Change of Hart (31 page)

“I get it. I do,” she said. “I understand why you couldn’t tell me the truth about Sara. That’s her story to tell and there’s a lot at stake if word got out.” I nodded in agreement. “But why didn’t you tell me you had to stay in New York? Why didn’t you tell me you were going out on a publicity date before I had to find out about it from
Samantha
?” The tears started flowing down her cheeks again. “Do you know how that felt? Like . . . like . . .”

“Like it was happening all over again?” I said, finishing her thought for her.

“Exactly,” she said. “Like it was happening all over again. And I kept thinking, what did I do to deserve this? Why did it have to happen? Twice?” She was full-on crying now and I couldn’t keep myself away any longer. I swiftly moved off my chair and kneeled between her legs, cupping her face in my hands so she would look me in the eyes.

“Do you know I have been beside myself all day, knowing that my stupidity made you feel that way? Ask Sara . . . I’ve been driving her crazy.” I wiped some of her tears away with my thumbs. “I never, ever wanted to make you feel like you weren’t the most important thing in my life. Addison,” I said, scooting a little closer and wiping her hair off her face. “I am so fully, completely in love with you. I didn’t want to tell you that in front of an audience, but you need to know the truth. I have been in love with you, well, probably since the day you first walked into that stadium. I never, ever want to make you feel like he did.”

She was sobbing now as her body collapsed forward into my chest. I wrapped my arms around her, around this woman I loved so much, and just let her cry it out. When she calmed down enough, she pulled away and looked around for something. Sara apparently anticipated this move and quickly handed her a tissue.

“I feel so stupid, being all dramatic about something that didn’t actually happen,” Addison said with a grimace.

“I don’t think that’s the only thing you’re crying about,” I said, rubbing my hands down her arms.

“What do you mean?” she asked, wiping her nose again as she sniffled.

“I know things were bad with Austin toward the end. Really bad. But babe, it hasn’t even been a year since he died.” Her shoulders slumped as I talked. “I know you don’t miss the guy he was when he died. But I think you’ve spent a lot of time avoiding grieving over the man he was when you married him.”

“He’s right, Addison,” Mick said, causing us to look over at him. “I know you think I didn’t know what he was up to, but I knew the whole time. In fact, the last conversation we ever had was me telling him I was disappointed in the way he was treating you. It may be the biggest regret of my life that it was the last time I ever spoke to him, but it was the truth.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Addison asked.

He shrugged. “We were all struggling with our own demons after he died. What was the point in bringing it up? But I think Jason is right. I never saw you break down and grieve over what was lost. Not after the affair. Not after the accident. Not after any of it. I think some of what you’re feeling right now is all that old stuff finally coming up.”

She nodded as she started sniffling again. “When I saw those pictures on the internet, I wanted to call Austin so bad,” she said to me as the tears started to roll. “Not the guy from a year ago. But the guy I met in college. The guy who was my best friend. The guy who couldn’t wait to propose and yelled ‘I’m getting laid!’ through the roof of the limo after our wedding. I miss him so much.” She fell into my chest again. The crying wasn’t as hard this time. It was more like she was leaning on me for support.

“I know, babe. And it’s ok with me if you miss him. As much as I wanna punch him in the nuts for what he did to you, I think he was probably a really good guy deep down. And I’m not gonna take that away from you.”

She nodded, her breath still hitching from all the crying. It was gonna take a while for her to finally calm down. “I’m sorry for being a drama queen,” she said, quietly avoiding my eyes.

“I’m sorry for being a dumbass who can’t remember his own schedule,” I said, causing her to look up and give me a half-hearted smile.

“I’m sorry I believed the stupid internet before talking to you about it.”

“I’m sorry I waited until we had a room full of nosy nellies to tell you how much I love you.” A smile crossed her face and she wiped her nose again.

“I’m sorry I didn’t say it back,” she said quietly.

“Addison,” I said, inching closer to her.

“Yeah,” she said, looking right in my eyes.

“I love you so much.”

She smiled. “I love you so much, too.”

And I kissed her. I kissed her until she pulled away because she couldn’t breathe, which wasn’t long considering how long she’d been crying. And then I picked her up, spun around and sat down on the couch with her in my lap, wrapping my arms around her, just soaking up everything that had gone down in the last twelve hours.

“Well, I think my work here is done,” Sara said, standing up quickly. “Mick, would you mind giving me a lift to the airport?”

“I would,” Mick said with his usual southern drawl, “but I don’t have a car here, remember?”

“And you don’t even have a plane ticket to get home yet,” I added. “Maybe you should call your girlfriend and have her hurry up and book you a flight.”

“Hmm. Good point,” she said with her hands on her hips. “Well, how about, Mick, you and I head into Jaxon’s room and play Legos for a bit so these two lovebirds can regroup.”

“That actually sounds like a good idea,” he said as he stood up and walked toward her. “You can tell me about that Leo DiCaprio fella. You ever work with him?” His voice faded away as they made their way down the hall.

“How are you feeling?” I asked after several minutes of silence. She was just snuggled into me as I rubbed her back and kissed the top of her head.

“Better, actually,” she said, pulling away and looking up at me. “I guess I didn’t realize how much all of that was taking me back to a bad place with Austin. I’m not even sure how much of that was about you. It’s kind of a weird feeling. Like I freaked out over nothing.”

“It wasn’t nothing, baby,” I reassured, still rubbing her arms and legs. I didn’t want to stop touching her. I had gotten too close to losing her. “I think it was a long time coming. And my dumb-assery was just the catalyst of it all.”

“Dumb-assery?” she giggled. “What kind of word is that?”

“It is the kind that perfectly describes how badly my ideas go wrong sometimes.”

“I have another phrase that describes you sometimes.”

“You do?” I asked, moving my hand behind her neck. “What’s that?”

“Sweet fuckery,” she said seductively.

“Addison Bryant!” I said as I feigned offense. “Are you making a comment about my sweet skills in the bedroom?”

She grinned as I leaned closer to her. “Maybe. We’ll have to do some research a little later so I can see how sweet those skills really are.”

I looked into her eyes, so bright and, what was the word I used when I first met her? Oh, yeah—joyful—and I fell in love with her all over again. Now that I had told her, there’s wasn’t gonna be a day that went by without me making sure she knew,
knew
how I felt. I’d make sure of it.

“I love you, Addison.”

“I love you, too, Jason,” she said, cupping my cheek with her hand. “Now shut up and kiss me.”

So I did.

S
ara and Mick left a little while later after Elaine coordinated a car to take Sara to the airport and drop Mick off at home. The two of them got along ridiculously well. So much so that Mick invited her to bring Elaine down for New Year’s Eve. Apparently, Mick’s entire street loaded up on fireworks every December and they shot them off until the surrounding neighbors finally called the cops on them. It was a sight I was looking forward to seeing.

After they left, I excused myself to the spare bedroom so I could call my mom and Lindsay. As I suspected, I got a nice-sized ass chewing from my mom and was called quite a few choice words by Lindsay. I was looking forward to hearing how Emma used those same words the next day at school, since Lindsay always seemed to forget her child’s ears were more powerful than a freaking sonar.

The biggest relief, however, was Jaxon. He came out of his room with Mick and Sara looking a little hesitant about what to expect. But when he saw his mom laughing at something dumb I’d just said, his eyes got bright and he gave me a big thumbs up. Then he asked me to make hot dogs on the grill for dinner. How could I say no to that?

I helped Jaxon with his homework while Addison cleaned up after dinner. I wouldn’t call second grade math hard. But they definitely don’t teach it the way they did when I was a kid. I had no idea what all these number lines and block graphs were for. He probably helped me more than I helped him. The entire evening felt very . . . domestic. And I loved every second of it.

I spent the night for the first time that night. It had been such an emotional day that I didn’t want to leave Addison, even for the night. She seemed to agree with that, so I stayed. Despite our earlier banter, when I slid under the covers and wrapped my arms around her, there were no thoughts of sex. Just sleeping next to the woman I loved. It was kind of a revelation. For the first time in my life, I was starting to understand what true intimacy was all about.

“
‘Carter, what do you want to grow up to be?’”
The next morning, Jaxon was reading out loud while I got in some pushups.
“Carter thought for a moment, while he chewed his peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Then his face brightened and he said, ‘I know what I want to be—I want to be a kangaroo!”

“Good morning,” I heard Addison say as she padded into the room with a yawn. And then she stopped. “Ummmm . . . what are you doing?”

“Reading ‘Carter Kangaroo,’” Jaxon said. “Jason said I needed to get a jump on my reading log for school ‘cause Christmas is coming and we want Santa to know I’m studying really hard.”

“Okaaaay,” she said slowly. “Jason, what are
you
doing?”

“Push-ups,” I grunted as I kept count in my head.

“I can see that,” she said. “Why are you doing push-ups while Jax is sitting on your back, reading?”

“Forty-nine, fifty.” I slowly lowered myself to the floor. “Ok, bud, you can get off now.” Jaxon rolled off me and sat next to me. “I canceled my workout with Deuce so I could take you guys to work and school this morning. So I thought Jaxon could help me get a few reps in before practice.”

“Isn’t it hard to do push-ups that way, though?” she asked, still looking confused. “Isn’t he heavy?”

“Not really. I’ve had bigger people sit on me while I push-up,” I said, waggling my eyebrows at her.

“Ohmygod,” she said with a laugh. “You are such a dork.”

I smiled at her as she headed toward the coffeemaker. “That’s a fresh pot in there.”

“Wow,” she said over her shoulder as she poured a cup. “I could get used to this.”

“It’s nice, isn’t it?” I agreed. She turned and looked at me, taking a sip of her java.

“You know what would be even nicer?” I asked her as I stood up to give her a good morning kiss.

“What’s that?”

“For you to hurry up and get dressed so I can take my two favorite people to breakfast.” I slapped her on the ass and she squealed.

“Hurry up, Mom!” Jaxon cried. “I wanna have some pancakes before school!”

So she did. And we did. Have pancakes that is. Then I got in line behind all the other parents dropping their kids off for school and let Jaxon out right at the front door of the building. It was apparently Lindsay’s day to help the kids through the car line. When she saw me driving up, she caught my eye, and I just smiled as she shook her head and rolled her eyes at me in amusement.

Dropping Addison off took a little longer. Her goodbye kisses and “I love you’s” weren’t nearly as quick. She finally pulled herself away from me when she saw her boss drive up and got nervous that we’d be caught making out in the front seat like teenagers. I let her, but only after she agreed to let me pick her up again after she was done.