up and make us finally talk to each other, you know, tell each other how we feel. We’ll never know for sure, but frankly, it doesn’t really matter. The past is the past, and we can’t change it, but one thing’s for sure—I’ve finally had a taste of you, and I know I don’t ever want to let you go again.” I tilt her chin up and place a long, passionate kiss on her. I think I could get lost in her for the rest of my life and be completely fine with it.

We finally break our kiss and take a moment to catch our breath.

“Oh, Ethan, so much time has been lost. I really do hate it, but you’re right, we can’t change the past. I’m glad you and I both finally know how we felt back then, but what do you think about us here and now? Is it too late? How can we make this work when I live in Texas and you live here? I could never ask you to move, no more than you could ask me to come back home. I would never want either of us to regret letting go of what we’re doing. Regret turns to anger, and that’s not something I’m ever willing to let happen.”

“Whoa, Andi, take a deep breath, okay? Regardless of what we do, I’ll never regret telling you how I feel. As far as here and now, I don’t know what we’re going to do yet, but I know it’s not too late. I can’t tell you it will be easy, but I’m not giving up on us. We may have to keep it a long-distance relationship for a while, but we’ll figure it out as we go—I guess, that is, if you’re willing.”

Andi nods emphatically. “Yes, of course, I’m willing to try whatever it takes to make us work, Ethan. I don’t regret us either, no matter what, not for a minute. I’ve wanted you for so long, and now I know you feel the same, I’m not letting you go. I want to spend every minute I have with you.” She pulls me into a big hug and holds on tight.

I place a soft kiss to the top of her head and we sit like this for several minutes, both of us lost in our thoughts about what the future may hold for us and how it’ll work out. I don’t know what we’ll do yet, but I know I want to spend every day with her for the rest of my life—and that still won’t be enough.

“Good, now, how many days do I have with you?”

Andi drops her head and quietly says, “I have to leave in a few days.”

“Hey.” I tilt her face back up. “You don’t need to feel guilty, okay? It was already in motion before we talked. I won’t hold you back, and besides, when we’re finally able to be with each other, I want it to be without any regrets.” That was the whole reason I kept my mouth shut before, and there’s no point in letting all that hurt and wasted time be for nothing. “You still have a few days before you head back, so we can use them to spend as much time together as we can, starting with tonight. Please, stay with me? We don’t have to do anything, I just want to hold you.”

“You are so sweet, Ethan. Of course I’ll stay.”

“All right then, I’ll find you something comfy to put on. Or, you know, you could go naked.” I laugh.

Andi punches my arm and says, “You would love that now, wouldn’t you?” She stands and stretches her hands towards the ceiling, yawning.

“Of course I would, but then again, it’ll be hard enough to control myself with your clothes on, so I know I wouldn’t be able to without them.” I stand as well, grab her hand, and pull her towards my bedroom. I switch on the light, letting go of her hand to pull one of my long T-shirts from the dresser for her to wear.

“Will this work for you?”

“Yeah, it’s fine with me. It’ll be like a nightgown,” Andi says, a big smile on her face. Her smile is so beautiful, with her soft lips and perfect white teeth, her dimples popping out. I love the way those luscious lips taste on mine. Realizing I’m caught up in watching her lips as she’s still smiling at me, I feel my cheeks burn a little bit, and I let out a short laugh.

“I’ll let you change here. I’ll change in the restroom and turn everything in the house off.”
But first, I want another kiss.
I just can’t seem to get enough of this girl, so I walk back to her and place a quick one on her lips.
Okay, maybe another.
This girl tastes so damn good!

“Okay, I’ll be right back,” I say with a wink, then hurry out the bedroom door. I hear her giggle as I go into the hall, which puts a big smile on my face. I’m so grateful to have her, but I know it’ll crush me when I have to let her go in a few days. I push the thought of her leaving out of my mind for now. I don’t want to think about it yet; I just want to enjoy her as much as I can before she has to go.

I change in a hurry, which isn’t hard because I really want to feel her against my skin, so I strip down to my boxer shorts and leave my shirt off. After brushing my teeth quickly, I go around shutting down the house, making a point to lock the front door. If Mom does decide to come home tonight, she has a key of her own, and I sure don’t want anyone else to come in on us. Some of my buddies have been known to just walk on in and make themselves at home, which is no big deal normally. Not tonight though; I don’t want to share Andi with anyone.

I practically sprint back to my room, back to Andi. I gently knock on the door—no answer. I knock a little louder, but there’s no answer again. I slowly nudge open the door and see Andi lying on the bed, her eyes closed, a small smile on her lips. I knew she was tired, but I didn’t think she was
that
tired. She looks like an angel; I want to remember this for the rest of my life—my girl, sleeping in my bed. I decide to take a quick picture of her with my phone. Then I send it to her with a message:

I hope you don
’
t mind, I snapped this pic of you while you were sleeping. I wanted to keep it close to me always!

With that, I crawl into bed and wrap my arm around her, pulling her tight against my body. I love feeling her against my skin. I want to memorize every single thing about this—the way it feels, the way she smells like sweet honey, how the sound of her breathing is like a sweet lullaby singing just for my ears. I know this will be a bittersweet part of my dreams, helping me hold on to her when she goes back to Texas. I’m not sure how I’m going to let her go. I hope it won’t be for long.

I shift a little, putting my arm under her head so I can pull her even closer. I hear a soft sigh and feel her breathing slow even more, letting me know she’s still asleep. I’m not sure how long I lie here, just listening to her breathing with my nose buried in her soft hair. The last thing I think as I drift off to sleep is how I have Heaven in my arms tonight.

I must’ve forgotten to close my blinds.
I throw my arm across my eyes.
Wow, it’s hot in here already. It’s going to be a scorcher today.
And here I thought we’d be heading for fall soon. I guess you never know what the weather’s going to do anymore. I suddenly become aware of the source of heat—it’s behind me, lightly snoring in my ear.
What the hell?
Then it all comes flashing back to me, how I came to Ethan’s house last night and we talked for a while, and, of course, how we made out against his wall and the couch. Damn, that was so hot. Just thinking about it is already firing up my arousal.

I’m still a little in shock; for years, everything I’ve ever felt about Ethan was in my head. I’ve never voiced how I felt to anyone, not even my girlfriends. Not that I’ve ever been that close to any of them. Now that I think about it, I don’t have any close friends aside from Ethan, and we just spent the past four years not talking. I’m pretty pathetic, I guess. Oh well, I’ve survived just fine, I think. Of course, it would’ve been a lot better if I’d been able to talk with Ethan the whole time, but like we both said last night, there was no point in dwelling on the past when we couldn’t change it anyway. It is what it is. The only question is what are we going to do with the future? Can I really go back to Texas knowing Ethan feels the same about me as I’ve always felt about him?