Change of Hart (30 page)

“Then explain it to me,” she said. “Because I’m worried that you are getting so involved with someone that won’t be able to hack it in the end, that you’ll lose more than just her and her son. You’ll lose yourself and your career, too.”

“No. Sara, none of this is about dating a celebrity. It’s all about me fucking up and not giving her a heads up.”

“Jay, you’re really gonna take the blame . . .”

“Sara,” I cut her off. “I’m serious.” I took a deep breath and looked around, making sure no one was paying attention to our conversation. This was not information I wanted leaked to the public. When I was satisfied that there were no prying ears, I leaned in closer to her. “Before Addison’s husband died, he was having an affair.” Her eyes widened. “Yeah. And not just any affair. Several years long, refuses-to-leave-the-mistress-to-save-his-marriage, kind of affair.”

“Oh god.”

“Right,” I said, nodding. “When I first met her, she refused to go out with me. Kept saying I would get bored because she wasn’t pretty enough or skinny enough. Some shit like that. I don’t remember the exact words. Now, you’ve known me a long time. How do I like my women?”

“Meaty,” she said with a shrug.

“Thank you,” I said with a small smirk. “I keep trying to convince her but her husband did a number on her and she still struggles with self-confidence. Anyway, I finally got her to go out with me and slowly, but surely, she’s learned to trust me. But now. . . ,” I trailed off, shaking my head, not wanting to say the words.

“Now she thinks you’re pulling the same shit her husband pulled,” Sara finished for me.

“I know this isn’t just about me, Sara. I know most of this is still old wounds from her husband.” I shook my head. “But I’m not gonna be the guy who just lets his woman feel like crap because it’s not about me. The internet rumors triggered it. But I have to do what I can to fix it. Does that make sense?”

She put her hand on my cheek and pulled me in to kiss the other cheek. “You are a good, good man, Jason Hart,” she said while looking in my eyes. “We’re gonna fix this, ok? Not just for today, but for the future, ok?”

I nodded, feeling hopeful that it was gonna work out. But still very, very afraid.

After what felt like an eternity, we landed in Dallas and began the drive to Addison’s house. Sara and I looked up every picture we had seen of last night and tried to figure out what exactly we were doing at the time the shot was taken. I didn’t want to come off rehearsed, but I also didn’t want to just say I didn’t know what I was doing at the time. The articles were more brutal. With my volatile state of mind, I decided to let Sara read through the articles. Lucky for her, she still found most of them humorous. Most of the time, I would too. But not this time.

When we pulled onto Addison’s street, I was surprised to see only one camera in front of the house. That was gonna make it a lot less stressful once we got to the door. It was also going to make that one cameraman’s day when he was the only one in the country to get a shot of Sara and me entering Addison’s house together.

After pulling in the driveway, I took a deep breath and pulled on the car handle. “Let’s go.”

Sara followed behind me quickly, keeping her sunglasses on and her head low. Not that it would have made much of a difference right now.

I knocked and waited.

No answer.

So I knocked again. “Addison, open the door. It’s me.”

No answer again.

I knocked a third time. “Addison, I know you’re here, ok? Your car is parked in the driveway. Open the door, babe. I need to explain. It’s not what you think.”

Still no answer.

I was about to beat the door harder when it flew open and Jaxon yelled my name. “Jason!” he said, jumping into my arms. As soon as his arms wrapped around my neck, I felt my breath hitch and tears start to form behind my eyelids as I held him tight. I loved this little boy so much and the thought of losing him broke me.

“What are you doing here?” a calm voice asked from across the room. I looked up to see Mick glaring at me and clenching his hands into fists. To say he was pissed would be an understatement.

“Hey, Mick,” I said, not letting Jaxon go. “I didn’t see your car outside.”

“That’s because it’s at my house,” he said dryly. “I had to drive her home after the party last night when some of our guests started seeing pictures of you in some compromising positions with your lady friend here.” His head nodded toward Sara. If it were possible for him to be even madder, when he realized Sara was the woman in the pictures, that threw him over the edge.

“My mom’s been crying all day,” Jaxon said to me. I squeezed my eyes shut when he said that so he wouldn’t see my guilt. And so I wouldn’t see his accusing stare. In all actuality, he probably didn’t even realize what was going on. But I just couldn’t look at him. “She didn’t even cry this much when my dad died.” And I was officially gutted.

“I know, bud,” I said softly, finally opening my eyes to look at him. “But I’m gonna fix it, ok? Your mom thinks some things happened, but they didn’t. And I’m here to make sure she knows it and isn’t sad anymore, ok?”

“I don’t know what you think you need to say, Jason,” Addison said softly, standing next to Mick. “I get it, ok? It hurts, but I get it. I just don’t get why you had to bring her here.” She gestured toward Sara. “It’s hard enough seeing you right now. Did you really have to bring her to twist the knife in my heart more?”

Addison looked awful. It was painfully obvious that she had been crying for hours. Her eyes were red and puffy and her face was splotchy. She was wearing sweatpants and, ironically, one of my old practice jerseys. I don’t think I had ever loved her more than in this moment, when she was wearing her broken heart on her sleeve. She swiped away a few tears from her face as she tried to control her breathing.

“See, Jason?” Jax said in my ear. “I’ve never seen her this sad.”

I gave him a half-hearted smile and put him down while Sara closed the door behind us. “Hey bud, I really need to talk to your mom about some grown-up stuff so we can get this worked out, ok?” I said, bending at the waist and resting my hands on my knees. He nodded. “You can really help us out if you go hang out in your room and play until we come to get you. That way no one has to worry about ya. Can you do that for me?”

“Ok.” I ruffled his hair as he walked past Mick and Addison and down the hall.

“Babe, I need you to listen to me,” I said, taking a step forward. She took a step back. “It’s not what it looks like. It’s not the same thing.” I wanted to rush toward her but part of me was afraid she’d just run away. The other part of me was afraid Mick would make good on his promise to kick my ass if I ever hurt her.

“Answer me one question,” she said quietly.

“Anything, babe,” I said desperately. “Ask me anything and I’ll tell you the truth.”

“Did you spend the night at her house last night?”

I didn’t hesitate. “Well yes, but . . .”

“There’s no but. That’s all I needed to know,” she said, turning toward the hallway.

Mick or no Mick, I took off after her this time. “Wait, Addison,” I said, grabbing her by the shoulders and stopping her in motion. “Ask me if I had sex with her last night.”

“Jason,” she cried, her head hanging down in front of her, shoulders shaking as she cried.

“Ask me,” I pleaded. “Ask me if I did anything remotely sexual with her last night. Please just ask me.”

She took a deep breath, trying to control the shudders that wracked her body. I moved in closer and wrapped my arms around her shoulders. She tensed, but she didn’t shove me away.

“Because the answer is unequivocally, irrefutably, no.”

She took a deep breath before saying quietly, “You kissed her.”

“Actually, that part would be my fault,” Sara said behind us. “He didn’t kiss me. I kissed him. I kiss most people on the lips. Jason has told me for years that I’ve lived in Hollywood for too long since I kiss like one of those crotchety old SAG members.”

“Please, babe,” I begged. “Please come hear what we have to say. I can’t lose you over some stupid fabricated story that was designed to entertain the masses. Please.”

“Addison,” Mick said. “I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I think maybe you ought to hear the man out.”

She looked over at him quietly for a moment before nodding. She pulled out of my embrace and walked over to the couch, making sure Mick was sitting next to her so I couldn’t. Sara and I grabbed the recliners directly across from them.

I cleared my throat. “I know you saw the pictures, baby. I saw them, too. But every single one of them was taken out of context. They look bad because you didn’t see the overall picture. You just saw what they wanted you to see.”

“Why did you have to stay in New York?” she asked quietly, looking at the floor.

I leaned in and rested my elbows on my knees, clasping my hands together. I would answer every single one of her questions if it took all night.

“Sara called me last month to ask if I would take her to this red carpet function for her new movie. I’m kind of her default date. We’ve been friends for a long time, so I didn’t think twice about saying yes. After the game, we went to dinner and then the movie. Then we went back to her place and she fell asleep while I watched a movie with her . . . manager, Elaine.”

Addison’s eyes whipped up. “So you had a slumber party with two women? How is this supposed to make me feel better?”

“Jason, stop,” Sara interrupted. Addison glared back and forth between us as Sara spoke. “She’s not gonna understand what’s really going on until I give her the whole truth. That’s what I’m here for, right?” I nodded and hung my head down, silently praying that Sara could take the sting out of the last eight hours.

Sara shifted her legs so she was sitting on one of them before turning her attention to Addison. “Before you fully believe me, I need to tell you the whole story. From the beginning. You know Jason and I dated a few years ago, right?”

Addison nodded. She was listening, but I could tell she wasn’t fully engaged quite yet.

“We had a really nice relationship. We clicked, ya know? Good conversation. Lots of humor. We got along great. The intimacy was ok, too.”

“Ohmygod,” I said, rubbing my hands down my face. “That is not helping, Sara.” She waved me off with a flick of her hand.

“Just let me get to the point,” she said. “Anyway . . . the intimacy was ok, but it wasn’t . . . I don’t know . . . anything more than just sort of mechanical. On my end, anyway.”

“Why are you telling me this?” Addison asked. She didn’t sound defeated yet. She was starting to sound pissed.

“Because when Jason broke up with me, and yes,
he
broke up with
me
,” she emphasized, “I was pretty ticked off. He told me he still wanted to be friends, which is the kiss of death right there, but that it just wasn’t . . . right for us to be together. I knew he couldn’t put a finger on it, but he tried to reassure me that it wasn’t me he didn’t like. Just that our relationship wasn’t meant to be in that kind of capacity.

“After a couple of months of stewing, I realized he was right. Dating him wasn’t right. Our friendship was great but anything more than that was just . . . off. I couldn’t quite figure out why. And then I met Elaine.”

We sat in silence as I waited for everyone to catch on to what Sara was saying.

“Addison, I’m gay.”

Addison looked up at Sara quickly, with a stunned look on her face. Mick’s jaw just dropped wide open. Sara didn’t seem to notice and continued.

“Elaine isn’t just my manager and best friend. She’s my girlfriend. We’ve been together for almost two years,” she smiled a wide grin. “She is everything I ever wanted and didn’t know I was looking for. And I’m so, so happy with her. Jason didn’t stay over at our place to have sex with anyone. He stayed over as our guest because he’s our friend.”

“I don’t . . . I don’t understand,” Addison said softly. I could tell she was starting to realize that maybe I wasn’t a lying, cheating bastard after all. “Why didn’t you tell me this, Jason? We’ve talked about Sara before. I don’t . . . get it.”

I looked at her. “Do you remember that conversation we had in the car after the gala? You asked why celebrities date celebrities.”

Realization crossed her face. “Because celebrities keep their mouths shut about each other.”

I shrugged. “It’s not my secret to tell.”

“Which I’m normally thankful for,” Sara said. “But right now Elaine and I both want to kick his ass for not telling you this sooner.”

Addison turned to look at Sara. “But why is it such a big secret?”

Sara sighed. “Two reasons, actually. The first has to do with my public image. My publicist and agent and everyone know. We’ve had discussions and decided that if I’m going to have a sexy bombshell image, we need to let people see that public image. It kind of sucks, but with Elaine being my manager, she still gets to travel with me and we live together. We’ve learned to deal with it. We look at it as the same kind of situation a rock star might be in . . . sure he may be married with kids and on the PTA. But when he’s on stage, he’s a flirt who drips of sex appeal and makes everyone want him. Same thing.”

“What’s the second reason?” Mick asked.

“That one is not as easy to answer,” she said with a sigh. “I grew up in an extremely judgmental, religious home. Not like Elaine’s,” she said with a smile. “Elaine’s family loves Jesus and goes to all kinds of Bible studies. But there is not a judgmental bone in their bodies. They don’t necessarily agree with us, but they love Elaine and me for who we are. Truth be told, it makes me like their Jesus, too,” she said with a smile. That smile faded quickly. “But my family . . . if they knew I was living with a woman, the very strained relationship I already have with my parents would be severed. My mom has been sick in recent years and I just don’t feel comfortable coming out of the closet knowing I might not have enough time left to fix it if our relationship went wrong.” She shrugged. “Again, it sucks, but Elaine gets it. And she’s ok with it.”

Addison nodded. I could see the wheels turning in her brain as she processed all this new information. We all sat quietly, watching her sort through it all. Finally, she closed her eyes as she prepared what she wanted to say. This had shaken her to her core. I wasn’t about to push her to explain how she felt.