Cherishing You (4 page)

Just as fast as it started, the moment is over. Suddenly, she pushes my chest and takes off running towards her parents’ house. She took off so fast I froze in my boots, and it takes me a few minutes to comprehend what just happened. I’m not even sure
how
it happened. I walked over here with the intention of trying to make things better, at least on a speaking terms kind of level. Instead, I practically manhandled her and almost kissed her. Reminds me of the hundred and one dreams I’ve had involving her, and how delicious those beautiful full lips would taste.

What the hell was that?
I think as soon as I’m back in my old room. My parents were still gone, having run into town. They were going to stay home and visit with me since I’ve been gone for so long, but I know how much they both love going together to their weekly card game with some old friends, so I told them to go ahead. Then of course, they tried to get me to go with them, but I was too worn out from the drive. I tried to lie down and relax, but all I could think about was Ethan. I finally gave in and went down to the old dock, sitting there looking across the water when he suddenly pops out of the trees. It was like, once again, just thinking about him made him appear. I don’t know how this keeps happening, but it’s starting to get kinda weird.

Not as weird as what happened next though. I don’t even know why I was suddenly so mad—I just was. The next thing I know, I’m in his arms and oh, my God, it felt ah-maze-zing.

Out of all the little hugs we’ve shared over the years, it never felt that good to be in his arms. All the fantasies and ‘what ifs’ could have never prepared my brain for the fire spreading throughout my body when he pulled me against that sexy-as-hell chest of his. Before I even knew what was happening, he had his big, strong hands circled around my hips and my arms wrapped around his waist. It was reflexive, I think, for both of us, yet it felt like home to me. And to think we almost kissed!

Where did that even come from? Yes, I’ve had a crush on Ethan since forever, but never did I think he would look at me like he did tonight. His eyes were darker than I’ve ever seen, and they were filled with such desire it took my breath away. When he was staring at my lips like he was about to eat me whole, I think I melted right there in my panties.

Then it hits me—this is Ethan. We were best friends, not lovers. He has Kelly, and why isn’t he home with her instead of here holding me? I refuse to be a home-wrecker, even if I
did
love him first. No, I won’t do it, and that’s final. It doesn’t matter how hot I felt with his arms around me, or how much he set me on fire, or how I’ve always felt like we belong together. He chose her all those years ago, not me. It broke my heart then, and it’s breaking me all over again.

This visit won’t be over soon enough. I love my parents and was looking forward to being here with them, but I don’t think I can handle being around Ethan, especially after tonight. It hurts way too much, the pain just as raw as when I left.

Being that close to him was more than I could handle, so I ran. I find myself in my room, once again lying on my bed, willing sleep to take me after this long, crazy-ass day. I toss and turn for what seems like most of the night before I finally drift off to sleep. When I finally do, I dream of him. Most of the dream is like all the rest—I run into him, we say awkward hellos, and then decide to talk for a while and catch up. We end up running through the rain, laughing, and then we’re hugging. We tell each other how much we love and have missed one another. Then he bends down to kiss me and . . . I wake up!
Ugh!

It’s the same dream, except this time when I wake up, I feel like I’m charged or something. I think back through my dream and replay it in my head. Hmm, something feels different, but I can’t put my finger on it. Oh well, it doesn’t matter anyway; Ethan and I will never have that kind of relationship, no matter how much he makes me go weak in the knees just by looking at him. Which reminds me of my decision to steer clear from him for the rest of my visit. I don’t trust myself not to throw caution to the wind and jump in his arms the first chance I get. I’ve pushed way too hard and dealt with too many sleepless nights thinking about him to start it all over again.

It’s early, but I decide to get up and make the most of my day. The city has its perks, but the country life has my heart. I love to enjoy the sunrise on the front porch swing. I should go for my morning run, but I think I’m going to sit out there and relax for a bit this morning. It has a beautiful view, with rolling hills in the distance and green as far as you can see. I go out there with a hot cup of tea and my Kindle to relax for a little bit. I try to read some, but my mind keeps drifting to everything going on so I finally give up, stretch out on the old swing, and enjoy the peaceful view.

I must have drifted off to sleep because the next thing I know, I look up and see Ethan standing right above me. He’s giving me that signature smile of his and yet again he takes my breath away. I don’t dare say a word because I know as soon as I do he’ll disappear and I’ll wake up. I love dreaming of him, and I don’t want it to end.

“Are you going to breathe, Andi?” he asks, a concerned look on his face.

I take a deep breath and he’s still there. I start blushing as I realize I’m not dreaming. I give an embarrassed smile and he mirrors it before asking, “Have you been sleeping out here all night?”

“No, I came out here early to watch the sunrise.”

“And you didn’t invite me? Hmm, I see how you are. Well, I guess since it’s already up and shining this morning, you won’t mind if I scoot you over and sit down.” Ethan grabs my legs to move them over; the moment his hands touch my calves, a fire spreads up through my body, towards my core. My response to him is instant.

So much for my vow to stay clear of him. I have to get away before I really do something stupid and embarrass myself even further.

“Well, you can sit here all you like. I’m going inside though. Dad will be out any time now, I’m sure,” I say as I pick up my tea cup and head inside. I see Mom and Dad coming down the hallway, so I sit at the kitchen table to talk with them.

“Dad, were you expecting company?”

“Actually, Andi, I came to see you,” Ethan says as he comes in the doorway. He nods to Dad. “Good morning Ron, Bev. How are you both doing this morning?”

“We’re fine, son. We can see you two need to talk, so we’re going to take our coffee out on the porch. Just let us know if you need anything.” Dad puts his hand on Mom’s lower back and escorts her outside.

I can’t believe they both just walked out the door and left me alone to defend myself. Mom especially, with her knowing how hurt I was when we had our fight. She was the one who was there to dry my tears; she’s always been the one I talk to. Even though she’s never said it, I know she realizes why I haven’t been able to have a serious relationship with anyone else either.

“Why are you here, Ethan? I have nothing to say to you, and I think it’s best that we just steer clear of each other. I’ll be going back to the city soon and will be out of your way. I didn’t mean to cause any problems for you by coming home for a visit. I didn’t know my car was going to break down or that you were working for Dad. I sure as hell didn’t know he would send you to rescue me either.”

“My, my, you sure are saying a lot for not having anything to say.” He chuckles.

“Is that why you’re here, to make fun of me?”

Ethan strides over to me and tilts my chin up. His eyes are crystal blue and shining one minute, but then I watch as they start swirling into a dark blue, as if in a sea of emotions.

“No, Andi, that isn’t why I’m here. I would never make fun of you to hurt you. I never wanted to hurt you to begin with.”

“Well, good. Now that I know, you can go on your way.” I shake out of his hand. I can’t let him touch me; as soon as he does, he releases such a wave of desire through me I feel like I might drown in it. Sad part is, I would go down waving a white flag, smiling all the way.

“Look, I’m not here to pick a fight with you, Andi. I’m here to talk, to move past all this tension between us. We used to be inseparable, and now we can’t even handle being in the same room together. I miss you. I miss us.”

“Sure, okay, no more fighting. But there
is
no us, and there hasn’t ever been an
us
. Our friendship was beautiful, and I miss that too, but last night proves that we can’t go back to the way it was before. You need to go. Now. I’m sure you remember the way out.”

Darting up the stairs towards my room, I run and jump onto my bed. Curling up into a fetal position, I hug my pillow and let the tears fall.

Once again, Andi’s darting away from me before I can stand my ground. Quite frankly, it’s starting to piss me off. Why does she keep pushing me away so hard? She isn’t the only one who’s been suffering, and I don’t know about her, but I’ve been missing her like crazy. Now that she’s back, there’s no way I want to keep going like this. For her to be so close and not be able to talk is hell. No, this fight has to stop. Maybe she’s right, maybe we can’t go back to the way it was before, but if last night proved anything it’s that she feels something too.

I remember the first time I felt it. We were at senior prom. I was rocking my tuxedo, of course, and Andi . . . Shit, she was so damn hot in that floor-length aqua dress of hers that I thought I was going to come undone as soon as I saw her. Several of our friends were going stag, but I’d figured out what color her dress was going to be so I got my cummerbund and tie to match. Corny, I know, but I wanted her to be my date so bad, I just couldn’t get up the courage to ask her.

When I pulled into her driveway, as I had done a thousand times before, my palms were all sweaty and my heart was pounding. Then, when she came down those stairs, my heart stopped until she was standing in front of me. I held up the corsage I had surprised her with, and I swear she had tears in her eyes for just a split second before she smiled that big smile of hers, showing me her perfect teeth. Yeah, that was the first time I truly thought I might swallow my tongue, wishing she would sink those teeth right into me.